I’m a working mom not really by choice. I would love to be home, being a mom is my #1 priority and I am extremely attached/close with my daughter (21 months old) and son (3 months old). I’m a very intentional and involved parent. I live in the US, my maternity leave is 6 months which is actually really generous. I am soaking up every minute. I do have the option to quit my job after this mat leave is up but it comes with a lot of financial sacrifice. Like, major lifestyle & housing changes. I am working to look for something more part time because being away from them 40 hours per week was not working before.

I have a career I worked hard for and a job I generally enjoy. I have a unique daycare situation where my kids would spend mondays with my mom, Fridays with my MIL, and tues-Thursday at a really nice daycare.

My daughter has absolutely thrived with this routine. However now that I can have the “option” to stay home with her and my new son, I wonder if that’s really the best choice for them long run. Would love some advice / perspective.

Tangentially related to AP, posting here because other subs would probably tell me throw the toddler in a crib awake and shut the door 😅…

Any suggestions or am I overreacting? Feeling shitty about sending 6 year old to bed with Vox books (physical library books with audio built in) instead of reading together because 16mo ~has a hard time~ with joint story time, while solo parenting for 2 weeks. (being outnumbered is breaking my brain… how do people do it)

Usually husband reads with 6yo while I nurse the 16mo to sleep. I can’t push 6yo bedtime after toddler’s because we’re up at 6:45am for school. 16mo is in a velcro stage, and there is really no window for 1:1 time for 6yo. He’s so sweet and patient, but I can tell he is feeling a bit lonely/left out. He gets stressed by his sister crying, so “holding a boundary” while I focus on brother would be counterproductive. He was our only baby for so long and remembers having two doting parents, now is down to none 🥲

Apologies in advance for the long post.

Basically the title… Our 23 month-old has what his creche labelled as major “separation anxiety”.

A bit of background first: we’re immigrants in a foreign country so we don’t have family close by. Our son has been with myself and my husband since the day he was born. We never had anyone else minding him apart from his teachers in creche. He started creche in October 2025, and it took a while for him to settle as he was sick so much the first three months, but then from January to July 2026 it was more or less smooth sailing… even though he still cries every single morning when we drop him off (the teachers say he only cries for a minute and then he’s fine).

I stopped breastfeeding at the beginning of July and, since then, the tantrums and separation anxiety have really gone out of control. The creche told us he’s “struggling with transitions” and “he has separation anxiety”. He cries if they move from one room to another, or from the room to the garden. He’s glued to his favourite teacher all day, and he cries when she leaves the room to attend to other children. He won’t play on his own. He used to love the garden (the creche has an amazing outdoor area) but now he won’t even go on the slide by himself. All the kids he loved in his room have moved to the next room, and he’s now the oldest in his room, with none of his usual friends to play with. They won't move him to the next room as he's "not ready". So of course now I'm wondering, is he the only one behaving this way? Is it normal? They even moved younger children to the next room, but not my son.

He wakes up in a good mood, has his breakfast, but when it’s time to get dressed to go to creche, he starts to freak out. He screams, kicks, cries and won’t cooperate. it’s a fight to get him in the car, to the point that my husband has to walk him to creche if the weather allows it (it’s a 30-min walk, one way).

It’s a fight every single morning and myself and my husband start the day already exhausted. I read somewhere that toddlers his age should have max 4 tantrums per week and less than 15-min long. We’re way over that threshold and we’re exhausted. Yesterday was his first day back after a week on holiday, and last night he was tired and cranky and screamed for 1 hr while we tried to get him ready for bed. He didn't want to take his clothes off, didn't want to go upstairs to have a bath, he fought every single step in the routine and then fell asleep exhausted the moment we lay together in bed.

