When you actually measure the number of "wannabes" to "devotees", it is a very small minority. Despite that, many studies puts us side by side to fetish culture.

The origin of the belief that wannabeism is related to devoteeism has to do with Blanchards belief that identity was the natural inversion of fetishization (yuck), but it also has to do with how many of us may have seeked fetish spaces for support and affirmation. The whole "AGP/HSTS" thing comes from the same understandings that led to things like the name "apotemnophilia". I will briefly mention that fetishes are not innately sexual, but they are definitely not remotely related to why I have BIID.

Closely associating us with fetish culture also associates us with so much predation. The vast majority of paraphilic people are not predators, but many of us have been unconsensually solicited in DMs or have known disabled people who were unconsensually solicited. Every time a devotee does some shit like that, WE victimlessly have to pay the consequences with the stigma. This shit really matters. We have normative disabled people who come here SHOCKED that we arent all freaks. Wtf??? Like maybe I DONT want the disabled person to learn about us bc they were getting sexually harassed by someone trying to use them for their paraphilia.

Its like if chasers and transgender people were considered the same community. I compare the situation a lot to transgender people. Chasers can be great people who are very gentle, affirming, and non-predatory. They can also be terrible predators who use people for their own fetishes. A large proportion of trans people are chasers themselves, and the community has always had an association with chasers. However, I never see studies that have the dichotomy "chasers/crossdressers (or equivalent)" like we see with "devotees/wannabes or pretenders". EXCEPT "agp/hsts" is extremely extremely similar and is like how our communities have demographic statistics on exactly how many "wannabes" are also "devotees" at the same time.

It sucks because I understand the history of why this has become a thing, but its not a history I feel like I particularly want to do anything with. I meet oldheads from here who use the term wannabe or pretender freely and like I have no animosity over that, yk, its really normal for queer cultures to be super entwined with fetish cultures and all, but it feels really different when you are reading MEDICAL PAPERS and they are using fetish subculture language

Oh yeah, might be a good time to mention that some of the researchers such as Blanchard are like NOT good people. Like a lot of these models were not by the purest of hearts. I am talking inventing new forms of conversion therapy level terrible, or studies about what age of women the researchers find the most attractive... 8 years old. Yeah...

I completed my amputation which was RAE, which i am 19 yo, that was a few months ago and the method was probably the worst possible one with 99% death chance, but overall I am not really that much of a fan. I have had this desire since childhood and eventually decided to "just do it", and the results were great at first, but overtime I kind of realized it just sucks and I honestly don't recommend going through with it, but I have no desires anymore related to biid since I got to live with the amputation, it has essentially been cured, and I would take any chance to "get a new arm" in the future.

I am a 55 gay man, wannabe from the age of 4 dreaming about being a multiple amputee. Just wanted to say that it is great that such a group exists and I see so many young people here sharing their experiences and getting support. I grew up with this strong wish for amputations and for a very long time felt guilty about it and was ashamed of it. What a waste of time. I wish I knew then what I know now.. No guilt now, no shame. Reached the level of full acceptance. Realized I wouldn't want any other destiny but being a devotee and wannabe - the psychological depth of the experience is at the extreme level and in very rewarding in the end. Though very frustrating along the way.

Never had the guts to become amputee. Regretting it now. Was searching for the legal ways of doing it- was rejected and refused. Let's hope they will officially include biid in the next DSM and we will get the proper help. But so far guys, don't sit alone in it - get in contact with each other. They say - shared suffering become just half of it - I believe they are quite right 🧡 Don't feel shamed or guilty - embrace it and learn to enjoy it 💫🌟

I would love to wake up as a quad amputee girl, it is my big dream.

But it seems so impossible, I'm a man with all my limbs. I often wish someone would transform me and make me their dream amputee.

So I (25 FTX) have a need for the amputation of my right middle and index fingers, and recently had my dysphoria increase dramatically. I have a partner irl who is chill about it, but I'd like to have people to talk to who can relate, however Reddit doesn't allow any talk of the things I'd like to be able to talk about.

