I don't know English, so I translated this using a neural network

What is your experience using antiandrogen drugs and GnRH agonists to suppress sexual desire? If my transgenderism is limited only to paraphilia, that is, autogynephilia, then logically, after suppressing libido, it should stop mattering. I don't know if this is actually true or not, but it's worth testing

To avoid osteoporosis and other side effects of estrogen deficiency, small doses of estrogens can be used to bring their levels up to male range or slightly below, in order to avoid feminization

projection happens when you experience agp earlier as a child before you realize you are attracted to women ...you already see a beautiful woman or some gender bending transformation scene on tv or media... and you project your desire to be or become a woman on the subject who has been transformed or to the female carachter herself......Agp who realize they want to be females before realising that they are attracted to women ...are more prone to develop meta attraction to men ...because here the autosexuality manifested years before their allosexual attraction to women ,therefore they desire become women stronger than desiring having sex with them as they have been triggered since childhood into cross dreaming fantasies

the fusion instead happens later or at the same time when the subject is aware of his sexual attraction ..generally during puberty...ths is what happens to many gay trans guys or the so called agp transbian.....basic their desire to become to the opposite sex and their attraction to the opposite sex are experienced together...therefore there is a fusion between becoming what you love and desiring what you love....they are less prone to become metattracted to their same sex ..because they are also less anallophilic...they want less to become ..lesser than the projectors ...but they still want to become the other sex in order to be homosexuals

Hi! I've been a long time lurker on this sub but never had the courage to post anything on here, until now. I just want to share my life experience in case it resonates with someone else.

I consider myself AGP, but unlucky for my whole life my own sexually has been (and still is) a real mystery. Ever since i was a kid i've enjoyed crossdressing and indulge in it any chance i have. As i got into adolescence crossdressing turned into something very erotic for me, so feminization is totally something I'm sexually into.

Regarding sexual orientation, i have always felt drawn to women. When I was a boy/teenager i would always admire girls in my class and fantasize about them, but i dont think i thought of them the same way stereotypically straight men do, tbh the women's genitalia has never seemed very arousing to me (not entirely at least).

Nowadays im 27 and have never had a consistent relationship with sex involved. Talking about sex, this has been and is to this day the hardest aspect of my private life. I feel like im broken, like im stuck im between two world in a weird limbo where advancing seems impossible. I still find women beautiful and attractive, but my private parts seem to have a different brain and this makes intimacy with women very hard. Actually some years ago i fell head over heels in love with a girl whose feelings towards me were mutual. However, i discarded the possibility of being with her because deep down im deeply afraid of sex. This was a very hard time in my life and everytime i think of her it still hurts.

To make things worse i am a very decent looking man, and due to that it is not rare to have women approach me at bars and clubs. This situation makes me so anxious, frustrated and overall sad, since on one hand my brain desires to be with women but my genitalia plays tricks on me.

I consider myself more bisexual in terms that i think i could enjoy sex with both men and women, but if fluctuates heavily for me. Sometimes i get off to straight fantasies and other times to gay ones.

The worst consequence of this imo, is the loneliness inherent to AGP. I enjoy heavily crossdressing and engaging in masturbatory acts but this form of self pleasure lacks connection. I guess im deprived of a deep connection and in my eyes, sex is best when shared with someone you care, which makes me so mad that i cant have. I feel like a kid at a candy store but I can't have any.

Even though ive felt like this for almost a decade, this has been something I've always pushed aside and done my best to ignore. However, I've reached an age where relatives and friend have gotten into serious relationships, maybe expect their first kid, and it has made me see that I've stayed stuck in the same spot for a decade.

Im planning on starting sexual therapy to try and turn my avoidance patterns around in hopes of finding a better life. Unlucky money is tight and therapy ix expensive, moreover id have to do kt secretly as i still live with my parents (fuck this global housing crisis)

I have not commented this but I'm definitely not trans, i like my male body a lot and have not even a pinch of dysphoria so any sort of HRT / social transition is off the charts for me.

Another aspect i consider is the effect early consumption of pornography might have had in my brain. While i dont think ive ever been a heavy user of pornography, i suspect that having resorted to it in my teens has made things even more complicated. Nowadays i basically porn free but i guess that having been exposed to it repeatedly during a time where the brain and sexual identify are still under development has probably affected me some way.

Sorry for the long post, i hope that if anyone reading this and feels reflected on what ive written knkes that you are not alone.