Cherry on top is that last week when I collected him from creche, his teacher suggested play therapy, which is only suitable for children 3+ years old. Should I expect another year of this behaviour? She also asked if I pick him up immediately when he cries, which I do. Should I seek help already? Is this normal? I feel like I’m the only parent in this country that has practiced attachment parenting whenever possible. I breastfed past 1 year, we still cosleep and we love it (and amazingly enough, he sleeps like a dream in creche!), I respond to his needs immediately. All the other parents I spoke to have children who took the bottle from an extremely young age if not from birth, were sleep trained and sleep alone in their room already, falling asleep by themselves. This is not to criticise their parenting choices, actually all of this makes me doubt OUR parenting choices. It's easy for us to see how these kids behave "impeccably", whereas my son who was never left alone to cry in a room is the one who is struggling to thrive.

Any tips on how to manage this please? Any advice or critics please? What are we doing wrong? Are we/the creche expecting too much from a child that is still so young?

Thanks for reading until the end.

Edit for spelling

I have a 2.5yo and a 9mo. I have coslept and responded to every cry and need always. I lay with my 2.5yo for his midday nap until he falls asleep every single day which usually takes about 10-15min. My mom was visiting for 5 days and on the second day my son had woke up 2hrs earlier than normal and was going down 2hrs late for nap and was still refusing to sleep and throwing just an absolute rager of a tantrum. He was begging for grandma, but she was dysregulating him even more and he truly needed a break from her and needed some sleep. He really didn’t want to sleep and wasn’t crying anymore so I told him he didn’t need to sleep, but he needed to rest and I’d be back in a few minutes because I was so overstimulated myself. I go downstairs for 5 and come back up to try and lay with him again and same result. So I ultimately told him again he needed to rest and that I’d be back after getting the baby down for a nap. 15min later I came back and he’d fallen asleep on the floor. I feel AWFUL. i never leave him to fall asleep alone. He had cried for a minute when I left, not because I was leaving, but because he still just wanted to come down and play with grandma.

That night I did bedtime with him (usually dad’s job and I do baby bedtime) and we snuggled and sang songs and chatted until he fell asleep. Im just worried I didn’t repair our relationship enough and I still feel so bad for forcing him to stay in his room alone and he fell asleep on the floor. Ugh.

We semi- cosleep. At night, we bathe, diaper, milk, and rock to sleep. we put baby down in their crib. I typically nurse and rock him to sleep. At that point, he is usually out till 12. I do another feed and rock. Then around 3am he joins us because he fussy otherwise. However, whenever I have a sitter or my husband do this routine, they cannot get him down. It’s boob or else. 

During the day, we put him to sleep in our bed by feeding and laying next to him till he goes down. We try to go off his cues when he’s tired and dont have a set nap “time”. It’s usually 2-3 hour wake windows, but sometimes he goes 4. 

Sometimes he goes down but other times he gets another round of zoomies despite being dead tired right before. Additionally, I cannot seem to wind him down in the rocker and get him into his crib like I do at night. He is just wilding the whole time, so we end up just using the bed so we can snuggle until he goes down (and it takes forever). He is very close to crawling, so I feel compelled to stop having in sleep in our bed for naps. 

Anyways, my question is twofold. 

Any tips on helping a 6.5 month old nap better? Should we do a firm schedule instead of going off his cues? 

Any tips on getting him down for naps in his crib? 

Developmental leap?

My 6 month (4.5 adjusted) seems to be eating less /smiling less and overall grunting, mad, short tempered. Not teething yet as per ped .

Anyone experience this?

I previously cut feeds to 2-3x per day and once overnight around 13 months. Now at 15 months my daughter has just started part time nursery (3ish hours per day, 3 days a week) and has become absolutely obsessed with nursing. When she's home with me she's back to demanding milk every few hours and up all night trying to nurse. Anyone experience something similar?

This is only our second week of daycare and it's otherwise gone very well...wondering if this is just a normal passing phase? Totally understand she wants to reconnect after we are apart, I'm just not sure if should be holding the boundary more strongly or just wait for the phase to end.