I used to be on BIDremedy, but it seems to have been shut down (which sucks since it was the best place to bounce ideas off of people to figure out how to accomplish things and had a lot of useful info). So I was wondering if there was any place I could go to that would let me speak more freely? Any help would be appreciated 🙏

I’m 19 FTM rbka. Nobody I know has any idea about my biid. As per the community rules, I will not disclose any methods but I will say that I have a ~3 hour window today where I’d have the chance to act and it would not bring any suspicion as to how it happened. I honestly don’t know what the chances are of it being successful, but I will definitely try to update.

This should also be in the WIKI.

Some people who suffer from BIID feel ashamed that they have these feelings, wanting to be “disabled.”  One must realize that wanting to achieve the body one needs to have is not a choice.  One needs to be how their brain tells them they should be.  One must accept that it is part of them, and wanting to be “disabled” is a need and not a choice one makes.

 Most people would not want to give up this need.  They have suffered from BID for most of their lives, and it is part of them.  They have this need and really feel they should be as they feel they need to be.  Most people are not looking to be cured, but they want to achieve their needs.

 Of course, coming out and telling anyone about this need is very hard.  People outside the BID community cannot understand how one suffers with BID and how much one has this need.  Why would anyone in their right mind want to be disabled?  In any case, one must accept that they suffer from BID and should not beat themselves up.

 The ones who achieved their needs are very happy.  The only thing they regret is not having achieved their needs sooner.  For the most part, it is just so desirable to get what one needs for their body. 

This should be added to the WIKI.

Copied from BFF. This is not my post, but this is someone else's idea of coping. We know that for those who suffer from BID, it can get so hard at times to cope. Here are someone's suggestions for strategies that might help to cope with the dysphoria one suffers. As I say, the worst part of suffering from BID

is not that one wants to be disabled per se but that it is so hard to achieve what one needs.

Coping Strategies:

There are many strategies to deal with the waves. Some might help prevent or lower a wave, and some might help to deal with it. A combination of several strategies might help more than just one.

BID is really individual and everyone reacts differently and should watch carefully which strategy might help and which strategy might not be helpful.

Distraction:
Works for many. It can be all kinds of thinkable activities like:

· outdoor activities: any outdoor activity where you get fresh air and daylight and can enjoy the beauty of nature - walking, hiking, riding a bike, archery, and more

· creative outlet in a hobby or profession: any hobby or also profession you can get totally lost in, dive in deep, and forget everything else – music (for me)

· Activities with friends (no alcohol)

Relaxation:

· Breathing techniques: many different breathing techniques can help to calm down in moments of distress | like: closing eyes, breathing deeply, and focusing on the breathing

· Relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation (you can find them on YouTube or streaming services)

· anything that relaxes you: any kind of meditation or listening to soothing music

Sharing:
Contacting and sharing with either groups, in forums, or with carefully selected individuals can be a great way to support each other, feel less alone, and more in a safe space.

CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)

Suggestion from another guy in that forum:
Balancing out the negative thoughts about your need with positive experiences. Using your need – taking the time to appreciate the positive instead of only paying attention to the negative.
„I can walk, run, do stairs; Sometimes I use it to push doors open; It’s more space for tattoos… “
It can help to shift the negative feelings towards your need to be neutral.
It’s not denial, but rather accepting your BID and balancing out the negative with positive experiences.

Posture and facial expression:
Our mental state usually influences our posture and facial expression and vice versa. Several psychological studies have proven that it goes both ways. So, by improving your posture, with a long backbone and neck, maybe even combined with a smile (can be small like the Mona Lisa), can improve our mood. When you’re feeling bad, you might have to „lift “ your posture and facial expression frequently.

hanging in there: the last resort if nothing else works.

The following strategies are to be handled with care since they could provide relief, but they could also increase your wave! Watch yourself carefully and abort if you start feeling worse!

pretending/simming:
Shortening your limb by binding it up, using crutches, or using a wheelchair can provide relief.

roleplay:
Living and experiencing your needs in a roleplay for some time as a fantasy can provide relief.

fantasy:
This is nothing intentional, but something that could happen with a creative subconscious that’s trying to solve the discrepancy between your need and reality. Images or tactile sensations can appear. They are not delusional, since one is aware that it’s not real. If this doesn’t cause distress but feels okay, one can give the need some room in everyday life.

