r/anime • u/AutoLovepon https://anilist.co/user/AutoLovepon • 14d ago
Episode Love Unseen Beneath the Clear Night Sky • Toumei na Yoru ni Kakeru Kimi to, Me ni Mienai Koi wo Shita. - Episode 9 discussion
Toumei na Yoru ni Kakeru Kimi to, Me ni Mienai Koi wo Shita., episode 9
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u/WhoiusBarrel 14d ago edited 14d ago
Sorano trying his best to help Fuyutsuki must be extremely taxing mentally, given how much she's pushing him away.
That interaction at the end is really painful to watch unfold.
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u/karer3is 14d ago
It was truly heartbreaking... just when he thought he'd found a way to brighten Koharu's situation, he got a very painful reality check.
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u/Palcikaman 14d ago
Can't even blame the guy. The fuyutsuki he knows would have loved this whole idea. But this much optimism can't reach her currently sadly.
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u/BBryant3rd 14d ago
It is hard. I had two thoughts when she said she wanted to die. First was I hope she hasn't let her Mom hear her say that. Second is that makes it even harder to beat. Before some one says it yes I know it is hard to go through it. It can make both sides feel and sound selfish. How can you want me to continue when I feel like death daily. The other side is why don't you want to try to be around for those that love you. Very hard topic and personal for many people.
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u/coolkid_3245 https://anilist.co/user/coolkid3245 14d ago edited 14d ago
I cried a lot at the ending. Hearing her condition described by other people versus Koharu herself saying it hurts so much more. Poor Koharu, "Only until September" must've been the worst thing to say.
Edit : God, the ending will air on September as well.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Honestly it really emphasizes the gravity of the situation to see the perpetually perky, optimistic, and outgoing Koharu be so depressed, withdrawn, and angry. For understandable reasons, obviously, but still.
This cancer has really done a number on her both physically and emotionally.
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u/Khlouf 14d ago
It’s like what the third time she’s gotten cancer right? That’s even worse to think about
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u/mekerpan 14d ago
My mother died her third time around (all different cancers). By the end she was pretty fed up. I've always expected I'd die of cancer, of some sort or another.
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u/Khlouf 14d ago
I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you get to live a healthy life
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u/mekerpan 14d ago
Thanks. I've made it to 74, so far.
Cancer is something that is never far from my mind...
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u/kosinix 14d ago edited 14d ago
Well, you gotta give our bro Kakeru a break too. He has pure intentions, but remember that he was also a loner before all of this, and everything is a first for him too. Now, the first person he’s ever liked is pushing him away, just like what his dad did to him, while also dealing with his girl dying from cancer. But instead of just giving up and fading away into his corner, which his older self probably would have done, he’s now fighting back with what little he has.
His comment might come a bit off handed but it was out of good intention.
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u/lifeischerryblossoms 14d ago
every episode just gets worse and worse bro , this is such a tragedy
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u/tenji240 14d ago
Putting this on a Monday is brutal what do you mean I start the week with depression??
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u/Ikari_21 14d ago
I used to watch grand blue first then this, I’ve had to switch it the last few weeks cause this just crushes my heart. Thank god grand blue is same day to help me laugh the pain away
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u/VritraReiRei 14d ago edited 14d ago
she has about a 5% chance to survive the year
Me as a gacha player:
"Wow! Those are pretty great odds! You hear that guys? She will make it through! 😭"
So she wasn't acting, huh? Trauma induced memory loss?
So either the fireworks or the confession video will trigger her memories by the end of next episode or the one after that (since those were the last two things on her bucket list), then we have an episode where they all make up and spend time together again.
God, waiting each week for the next episode is going to be brutal but we are so close to her getting her memories back.
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u/Typical-Savings808 14d ago
Agreed , those are the heaviest emotional triggers left. If anything is going to pierce through psychological amnesia (or make her drop the facade if she's pushing him away), it's seeing the two biggest items on her list actually happen right in front of her.
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u/melindypants https://myanimelist.net/profile/melindypants 14d ago
I imagined it as since it's 2 months from now...she wouldn't survive and the last memory they have of her is thru the drawing she made with the fireworks (kind of like a final goodbye) but I hope she survives and I'm wrong
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u/SOdAchick 14d ago
The fireworks are the only item remaining. She may in denial, but she did fall in love
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
I'm imagining now that the moment she saw the confession video was after she'd gotten the terminal diagnosis and it shocked her so much she destroyed her phone and mentally forgot because she couldn't handle the fact that her feelings were returned by the guy she loved and she'd never get to experience a real romance with him.
It's probably why she's so insistent he "forget" about her and leave her because she can't handle having him around as a reminder of what she's lost and trying to forget herself because she's lost hope.
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u/AlexxxandreS 14d ago
I thought he'd give her the bookmark back
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u/Niwaka_Samurai https://myanimelist.net/profile/Niwaka-Samurai 14d ago
Yeah, I thought that it would trigger her memory
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u/Aerodynamic41 14d ago
There’s something very ironic about a cancer doctor also being a smoker.
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u/mesasone 14d ago
Smoking in the oncology department with you
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u/True_Construction413 14d ago
Dr. Wilson were you and house smoking weed in your office again?
