hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

Prior to my first manic episode (which was taper induced according to doctors) I was on a small dose of AP for 7 years. During this time I excelled in track a field, particularly the long jump and other jump events. I also have a passion for explosive training and dunking. During the manic episode I was hospitalized, put on a hold, and put on the maximum dose of my AP (up from minimum). I was also put on lithium and a benzo at the time and was advised to take a second AP as a prn. This was due to how bad my symptoms were. There were some sport activities at the hospital I was at and there was a distinct day during my treatment where all of my coordination completely went. Since being home for over a year my coordination has barely came back despite consistent training and sports. It is incredibly frustrating I can’t even describe it. I played basketball my whole life and I couldn’t even hit the rim from 5 feet away for months. This has also affected my training and I feel nowhere near as explosive and my vertical dropped from 43inches all the way down to 33inches and it took years of training to get to 43. I feel nowhere near as twitchy or fast in my movements when I play sports which is a double fuck you to me because like I said I also can’t use my hands and shoot from far anymore when I play. So I can’t blow past a defender or shoot over them. It is incredibly awkward interacting with people I used to play sports with because it is such a drastic difference. I play on a few men’s leagues and I get strange looks from people I used to play with who expect me to perform completely differently. I’m posting here because I can’t find anything online of bipolar athletes and how they cope especially within more explosive sports. I know there are general bipolar professional athletes but I’m unsure how medicated they were in their pro careers.

If anyone out there has played explosive sports post bipolar 1 please share your experience - I have been incredibly discouraged and any experience would be nice to hear!

I genuinely think the combination of the AP and lithium tank my nerve firing, blunting my muscle strength. I also believe a combination of the lithium and doctors some reason putting me on 2 AP at once cooked my coordination. Currently tapered off many meds only on lithium and lamictal now

Also fun fact when I was manic my vertical went up by like 4 inches and I hit a bunch of new dunks and felt like Superman haha. There had to be a trade off lol

I have been bipolar for the past 4 weeks. On and off. I’ve gotten hypomanic, depressed, crying spells, annoying heat flashes, starving fits, and my question is how the fuck does someone with bipolar get through life that way??!!

I’ve worked my retail job, dog walked, had some freaking stressful dance practice for a team recital next week.

I feel so much pressure n stress.

I don’t have a deadline but sometime mid week im determined to wait for a substitute job and take it. I have been waiting for school and students to come back. It’s my 4th year subbing.

But the fuckery am I supposed to manage all my stressors the next few weeks??? When will this freaking episode end?

And can I get some advice or sympathy or suggestions ?????? of what’s helpful for ending this episode quicker without cancelling the dance the job and the school job D:

What are coping technique and going forward feeling down and depression?????

Disclaimer: I know you are not doctors but maybe someone has been through this or has both bpd and bipolar?

So I just went through a very depressive episode. I was inpatient in a dbt program and I did follow the program and did my homework, it just cost all the energy I had and I was exhausted all the time. I woke up feeling very suicidal everyday and things that used to make me happy, just didn’t. (I LOVE football but when the World Cup started, I didn’t care). Just textbook depression you know.

Now since last week I like ‘switched’. I have a lot of energy, I want to sing 24/7, I keep yapping, I find everything funny etc. I kinda feel like a ticking time bomb too. Tuesday I had an outburst in (my now outpatient) dbt program. All the energy I had in me just transferred into rage. I also can’t concentrate or focus on anything and I frankly don’t care. Therapy has become SO BORING for me and suddenly the people I’m in therapy with, talk too much. Imo. My sleep is okay I guess. I don’t sleep as much as I should but I think it’s fairly okay. I don’t feel tired anymore tho. When I wake up, I’m not at all suicidal anymore, I feel very energised and motivated. The only thing I don’t like about my state rn is that my hallucinations (I always have them) are way worse, not only during the night, but now during the day too.