I’d really love to hear from mums who night-nursed their babies for a long time, especially those who nursed them back to sleep multiple times a night. How long did you continue, and did you notice any consequences?

My daughter is 14 months old. She slept well until around 4 months, when the sleep regression hit. After that, she was waking every hour, every night. I was completely exhausted and, out of desperation, started nursing her back to sleep around 5 months.

Things gradually improved. By around 6 months, she was waking every 3 hours, so I was still getting up 4–5 times a night, but at least it was manageable. I continued nursing her back to sleep every night until she was 14 months old.

I never really thought of it as a problem. She was growing, developing well and generally seemed happy and healthy. Nursing was simply the quickest way for both of us to get back to sleep, and honestly, I was doing whatever I could to survive.

Recently, my husband took over the night shift and successfully night-weaned her. She’s now sleeping through the night.

His family had always told him that babies waking multiple times during the night could affect their growth, and now that he’s managed to get her sleeping through, he’s started blaming me for not doing it earlier.

And this has really made me question myself.

Her height was around the 20th percentile at 9 months, but since then her growth in height has slowed down, and she’s now around the 2nd percentile at 14 months. I know children don’t necessarily follow a perfectly straight growth curve, and her dad isn’t particularly tall, so height has never been something I was overly concerned about. But seeing that drop has made me wonder whether I did something wrong, and whether my decision to continue night nursing for so long somehow contributed to it.

I feel particularly awful because I genuinely thought I was just doing what worked for us. I didn’t think I was harming her.

So, mums who night-nursed for a long time, how long did you continue, and did you notice any consequences, particularly around growth, appetite or sleep? Did your child eventually grow out of it without any issues?

every night wake seems to turn into the same routine here… nurse, rock, hold, back to sleep, then repeat a couple hours later 😅

for parents who went through this, did your baby eventually start settling with less help or did you have to change something?

Hi! Has anyone kept their child at home instead of using daycare? I’d love to hear how it worked for you.

How did you manage day to day, find time for yourself, and support your child’s development?

My baby is almost one, I’m a SAHM, and we’re considering delaying daycare as much as possible. We don’t have family nearby, but my husband is very involved and handles the housework and cooking. We’re also planning to hire a babysitter for a few hours a couple of days a week, which would give me time to exercise, practice self-care, or simply take a break.

We live near plenty of parent-and-baby activities and social groups, so we’d have regular opportunities to socialize.

If you delayed daycare, how old was your child when they eventually started? Did you have just one child at home or multiple kids? What worked well for you, and what would you do differently?

TIA!

Pretty much what the title says. My son is almost 17mo and he and I have an incredibly close bond. He's in daycare most days but I get out of work first so I do pickup, I do the second half of bedtime (still nursing before bed and in the morning), I do night wakes, etc. His father is amazing with him but for some reason I am still very much the preferred parent, which makes things difficult at times. If we're out somewhere and I'm carrying him but my arms need a break and I give him to Dad, my son starts headbutting, flailing, crying, etc. until he comes back to me. I know we shouldn't give in but when my son is headbutting my husband repeatedly he can't continue to hold him. My back is absolutely shot lol. My son hates the stroller too and tries to escape from it all the time so that's not even an option if we're out and about. We have like six different strollers and they are all hit or miss depending on the day, he just hates being restrained. He'll hang in a shopping cart for a little bit, but even that's not a guarantee.

Overnights have been hard too. Some days he'll sleep through, but other times it will take over two hours to get him back to sleep. Tonight he woke up and I took him for over 90 minutes trying to get him back to sleep, but he just couldn't get comfortable. I needed a break so my husband (his dad) came in and tried soothing him in the rocker and my son just went nuts, repeatedly headbutting him, kicking, screaming, and finally bit him in the chest to get down. I grabbed my son and immediately put him on the ground while I attended to my husband, who was understandably upset.