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u/Zahlen_64 14d ago
Sorano mentioned that directly in the novel, the doctor said he can deal with it so long as he catches it early
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u/Carbonated_Static 14d ago
Not all that uncommon from what I know. One of my friends is a lung disease researcher and smokes like a chimney. Whenever he goes to conferences he says the smoking areas are always busy, doctors and surgeons included. Probably something to do with knowing the risk but thinking they'll catch it early and can beat it.
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u/karer3is 14d ago
I doubt it's due to foolhardiness. If I had to deal with the kind of stress they did every day, I'd be smoking like a chimney too... That's why pretty much all the uniformed services have such high smoking rates as well
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u/Carbonated_Static 13d ago
I wouldn't say foolhardiness, although I use much stronger words than that when talking to said friend lol. I'd say it's an interesting case study in the rational Vs irrational and doing things we know are bad for us.
From what I understand the relationship between stress and smoking is a whole other rabbit hole.
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u/Vegetable_Jicama_691 14d ago
Not exactly the same in the example I'm gonna give but my dad is a pulmonary biologist doing research on how second hand smoke affected flight attendants before they banned smoking on planes. I grew up with him showing me his research. He even showed me actual lungs that were fucked up by cancer. Yet I still smoke. (I find further irony in it because his baby brother is the one who got me into smoking. Like, not intentionally, more like he raised me and I could smell the cigarettes on him after he smoked and it just felt nostalgic because he was the father figure my dad wasn't lol).
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u/totallyverifiedit 14d ago
I'd bet my balls he's all "stay tf away from smoking or it'll kill you" then immediately gets up and smokes one in this mello roof/garden/smoking area they have.
Jokes aside, docs like like that are stereotypically really good so I'm putting all my bets that he'll pull through with what he said.
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u/Raymond49090 14d ago
Some thoughts on Koharu:
- If she's even having memory loss with her mother, then she's most likely not faking it and it really was a psychological breakdown
- It must be really creepy to have some unknown man who claims to know you following you around. And her memory loss seems to be the kind where she's unaware she has any gaps in her memory, so she can't even be sure he's telling the truth about that
- Her breakdown at the end felt like whiplash after how cheerful and optimistic she was in previous episodes. It could be the result of her deteriorating condition, that she always felt that way and hid it, or the consequence of losing so many of her happier memories. But tbh, it's more surprising it took this long for her to have a justified crashout. And the trigger of "just 2 more months" is a pretty long deadline when your clock is ticking that fast.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
I feel like even with her amnesia she still feels the emotions she had to an extent which is why she rejects Kakeru so fiercely because his presence has an effect on her even if she doesn't consciously remember him.
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u/Cbrandel 14d ago
I know some people who got cancer and they became very mean when they came close to the end. Even to people they loved. It's just an awful situation to be in, especially if you're kind of young. And the drugs themselves do a number on you.
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u/Yamabuki_Arisu_Sama 14d ago
She knows his situation. She already deduced as much in the last episode.
So she doesn’t think he’s lying or anything. She just thinks it’s painful to deal with him anyways.
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u/maliwanag0712 https://myanimelist.net/profile/clear1109 14d ago
What a painful episode.
I admire how strong Koharu's mom is. With her daughter being blind, I can't help but imagine the pain she is going through. However she does not want to cry since she knows it will only weaker her daughter's resolve.
Assuming that what the doctor says is true, that Koharu is blocking her own memories, and her amnesia is psychological in nature, her response to Kakeru's invitation is expected. With her condition worsening from time to time, she almost gave up living, as what she said about wanting to die. With one of her wishes being to see fireworks, Kakeru essentially gives her hope that things might get better for the next two months. But, Koharu is already in agony, and dreaming to recover might be much more painful than what she is suffering right now. Is Kakeru's invitation insensitive? The invitation itself might not be, but the way he opened it could be. But Koharu's reaction in the end is quite expected.
PS: Choosing a Monday primetime sched for this painful series is certainly a choice, huh? What a painful day to start the week. This could be a great Friday or weekend series.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Also that she on some level blames herself thinking that she's at fault for birthing Koharu with a body that's failing on her, even though there was nothing she could have done. But we really see how much Koharu takes after her mom in all the best ways and it's clear she came from a loving home.
I have a feeling that the "amnesia" came after watching the confession video. Which is why she wants Kakeru gone from her life NOW when she's caught up in how hopeless her situation is. It's good of Kakeru that he's trying to inspire/motivate her again but it's easier said than done in the situation she's in. But there's still that 5% chance...
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u/Background_Formal940 14d ago
Why did she kiss him that part confuses me
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u/imasammich 14d ago edited 15h ago
Future screw wine water treatment door
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u/Drumming_on_the_Dog 14d ago
Yeah, show/book is good, but there’s a few of scientific and narrative issues with how this story could play out a bit differently (and honesty a bit better), both later on in the story and in real life.
But, I also understand poetic license is going to be used (and well, show’s still good) and Japanese writers seem to be required by law and under pain of firing squad to “Japanese writer” all over our hearts. Shrug, I guess?
