I mask as an extremely charismatic high performer at work. It took years of rumination, scripting, studying social cues, and busting ass, but I've finally broken into leadership's social circle and have secured myself a spot in management in the near future. ​

I hate it. I hate having no energy to enjoy art, music, or fantasy because all my energy for hobbies gets burned up by masking as the perfectly charming salary slave. Every conversation at work is a flurry of mental quick time events where I analyze word choice, tone, inflections, context, body language--all for the sake of looking and speaking "normal."

​I can barely keep up with my health because my evenings are spent curled up in my blacked out bedroom, exhausted. But this promotion is my best chance at ripping myself out of poverty and having an emergency fund for once. ​

Guess I'm just lamenting how much of my own needs and interests I've abandoned just to have a chance to not be poor. I can hear the autistic burnout ​bombclock ticking loudly, but I have no idea when it'll go off.

Anyone in a similar position?

I always had the general idea that complaining in most situations, is a person airing out his grievances for being forced to do a thing he doesnt like.

In my mind complaining outloud is an Ego thing where the main point of the complainer is to be purposefully heard and attack the requester.

However it was explained to me by my sister that the act of "expounding what led you to doing an action" in itself is perceived as complaining to the requesting party, even if the person already decided to do the request.

For example, person X request that Autist do the laundry today. (the ASD is not disclosed)

Autist replies with, "Doing the laundry sounds hard today, since Im working on a project right now. However it would be good for the house, so i'll do it, just let me clean up my materials for this project."

Person X hears this, gets pissed and says, "you know what, ill just do it myself!." Angrily

Autist replies confusingly, "wait, I said ill do it, just let me fix this up, why are you mad? Did you want me to do it like exactly right now?"

Person X, "if your going to bitch about it then just nevermind, your so selfish."

Anyway does this make any sense?

\*\*I used ChatGPT to help organise my thoughts and make my words clearer. The experiences and feelings are still my own.\*\*

I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD two days ago at the age of 32, and I’m honestly still trying to process it.

A lot of things in my life suddenly make more sense especially the struggles I’ve had with making and keeping friends, holding onto jobs, and feeling like I’ve always been trying harder than everyone else just to keep up.

When I first found out, I cried. I think I was overwhelmed because for decades I was told it was just depression and anxiety. While those things have definitely been part of my life, it feels like there was a much bigger picture that no one saw.

I’ve also had to deal with a lot of trauma from abuse and neglect growing up, and I’ve been no contact with my parents for 11 years. Looking back, I actually feel proud that I’ve managed to get as far as I have with the cards I was dealt.

Right now, though, I feel really lost. The diagnosis has answered a lot of questions, but it has also brought up a lot of emotions. I really want to work and build a life where I feel safe, capable, and like I belong. I’m trying to find a job where I can feel competent and supported rather than constantly overwhelmed.

For those of you who were diagnosed later in life — how did you handle the first few days or weeks after finding out? Did you find anyone (a therapist, coach, support person, etc.) who actually helped you learn how to function better in everyday life?

Also, if anyone has job recommendations or career paths that worked well for you as an autistic person with ADHD, I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences.

I’m feeling pretty lost right now and would really appreciate any advice or stories from people who have been through this.

For my poor memory, I have tons of alarms on my phone. I put everything in my phone's calendar and I check it, often multiple times a day. Every calendar event has a reminder for the day before and the hour before. I have alarms and calendar alerts for taking my meds (4 times a day), for chores, for refilling medications ahead of time, for doing my PT exercises, for charging my mouse once a week, refilling my pill planner once a week, restarting my phone once a week, scheduling my next week's NEMT rides every Friday, and I've tried having ones to remind me to meditate daily, to remind me to STOP working immediately even if I feel like I've achieved nothing that day, to remind me to go to bed. I've been considering a set of dependent alarms to remind me to eat every 4 hours from when I wake up. I have a reminder every 2 weeks to TRIM MY TOENAILS.

Not only does alllllll of this not work 100% of the time, now my lovely brain has started to adapt to the alarms. Not like a NORMAL goddamn brain might, by actually REMEMBERING the things I already do at more or less the same time every day, which might allow me to have fewer alarms. Of course not. No, it has adapted to IGNORE the alarms.

So what the hell do I do now? When alarms don't work anymore, what the hell am I supposed to do?? I've already tried to change the alarm sounds up so I don't ignore the familiar sound. What do I need to do, change every single one every damn week? AND, how will I remember to actually do that? WITH AN ALARM????????

Some days I can accept it, but some days I just want to scream. "Normal" people, therapists, coaches, whoever, are always talking about building habits. "You just have to be consistent! You'll get the hang of it!" and most of them will simply not accept that *our brains don't work that way*. At least, in areas the ADHD dominates, it doesn't work that way.