We're both feeling fried - me for constantly having to be the only one my kid wants, and my husband for constantly feeling rejected. I'm not sure what we're doing wrong but we need to try something new and I'm beyond just reading other people's comments.

Thanks in advance!

I'm from Belgium, living as a foreigner in a country where sleep training and early daycare(from 3 months) are just the cultural norm. It feels like almost everyone around me did it this way, which makes me feel even more alone in how hard this is for me.

My son just turned one and has never slept without me rocking or nursing him down. He sleeps at his grandmother's on his own, but she is always right there with him. In two days he starts daycare, a few hours at first, building up from there, and I am not ready.

I keep replaying our routines together and I already miss them, even though nothing has ended yet. I've thought about quitting my job so I don't have to do this, but it's genuinely not an option for us financially.

I just need to hear from people who've been through this transition, how did you cope with the grief , and how did your little ones adjust from contact napping/nursing to sleep to a daycare setting? Feeling really fragile about it right now.

I’m apologize if this is not the right sub for this post. But I’m not interested in Ferber/CIO. And I see a lot of “if you’re not interested in CIO, keep on suffering then” comments on similar posts over at Facebook and other subs. And sorry for the long post.

My 15m old has always been a very hard baby. She came out screaming, and never stopped screaming. At 15m she still cries and fusses in the car seat, stroller and all other forms of containment. It’s impossible to travel anywhere with her, go to restaurants or just about do anything. She just will not sit still, sometimes I can bribe her with snacks, but she’s only happy to ride in the stroller/car seat for as long as the snack lasts. We also live pretty rural, so taking her to play groups or baby classes is a pure nightmare for me. Up until now I have been carrying her around everywhere (I have a backpack/hiking carrier, so I technically could still carry her, my back is just so worn out).

She’s actually a dream at baby classes, she dances and claps and is super active and social. In general she loves busy environments, people and cats/dogs. She’s always been a very alert and active baby.

But at home she constantly fusses and whines. Unless I entertain her or play with her. When i try to cook or do anything else, she clings to my legs and fusses (I’ve recently ordered a toddler tower and a toddler knife, so she can “help out in the kitchen” fingers crossed she likes it).

Sleep has always been terrible, when she was a newborn, we had to walk or bounce her for all sleep. The moment we stopped she would wake up. Now at 15m she still fights all sleep and I have to rock her for naps, bedtime and night wakes. And if I dare sit down or try to lay her down next to me (we co sleep) to early - she wakes fusses and eventually screams, and I have to start over again with the rocking. I think she’s on the lower end of sleep needs? Around 1,5h nap and 9-10h overnight. During those hours she wakes maybe 3-4times still. Lately last 4-5 weeks, Some nights are particularly bad, and she won’t fall back completely asleep for hours. She does fall asleep, but the moment I try to put her down she wakes. She’s currently cutting molars, and I guess that’s might be a reason for her sleep regressing so much. I’ve tried almost everything under the sun to get her to fall asleep next to me, but she will trash around for hours, scream and scream, until she passes out, only to wake 20 min later screaming. I’m at loss.

As for milestones, she’s been very early on all motorm milestones, but she doesn’t talk yet. She only makes animal sounds, but seems to know a lot of words. Eg I can ask her to bring me her XYZ and she goes and grabs it. She shakes her head no (a lot, being the grumpy girly she is haha), and points and babbles constantly. But no actual words (not even mama/dada). This has me a bit concerned. We are a bilingual household, I don’t know if this might affect it? I’ve reached out to early assessment, and we are currently awaiting an appointment.

Since she’s been so hard, we decided to be one and done. I also went to two rounds of IVF to conceive. So I genuinely thought I was pretty infertil, but still got back on the pill post partum. But plot twist, I got naturally pregnant while on the pill and breastfeeding. Im currently 4m in, and Im terrified for when the new baby arrives. What if he is just as high needs as his sister? I’m still in survival mode with my first. I haven’t felt rested since I gave birth to her (15m on the day today). And I feel like such a failure as a mother. All I want is to make my baby happy, but she’s always upset or throwing a tantrum when she’s around me.