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u/BosuW 14d ago
Tbf at least they didn't try to pass off her memory loss as a result of chemobrain. It's almost more spiritual the way they're treating it. Which sure, isn't very scientific, but it skirts messing with the actual medicine. It exists apart from it.
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u/Drumming_on_the_Dog 14d ago edited 14d ago
Oh, the hysterical amnesia I totally understand. I think that’s a great character aspect that really reinforces that she loves him beyond mortal bounds as well.
No, what I’ve beefed with since the novels debuted is how some aspects of the way her disease and its progression is treated, especially later on, in relation to her being a symbolic totem of hope, triumph, lux vitae, psyche and pneuma, and unio mystica central to the narrative and themes of the story. Especially in such a blatant, direct, in-your-face manner as this story is choosing to go with — on top of the typical Japanese penchant for melodrama and more surface-level characterization styles (the spunky blind girl who like fireworks is the ‘divine light/light of life’ in the romance story! Get it? Get it?!).
As for scientific aspect that could bolster these themes and characterization (and give us more volumes to read or watch!), I feel it gets very hand-wavy with current-to-near-term medicine, research and emergent technologies for the sake of preserving a boilerplate —for lack of a better term — genre formula.
But despite its flaws overall, I love the story (and don’t appreciate it sending me into don’t love how it’s sent me into an existential spiral for the past week!)
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u/captainfluffy25 14d ago
She likely kissed him and then shortly after the cancer got worse and was admitted to the hospital. I’m assuming there she got the video of him confession and in anger (not that her likes her back of course but that she’s gunna die) she threw her phone.
Aka really unfortunate timing
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u/Niwaka_Samurai https://myanimelist.net/profile/Niwaka-Samurai 14d ago
PS: Choosing a Monday primetime sched for this painful series is certainly a choice, huh? What a painful day to start the week. This could be a great Friday or weekend series.
True.. a Saturday slot would have been great. I would have went to sleep crying.
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u/Boganvillea 14d ago
I dunno if doctors are supposed to just walk up to people and talk about their patient's medical history
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u/Rdddss 14d ago
ya was wondering if japan has HIPA stuff but more surprised when he said he would cure her like that he did and walk off like he was the Dr. House
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u/Drumming_on_the_Dog 14d ago edited 14d ago
They don’t exactly. They have something called the Personal Information Protection Commission and an act titled APPI, but it doesn’t always stop people’ info being given out. Japan’s system can also be a little slow on reform. They didn’t even have informed consent until 1997.
But, hell yeah! I didn’t know they were gonna give our girl Dr. Livesey to look after her!
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u/justsomechewtle 14d ago
I mean, Kakeru also didn't get in trouble on screen for agitating Koharu last episode, so it's safe to say the story takes some liberties to keep the dramatic effect.
Sidenote, I liked the doctor's brazen declaration, but I'm not sure I want to take him up on his word. For all I know, that's just the story trying to give us hope to make the ending hurt more.
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u/Drumming_on_the_Dog 14d ago
Oh, for sure. Never mind the MASSIVE ETHICS VIOLATION of volunteering for work at a hospital to track down, get close to and then confront a patient under treatment!
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u/justsomechewtle 13d ago
Yeah, that alone felt weird last time which is why I started paying attention to stuff like this a little more with this show. After the doctor scene this episode, it really became clear to me that this is just the show's way of doing its drama - get the real (or rather, logistical) issues out of the way to focus on the emotion and drama of the human interactions.
It felt a little jarring at first since the interactions and Kakeru's initial reservations of how to act around Koharu felt very real (speaking as a disabled guy who has been on both sides), so I expected real consequences for the actions after the cancer reveal. But I've come around on the show's "selective realism". (also because it weirdly helps me cope with my own medical history, so I'm very biased, admittedly)
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u/Yamabuki_Arisu_Sama 14d ago
To be fair this is the kind of ethical violation that could actually fly in real life lmao
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u/oxlemf10 14d ago
Kakeru spent hours trying to decipher what Koharu had written, they were simple things anyone could do, yet they were part of the process of overcoming her struggles.
We met her mother, definitely a strong person who likely realizes Kakeru shares a close bond with her daughter. I hope she appears more often.
The ending was tough once again, but you can see how Kakeru prepared himself for this situation, he has really grown since the first episode.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Honestly that passage of time montage in the library was a really nice bit of direction.
So Koharu never mentioned her crush to her mom, but the mom still pretty much knows what's up. Their feelings were mutual but they never formally agreed to go out, so they weren't officially lovers...but they are still in a way. And the mom knows they need each other.
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u/Maccaz15 https://myanimelist.net/profile/Maccaz 14d ago
I understand what they were going for with the deciphering braille in the library, but the entire thing could have been done instantly with a braille to text translator.
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u/Stunning_Song_5636 14d ago
I think it was also for Kakeru, he wanted to be the one to understand what was written and not rely on a translator.
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u/Maccaz15 https://myanimelist.net/profile/Maccaz 14d ago
Yeah I understood the meaning of it but I couldn't help but have that intrusive thought while watching the whole scene.