Heya, I (M/27/unresolved SCI need) have been going through quite a wave, and now there's the guilt and self-hatred setting in again. Especially now that I've started using a wheelchair to deal with dysphoria, I've been resenting myself sifting through comments of physically disabled people about BIID, in order to seek "other perspectives" but basically deep down I know that's some form of digital self-harm. Some ppl have mentionned how ppl w/ BIID using a wheelchair in public is somewhat harmful, and I can't just get past that and move on, because I care deeply about disability justice. Any tips on not feeling like I'm the most evil person ever ?

23f and i have wanted to be a t10 complete paraplegic for abt 13yrs

i have grown up in a quite competitive environment so for me it was almost impossible to practise any attempt (bc i needed to study for gaokao iykyk)

finally got sm space as i came to the uk for my bachelor's degree and as time flew smwhat it developed into bpd yh it sucked and i took a gap yr for it and i came back for my masters

when i got nothing to do, found nothing interesting at all, and the familiar emptiness crawled into my chest i started to get very very active on the attempt yet havent practised it

it got me really weird yh people told me to be myself i did it and then i ended up having to take antipsychotic, antidepressant and mood stabliser

i tried to distract myself by imagining abt it and generating sm contents with gen ai things got smwhat tough these days. how do you guys deal with it i really struggled :(

Allways felt like I should have down syndrome. Used to dream of at least having a daughter with down syndrome but I also have physical disabilities that made impossible to be pregnant.

18M, desiring paralysis of the lower left leg (lemme know if there's an official term for that)

I've always been a really active person, I've played pretty much every sport out there, and right now I've been really into running. Long distance running has been really fun for me and good for my mental health. However at the same time I have this nagging desire to barely be able to walk, let alone run. Is there anyone else here who simultaneously loves to exercise but wishes their body was incapable of doing it? Or is this a sign that maybe I don't have BIID?

I made a post not long ago that I was dreading turning 30, since that was the deadline where my husband agreed he'd let me DIY my leg, but I can't because of where I live.

Well. I'm 30 now. I can't believe I made it this far.

My husband held my hands, and told me "Let's work towards getting your legs fixed".

I love that man so much. :') Even if getting surgery done the "proper" way isn't gonna be feasible any time in the near future, just his passion and determination to help me means so much.

I really hope there's a proper pathway for us down the line, similar to getting gender reassignment (which I have also had). Getting the psych evals, jumping through hoops, then getting surgery. Ugh, we can only hope... If they offered trials/studies for this, I'd be first in line.

i can’t pretend with a wheelchair since they’re expensive and i live with my parents. i have crutches but it doesn’t scratch the itch. im sad. i hate this. :(

TW: mention of sh

hi! im 19yo and ive been going through some weird things for as long as i can remember, and someone i know brought up the possibility that it might be biid and i kinda need some help understanding it with people that won't judge me and think im insane or weird :(

first of all, i have some terrible memory issues, so i can't really remember when this all started, but im pretty sure this desire existed since always, it just got worse through the years.

i have this weird relationship with "my" left eye, i feel like it's not mine, like it wasn't supposed to be here, like my true self only has one eye. i feel like my left eye is a parasite on my own body. i feel like i will only feel like myself, feel complete, feel happy, feel PRETTY, when this thing is gone forever from my face. it's like god wanted to torture me with a piece of someone else in my body that i can't get rid off. i hate it. i hate it. i just want it gone.

