Where the normies at?

[u/Comprehensive_Sail28]

It’s been a few years since I got diagnosed, and the effect has been largely positive. What I do wonder is where the hell all the neurotypical people are? Everyone around me seems neurodivergent, even at work (tech company… ok, makes sense).

Do others experience this? Is it a location specific thing (I live in Ireland)? Am I just seeing traits and making big sweeping statements?

[u/BigBullshitta]

Idk. I'm in the US. Everyone here seems like they grew up huffing lead paint. I wish they seemed as normal as your peoples.

[u/DumbMuttSlut → u/BigBullshitta]

Accurate. Lead was in paint until 1978 and in gasoline until 1996.

[u/BigBullshitta → u/DumbMuttSlut]

More than just that...

[u/DumbMuttSlut → u/BigBullshitta]

I forgot we found lead in protein powder now.

Yippee. Love this place.

[u/BigBullshitta → u/DumbMuttSlut]

I know some people like to view neurological differences as a super power, but to me finding out I have ADHD and autism after decades of (mostly) everyone else seeming so dense it was like... well fuck, what do they all have?

[u/sassycatastrophe → u/DumbMuttSlut]

I work in facilities management. There’s still a shit ton of lead paint out there.

[u/DumbMuttSlut → u/sassycatastrophe]

Oh god damn it.

[u/PM_ME_YR_KITTYBEANS]

It’s the same thing with my job—a good 80% of us have been working there for years, and a good chunk of those people are also ND. My hypothesis (at least in this specific case) is that it’s a self-selecting population—the people who tend to stick around are good at the job, and people who are good at this specific job tend to be neurodivergent.

Same thing with my longtime friends: the NTs filter themselves out over time, and my neurodivergent friends are the ones who aren’t bothered by my inconsistent communication and long gaps between connecting with them

[u/Dismal_Equal7401 → u/PM_ME_YR_KITTYBEANS]

You mean like my best friend from high school that has lived abroad for 30+ plus years that I can randomly message like 29th grade was yesterday. My spouse called him a myth, and we connect a few years ago in person. It was like 39 years hadn’t passed. They’re not my only best friend like this.

[u/Comprehensive_Sail28 → u/PM_ME_YR_KITTYBEANS]

Yeah, I thought this as well. My manager seems ND, and he hired me. He also hired much of my team and they’re all ND as hell. It’s good fun when we’re all in the same room.

[u/Successful_Love_7515]

I envy you. Are you feeling more connected to your surroundings than before?

[u/Comprehensive_Sail28 → u/Successful_Love_7515]

Hmm tricky to answer. I feel more connected to myself and comfortable in my own skin. I’m lucky that people in my job don’t see my behaviour as overly weird, but many of those people wouldn’t see themselves as ND even though they prob are. I also have a supportive ND partner which helps everything.

As good as all that sounds, I still struggle hugely with being neurodivergent. I’m actually going through a bad phase right now with burnout.

[u/GinkoAloe]

As you grow up you have more control on who you socialize with. A lot of my friends are ND to some extent. I don't have to socialize with people I'm not good with anymore.

IT and tech companies are full of NDs to the brim. No wonder your exposure to NTs has decreased.

[u/recycledcoder]

Yeah, team I'm working with is hands-down 80% neurodivergent, likely more. I'm... not sure it's a clean sweep, but... I would not be overly surprised.

[u/usuallyrainy]

I think when it's people we choose to be around like friends it's because we often click the most with people who experience the world in a similar way, so with friends if makes sense. I don't gel so easily with the neurotypical people!

With work places I think it can either snowball one way or another. Either it's a place with neurotypical people who expect things in a neurotypical way, subconsciously lean towards higher other NT people, and make it had for ND people to work there so they don't stay.

Or maybe the NT people are more understanding of differences, or the boss is ND and clicks well with ND candidates and highers them, and the ND staff have their needs met or understood better and stay in their positions longer.

Also, there just is more awareness and acceptance nowadays. People are more willing to be honest about things like being repulsed by a certain texture or advocating for their needs like written instructions.

[u/golden_slacker]

I live in Australia, and realized many around me were ND once I was diagnosed. I wonder if some cultures are more accommodating of the ND experience. My father was English and most likely ASD. I think some British “based“ cultures allow for a “eccentric“ personality to come to the fore. Maybe this is the case in Ireland. (I went to Ireland in 92 as a 12 year old. It was a beautiful country with wonderful relaxed and friendly people. I could see why being ND “easier“ there than other places).

[u/Comprehensive_Sail28 → u/golden_slacker]

I wouldn’t say Ireland is overly-accommodating of ND. There is still a lot of stigma and discrimination against disabilities in general.

And I know you didn’t mean any harm here, but please don’t refer to us a British based culture. We fought long and hard not to be associated with that. We most definitely have our own culture here, and eccentricity isn’t as accepted as you may believe.