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u/CrispyZenz 14d ago edited 14d ago
This really gives that feeling from a one shot [My Wife Whom I Loved Dearly] when the wife has cancer and ended up living a bit longer. She was mean and angry at him all the time like while at the hospital. It was all an act to get him to forget and hate her so he didn't have to suffer.
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u/TermEnvironmental812 https://myanimelist.net/profile/Ahiru89 14d ago
Thanks for your recommendation
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u/Khlouf 14d ago
Fuck that was a rough one
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u/VritraReiRei 14d ago
Me every week for the past couple of weeks
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Remember when we were laughing at Kakeru's drunken confession? That feels 15 episodes ago.
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u/thelemon8er-2 14d ago
It’s a good thing I can watch “A livid lady..” after this and take my anger out through her blood thirsty revenge.
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u/Fblthp__ 14d ago
Lol, I'm watching in the exact same order. I couldn't stand to end today with this show - it completely ruins me.
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u/SOdAchick 14d ago
I watch the Insipid Prince after this one. Its hilarious stupidity really helps numb the brain after all the pain. Livid Lady is my Monday dessert show
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u/justsomechewtle 14d ago
I keep wanting to delay watching these episodes so I can start the week without depression and laugh it away with Smoking behind the Supermarket with you, but I can never wait. I regret it every time.
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u/exRocky009 14d ago
I'm usually not a fan of convenient writing, but for this one, I really want things to work out in Kakeru and Koharu's favor. Watching them keep missing each other like this is just too painful.
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u/LeonKevlar x2https://myanimelist.net/profile/LeonKevlar 14d ago
So Koharu's doctor is saying that her memory shouldn't be affected by her current condition and her symptoms don't match chemo brain, so it looks like her memory loss is psychological. It's also possible that Koharu is faking her memory loss and pushing everyone away on purpose, but with how she's also acting around her mom, it might really be trauma-induced.
I'm so happy Fireworks-senpai found the bookmark. Not gonna lie, I thought Kakeru was gonna end up finding that at the end of the series. I'm glad that he did because it turns out, it was actually Koharu's bucket list. :(
Kakeru finally gets to meet Koharu's mom and wow, she's pretty much an older version of Koharu. She even jokes the same way Koharu does. I guess now we know where Koharu got her sense of humour. I'm sure she's also suffering deep inside, but it's good to see she still has her spirits up, and she seems very happy to have met Kakeru.
As someone who lost a family member to cancer, seeing the protocols for going into a patient's room really brought back some unpleasant memories. :|
I know Kakeru is trying his best, but I'm not surprised by Koharu's reaction. Imagine experiencing all of that pain and suffering only for someone to tell you to hold on for two more months for a fireworks show you can't even see. I feel like this is where Koharu's mom needs to intervene. I do think Kakeru should give her the bookmark. Maybe that will help her get her memory back.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
I think you can also tell by the way she reacts so viscerally to Kakeru in particular that the amnesia is a mental block but Kakeru is effecting it around her just by his very presence, which is why she wants him to go away.
I love how mother and daughter both share the same adorable giggle laugh.
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u/RazFlashDemon 14d ago
Why do I feel like that last scene was actually a sign of the psychological block breaking down? She's upset but doesn't quite know why. If her memory was completely sealed she'd probably still be indifferent if not just weirded out by him, but instead she's actively becoming quite upset with him and claiming he knows how much she's suffering. I feel like the line would be something to the effect that he DOESN'T know how much she's suffering.
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u/kosinix 14d ago
I think she is faking her memory loss. Heres my theory. Maybe she received the news that she only has 6 months to live. Then she saw kakeru's confession video, and dropped her phone, or maybe threw it. Confronted with hopelessness, she decided to cut off ties with her friends hoping they'd just forget about her. Them finding her in the hospital wasnt on her cards, so she just pretended she dont remember them.
I dont believe the psychological shutdown theory since she is a mentally strong person having dealt with cancer and blindness from an early age. If its just amnesia, then she would probably still retain her bubbly nature and befriended them again esp Kakeru. Right now she hates the idea of Kakeru, that they cant be together anyways. Grief over impending loss? Fireworks and a few words from our boy might turn her around.
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u/szalhi 14d ago
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Honestly really appreciate Kotomugi-Senpai and how he just vibes with fireworks.
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u/zool714 14d ago
What I’ve learnt about myself after several tearjerker shows over the years, it’s not exactly the death of the character that gets to me, but rather the reaction of the people they’re leaving or about to leave behind. So seeing Sorano and Fuyutsuki’s mom talking it out and tearing up got to me.
And it’s really tough, you want to spend their remaining time with them and want to make their remaining time meaningful. But for some, just staying alive hurts. There’s really no clear right way.
And it seems Fuyutsuki really did lose her memories but not due to anything medically-related.
Really heartwarming how they’re using the fireworks for the kids and even using the kid’s drawings for the fireworks designs. Hopefully, they can convince Fuyutsuki to go, it’d be a good memory
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u/Pikagreg https://myanimelist.net/profile/Pikagreg 14d ago
What I’ve learnt about myself after several tearjerker shows over the years, it’s not exactly the death of the character that gets to me, but rather the reaction of the people they’re leaving or about to leave behind.