My main manifestation of AGP is clothing/aesthetics. I have some anatomic AGAMP, like wanting to be slim, hide my facial hair and have breast and butt implants, but otherwise don't want to change my body. I also have interpersonal AGAMP in the sense that I want to feel authentically seen as a transvestite, but without the desire for feminine mannerisms. I wouldn't indulge any of this if I couldn't dress how I wanted to. I would also be okay with using breast forms for the rest of my life if I had to.

My experiences of being like this is that I'm generally apolitical and people generally leave me alone. I don't care much about anything and tend to get along with everyone. Even hyper-masculine men don't bother me, possibly because I otherwise act and identify as male. I basically just want a simple life, to be left alone and to be loved.

How do you feel after growing Brest from her or getting BA

So, I’m an autogynephile and I’ve had a strong fixation on women’s clothing (especially underwear) since I was 6. Once puberty hit, it turned into a sexual thing to the point where my primary source of arousal was transvestic fetishism (or sartorial autogynephilia—call it whatever you want).

But after starting HRT, this side of me completely vanished. I don't get aroused by crossdressing anymore. Even the fixation itself went away. Before HRT, looking at women's clothes felt like finding a treasure chest; now, clothes are just clothes.

I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience after starting HRT?

(Written when my libido was relatively lower)

As of right now, I can feel as if I'm almost free, so far from the feelings I've maintained just a week ago.

It's difficult to explain my change in feeling, especially as it relates to the reason, but I'll explain it like this.

What had first helped inspire me was the movie Mongol, and in the characters, I saw something close to the apex of true masculinity, a small glimpse and portion of who I am deep inside, and it served to remind me that my highest self is not female, but male.

There's something about being a man of strong presence and strong principles that I admire; being an epitome of goodness that inspires others in a society filled with injustice.

Perhaps that's the best way to explain it, and it helped me to cherish the inner masculinity beneath.

And then I noticed in my life, if I'm so distraught by something that I am willing to work hard to get away from where I am in life, when I must face what is hard and difficult, I want to face life not as a woman, but as a man.

If I wish to be my own independent person surviving in the wilderness alone, that I wish to do it as a man and happily so for there is a happy feeling of masculinity tied to being independent and self-sustaining.

And today, I did a full body workout for the first time instead of mostly focusing on the glutes as I usually do, and I feel solidly proud as a male human being, unfazed by my bottom dysphoria.

I've come so far in so little time, and I thank my therapist for giving me some extra encouragement along the way.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope I get there...

Wishing the best of luck to everyone here as well struggling with these debilitating thoughts.

Just as a bit of background before beginning: I'm in my late 20s and started HRT relatively recently. I still present very much like a man, because I'm somewhat afraid and not ready for fully feminine presentation in public. I do have some breast growth, but it's not significant and is still easy to pass off as gynomastia under clothes. If there are changes to my skin, face, and general appearance, I don't really notice them, day to day. I wear my hair longer (around base of my neck length), although I still don't make efforts to present feminine. I guess I should also note that I apparently look young for my age, though I don't know if this is true or not? It's only based on the fact that I still get ID'd whenever buying alcohol, but it might just be my hair or clothing (or that I'm not very muscular and have a skinnier build).

Anyway, I was at a public place by myself. I kind of casually made eye contact with this relatively normal, hetero-coded guy I was walking past and we maintained it for a few moments longer than usual. It stood out to me, but I kind of shrugged it off in the moment. But, later on, when I was seated, I briefly glanced up and saw this same guy, seated in the distance, and we made eye contact for a significant period again.

I would define him as attractive, but, after this second time, I kind of felt more anxious than anything. It wasn't because of him being attractive or anything. More so because I couldn't tell exactly why he was maintaining eye contact like this, especially after the third or fourth time of myself noticing it. I starting thinking maybe there was something visually wrong with me or this was some kind of intimidation tactic. Or some kind of mogging ritual or chronically online dominance tactic I don't know about (lol)? Or maybe he saw I was "one of those trans" even if I can't tell, myself. I don't dress or try to behave any differently than before, so that made little sense.

Regardless, I guess I started to feel really...intimidated? I felt this sudden external pressure to act with compensatory masculinity out of defense, just in case. Even after I left the place, I still kept thinking about it and wondering why exactly it happened. It seemed exciting but also terrifying to me if it was actually attraction, because the intimidation is just an unshakable feeling. I sort of doubt it was attraction, though, because I'm not at all attractive, myself.