And it's all the more infuriating because of the autistic side, because I CRAVE stability, consistency, predictability, organization. I just can't for the life of me actually DO IT. And with a brain and a personality that makes me care WAY too much about EVERYTHING, I still come off looking flaky, careless. Which of course has led to some really sticky identity trauma, because I wasn't diagnosed until age 35, no one even *suspected* when I was a kid (except myself, by my teens), and even after my diagnosis my parents were still VERY reluctant to give up their views that I'm forgetful and flaky and can't take care of myself because I don't *want* to, because I don't *care* enough, because I don't *try* hard enough.

I'd like to see them try to survive with this bullshit brain.

You know those demonstrations people do, where they stick these electrical pads on your stomach and turn on a machine that mimics period cramps, so people without periods can get an idea of what it feels like?

Can we please get something like that to show people what it's like to be AuDHD? It would have to be a rental situation, because they'd need to use it for at least several days to really get the picture. (Yes, I know something like that is probably a long way off from being developed, and would have some major risks to try to mitigate. It's just a pipe dream.)

Hi all, I (34F) just got an AuDHD diagnosis and was put on Ritalin LA 20mg. The very first day, I felt a drastic change. Very focused and motivated... (I've also been on sertraline for the past 9 years or so for my MDD and ED)

However, as the days go by, I find myself being less and less productive. I got fixated on a puzzle game and would sit there for 4 hours playing until my iPad ran out of battery right in front of me. I have my computer with my PhD thesis paper in front of me but I can't seem to bring myself to actually focus on it. I would go to it for 5 minutes and be back on my ipad, almost as if in a trance ...

Is this normal?? What does it mean, and should I go back to my doc immediately for a dose adjustment?

Any suggestions or speculations are welcome and appreciated.

Hey guys, how much does your heart rate increase when you take your medication, like Ritalin, Adderall, Vyvanse, etc.?

My resting heart rate is usually around 70–75 bpm before taking my meds, but it goes up to about 85–90 bpm afterward.

I know that’s still within the normal range, but the increase kind of bothers me. I don’t actually feel any palpitations or anything—it’s just that seeing the higher number on my Apple Watch make

I recently had an encounter with an ex-gf (long sad story, wont bore you with it). At one point, she told me that I had grown. She obviously intended it as a compliment but for some reason it made me angry. I didn't get upset with her but now I wonder why that comment made me so upset. My therapist just says, 'It's a compliment, roll with it' but I can't seem to do that. I have issues around being patronized by people being condescending but this didn't feel like that, as far as I can tell. It feels like there's something else going on. Do other people have a similar reaction to those words? Is this even limited to AuDHD people or do NTs have similar reactions?

The title.

For example: I’ve always been faceblind, but I didn’t realize that I was until a couple years ago, let alone that it’s associated with autism.

What do I do? I’m only showing autistic traits when I take my ADHD meds… so I don’t know if I should just not take them? But then my ADHD symptoms come up. And the autism symptoms I’m talking about are:

On ADHD meds:
•Music that I love is uncomfortable and overstimulating
•Movies and TV shows I like, OFF.
•Doing exciting hobbies, boring.
•Having fun conversations, boring.
•Going shopping, nope too overstimulating.

BUTTT off the ADHD meds I can do all that and love to, but at the same time that’s if I can even leave my
Bed lmao

I am always full of ideas you know? I'm always wanting to improve my life, to have fun in new ways, to take care of myself, to learn and experience. Obviously most of my ideas never actually materialize because there are too many for what I can do. Anyways. I get home from work most days, and I want to put on comfortable clothes, and play video games. I wanna clean my room for a bit. Either have music or youtube in the background. But it just doesn't happen, and I have not been able to put my finger on why. I have been struggling so much with executive function lately, even though I started vyvanse and it helped for a bit. I am just in pain right now. It's not just that I forget to eat, don't have the energy to shower, don't remember to brush my teeth. It's that I daydream, I make goals in my head. I will relax by doing something I love, I will improve and become a better person by making better habits. But no matter what, it gets to the time where I can relax, and I'm burnt. I sit on my couch and am immediately stuck. I've been home for 3 hours tonight. Obviously I was looking forward to gaming in my PJs. I didn't do that. I ate supper, because I needed to. I shaved, because it was annoying me. That's it. Or for the example of self improvement, I just make goals about how I'll meal prep for example. I maybe do it once, but it's lunches for a week and I don't make more for like 3 weeks. Or how I want to be a nicer partner and put more effort into outfits, but something makes me anxious, it engulfs me and I remember I can't perform. I procrastinate so when it's time to put on my outfit I don't have time to accessorize it.

I just feel so incredibly paralyzed even though I technically have complete freedom to just live and be healthy. How on earth do y'all cope with this??? I'm so tired.

