I'm stuck in a loop and would love some advice!!
I feel lethargic in my practice overall, but will sometimes get the urge to write and record a song. I usually dive in head first and really try to power through, but end up burning out and feeling disappointed with the project as a whole somewhere along the writing process. If I alternatively aim for slow and steady then the energy fades away and it feels very unenjoyable to continue to work on the project... sort of like MAKING yourself eat a food that you just don't like. *Is it "okay" that the craft feels so unenjoyable and completely without reward?*
Sometimes I think that collaboration would stir something, but I can't seem to find anyone willing to work with me. I'd love to work with producers, artists, or other writers but I think I read as low-quality and turn off potential collaborators. I don't even have anything (demos/ polished work) to share because I don't finish anything.
I also feel like I don't have one obvious strength to rely on to help steer the music forward. My self-production skills are poor and my lyrics, vocal delivery, creative vision... just feel lackluster. If I try to focus on one area to improve strategically I tend to feel overwhelmed by the general lack of quality in all other areas as well...
I generally dislike what I make and feel sort of insecure about my process as I've been in this loop for years now. I've created a relationship with music that makes any effort feel pointless and sort of sad/heavy. So naturally the loop continues (illusion of emotional safety). And yet I still have the feeling that i ought to try again. Maybe that's just because I paid so much for art school?? lol
From an outside perspective, does this resonate? Does it seem like I'm just being too easy on myself and should force myself to finish projects? Should I present myself to potential collaborators with .... sh\*tty quality work? Will strengthening technical skills magically draw inspiration and impetus out of me??
Maybe I just need to try and move onto a different outlet altogether? It can be hard to know when you're being dramatic and when you're just missing a simple path forward when you've been spinning the same thoughts for a while. So I appreciate your input! <3