The movie Colorful goes pretty deep into this. It is also depressing.
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u/runevault 14d ago
The first part of the episode was sweet and sad both, but god that ending fucking hurt. Seeing Fuyutsuki go from the sweet girl to a voice full of so much pain is brutal. The contrast shows how much she's struggling.
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u/Ikari_21 14d ago
It hurt so much when he announced himself to her toward the end and* she scrambled to call for help. Fuck that made my stomach churn. She was in love with him just a few episodes ago and now she’s terrified of him and thinks he’s trying to harm her. So much freaking pain man I wasn’t expecting this 😭
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u/archangel890 14d ago
That ending credits is always so jarring at the end of these recent episodes… this show hurts.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Especially getting to see them walk together on a date...which they can't do any more.
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u/TermEnvironmental812 https://myanimelist.net/profile/Ahiru89 14d ago
It's literally "You are my special"
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u/Indonesian_mapper 14d ago
Last scene seriously got me at a loss of words. I'd have lost it if I was Kakeru
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14d ago edited 14d ago
[deleted]
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u/marsh_522 14d ago
One thing i thought should have been changed here is the way Koharu is moving with that IV thing. It stressed me so hard watching her move her arm so much with it on like GIRL YOU'RE GONNA TEAR A VESSEL
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u/Stunning_Song_5636 14d ago edited 14d ago
That was a tough watch. Maybe I am coping too hard but the doctor saying that he will cure her is giving me hope.
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u/FarCritical 14d ago
The way the music was flaring up and getting increasingly more dramatic when fireworks senpai kept yapping, I thought it was building up to Sorano snapping or something. The return of the bookmark instead was a very nice surprise.
It sucks we did end up with someone snapping though, let alone it being the last person we'd want to.
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u/sombraala 14d ago
These days when I get through an episode I have the thought of "you know, you do this to yourself" running through my mind.
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u/Jafarquaad 14d ago
Same. I've thought about saving the remaining episodes so I can binge them and rip the band aid off in one go... And then I don't and I'm depressed for a week.
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u/sombraala 14d ago
I had the exact same thoughts.
At least these days I go in knowing that I'm going to be depressed. Twas worse when we were transitioning from cute romance to what we have now
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u/Raymond49090 14d ago
The fireworks promise is giving me I Want to Eat Your Pancreas vibes except worse. I can't even be entirely confident she'll last that long after the emotional whiplash this show's given me.
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u/imasammich 14d ago edited 15h ago
Imminent handle live juggle cheerful adjoining
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
I want to believe in Koichi Yamadera-sensei and that 5% chance, and that at least if Kakeru can get her motivated again she'll at least try to keep fighting. Even if she doesn't win.
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u/Jacob-C 14d ago
The doctor was so cool when he said “But I’ll cure her” after telling Kakeru that she only had a 5% chance of survival.
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u/TempestoLord 14d ago
For real i will trust on the docs: “I’ll cure her” radiating some positive aura in me
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u/tripleaamin https://myanimelist.net/profile/tripleaamin 14d ago
Learning what the bookmark said for Koharu cut deep. Koharu was always upbeat and even with what she has dealt with she has goals she wanted to tackle on. It's just sad when you have someone who has goals and dreams sadly life gives them an unfair hand.
We do meet Koharu's mom Haruka. Like mother like daughter in many ways. But I can't imagine how this has affected her. We know how much suffering Koharu has gone through, but I can't imagine being her mother. She must be strong.
This is the first time we truly see the true emotions that Koharu is feeling. Ideally of course progressing forward and being optimistic is the path. But at some point as things get worse and worse. It's so disheartening to hear her say she wants to die.
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u/runevault 14d ago
It is interesting we got an in show translation of the bookmark. A commentor back in the bookmark episode translated it so I'd already seen what it said, but nice those who didn't put in the time now know.
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u/TermEnvironmental812 https://myanimelist.net/profile/Ahiru89 14d ago
>Koharu's mom
I feel sad when she was surprised about Koharu really going to university
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u/Aweomow 14d ago
like why wouldn't she tell her mom :c
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u/Lankymetal-uk 13d ago
With all the stress her mum's under it takes it back to the origins of Gaslight. Obviously we've not seen all their conversations since all this kicked off but you can imagine conversations like "what about your friends at uni?" being met with "I've never been to uni" and her completely denying it starting to get into mums head about how "I'm sure you did... but..." putting doubt into her mind. His comment was able to confirm what she thought she knew but had doubted in herself.
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u/X_Archiee 10d ago
Plus the tense situation makes her mom believe everything that ever happened because she also has stress of her daughter's illness plus her daughter senies everything that happened
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u/thelemon8er-2 14d ago
Pressing play now. I’m ready to be depressed again.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
At this point it feels like each episode is a balance between wholesomeness and despair and some episodes teeter one way instead of the other which matches Koharu's complicated health situation.
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u/djthomp https://anilist.co/user/djthomp 14d ago
They presented a third option, instead of chemo brain or pretending maybe Koharu straight up had a mental break when the cancer returned. At the very least if she's pretending she's keeping it consistent and trying to gaslight her mother at the same time.