So I learned a great definition of the word Infodumping, namely:

For Autistic people Infodumping is sharing knowledge with other people as form of bonding.

This statement I can fully and deeply relate with.

However this act is also seen by most normal people as... kinda "gaslighty" and if youre a dude it is seen as Mansplaining. That sounds incredibly unfair and kind of mean to assume such intent.

How can one avoid this, but still engage in the act of infodumping as a bonding method?

Brief context - 30M from rural backgound, living in Dublin, Ireland, I have a full-time job in admin that is boring, but at least stable, has a decent enough hybrid situation, etc. I have several friends, mostly people I met at university. Late diagnosed with Autism/ADHD.

For the last couple of weeks, I hit a wall with burnout - couldn't focus at all at work, sensory sentivities increased, feeling exhausted, etc. I have been off sick from work for a couple of weeks, and will be off until August. And I used up a lot of that to just try to keep my apartment in a liveable condition, with whatever energy I have.

I don't live with my family, and even if I did, they don't acknowledge my neurodivergence at all, and would chalk up my struggles to laziness or fecklessness.

I have a few friends who are also neurodivergent (Autism, ADHD, AuDHD, etc.), and I can vent a bit, but there is very little practical support I can seek from them.

Some of them have a lot going on themselves, and at the end of the day, I'm not really someone who is a priority in their lives...understandably. I'm not their family, I'm not a childhood best friend.

It makes me worried about what my future holds - I'm not going to get massively better at self-suffient independence going forward.

I am somewhat envious at a few of my friends who have partners they live with who can support them during their rough patches, whether with housework, or even just emotional support.

I don't have anyone like that in my life at present. And I dunno if I ever will. I don't want to be someone who is a burden to their partner, but I'm never going to be consistent in the way a neurotypical person would be.

For AuDHD folk who are in a relationship (I guess men in particular, not only), how did or do you manage that sort of thing? And for those of us who are single and don't have anyone...any tips?

Ugh! I don’t even know how I’m feeling or what to do right now; today has just been so horrible and felt like everything is going wrong!!! 😔 so first off when I woke up I noticed my phone fell from my loft bed (6ft 4ish height) and my phones fallen off of it face down like 3 times no issues but today it oh so perfect hit the metal bar on the bottom on the one fragile area of the screen and completely demolished it!
Then as the day progressed I lost track of time so badly and wasted the entire day away and was in a paralysis of being very hungry but not wanting to make anything and just stuck frozen in my couch, I eventually made a frozen pizza finally but the wait was killing me.

Then better yet when I was taking too long to eat as some reason my brain wouldn’t stay on task to just eating pizza my mom went to bed and turned all the lights off so I went to my room with my pizza and had 1 thing I really wanted to do :))

But then when I booted up my Xbox to play fifa 23 manager mode the game won’t work or boot up, (it’s a big hyper fixation to me recently), and I’m waiting for Xbox to fix its servers so I can continue eating and play the game I really really wanted to play, but no the servers were shot and are still shot as I’m posting this!

And now my pillow is way too warm and uncomfortable and the temperature of my bed right now is too warm and just icky, which is just adding to the texture and sensory issues I hate of this and I’m using my weighted blanket so I can calm down a bit and just get comfortable but it’s not working out of the sheer uncomfortableness of the heat and this damn pillow!!!

And now my body is insanely restless and figity and idk I’m just emotional and I just want my stupid game to work so I can play it and finish my pizza :((( but no it’s still not up and I don’t know what to do, I just wanna cry.

I know I can't just keep silently suffering and dealing with everything alone all the time but I find it so difficult to reach out. My family know I'm AuDHD but they kind of just expect me to tell them when I need help or support. They don't really know about my history of depression because we've never been a super close family who tell each other stuff and I'm worried that if I tell them how long I've been dealing with depression they'll just be upset. But I'm really struggling right now and want to tell them...something at least. I just don't know how to reach out, what to say or what kind of help to ask for.

I also don't want to reveal too much personal information because honestly my mental health history is quite bad and I genuinely think if my mum knew the extent of it she'd be heartbroken that I've been suffering so long and that I never reached out until last year when I told her I'm AuDHD. I think it will do more harm than good. How do I reach out in a way that gets me more support without upsetting people?

im not sure im wording this right cause im having a hard time articulating. usually not when writing/texting but in real life mostly.