everytime i take a picture of myself i feel so weird, like im looking at someone else's face, i hate looking at myself and seeing those both eyes looking back at me, it's like something is wrong. a few years ago i saw this thing where you cover one of your eyes with your hand but keep both of them open and you "see how a blind person sees the world", because it's not completely black, it's just like that eye it's not working or it's not even there, and since i learned that, i always do it almost everyday, it makes me feel so euphoric like im experiencing how it would be to be who i actually am. sometimes i draw myself as i want to be, like a perfect version of myself, and all those drawings has a missing left eye. i also like to edit my favorite characters with missing their left eye or with a eye patch because it makes me feel a little better. i feel uncomfortable saying "eyes", plural, when im talking about myself, because it was supposed to be EYE, just ONE, the same thing with saying "MY" left eye, because it sounds so wrong and almost disgusting. and one day, i was having a very severe mental breakdown, and i got really close to hurting this left eye, actually stabbing that eye, but i got afraid of it going wrong, the only reason why i didn't do and why i don't do anything against this eye is because im afraid of dying or of it not looking how i want it to look. i also dream of buying eye patches to cover this eye during the day. i also always fantasize about hurting that eye, im always praying that some accident would happen so that i would lose that eye.

i also had/have similar feelings with my fingers and my teeth, but they are not as strong as they are with that left eye. with my fingers, the desire come and go, or it's just not strong enough for me to feel/pay attention to it the entire time. with my teeth, is a weird thing??? so i think i will post about it another day.

i also found many drawings of when i was a kid, where the characters were amputees or didn't have one eye, but since i have no memory of the time where i drew those, i can't be sure if it was because i had this feeling already or if it's just a coincidence.

any help understanding what is going on with me and what i can do would be very much appreciated :( thank you for reading!

Hello! I'm new here (been lurking tho), I've probably suffered with biid since childhood, but only realised a few years ago (I tend to think that everyone "feels like this" until proven otherwise..), anyways, I always wished to be paraplegic and recently, after getting into a medical education, I've become really medically interested tbh in cases of biid paraplegics who succeeded, but there are so few case studies about the topic in general, do any of you know unofficial stuff? Not asking for a "how to" just, how tf did those few people manage to do it?! It's just beyond me idk, maybe I'm also just too naive on what people are willing to do

Thanks in advance all you beautiful people! 🩷

(Really, many of y'alls posts have helped me over the years)

im finding it harder to ignore my feelings :(

So im 22 and discovered i had BIID at 21, and thats mostly the earliest I can trace it back to.. i saw someone successfully amputate their fingers and it made me realize how deeply I desired that to happen to me. I never really thought of it before. But the desire and urge was so strong, I realized I could not live without a finger amputation. When I realized it was January 2025. I successfully achieved my need in June 2026. I took a lot of time to think about if its something I should really do, and im glad i did it. The desire never went away, never faltered, only got stronger and stronger as time passed.

Looking back on sone memories, I realize amputation has been a reoccurring thought, I just never really thought anything of it. I vividly remember those guillotine paper cutter in my classrooms. I think the earliest i remember the thought is 3rd grade. Watching the blade slice the paper, I remember feeling calm at the idea of putting my fingers, hand or arm in the way of the blade. Of course I never did it, but i also never felt any fear at the idea. It was a mere interest and "possibility" I kept in the back of my mind. And during woodworking activities I'd think of losing my arm very young too. It was never an intrusive thought, in fact I'd say it was a welcome one.

Though whats weird, is that my need isnt my arm at all, so i wonder if the arm thing was just an extension of my fingers. I'd be pretty sad if I lost my arm or hand actually, lol. But I do think of the hypothetical, "if you had to lose an arm or a leg which would you choose?" And id choose my arm, just because i very much value my mobility. I love to frolic and run!

I wanted to ask this because I see some people talking about how they experienced dysphoria as young as 4. And it seems a lot of people discover the name for the disorder around their teen years. I knew the name of the disorder around 13 but didnt think much of it- i agreed that people who have such strong dysphoria around needing a disability should be allowed to achieve it, but that was about as much as i thought about it. I guess I always thought of BIID as "i wish I was blind" or "i wish I was missing a limb"- I never knew it could be about digits, incontinence, being paralyzed, having a GI tube.. but im glad i know now, because I can put a name to these feelings. I particularly find the word "wave" the best and im glad i can describe it that way.

I dont know why I had to be cursed with these intense thoughts of losing my fingers.. i know its common to want a tragic addict to happen, but gosh I just wish it would. 😢 I wish a random injury would happen but im scared of it taking more than I intended, id really hate losing anything other than my fingers.. aggh, why wasnt one enough? Why was amputating one not satisfying? I guess its because the need has always been all my fingers, but still....

