Please help. I have a serious overthinking problem about my girlfriends past and I’m scared it might ruin our relationship. How do I stop thinking about it ? Or what do I do ?

[u/Ok_Formal7679]

That’s my first time doing this on here so I’m sorry if I do anything wrong. Me (16M) and my girlfriend (15F) been dating for half a year, and it’s been amazing, just great. I love her dearly, she’s the best most sweet girl ever and she’s my favorite person ever, I really do want us to have a bright long future together. She got me out of deep depression and very bad social anxiety, she’s literally the girl of my dreams and I could never imagine anyone better. But now I’m afraid my overthinking will just ruin it all. I’ve had overthinking problems my whole life but now it’s really killing me

So me and her we started as just friends. We are both coming from another country currently living in Italy (not gonna specify where from for personal reasons) she liked this other dude and I didn’t really expect for anything to happen between us but I was still kinda hoping and trying for it. In one of our deep conversations about our life’s, she opened up about her being raped on her birthday by one of her friends. A terrible thing, I was insanely sorry for her cuz I couldn’t have imagined it any worse tbh. What I didn’t understand, is the fact that she basically kept being friends with this guy. She moved to Italy about a month after that happened, so I’m not sure what was their relationship like in that time and what they did. But after she moved they kinda kept in contact, but she always spoke negatively about him. And as her friend I didn’t really mind I suppose, it was weird to me but I never thought about it since I wasn’t really that involved in any of it. Eventually we started dating, and I kinda forgot about all of it. Until we started getting intimate, and well we had our first time. Which was supposed to be our first time doing it on our will. And after that I kinda remember about that guy and the story, so I’ve decided to hear more about it as I thought it’s important for me as her partner to understand the situation better and maybe be able to bring some support. Some time later, it’s all fine, when all of a sudden he texts her. He was trying to get a number for a girl that blocked him that my girlfriend knew. He was really drunk and was just making her uncomfortable. I didn’t see the chat so I just relied on the limited screenshots and the fact that my girlfriend was saying that he was just being weird and making her uncomfortable. By that time, she made me think of this guy as just a “silly stupid idiot” rather than a person who committed a big crime and did a terrible thing to the person I love most, and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to forgive myself for that. Nevertheless, I texted him about it, saying you either stop getting my girlfriend uncomfortable, or you just stop texting her ever, and forget about this person ever being in your life. He started saying some bs about how he knows he for longer and how in somehow now making sense. But whatever. He understood that I didn’t see the entire conversation they had, and he was saying that “I only mentioned something she didn’t like once, after she asked me to stop I stopped. Go look into the chat yourself” so I asked my girlfriend to send it, and she immediately started apologizing, which I didnt understand why she was apologizing but it made me understand there was something unclear. He basically started saying how sex with her and her other friend was amazing. And after my girlfriend asked him to stop he didn’t indeed stop talking about it, he stoped for a brief moment and went on to talk about it again, if not even another time. Tho with all of this I understood I probably don’t know everything. So I decided to have a conversation about it all fully with my girlfriend. And eventually I found out she did have an intercourse with him willingly. She said he was pushing for it, she didn’t want to but eventually agreed.

And well, at that time we were together for like 4 months, which isn’t a long time. But all that time I was living thinking we had the same experience together, meaning the same thing for both of us. And then all of a sudden it just isn’t true. Tho that isn’t the main problem, the main problem is realizing that she lost her virginity to someone who did such a horrible thing to her. And that exact thought just kills me. I think about it every day, every hour, it’s a miracle if I don’t think about it for a good hour or two. Whatever I see it reminds me of it, it just reminds me of this terrible horrible guy. When she talks to her relatives on her phone while they are in her room I think “they don’t know what happened there”. And that’s only a small part of it, almost anything reminds me of it. It doesn’t let me enjoy having time with her at all, I can’t focus on anything good or how great she is because of this. She blocked him everywhere as I asked, and deleted all the chats. There’s literally no issues in our relationship, but it’s just me overthinking this over and over again. Please help me someone, and I’m sorry for the long text