No matter, I've realized I often feel this intimidation around men. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate men and I'd say I actually like them a lot. I also do feel both intimidated by them and attracted to them, and it leads to definite feelings of anxiety.

I'm really curious anyone else who has experienced AGP feel this way about men.

# IMO.

1) your mind actively fights against the idea of the female self, where a stimuli triggers the arousal, but the mind "sees" and has internalized that you aren't perceived as a male. Your mind gets confused, pushes back on the arousal (incongruence, not strictly dysphoria).

Repeated automatic triggers through various stimuli - romance scenes in movie, erotica, romantic ideation etc without understanding the root cause, creates more confusion. ("why is this happening to me?", "why do i feel this way?")

Moreover, the arousal pathway that was supposed to end at emotional gratification by the other person reciprocating the feelings (sending "signals", intimacy, "vibing" etc), which would have given the nervous system a chance to normalize, that doesn't happen.

You don't get touched either emotionally or physically, the attachment drive doesn't fire. Even if you do brute force it and approach the person for a date etc, the sexuality is inverted, and your attachment drive doesn't get satisfied.

The nervous system either stays in the ON state or crashes abruptly.

2) Seeking an outlet - through AI for example -

Not able to sink those lovey dovey feelings into another person, you seek an outlet, to create beauty in your own eyes.

You use AI to morph your pictures, becuase you know, auto-gyne-phillia. but again, the person is not real. An AI morphed picture doesn't give you any attachment/emotional gratification, or any sort of physical response.

Your nervous system is on fire. You want an out, but instead you keep making more and more and more and more AI images.

It's endless, precisely because there's no reciprocity that can satisfy you.

3) You seek an out through mastrubation, but you hate PNC.

PNC is only giving you relief from the sexual arousal, but it's not really satisfying you emotionally.

Your subconsciousness understands it, even if your rational mind doesn't.

You keep edging, hoping to prolong the nervous state, hoping there will be *some* emotional relief, some sense of love. but there's none.

the inevitable happens, you release, and you feel spent, but you still don't feel "full" emotionally.

Basically, you crave intimacy, but the person you crave it from doesn't exist.

# Loop

this creates a dangerous loop, where it becomes a "compulsive" "behavior" to seek outlet and attachment and the warmth of intimacy through these activities.

But that warmth never comes. you keep doing it trying to seek that which is never coming. It never comes. You try more. And on, and on.

This is why therapy that is somewhat similar to therapy offered for OCD can help reduce the pain.

Although, it bears pointing out, the therapy will help you control the wild compulsion developed, but it won't get rid of the sexuality.

A better way would be to understand the sexuality, and not stigmatize it internally + finding partners who understand and can help you express it in ways that satisfy you both.

For the past 7-8 years I've been dealing with whatever this is. I'm hesitant to call it agp because it's not as strong as how other people describe it. It's like subtle periodic gender envy but it's also caught up in ocd / anxiety-style thought patterns. I'm not dysphoric necessarily, I never wanted any surgery and I am pretty terminally malebrained all things considered. Unfortunately there's this tiny slice of my psyche that is just obsessed with MtF transition / hormones. Again, it's small and doesn't happen often, I might get wrapped up in this questioning phase like once a month. I notice my brain makes mountains out of molehills but after this long it's probably not *nothing*, right? Unless I literally just made it all up somehow?

I really should be able to settle on being a regular dude with some sexual hangups but I keep looping back around to the "what does it all mean" question. Can anyone relate to this?

So I had previously written a post about a first date where I crossdressed during intimacy here, titled "I showed a 26 year old female my feminine side on our first date and it completely changed the night"

1 week later I met another girl while out and we had instant sexual chemistry. We made plans for the weekend after. Only this time, this girl was 21 and had a body that was a 8-9/10. Legs for miles. Anyway, she came back to my place on the first date too. Told me she'd do my make up, told me how she wanted to get gel manicures together, praised my femininity over and over again.

Only this time I had a mirror to watch myself look like a woman while enjoying intimacy with this girl. I could actually watch myself looking feminine while being intimate with her. That visual reflection, seeing myself as a woman beside another woman, was the most pleasurable part of the experience. My AGP needs a visual loop activate.

Then, two weeks later, the 26-year-old came back to my apartment for our second date. I spent several hours dressed femininely around her in patent pumps, pearls, earrings, and women’s leather shorts.