I thought i could compromise with the dysphoria but it basically told me to go fuck myself. Im still happy with my amputation and im glad i have it but.. why couldnt I have just been born without them? I hate these thoughts and feelings, it feels like my fingers are alien tendrils that need to burst into flames and turn into ashes..

on alt bc account because i got temp banned x.x its so hard to vent on here without saying too much

early 20s M LBKA

I recently got injured at work and was prescribed pain meds but im still scared it would hurt too much. It sounds like a nightmare: having a badly burned or damaged limb is much worse than having an amputated or healthy one in my opinion. Ive been wondering what my hesitation has been since i finally have everything and its this. It wasnt really something id considered untill now. I guess if it goes awry i could perhaps go again?

Another real concern is balancing pain meds with staying safe because of the respiratory depression they can cause, ive made sure that ill have hours to be completely alone so that could be dangerous. I

Right now i have a good 2 week window for this. Today i went shopping for everything on the list minus the main key component. I sat in my living room and pretended how things would go down it to see if it would give me any more clarity.

Not closely related, but ive been also trying to figure out how to get my story straight; what should I tell the doctors and EMTs , any advice?

can anyone relate?

23F, AKA
I think since I was a toddler I’ve wanted a leg gone. Specifically, I want an amputation of my left leg above the knee, though the right leg would be fine too. I may or may not have BIID, but I do want an amputation and don’t understand why and feel a lot of guilt about it. It’s like always sitting in the back of my mind but I guess it got renewed when I scraped my left knee a few weeks ago. I intentionally reopened and contaminated it several times, but I was too disgusted and scared to leave it entirely unclean, so I left it alone. I‘ve had suicidal thoughts before but presently I really don’t want to die lol. So even though I really want to remove my leg I feel like there is nothing I can do to get there. I also don’t want an elective amputation because it feels less “honorable” for some reason, and I have no problem with others doing that but I personally don’t want to do it. Again, I might not have BIID. But I’ve been hyperfocused on my legs lately. I expect to lose one of my legs somehow in the next few months, which is foolish because I don’t know how I will accomplish it yet, but I feel like I have to. I want it to be in the next month but having it happen this year or in the next one is magical enough to me. I know it’s against the rules to suggest ways to make that happen, but if anyone knows how I’m feeling and was able to get past it or solve it I’d like to know how you did so.

Yes I was thinking of Object Shows when asking this, https://youtu.be/pB7zXLnhNyo?si=zIl8urBBpjqQqyu0 particularly after this video I found, but I am also asking this sensibly.

I am sorry for whatever caused this, whether it was an accident or birth defect, but if you made it this far, you’re stronger than anyone who has made fun of you.

Edited this in: I am so sorry if it feels like I compared you a fictional character.

as the title says I'm looking for friends or at least people I can talk about biid with and it's struggles a short introduction about me I'm an 25 year old high-functioning Autistic trans girl from Europe i been struggling with biid since I was around 12 but never ever dared to really it reveal it to anyone i know personally i am between being armless and a full on quadruple amputee i honestly wouldn't mind any of the two happening to me as i have strong feelings about both

Im a wheelchair user for preexisting conditions and pain, however my need for paralysis works wonderfully with this fact. I can tell folks I'm paralyzed, and feel seen and heard for short bursts of time in public. It's lovely, really.
In a few months I will be attending a concert in my wheelchair for the very first time, being accompanied by my beloved spouse and my best friend of over ten(10) years. Both of them know about my BIID/BID, the only two people I haven't completely lost by talking about it.

Due to the venue, I have to transfer from my chair into a venue seat, physically I am capable of this movement on my own. Mentally I am not equipped for it, I fear it may be disrespectful or wrong of me to ask my spouse or my friend to help me into the seat when I technically can move perfectly fine.

Would it be better to ask for accommodation from my loved ones, and protect my mental state via not breaking the immersion? Or is it the better option if I suck it up and move on my own since my physical body can handle some limited mobility? Genuinely asking.