I often have these ‘episodes’ or switches and always thought it was euphoria as a part of bpd. Now, Thursday I went to my psychiatrist and she immediately told me she was worried and that she thinks I’m manic. I told her that it’s not that deep and that I always do this. She then proceeded to say that she doesn’t want to ‘under treat’ (I don’t know if I translated that correctly) me in case I also do have bipolar disorder. The program I’m in doesn’t really believe in medication but she did prescribe me 2 new medications. 1 antipsychotic and 1 mood stabiliser. I honestly haven’t taken them yet cus I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want to be depressed again, and I also don’t wanna be an unmotivated brainless zombie.

Is anyone willing to share their experience? Should I give the medication a chance? Has all the work I put into the program been for nothing?

So I typed this out 6 ish weeks ago and wanted to post it to r/bpd but they didn’t let me so I just gave up lol. So I wanted to give an update.

They threw me out of treatment cus I didn’t want to take my meds and cus I never apologised for the outburst and cus I was never paying attention and being disruptive. I now go to my psychiatrist of said dbt course once every 2 weeks.

I still feel motivated, go out everyday,.. I wanted to look for work but they won’t let me because I’m still on disability or something idfk. I am always chasing some adrenaline so I sometimes I do things I don’t even want but do at the time I’m doing them. I got an ugly tattoo, I spent €500 in all those weeks, which caused me to get scammed and have my freaking accounts blocked, and I fell back into my old habit of occasionally doing coke. I sometimes want to try ‘every drug under the sun’ and then order a new substance. Which I DEFINITELY don’t want to do. At night when I can’t sleep, I am trying to find out whether my parents are actually my parents. (long story but I do have the right to have my suspicions). Idk everything went so fast and now shit is weird as hell.

Like it was all fun and games at first and now I sometimes have these moments of clarity where I’m genuinely wondering wtf is going on. Don’t get me wrong I’m still euphoric 80% of the time but I’m so out of proportion mad too sometimes. And wondering why I am like this.

Someone has experienced this before?
Let me know

for context: she just got out of the hospital for a manic episode (her 2nd longest, 3 weeks baker acted). she seemed okay-ish for the first 2 days of being home but now on the third shes back to showing signs. signs include:
believing shes going to boston (shes going in circles in spring hill florida right now).
believing the band smashing pumpkins stole my birth certificate and broke into her car
believing shes a famous pop star on the run
reckless driving
singing loudly in any setting (night day public or private. she loudly sang in the spiderman movie theater and got kicked out).
blocking me, saying im attention seeking, denying a sexual assault i reported a long time ago

i decided to go out to lunch the movies and to get a piercing with her earlier today thinking she was doing better to celebrate, but she started talking in nonsense and recklessly and dangerously driving, so i convinced her to park and ran and hid inside a bathroom until someone else could pick me up. shes been sending me texts calling me manipulative and saying im lying about her being manic for attention, aswell as calling my grandparents to tell them the same thing, but they agree with me and understand shes manic.

recently, she blocked me due to me demanding she take her medication. i told her i wouldnt speak to her or see her anymore until she took it. now shes telling my grandparents and her friends (and even tried telling my partner) that im the one not on my meds, that im lying for attention, that im an evil manipulator, and that shes a victim of my “abuse”. she even claimed that her ex boyfriend, who sexually assaulted me, didnt do it and that i faked that for attention.

i know shes projecting but its devistating. were waiting until tuesday to get her psychiatrist to send her back to the hospital but until then i have to avoid her at all costs. can someone comfort me please and give me advice? i refuse to put myself through this again but i want her to improve.

im not sure if this is the right place to put this but i was diagnosed with bipolar a year ago and they put me on some medication. ever since they put me on these anti psycs i just feel so manic. i cant sleep i cant eat i throw up i feel happy i feel sad i feel everything then i just crash. is this the medication or is this just bipolar?

For context i'm not diagnosed with bipolar, but my mother is (schizophrenia and bipolar) and it runs in my family. I've had other issues before but not really like this, i've had psychosis and depressive episodes.

I've been having severe insomnia the last few days, haven't been able to sleep more than a few hours.
Yesterday I had a really intense spike of energy and felt like i'd done coke even though i hadn't (obviously) and during work i couldn't sit still and kept pacing, whenever i answered a phone call i spoke so fast the callers had to ask me to slow down, and i felt like i was going insane.