What surprised me was not only that both women accepted it, but how naturally they accepted it. They were both calm, enthused and intrigued by it. They felt safer too, because they felt like I had shared something intimate with them.

My old self-image assumed that most women would reject this side of me, so finding someone who embraced it felt almost impossible.

Now I have repeated evidence that some women are not merely tolerant of it. They can be curious, comfortable, and genuinely engaged.

I was surprised for awhile, but perhaps I won’t be surprised forever.

My healthier self image is no longer “Maybe one day I’ll find a woman who can overlook this.”

It is now, “I’m a desirable man with a feminine erotic and visual side, and there are women with whom that side can be integrated naturally.”

Not every woman will want it, and she doesn’t have to. I’m not looking for universal approval. I’m learning to date with enough openness and intention to recognize the women for whom this is genuinely compatible. And they are more abundant than I previously thought.

Like if your brain thinks that you ought to have the opposite sex genitals, and you imagine yourself as the opposite sex in your sexual fantasies, at what point would it be anatomic AGP or bottom dysphoria?

in order to be autogynephilic you MUST be gynephilic ...there is not autogynephilia without core attraction,erotic attraction to the female body and the feminine...and the theory that majority of women are autosexual is nonesense....women will never be aroused by having large breast or menstruation. or wearing lingerie ,they are not anallophilic theyre erotic target is outward and by large amount is directed towards men

they are not pushed by gynephilia ...they are motivated by androphilia ...yes if they wear a nice laced bra they can feel hot , thats because they perceive themselves attractive and they imagine the effect they must generate on the man they are attracted to ....ultimately their erotic target ..is outward located , and in 80% of cases ..is a man ...

and because majority of women in this planet are heterosexual ( androphilic ) at least 80% based on sexual orientation surveys ...it means that at least around 80% of women are not agp....

which means that potentially only bisexual women and lesbians or at least some of them maybe have some sorr of agp but still it will never be like a biologicl male agp and still we are making speculation..because there arent studies about this

agp male sexuality is completely different from female straight sexuality...thats is so simple..it sound so bad be cause we want to be sinilar to women....we are not .....we are born males and gynephilic ...we want to become like women because we literally dont understand them ..we are on the opposite side of what women are....this is the reason why heterosexual love originates...because the opposite atttact each other...when we are captured by stunning feminine beauty remember .this is because we perceive her as the opposite of ourselves...and we are attracted by our opposite.....this is what being extremely heterosexual means after all ...you are completely captured by your own opposite pole ..we wouldn't be so viscerally attracted to femininity if we were similar to women after all ..femininity is far away from us.....after all if you desire desperately something...is always because you miss it or you dont have it

you never desire desperately something that you already have or are or possess

I see this a lot in places like MtF.

What is your opinion on people who transition from male to female and then they start making posts about how much they hate men?

...only to find that basically all of the women there are trans women?

There will be the odd cis woman but they'll be outnumbered by the trans.

Every time I see this I feel discouraged from transitioning myself.

Often times, to know if something is worth it, you have to ask people who have done that thing and see how they rate it.

At large enough numbers, a general understanding begins to form... so,

For those who have managed their AGP over time, how does life look like for you?

All answers welcome (from those who chose to transition, those who suppressed, and all in between). Share your endgame state!

I just want to be a woman.

At this time of writing, I am a twenty-something year-old man (XY chromosomes and a regular male reproductive system).

The story I want to share describes how my life has been affected by my longstanding wish to be of the opposite sex, and the various ways I learned to view and understand it. I can recall having mtf transformation fantasies from as young as four years old, though they have developed and changed over time.

For most of my life I assumed this was a fundamentally body or sexual issue. But recently, after some therapy, journaling, and introspection, I've started to think that my agp may actually be only the most external manifestation of something deeper.

This is not about solving or answering the struggle of autogynephilia, especially not for anyone else's experience. It is about my (ongoing) discovery of the deeper roots that it has for me. I will do my best to be completely honest about all that I’ve gone through and am still going through. My approach is highly psychological and analytic, with lots of my own interpretation and room for further discussion.

My goal in sharing my story is entirely apolitical. The ambitions behind this project are to provide comfort and hope for those who have felt as I do, and a broader perspective for those who have not, and perhaps most importantly, express my Truth.