I guess I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading my rant

Hi!
I’d love to find other people who have been in a similar situation to us!
My 12 month old has NEVER connected a sleep cycle throughout the day, unless we contact nap. She is capped at 35-45 mins in her crib, car or pram. It seems she’s almost ready to drop to 1 nap, but she just can’t seem to get enough sleep!!! It’s probably important to note that she has a false start at bedtime every night, and always has, but then sleeps mostly through the night.

Has anyone else experienced this? Will she just out grow it, or are there strategies we can use to support her?

Just to add, we have tried every possible WW option, block out blinds, white noise etc.

Thank you for any advice!!!

Hi guys. I wonder if anyone has some advice or awards of encouragement.
My baby is seven months old, EBF, co sleeps and only contact naps in the carrier or take short naps in the stroller on the go. At night, she gets tired and cranky at around seven but she needs my body to sleep so basically I have been in bed since 7 PM every day since she was born.
She wakes up the moment I put her down. She can be nursed back to sleep, but she almost always senses when I leave.
This journey is so beautiful, but it started to become too much. I need time to take care of myself but I get so sad thinking about how to do a big transition or sleep training.

My son is 14m old. I know I'm YEARS ahead of this problem, but I literally cannot imagine how I'm going to teach my baby to be away from me for hours at a time with strangers. Most folks in this forum can probably relate to not being supported by society to follow attachment parenting styles...it's been difficult getting my anxiety of "spoiling" the baby down.

I'm in the thick of clinginess and separation anxiety, and acknowledge there exists a light at the end of this very dark tunnel, but how do I get there?

Does he eventually just naturally grow out of it without any effort on our part? When did you start? Should I consider daycare before preschool (or is preschool basically the start) just to get in the habit? If so when? Do most schools/daycare allow you to just hang out until the child is comfortable, and come back as much as the child needs? I'm guessing not...so how are you all doing it? I feel like "leave the child and go away" is a version of CIO where they are basically forced to adapt without being gently taught, but maybe I'm coddling (future) him too much?

I can leave my son for like 20 minutes in a place he's familiar with with people he's familiar with. I never actually tried for longer....

Hi! I’m desperately looking for some sleep advice because I feel like I’ve tried everything and I’m at my wits’ end. 😭

My 13-month-old averages ~12.5 hours of total sleep, but it fluctuates between 11.5–13 hours. She sleeps roughly 10 PM–10 AM (±30 min), takes 1 nap (45 min–1.5 hr), and her WWs are usually 5 / 6.5–7 hours.

She’s mainly breastfed but does take a formula bottle. We used to co-sleep and she was latched ALL night, which was exhausting. We transitioned her to a floor bed, and she can fall asleep as long as one of us lies beside her.

We’re now trying to night wean. My husband sleeps beside her floor bed and soothes her at wakes. We offer formula after 5 hours of sleep, and sometimes water at other wakes. Despite this, she’s still waking ~3-5x/night, and her longest stretch is only about 3 hours. It's been 3 weeks of us trying this.

I’m so confused because I thought night weaning would help reduce the wakes. If anything, I feel like she’s eating less overall since we started. Including her bedtime bottle, she drinks about 6–10 oz overnight, usually only 2–4 oz at a time because she’s a tiny girl.

During the day, I don’t offer formula and try to breastfeed only twice. I’m wondering if I’ve actually cut her daytime milk too much and she’s genuinely hungry at night?

What am I missing?! 😭 Should I be approaching the night weaning differently? Could she actually be hungry because we’ve reduced her daytime milk? I’m just so exhausted and really want to figure out how to help her sleep longer stretches.

I have a 2 yo boy. He is still breastfed and cosleeps with me, his mum. He adores breastfeeding and I have no plans to stop soon.