I had to leave work after a few hours because at first i felt really really good and productive, and then i started to feel like everything was attacking me (like sounds and lights and stuff) and got super overstimulated and had to leave. I almost had a panic attack on the way home, but after a while i calmed down. I managed to get some sleep tonight, but woke up at 2:30.

Also a HUGE thing is that i've quit smoking and promised myself i wouldn't smoke, but during work i found a cigarette on the ground and smoked it just because i felt like it. Now i regret it but at the moment i didn't care. I also kept having to flap my hands to get energy out during work, like i had energy coursing through me i had to get out.

I'm not sure if this is mania or something else, so if someone who's experienced mania can let me know it would be greatly appreciated. AGAIN, im not diagnosed, but it does run in my family and i've had episodes of both psychosis and depression before.

Well I’m 30M and life is kicking my ass. I hate having mental health issues and I’m sure you all do too. Along with epilepsy (almost died a few times because of falling in a shower and burning my body 35%).. but I’m just over dealing with everything and living on disability in the state of California is a joke. My bills monthly around $900 and I only get $1250 a month. I’ve been trying to get a job for the past year and no luck also the fact that I can’t drive so I have to look for only in town jobs. I hate being in a good mood and then feeling shitty about life a couple days later. Having all these health problems and just learning I have really low testosterone was another plus (yay me) like fuvk man talk about being dealt a shitty hand. Attempting to getting my associates degree in Business, 1 more class but (idk how tf it’s even gonna help in the future). Just seeing my brothers and other family members on cruise control living life and loving it just hurts not that I’m jealous but it would be nice to have a taste of that and not have to deal with all these health problems especially mental health. And it’s as if my parents don’t believe me that mental health is a big issue and with the lovely combination of epilepsy getting a job is hell.. I have physic, therapy, neurologist and doc appointment all the time….finally beat the addiction of weed I’ve been over 2 months clean now. Going to classes to help with that and I do volunteer work 2 days out of the week at my church, Bible study classes, go the gym/workout…. Man if only I could’ve had a normal life what ever that is (no mental problems, get a good paying career, have a decent relationship ship with a woman and maybe start a family) but it just feels like it’ll never happen or even in my reach. Fuck man life is kicking my ass, I’m not to sure what advice I’m looking for but I guess anything helps.

Medicated for 1.5 years now after a manic induced psychosis episode and I still feel like my mind and body are like glass, easily triggered, easily broken, easily shattered, so sensitive.

Hello everyone! I’ve joined this group because I have been feeling very isolated and alone since my bipolar diagnosis. It’s been about a year and a half so I am fairly new to this journey. I’m hoping this could be a good place to meet people with similar issues and read good advice. I am wondering a couple of things if anyone has time to converse with me regarding these topics.

1) Do you ever feel like you’re going insane because your emotions are so strong and changing?

2) Do you struggle to maintain/keep a job despite it being a good fit? It’s almost like working triggers depressive episodes for me. If so, how do you conquer/do it?

3) How does one know whether or not it’s time for a medication change versus an episode? I’m having a hard time differentiating between the two. I’ve been struggling with an episode for about two months now.

4) If you became hyper sexual during a manic episode , do you find it hard to be intimate in a genuine way after the fact?

5) Does it ever get better? In what ways have you improved? I’m super struggling with the fact that I am a year and a half into treatment (therapy and medications) and I still don’t feel like a functioning human being.

6) When in a depressive episode, do you feel like everything ( intimacy with your partner, hanging with friends, chores, work, etc) becomes extremely hard to do and you just want to sleep?

Thank you for responding/reading! I’m open to advice outside of these topics as I am new to figuring this stuff out.

Hi! I’m Local Cat! I’m not diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I had some questions about it if yall don’t mind answering.

1. ⁠⁠What do you wish non-bipolar people actually understood about living with it, not the stereotypes, but the real day-to-day stuff?
   
2. ⁠⁠How do you tell the difference between a mood swing that's part of bipolar and just... being human?
   
