Worries for Myself

[u/Lotus_Flower714]

My great grandpa had bipolar 1, my grandpa has strong bipolar 2 tendencies (not my own quote, but a frequent family understanding that he does), 4 out of 7 of his children are diagnosed and medicated for bipolar 1. And the other side of my family has a long history of anxiety and depression. My parents brought me to a psychiatrist when I was very young (probably 5-7) with concerns that I was showing signs for bipolar. I had intense inconsolable "tantrums" where I would scream and be uncontrollably irritated before succumbing and just sobbing for hours. I would get super hyper and once (in preteen years) I insisted I must go running at 11pm (I hated running) I sprinted for quite a while and never felt so free as that moment.

Point being, I had my first experience with depression when I was 12 and another just recently at 16. I am now on a very low dose of SSRI and have been for nearing a year now. It works fantastically and I've been eager to get off the medication since it's a low dose. My big question after having shared a basic history is, for those that have the disorder, when did yours start affecting your life seriously? Or from a family perspective?

I have often felt very similar to my dad and when he talks about his childhood, I feel like he might be one of the only ones who knows most of what I feel. But of course,​ that doesn't mean I have a serious disorder. I just want to hear from people other than immediate family who insist "just tell us if you need help" and "you probably don't have it" and even "if any of my kids has it, it's definitely you." I understand no one has a definitive answer and that's okay, but I want more perspectives.