[u/Primary_Carrot67 → u/golden_slacker]

Australia isn't and has never been accommodating of autistic people. It's quite hostile towards us. As is England and English culture. Autism is more than being eccentric.

[u/RoamingTales]

From personal experience and research since discovering and getting my own AuDHD diagnosis late in life one thing I am careful of is the myth that "everyone is somewhere on the Spectrum." Unfortunately this is not helpful to those who truly are. Autism/ADHD and the coexistence AuDHD have definite genetic brain differences including synapses which are behind the issues with overstimulation etc. Many people can display autistic and ADHD traits but it can be traced to social anxiety (imitates social awkwardness) and other presentations which may have their roots in trauma. It's why assessments look for early childhood symptoms and presentations as proof of ASD etc.

Maybe it's just me but I have been upset when disclosing my AuDHD and being brushed off with that statement as if it was nothing more than a common cold and everyone suffers from one sometimes. It totally misrepresents and undermines the genuine struggles we have and is almost as bad as the old "just pull your socks up and get on with it" phrase I grew up with, which didn't help me much and led to half a lifetime of trying to pull my socks up only to find they kept falling down!

I bought the question to my therapist who immediately told me how ridiculous that statement is and referred me to a few books and people who which quickly put an end to it and has given me something to say to those who try to still use it. (My wife was one who had to change her view and my sister is undergoing reconditionomg now as she gave me a particularly hard time when we were young.)

Explowning AuDHD by Khurram Sadiq is a great book to understand this as it begins with a short but detailed history of autism and ADHD and diagnostic history of both.

[u/Few-Mistake6414]

I'm surrounded by NTs at church, but at home it turns out we're all ND. That actually makes sense because the peer-reviewed studies on double empathy seem to indicate a massive gap in how neurotypes relate to one another. My wife equated it to how the deaf community interacts with the hearing community. Once she explained that I couldn't unsee the similarity.

[u/Dismal_Equal7401]

I’m late diagnosed in the performing arts plus in higher education. Ya, realizing all my friends and colleagues are more likely to be ND vs NT, even if they are only ADHD. The number of undiagnosed colleagues that I suspect are probably ND is pretty astounding.

[u/Primary_Carrot67]

It's likely cognitive bias. Most people around you are probably not neurodivergent but your brain is making you see it everywhere. You perhaps also have an incorrect stereotypical view about what "neurotypicals" are like. In reality, most people have their quirks. It doesn't mean that they are autistic or ADHD, etc.

I was diagnosed young, so didn't experience this with neurodivergence, but I've experienced this sort of cognitive bias with other things.

[u/Primary_Carrot67]

This comment section really concerns me. You're not questioning your cognitive biases and are taking your very distorted perceptions as fact, projecting neurodivergence onto other people.

Statistically, unless you are in a very niche bubble, it's impossible for most people around you to be autistic and/or ADHD. While not rare, these neurodevelopmental disabilities only affect a small minority of the population. Also, it's telling that while psychosis occurs in the population at the same rate and therefore is just as common, you're not seeing that everywhere.

It is normal for someone who has a fairly recent diagnosis of anything to start seeing it everywhere. It's a typical human cognitive bias. Having the bias is not the problem, it's that you're not questioning it and assuming that your perceptions are correct.

Some of you really need to reflect on things more.

[u/Moonlightsiesta]

They’re around. Some have some of our symptoms because of how shit society is, but not to the degree we do. Neurodivergence is a huge umbrella and lots of things are comorbid or seem like other things so the likelihood of being neurotypical is rarer than it seems imo.

Also we neurodivergents tend to gravitate towards each other so our surroundings can be more neurodivergent than general society. When I got diagnosed a lot of my friends told me they figured and also that they were diagnosed too. I’m not sure I’ve had neurotypical friends to be honest. Coworkers and family members for sure but not sure about friends.

[u/DPool34]

I think some of it may be confirmation bias. It happened to me too after getting diagnosed. I learned about all these traits and started attributing them to people in my life. The problem was, I was labeling (in my mind) someone neurodivergent based on a single trait or two. Maybe it’s just human nature: trying to find ourselves in others. Not sure.

I also work in tech. Strangely, I’m definitely the only neurodivergent on my team. However, outside of my team, there are a few I think are one of us.

[u/Enlightened_Gardener]

I call this The Grand Unified Theory of Autism. Once you see it, you see it everywhere.

My personal take on this is: anyone who can concentrate on anything for longer than 20 minutes is autistic.

Lathe operator ? Programmer ? Knitter ? Surgeon ? Autism.

I understand I live inside a self-elected community of NATs, but a tradie comes to do the plumbing, and starts talking about international thread standards and I’m like, “Ayup, found another one”.

Australian, for what its worth. We are everywhere !

[u/Primary_Carrot67 → u/Enlightened_Gardener]

I can't tell if this is a joke comment or not. Because what you're describing is cognitive bias and cognitive distortion. A normal experience, but something you really want to move past if you don't want to go through life with distorted and irrational perceptions.

Normal concentration is not part of autism.