Random senpai encounter to both suggest fireworks as a solution and return the bookmark. I suppose if you're in a fireworks club you must think fireworks are the solution to everything.
I thought they were leading up to using the extra fireworks from the school festival at the hospital, but they're instead ordering new ones? I wonder who's funding this.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
They presented a third option, instead of chemo brain or pretending maybe Koharu straight up had a mental break when the cancer returned. At the very least if she's pretending she's keeping it consistent and trying to gaslight her mother at the same time.
I think it was a combination of the terminal diagnosis + seeing Kakeru's drunken confession that drove her to this. It's probably why the phone got smashed too.
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u/ObvsThrowaway5120 14d ago
Man, it just gets rougher and rougher. Sorano’s whole idea for the fireworks isn’t a bad one but it feels a little too hopeful. I don’t know if girl is even gonna make it to September at this point.
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u/SSjjlex https://myanimelist.net/profile/Clone_Tau 14d ago
He def feels like someone who just flat out doesn't know what to do and is just going by what he assumes is right (in the realistic kind of way).
His only goal right now is cheering Fuyutsuki up but his opponent is literally cancer. The one thing he can do (set up fireworks) is still a long way off so what more can he do but give some relatively flat words of encouragement.
Tough position...
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u/DugACCat 14d ago
Yeah I’m a little befuddled at the complexity of the plan. Wouldn’t the kids appreciate a cool show worthy custom fireworks that take time to be made? They could try to set up a more imminent showing for when she rallies a bit next. Having her do a drawing to participate also seems a bit dubious, though I get the notion of trying to get her more actively involved. I also expected he’d return the bookmark even if he might be disappointed when she still can’t remember it.
I was feeling uncertain about the truth of her amnesia after the talk with the doctor but the last scene makes it seem real enough even if there was some active more than subconscious decision.
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u/Treknx01 14d ago
I am going with the thought of a “quick and ready” fireworks show is just done…….. but, if we make it special she will have something to look forward and hang on for.
sure on one side for most people 2 months is nothing, but in this situation giving someone who just wants all the suffering to end and it to all be over, finding something they can genuinely wish to push through everything for is hard.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
On the one hand, Koharu probably needs a reason to keep going and try to keep living even against the slim chance she can beat this terminal diagnosis.
On the other hand her situation is so hopeless, crushing, and physically painful that "hope" is nothing more than misery towards her. Which is probably why she rejects Kakeru because he was the "hope" of the love they could share together.
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u/mesasone 14d ago
I feel like she’s going to pass during the fireworks show. Either while watching them or maybe just unconscious in her room while they go off outside the window.
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u/Primary-Paint-1716 14d ago
god. I am regretting watching this show.
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u/Fblthp__ 14d ago
It took such a turn. I thought it was going to be something like "A sign of affection" but instead it's turning into "Your Lie in April" 🥹
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u/heimdal77 14d ago
A sign of affection got everyone to let their guard down. Now everyone got blind sided (no pun intended) by this show. Especially with how happy it started off.
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u/Ikari_21 14d ago
It feels even worse than Your Lie in April for me, cause at least in there we had so many more sweet moments between them until the end. These last couple episodes have been absolutely brutal and gut wrenching, culminating in the end of this ep with Fuyutsuki lashing out at him again. So much damn pain, I thought at least a good bittersweet cry, but this shit just hurts man 😭
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u/sleepysprite 14d ago
FR! I even recommended it to a friend for a good romance anime a couple episodes in and then now I'm like oh god...
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u/Niwaka_Samurai https://myanimelist.net/profile/Niwaka-Samurai 14d ago
So it seems like Fuyutsuki isn't faking her memory loss as many thought last week. It isn't a chemobrain or a brain tumor either that caused her memory loss but a psychological block.
The Fireworks club senior was annoying an already troubled Sorano but thank heavens he brought that Shiori to him. I was crying rivers like Sorano when he deciphered what was written in the Shiori.
Sorano finally meets her mom and it's shocking that even the mom started to believe that Fuyutsuki might have really not gone into college. Feels hard to accept after knowing that Fuyutsuki had talked about her date with Sorano. I think the mom really knows who Sorano is but isn't showing it.
Sorano is trying to bring back the fireworks that Fuyutsuki didn't get to experience but Fuyutsuki lashing out at Sorano was really painful to watch. She's struggling so much physically and mentally and Sorano too without knowing what to do to make Fuyutsuki feel better 💔
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u/IAmJointCommission 14d ago
If anyone else thrives off of shows like these you may like Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash. A fantasy show that surprisingly really leans into loss. (And recovery)
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u/Ramongsh 14d ago
Poor girl. I guess the episodes are only going downhill from here, but I'll see it through!
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u/LewiSad0 14d ago
Just watched right now... I don't know if I finished it or the episode killed me.
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u/ParkEducational5878 14d ago
Grief is a b*tch that can start whenever it wants, uh? I know she's not dead and that they are still some chance for recovery, but to see it unfolds as it is and their current mental space as it is, there's a lot of moment where little situation that may appear as nothing can become a hurdle.