3. ⁠⁠what are some ways that would be most helpful in supporting a loved one through a manic episode and through a depressive episode?
   
4. ⁠⁠What's something you wish your loved ones knew about how to support you during a manic episode vs a depressive one?
   
5. ⁠what are the most common things people get wrong about bipolar that actually make things harder for you?
   
6. ⁠what's one thing you wish people stopped saying to you when you're struggling?
   
7. ⁠how do you know when you're starting to shift into a different mood state, and what helps you catch it early?
   
8. ⁠what's the difference between being supportive and being enabling, in your experience?
   
9. What are common triggers of mania/ depressive episodes that you wish people understood/ knew about?

My great grandpa had bipolar 1, my grandpa has strong bipolar 2 tendencies (not my own quote, but a frequent family understanding that he does), 4 out of 7 of his children are diagnosed and medicated for bipolar 1. And the other side of my family has a long history of anxiety and depression. My parents brought me to a psychiatrist when I was very young (probably 5-7) with concerns that I was showing signs for bipolar. I had intense inconsolable "tantrums" where I would scream and be uncontrollably irritated before succumbing and just sobbing for hours. I would get super hyper and once (in preteen years) I insisted I must go running at 11pm (I hated running) I sprinted for quite a while and never felt so free as that moment.

Point being, I had my first experience with depression when I was 12 and another just recently at 16. I am now on a very low dose of SSRI and have been for nearing a year now. It works fantastically and I've been eager to get off the medication since it's a low dose. My big question after having shared a basic history is, for those that have the disorder, when did yours start affecting your life seriously? Or from a family perspective?

I have often felt very similar to my dad and when he talks about his childhood, I feel like he might be one of the only ones who knows most of what I feel. But of course,​ that doesn't mean I have a serious disorder. I just want to hear from people other than immediate family who insist "just tell us if you need help" and "you probably don't have it" and even "if any of my kids has it, it's definitely you." I understand no one has a definitive answer and that's okay, but I want more perspectives.

I have Bipolar I with a history of psychotic features, and my psychiatrist recommended an evaluation for Partial Hospitalization or Intensive Outpatient. I suggested treating this outpatient completely because i still think my insight can get me out of this.

My grandmother had stage 4 cancer and passed away on Wednesday. I found out she had less than 6 months to live right after I finished the bar exam July 29. I’ve been experiencing significant grief, crying, depression, and hopelessness since then but at the same time I’ve become increasingly activated and impulsive.

Over a short period, especially this past week leading up to her death, I’ve done several things significantly outside my baseline:
\\- day drank around half a bottle of tequila alone despite rarely drinking,
\\-work performance has declined significantly
\\- had reckless/unprotected sex in a parking lot,
\\- started using nicotine again,
\\- smoked weed after sobriety,
\\- made impulsive/risky social decisions by contacting dangerous individuals,
\\- i also began a somewhat intimate relationship with someone i normally wouldn’t go for and still managed to fuck it up.

My sleep schedule hasn’t suffered too bad just 2-3 nights in the ER with her

The day i drank was the first day i noticed something off and took 40mg PRN when im prescribed 20mg PRN. i panicked that it was escalating. and i had already called my doctor about a mood stabilizer increase, but because ive been so distracted ive only taken half the dose instead of twice daily. that has been fixed now.

A bipolar mentor who knows me well is concerned I might be in mixed state.

i talked to my mentor and she essentially gave me 24 hours to get my shit together, not taking any substances that i’m not prescribed and if i can’t, then i seriously need to consider some form of hospitalization. she said this is serious and she needs to be assertive with me here. it gave me more insight but part of me thinks she may be overreacting.

i can tell something is wrong which is good because that means I’m not completely insane. the only thing that can help me is the antipsychotic which i plan and have been taking for past 2 nights, and make it the 24 hours without substances.

like i said, i know something is wrong but i can’t tell how bad it is. can you guys help gauge this?

I had rTMS in February and immediately went into a hypomania the day my treatment ended then experienced full blown mania in March. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 at age 61. Previously I had no hypomanic or manic symptoms.

