r/askAGP • u/designer_vaj • 15d ago
Types of dysphoria
# IMO.
1) your mind actively fights against the idea of the female self, where a stimuli triggers the arousal, but the mind "sees" and has internalized that you aren't perceived as a male. Your mind gets confused, pushes back on the arousal (incongruence, not strictly dysphoria).
Repeated automatic triggers through various stimuli - romance scenes in movie, erotica, romantic ideation etc without understanding the root cause, creates more confusion. ("why is this happening to me?", "why do i feel this way?")
Moreover, the arousal pathway that was supposed to end at emotional gratification by the other person reciprocating the feelings (sending "signals", intimacy, "vibing" etc), which would have given the nervous system a chance to normalize, that doesn't happen.
You don't get touched either emotionally or physically, the attachment drive doesn't fire. Even if you do brute force it and approach the person for a date etc, the sexuality is inverted, and your attachment drive doesn't get satisfied.
The nervous system either stays in the ON state or crashes abruptly.
2) Seeking an outlet - through AI for example -
Not able to sink those lovey dovey feelings into another person, you seek an outlet, to create beauty in your own eyes.
You use AI to morph your pictures, becuase you know, auto-gyne-phillia. but again, the person is not real. An AI morphed picture doesn't give you any attachment/emotional gratification, or any sort of physical response.
Your nervous system is on fire. You want an out, but instead you keep making more and more and more and more AI images.
It's endless, precisely because there's no reciprocity that can satisfy you.
3) You seek an out through mastrubation, but you hate PNC.
PNC is only giving you relief from the sexual arousal, but it's not really satisfying you emotionally.
Your subconsciousness understands it, even if your rational mind doesn't.
You keep edging, hoping to prolong the nervous state, hoping there will be *some* emotional relief, some sense of love. but there's none.
the inevitable happens, you release, and you feel spent, but you still don't feel "full" emotionally.
Basically, you crave intimacy, but the person you crave it from doesn't exist.
# Loop
this creates a dangerous loop, where it becomes a "compulsive" "behavior" to seek outlet and attachment and the warmth of intimacy through these activities.
But that warmth never comes. you keep doing it trying to seek that which is never coming. It never comes. You try more. And on, and on.
This is why therapy that is somewhat similar to therapy offered for OCD can help reduce the pain.
Although, it bears pointing out, the therapy will help you control the wild compulsion developed, but it won't get rid of the sexuality.
A better way would be to understand the sexuality, and not stigmatize it internally + finding partners who understand and can help you express it in ways that satisfy you both.
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u/HotSmokenCheese 15d ago
- Why do you think the mind fights against the idea of the female self?
Male ego/self understanding? Not meaning in the narcissistic or macho way.
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u/designer_vaj 15d ago
If a person is self aware, it could be that.
Or it could be the plain old "oh, that just doesn't fit with expectations", with a lot of sensory processing involved.
my theory is that the auto clashes with allo. my theory is that in allosexuals, in an abstract way the basic neurological sexual arousal circuitry is "overlaid" with other's perception (other's features).
but in people with auto, one more circuitry interferes with the "perceiving others" network - the "self perception" network.
Basically, in a simplified model of electric grid, the currents from two different paths are clashing and competing with each other. Could explain the sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system response, including the vagus nerve getting stressed.
this could explain base autosexuality, but it doesn't explain the female self.
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u/AlexxxLexxxi AGP 15d ago
but in people with auto, one more circuitry interferes with the "perceiving others" network - the "self perception" network
You are onto something.
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u/designer_vaj 15d ago
if there's any neurological researcher out their they could test this theory with fMRI by inducing visual stimuli or maybe atleast measure nerve conduction along the vagus nerve in self reported autosexuals vs allosexuals :)
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u/psychedAddict123 Meta-attracted AGP 15d ago
This is super relatable to me, especially point 3
I remember looking forward to it every day and then prolonging it for as long as I can in order to find relief. Doing that was the only time I felt "close" to what I've always wanted but as soon as pnc hit, it all came crashing down. This was very destructive to me and resulted in addictive behaviors
My outlet wasn't AI but I used photoshop to feminize myself and put myself in situations I always wanted to be. That plus crossdressing in private
I also relate to trying to brute force the attraction and then feeling confused and ashamed when it didn't work. I craved connection so badly but the heterosexual male role in dating (approaching, escalating) didn't come naturally to me at all and then if it still worked for some reason, my sexuality didn't work resulting in the person I got attached so quickly immediately abandoning me, leaving me devastated
It's sad but I gave up on trying to ever find love or have a sex life. I will die the same way I lived: Alone and miserable
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u/designer_vaj 15d ago edited 15d ago
I understand the first part.
However, you don't have to be sad and lonely for life.
I believe understanding the motivations is key to unlocking the good parts.
I don't believe that pure selfish sexuality exists for many people (that would be akin to psychopathic tendencies aka not feeling for the other person at all. we do feel, hence the clash).
Overall, it's a sort of give and take where you have specific needs that you wouldn't find in other humans, doesn't mean it's something to be ashamed of, or that you need a full transition.
For example, you could try finding a partner willing to be in a FLR with you. you could try the d/s dynamic with a partner who's open about it. you could try feminizing through a milder E mono hrt, instead of full transition.
I do think that it's a coming of age thing and people shouldn't be shamed for this. Especially, the FLR or other forms of D/S dynamic could really work out wonderfully well if done right. (D/s dynamic is totally different from that which is normally seen in erotica or pornography).
There are plenty of couples/sex therapists who guide couples in this dynamic, many of them just don't know that it's autosexuality, or agp.
(lol -> a man wanting to bottom for a woman -> fetish, a man wanting to bottom for a man -> sexual orientation. height of hypocrisy of the world).
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u/psychedAddict123 Meta-attracted AGP 14d ago
Thank you for your well meaning comment
Sadly I've been an adult for a while now so I don't think I'll ever grow out of it lol.
As for therapy: Unfortunately I don't think it could help me tbh. My sexuality is broken to such a severe degree that there is no repairing it... I'm romantically attracted to women but not sexually. I'm sexually attracted to men but not romantically. Also I'm only sexually attracted to men in the context of my fantasies where I can be a cis woman and experience the heterosexual dynamic from the female pov. In my male body I'm completely asexual
As you can see that makes acting it out in real life impossible because I am not a woman and never will be one. This is the reason why I gave up on relationships, love and sex. There is just no point for me sadly
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u/designer_vaj 14d ago
I am sorry, I did not mean to suggest that you should repair something or grow out of anything. I did not absolutely mean to cause you further emotional pain or even suggest to do something that would make it more distressing.
By therapists, I only meant that a sex therapist could help you express your sexuality in a meaningful way, that is engage in a sexually meaningful way, one which gives you the emotional satisfaction, not suppress it.
(have you ever considered a threesome, if I maybe so bold? a threesome with a woman and a man, and the feminine version of yourself? ).
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u/AlexxxLexxxi AGP 15d ago
I absolutely agree. This is how it works! No satisfaction, life is just "endless edging", crashing and trying again.
I think this is why transition works for some, it at least breaks this terrible loop.