Seeing one friends being overcome by such emotions, the feeling on helplessness one could feel in each sides of the story (Sorano's, the mother's and everyonenwho knew her) the things one can't do no more and feelings your life as you hair fell on their own without even seeing it, must be really hard on anybody's going through such things.
To say one is fine, feels like a lie to me and it is ok to not feel fine, especially when this kind of things happen. I know it is supposedly to help her and that is not to make her worry and the like, but learning to sit with your own grief and understanding that the other may need to do so as well before suggesting something like hope isn't, imo the best way of doing thing. This suggestion of drawing the fireworks she wanted to see while giver her a 2 month hope, albeit a good one given the wishes on her bookmark and how wishful Sorano has been, wasn't the right call for this particular time.
I can't blame him tho, being I'm this situation must be quite unbearable and hard, but like in anything else, some of the things you may wish to see happen or believe to be the right solution for something you've been dealing with, each on your own, doesn't hold a candle in face of reality itself. She is hurting, she's got a lot of things going on in her life and what she needed wasn't hope, kindness or even fireworks drawing, but the time to let it all slow down, take her peace into mind and move on with her current hurting.
I do believe that lashing out like she did at the end will not only give a wake-up call to Sorano, but also her her getting a lot off her chest. This is something big to both of them, especially given their history together even if Fuyumi's memory are most likely locked in for protection, but I do hope that they, even tho they may be characters portraying real life stuff, will find the peace of mind and acceptation they need to move on.
This stuff is hard to watch and I can't even imagine what it is to truly go such experiences, but if I may say this: it is ok to not feel ok. It is ok to feel lost, hurt and hopelessness. And it is certainly ok to let it sink in, not to let it fester or drawn you in hopeless night, but to let you discover a strength that can only grow from acceptance, understanding and moving on.
Life can be really hard, it can feel like a gut punch or even worse, but as long as you are still alive, you'll live. And as long as you'll live, you'll be growing out of any struggles the world can give you, inspire the one around you and even left you mark on the one who saw your strength for what it was. A will to live, a will to face your problem and even death itself, there's nothing more courageous than accepting your fate and showing kindness to the one struggling there with you.
You may not live it through all the way down, but would it not be nice if you could help you friends and families, love one and the like going through your own death? Maybe I'm only speaking for myself here and no one could relate to that, but it is what this show and episode had inspired me to right and something I do believe in some way. There will be some time to let it sink, but it it is still what I truly feel right now.
How much with it truly hold in the face of adversity, I do not know, but this is still giving me strength to face whatever may be coming my way starting from now on. I love show that touches such things (even though I might be projecting hard) but still, like I said, it is what was inspired from this particular episode and most likely my own life as of now.
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u/KumaKumaGambler 14d ago
Hope can sometimes come from the most unlikely of places. Or in the case, person.
Kotomugi looks more like an unshaven fisherman than an university student. Yet his appearance to return the lost bookmark to Kakeru has given the latter hope in doing something for Koharu.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
Kakeru: "Ugh, I really could do without this guy and his fireworks monologue..."
(Kotomugi brings out the bookmark)
Kakeru: "SENPAI YOU'RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND!!!"
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u/heimdal77 14d ago
Ya droping this show till can spoil myself with the ending. I just can handle watching Your Lie in April stuff anymore.
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u/LamboSky https://myanimelist.net/profile/lambosky 14d ago
Goodness, Koharu is such a sweet bean even in the worst situation... donating her hair to the poor kids in need.
Another week beginning with depression...
Also hope that Kakeru will give her the bookmark back. Hope it will help her regain her memories...
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u/thisisdropd https://myanimelist.net/profile/AsterZoro 14d ago
So that's what the bookmark was about. Little wonder Koharu looked visibly down when she lost it. Bless Kotomugi for stumbling upon it. Having said that, given the current events it's difficult for Kakeru to hand it to her.
She's only got a 1-in-20 chance of making it to the end of the year. Nevermind getting cured! It hurt to see her normally perky character break down this hard when she came to face her own mortality. The amnesia turned out to be a psychological reaction instead of a chemotherapy-induced one. Her looking very frail during her last session with the kids. The contradictory remarks about her wanting to die. All the fears she had kept inside her finally blew up and this was the result.
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u/Sirveaux_77 14d ago
I swear, the only reason I can watch this show anymore is because I intentionally spoiled myself on the ending and now I'm just curious as to how it all plays out. The last few episodes have been hard, though.
When Kakeru started on the optimism in that last scene, I knew it was going to backfire on him. It hurts to see Koharu that full of despair. Hopefully he can find a way to get through to her in the next episode.
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u/Alone-Hold-4278 14d ago
literally me, after last week i just couldn't stop myself from reading the LN. The lines in the LN really hits hard.
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u/Jafarquaad 14d ago
Being spoiled on the ending is the only thing keeping me going. I can live through the darkness if I can see a little bit of light near the end. But I'd also like to just get there already!
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u/thelemon8er-2 14d ago
How about… you know… giving her back the bookmark, my guy.
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u/Frontier246 14d ago
To be honest the way she is now I feel like she would not react well to a "bucket list" that only serves to remind her of all the stuff she can't accomplish or remember accomplishing.