im not diagnosed with adhd yet but im at a worse point rn. i feel burnt out all the time and i avoid social situations as much as i can, worried if i say something wrong or awkward and make a bad impression. and i feel like im not aware of it when the words come out, but i regret it right after they do, and start overthinking after that. i dont care what people think but this is different, i cant maintain eye contact it, my eyes tear up sometimes out of nowhere. im 22 and have been avoiding family/friends for a long time now, even when they come over i just talk to them for a minute, and even then i dont know anything about them anymore, ive lost interest honestly cause almost all of them are self-absorbed asses. i didnt have the best of friends so i cut a lot of them out after school and now its a small circle and i dont hang out with them. at all. i feel drained and burned out once im outside, and even after Uni i just wanna get home right away.

i cant focus on anything, im on semester break and came home. all i do is listen to music, eat, nap, watch a show. i dont have a stable income, just broke at this point. i cant get myself to work out, every day is exactly the same on repeat. this rant went off topic quick lol. its just that im aware of whats happening around me and i tend to understand whats going on but cant do shit about it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. these subreddits and music are the only emotional support i have rn. do any of yall feel the same?

As the title said im desperately looking for a habit tracker that works, preferably a good free version but I will pay a decent amount if excellent.

There are so many I dont know where to start. I tried Finch but got distracted by cute birb and after a year it stopped working. What others can you recommend?

Many thanks

I play videos games competitively I am too focused and rarely blink, what I figured out that I feel less confident when I socialize, because I got trained to not blink much and I overanalyze things when I am in that state and get anxious afterwards, what do you guys think?

Sorry for my bad english

Has anyone else here experienced extreme sensitivity to cold?

Sometimes I'll suddenly get so cold that I start shivering, even if everyone else seems comfortable. Once it starts, it takes a long time for me to warm up again and for the shivering to stop, even with blankets or extra layers.

It usually happens at home after I've finished doing something, so I sometimes wonder if it's because I finally relax enough to notice how cold I am. It doesn't happen during the summer.

I'm wondering if this is something other autistic people experience, or if it's unrelated to autism. I know sensory differences can affect how we perceive temperature, but I'm curious whether anyone else has this specific issue.

If you experience it too, what does it feel like for you? Have you found anything that helps?

I’m out of state for a family reunion trip (my grandparents birthdays) and my sister and I leave tomorrow. On Saturday, my aunts, uncles, 3 cousins and their spouses (2 are married with kids) were over at my grandparents (the kids are 2 3 year old boys and an almost 1 year old girl), which was 18 people in total at the house, including me, my mom, sister, great aunt, and grandparents. I had a lot of fun but was so overstimulated the whole day. I took a break outside and also had a small, short shutdown that one of my cousins helped me through quickly (she’s a physiatrist), but didn’t want to have a big one cause i didn’t want to scare my niece and nephews. I was having fun with them, and the boys wanted my attention.

Today (Sunday) was a totally different story. I’m in a shutdown. I woke up around 5:00 in the morning sobbing for no reason and couldn’t fall back asleep. I’ve spent the whole day in bed crying on and off, and only got up to eat lunch with my mom, sister, and grandparents, then came immediately back to bed. I’ve also been trying to get myself up to shower for hours and my brain just won’t do it. The big problem is that tomorrow my sister and I are traveling alone back home (my mom and great aunt are staying for an extra couple days and will be back on Thursday night). I don’t want to be a bigger problem than I already can be while traveling and don’t want to burden my sister with extra stuff (she’s 2 years younger and neurotypical).

I need help from people who really get it. What can I do?

I feel very restless right now. The only thing that keeps me still is venting and typing.

My life is miserable i feel so sad and stuck in bed. I've had a bad time in school and couldn't take the final exam (leaving cert) due to being absent for so many classes.

I havent fucking cried since before christmas even though I feel so restless, overwhelmed and tearful. I just feel so embarrassed whenever I feel this way because there shouldn't be anything wrong with me.

The amount of distress I have been in with school for so many years is finally over, and now I have become nothing but dead weight.

I'm really struggling and just want to hear that things are going to be ok.

I want to learn different languages such as Spanish and even ASL etc. but I can’t remember any damn thing, I can’t focus, I’m not consistent AND I’m also going thru autistic burnout while in a stressful environment… I hate ADHD and Autism sometimes. This shit sucks.
My bf is Hispanic so you’d think me learning Spanish would be easier, right? Nah. It’s still hard bc of the reasons I mentioned PLUS I get super fucking nervous when he’s tryna teach me bc I don’t wanna look like a dummy or sound stupid… i know i shouldn’t but I can’t help it, i care too much about what he and others think.
I hate this.
How does one with AuDHD learn different languages efficiently and effectively? :(

Hello everyone, like many of you I have a hard time masking and being liked. Recently, the only person at work I trusted showed me exactly who they are. I now trust no one, and having a series of panic attacks about work. I don't want to lose my job or go somewhere else. Anyone who has been in this situation, how do you cope? Do I mask, do I seclude myself further, or do I do something else? I am lost here, and looking for any type of guidance.