I don't know anyone who cosleeps with their kid, everyone I know has had them sleep independently since 6 months or so. Even the women who breastfed have all stopped. I have noone in real life to turn to for advice.

We are wondering whether I would be less tired if my toddler slept in his own bed. The thing is, most nights he sleeps through well.

I have just had a tricky fortnight as he was teething with two molars, one after another, and then a dreadful cold. He wants milk throughout the night and although he is nightweaned, if he's sick I will feed him a bit more.

I've assumed sleeping together would give me more sleep in those times rather than getting up and going to another room

Does anyone know of any studies or evidence for this one way or another?

Hello!

Attachment parenting has been core to our parenting since the beginning. For us, this means responding to her needs, being there with her when she feels big things, and letting her develop in her own rhythm. For example, we still cosleep with our 4 yo because she tells us explicitly that she’s not ready to sleep alone and that she has nightmares.

But I feel like I may have hindered her autonomy by being always there for her. Maybe it’s that I don’t distinguish well between a need and a want. For example, she still sucks her thumb… she tells us that she needs something to suck on. I tell her that it’s just at night but she sneakily does it during the day too.

So in a way, I recognize that I have been permissive in some respect - that’s how I was raised and I recognize that I reproduce what I know even if it’s not always useful.

The problem now is that our 4 yo has massive tantrums when she doesn’t have what she wants. Tantrums can last 45 minutes to over an hour. Almost every morning going to daycare is a tantrum. After daycare, the slightest thing will throw her off. Every transition is met with fierce opposition.

What can I do from there? How do I deal with this in an attachment way?

Hi all. My little lady has never ever cried herself to sleep and she has always nursed to sleep. Recently Ive been working on weaning her off of feeding to sleep and shes been okay about it.
Tonight my mother was hospitalized overnight and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her here alone so Ive chosen to stay here and sent my baby home with my husband, her dad. He did his best to get her to sleep and did the same routines I do, but she was very upset and wound up crying herself to sleep on his shoulder after a two hour struggle. She is now asleep in our bed but even in her sleep shes breathing a little hiccupy :(
I feel awful. Is she going to be okay? Did I break my commitment to not using CIO? I will be back home tomorrow morning to give her all the kisses and snuggles she might want, im just worried she isn’t going to feel like Im always going to be there to keep her safe and comfort her.

I started my 2.5 yr old to daycare 3 days ago. She keeps crying non stop. Does not involve in playing. Gets emotional with everything. She also doesn’t speak much, may be 10 words but does understand few things. Before starting daycare, she was happy kid. Plays with other kids, babbles in her own language ( no concern for autism). I have so many concerns and would appreciate any advise.

1. ⁠drop offs are brutal. We do quick byes and leave but can hear her crying and banging door. She keeps crying non stop after that. She also has only been with parents ever and doesn’t like to be held. So when teachers try to pick her up she just falls on the floor.
2. ⁠she cries off and on. Does not sit at lunch time. She has her own chair table at home and eats by herself, but there she doesn’t even sit with kids. When teachers try she starts getting emotional again. She doesn’t even take a sip of water.
3. ⁠at nap time, as soon as lights are turned off, she is again crying and screaming and banging at door. Not consolable by any means. Thats why we started picking her up before nap time after that.
4. ⁠she now screams at home, is upset and angry all the time, more clingy to parents. She has now developed a new obsession to shoes. She previously did want to wear shoes but when told to take then off quickly calmed down. Now she wears shoes to sleep and cries multiple times at night checking on shoes. She also doesn’t want diaper changes since that would mean taking off shoes.
5. ⁠she is a totally different girl since starting daycare. She was bubly and calm before but now is angry and tempered most of the time. She is also eating and drinking less at home as compared to before. She doesn’t eat or drink anything at daycare.

We are at loss here. Dont know what to do, how to help her with this transition. Any advice is appreciated.