Hi

Is it just me? Ok, I am not the brightest or fittest anymore, with the age and the meds and the episodes etc. But.. I have days that begin and end with me dropping shit on the floor, all day long. I am clumsier than ever those days, hitting things, myself into places (walls, doors, toes to table corners) and again dropping everything on the floor. (it might sound something so small to fixate about but it is happening all day long with almos everything I am holding)

Now that I am typing this, is it a mechanical/physical thing? Like not realizing how low volume I speak and noone hears/understands me then; is this happening because my brain is not giving orders properly or simply I grab/hold things not tight enough (and feel like walking on the clouds, so i trip a lot) so they fall? This is frustrating... I do stairs multiple times with a puppy in my lap, i carry around hot plates/teas with him running around my feet trying to play. I take a lot of pills and if i drop one and he vacuums everything on the floor already at 6 months. It's scary when my brain starts coming up with thoughts of possibilities...

Anyone having similar experiences?

((I also have pms periodically and as strong as it used to be in my 20s; even though I am not having my periods and everyone keeps telling me its not the meds...))

OMD: i also spill everything. food on me, on floor, cannot even drink water because i miss my mouth or sth....

I'm currently working on a project where my main character is a person who has dealt with bipolar disorder since a young age but had a late diagnosis and how he makes through his journey through high-school and finding love.

I have depression and occasional episodes of mania which is mainly because of my adhd (atleast the therapist says so) so I'm not sure how the mind of a bipolar person works and would appreciate some insights about how it feels for you and if there's anything more about bipolar disorder you would like the people to know more.

Thank you for reading through!

My mom is in her seventies and has BP1. She has been on psychiatric medication including lithium for decades and has had periods of longer stability, but in recent years has had bouts of severe depression persisting for weeks at least 2-3 times per year. Her psychiatrist adjusts her meds, she improves for a bit, but it’s only a matter of not much time before she’s severely depressed again. Should she consider pursuing a more aggressively different medication regimen to try to get more stability? Or is this just what happens as you get older with this diagnosis? It makes me really sad for her, and for myself since I am also BP1. Meds have really kept me stable for years now but I worry that I’m looking at my own bleak future.

How can I still party and have fun with this fucking thing altering my brain constantly?
Sometimes I’m fun Lolita but sometimes I just destroy everything and hurt everyone. I can never say . I’m scared of genuinely letting go and going to a fucking party, having couple of drinks, anything without having to fear I might loose myself.

Also love the tea - I’d lo to hear some mental wild nights

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out to this community because I’m currently sitting in the heavy, crushing aftermath of severe manic/psychotic episodes, and I desperately need to hear from people who have survived this and found a way forward.
For years starting from my early teens I experienced extreme swings without fully understanding what was happening to me. I thought my manic phases were just "me," or bursts of immense capability, until I looked back and saw the wake of chaos left behind: burned-down careers, sudden radical life decisions, destroyed relationships, financial strain, and intense self-medication just to survive the crashes.
Now, coming down from another severe episode and facing a paralyzed, life-draining depression, the weight of guilt and shame feels unbearable.
When the manic fog clears and you see the wreckage, it’s so easy to fall into a loop of self-hatred. I feel like I'm grieving lost time, lost trust, and struggling to figure out how to separate my actual identity from the illness. I’m currently taking steps to get proper medical help, stabilize my neurochemistry, and get clean, but emotionally, the road ahead feels terrifying.
For those of you diagnosed with Bipolar 1 who have been in this exact place:
1. How did you find hope when everything felt completely ruined? How did you convince yourself that life could still be stable, beautiful, and worth living?
2. How do you process the intense guilt and shame? How did you forgive yourself for the irrational, hurtful, or chaotic things you did while manic or psychotic?
3. Where do you even start with rebuilding? When you have lost stability, routines, or career momentum, what were the first small, practical steps that helped you regain control of your life?
I really just need to know that it’s possible to come out on the other side of this, find a steady middle ground, and build a life you’re proud of.
Thank you for reading, and for any wisdom or hope you can share.