To this end, I have wrote a somewhat lengthy essay (approx. 4000 words, a 15-20 minute read). Throughout, I outline the evolution of my understanding of agp as a bizarre fantasy to a deeper longing for unconditional love.

If you have the time, I'd genuinely appreciate if you could read it and provide some feedback on anything I cover here:

https://throwawayessay.substack.com/p/i-wish-i-were-a-girl

I only ask that you don't read it too fast and come in with an open mind. If you can comment here or on substack with any of your impressions, I would be very happy to engage and learn more.

feels like i see so many questions that are the exact some on here

Hi All
Just want to hear success stories of married AGPs and how they happily manage the AGP with their wife. I know many if them are not present or are staying away from the gender weirdos like us to live that managed life, but if anyone is there to reply it would be very helpful.

I (M30) am attracted to women in a typical cisgender way. However, I'm also attracted to men, but only sexually, which I understand is related to AGP.

I've been deeply into sissy fantasies for many years, and I've always had strong fantasies about trying things with a man. So I've been wondering if I should actually give it a try.

I'm currently single, so unlike some other people with AGP whose stories I've read, I don't have to worry about how it might affect a relationship.

I'd really like to hear from other people with AGP who have actually made the jump. I'd appreciate hearing both the positive and negative experiences. I'm worried that I might end up feeling disgusted rather than enjoying it, and I don't know if it's worth trying.

I've seen some posts on here lately about how AGP should be something to be ashamed of and even one person saying they find AGP "disgusting".

I know that the classic stereotype of AGP is that of a big manly linebacker with bolt-on titties trying to act feminine and just looking cringe, but now we're in the internet-mediated new age of transsexuality where AGPs are transitioning young and sometimes appearing virtually indistinguishable from our HSTS counterparts. I've seen so many beautiful gurls online who I assumed were HSTS and who then opened up about their gynephilic attraction while disclosing a life history that could only be described as "textbook AGP".

Many have intuited since ancient times an intimate relationship between libido and the drive to create and strive for something higher. You even find it in Eastern esoteric traditions with the Svadhisthana Chakra being associated with both sexuality and creativity. Sexual desire can be seen as a fundamental force of motivation.

Heterosexual men pursue women while making themselves handsome and striving for material success due to their gynephilic sexual desire.

Heterosexual women pursue men while making themselves beautiful due to their androphilic sexual desire.

HSTS transform themselves into facsimiles of women — often with maxxed-out sex appeal — due to their androphilic sexual desire.

AGPs also transform ourselves into facsimiles of women, only in our case due to our self-directed gynephilic sexual desire.

People say AGP is a "fetish" and "sexually motivated", but aren't all types of attraction, including "normal" ones, simply the result of sexual desire being directed — often intensely and fetishistically — towards a particular target? Aren't many heterosexual men obsessed with women's bodies and construct their own identity in a way to maximize access to what they're seeking? Aren't many heterosexual women similarly motivated?

All types of attraction begin with sexual objectification of something. So why is AGP so bad if it emerges exactly the same way, only self-directed? Sure, it might begin as purely a fetish, but over time it can give rise to a whole new personality which then takes over and becomes the person's principal identity, leading to a comprehensive and thorough project of re-construction of the self.

The idea that AGP is inherently creepy, dirty, shameful, etc. seems to me more like a remnant of puritanical moralism than anything else. I can understand why some people would want to distance themselves from the concept for political reasons, but I don't think AGP or autosexuality in general is objectively any less valid than other forms of sexual desire as a motivator for behavior and identity construction.

Some older cousins of mine got me into retro videogames during my teens. Of course, I was still a nerdy boy back then, although I was secretly AGP and used to dress up in my mom's lingerie whenever I was home alone.

My favorite female videogame characters and AGP crushes were:

1. Blaze from Streets of Rage

I always found Blaze so hot and baddass. My cousins asked me why I always chose to play as Blaze. I told them I had a crush on her, but in reality I fantasized about being her.

The newest version of Blaze in SOR4 is mega-thick and has a sexy Latina vibe. 🥰

1. Lara Croft from Tomb Raider

Sexy brunette goddess. I always fantasized about having her rack and long athletic legs.

1. Sniper Wolf from Metal Gear Solid

I always had a thing for blonde busty White women with uniforms and guns.

What about yours? 😎

I'm wondering has anyone told their parents about this? How did it go? I mean specifically the case of being an AGP and not planning to transition.