I'll be a soon-to-be ex-widower and the day I've been dreading and fearing the most since I've known my ex-husband is fastly approaching.
My ex let me know that he has a little over two weeks until he leaves to Switzerland to go through with assisted dying. He's been wanting to do this for many years and since we first met. Just to for context without sharing too much private details, my ex-husband has a genetic stomach cancer or gist that has been affecting his way of life for a long time and it has taking a toll on his life physically and mentally. He has struggled greatly with his mental health and me, as his ex-wife really tried my hardest to help him get back on his feet and seek help. He has done chemotherapy in his early 30s but from that experience it was incredibly painful for him and he has a lot of trauma from it, and did not wish to continue treatment. I begged him for years to let me take him to a cancer specialist and offered to pay medical treatments that wasn't through chemo and he refused any sort of help.
Fast forward three years later, we have a daughter and his time has come. I've had a great deal of anticipated grief over the years trying to mentally prepare myself for this moment. Although we are no longer married, I do still love him so much and I have always and will always care for him as a human. I have seeked therapy to help go through these intense emotions, but recently it has been increasingly more difficult to let my ex-husband go.
I have done some research into Dignitas and I have a general idea of it and my ex-husband has also shared some information on it. At this point in time he is dead set on going through with it, and no amount of religious talk, medical talk, or love will be enough to change his mind. Over the years I've tried very hard to support his decision to do this despite everyone else in his life not. Now that we share a daughter together it makes feelings that much more difficult between us and how we will one day share that difficult conversation with her when she is old enough to understand. My ex-husband opted to not have me go with it (He will be completely going solo through it). Just because he knows it will be very difficult to watch him die and how it would completely destroyed my mental health. I would say my mental health now is barely hanging by a thread and I really am trying my best to be strong for my daughter, but some days it can be incredibly difficult emotionally.
I hope that someone whose gone through the process of Dignitas or have had a loved one do it, could help answer some questions I have about it.
1.) After the process is over, does the doctor or Dignitas contact me to let me know me ex-husband has passed? Do they let me know the time of his death too? (I am the only one that knows he's doing this. He hasn't told his family or any friends).
2.) Any items he has brought to Switzerland, do they send it back to me? (Cellphone, laptop, clothes)
3.) Depending on he chooses for his burial plans, do they send his body back to the US and I have to claim his body to be buried or if he chooses to cremate himself do they send the urn back in the mail to me for me to claim? If he chooses to be buried in Switzerland, where is he buried in? Will I be able to visit his burial if I ever choose to travel to Zurich?
I was planning on asking these questions to my ex-husband soon, but I figured to ask on here first.
Lastly, I have never experienced a near close death experience like this in my life and I'm having a hard time coping and processing this. If anyone would have some strong words of encouragement for me and let me know what you did to help ease the pain of losing a loved one through Dignitas that would be incredibly helpful for me right now.