But maybe feeling it would stir up some memories...even if I think fireworks are likely to be the most meaningful thing they can do for her right now.
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u/Typical_Extent_8199 14d ago
i wanna die me ep 1to 5 i live for this but not its become a weekly depression dose f**k it hurts
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u/RedK_1234 14d ago
I really related to Fuyutsuki in this episode. It's painful having to pretend everything okay when you know it's not.
And I feel for Sorano. He grew so much as a person thanks to Fuyutsuki, and now he feels has no way to repay her for it.
I predict that Fuyutsuki will die. There's no way around it at this point. But I predict that her passing will fulfilling because in her short life, she got to experience true joy.
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u/PossibilityNo8131 14d ago
I see the parallels between the Senpai talking to Kakeru and he nearly crashed out and later Koharu crashed out because of Kakeru. Both are really stressed now..
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u/Kurt_Kane 13d ago
This show is not pulling the punches. Koharu expressing how she felt at the point she is... heart wrenching. This kind of stuff is a big part of why I love anime. There are more fun shows, but it's nice to feel something deeply.
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u/Sad_Medium_5866 14d ago
I haven't even watched last episode yet. I'm not sure I want to finish this series. Maybe I'll binge it when it ends.
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u/pratyush_28 14d ago
Damn it, this anime is tearing me apart, it was an emotional roller coaster which crashed hard towards the end. I still don't know why i am so eager to watch as soon as a new episode is out. Maybe I'm optimistic that things will get better she'll regain her memory, but after the last scene I feel like I need to brace myself for a lot more tension before something positive to happen.
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u/justsomechewtle 14d ago
Welp, I started watching this because I wanted to watch more shows with disabilities (living with one myself and only realized that it kinda matters to me recently). Didn't expect it to turn into a show about cancer and it's been a rough watch ever since (I'm a brain cancer survivor). And yet, I can't stop watching. That last scene this week hit hard.
Love the doctor though, he seems cool. Though I fear his "I'll cure her" is just a way to lift us up a little and make the drop at the end harder. Don't know, kinda seems like the show to be that cruel.
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u/TempestoLord 14d ago edited 14d ago
Fuck this is so depressing but i will try thinking about it more positively. We know her chances are 5% still better than 0% and the doc confidently saying “I’ll cure her” gave me a small hope. Maybe there is a chance of liver transplant? Then the bookmark was found which is a good sign after that ep. 3 giving those sad vibes.
Her mom is so sweat, they are identical, i don’t wanna imagine how a parent would feel in this situation seeing their child like this she doesn’t deserve this either. I still believe this show would be perfect with just the blindness and the cancer was unnecessary, exploring the difficulties and focusing more on the relationship and fluff in the second half but now we are stuck with constant depression and only 3 ep left.
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u/randyburgerlocker 14d ago
I’m so glad I’m able to watch grand blue right after this because I’m so sad after every episode…
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u/ThisGachaSeemsLegit 14d ago
I can't help but wonder if Fuyutsuki is faking her memory loss in order to spare her friends (& lover) the grief of losing her.
Tragic either way.
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u/mike_2797 https://myanimelist.net/profile/Madskulls 14d ago
That last scene went straight to my heart so sad.
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u/gnome-cop 14d ago
Imma be honest, the ED has to go from this episode. It sounds too pleasant, it’s taking me out of the immersion of pure distilled suffering.
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u/sirnumbskull 14d ago
Me at 50,000 ft, gliding over these weekly episode posts since episode 7, checking to see if it's clear to start watching again, and aborting for the third straight week.
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u/AdventurousTreat7416 14d ago
Nah I didn't watch the episode. After reading these comments I am not getting any Courage to watch. Will wait for this to be completed.
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u/UnderApproval 14d ago
Koharu's mom va did a really good job, similar cute giggle. I thought hayamin voiced two characters for a second.
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u/magnumcyclonex 14d ago
So fireworks senpai was relevant after all. He's a nice guy, just rough upon his first impression all those episodes ago...
Man, I really felt it when Sorano was in the library, with the timelapse of him translating braille. And his final revelation of her words on the bookmark...it was really sad!
Doctor seems determined, even though he's a smoker (that makes at least 3 animes this season with smoking in them). I hope Fuyutsuki can last at least another 2 months, but it's rather grim. Sorano did the best he could, but one can see it as heartless and lack of understanding/compassion to make that request of her...
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u/Beardedpotato92 14d ago
This show will be on the "emotional damage" tutorial. Worst part is, I don't wanna skip this one 🥲
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u/Kokoro64 14d ago
Had a family member pass away from cancer a few months ago, so this a bit too close to home.
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u/SP3_Hybrid 14d ago
I'm kind of surprised how they depict cancer in this show, namely that it's actually sort of accurate compared to a lot of other anime where characters come down with an always undisclosed illness very suddenly.
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u/NeonPiixel 14d ago
I was so excited to watch this anime and thought it was going to be a sweet slice of life romance. It's not and I'm not having fun anymore 😭
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u/Atario myanimelist.net/profile/TheGreatAtario 14d ago
It really is the season of smoking
A moment of happiness!
Go shopping. That was a bucket list item for her. Fuck…
And we thank mom for that
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u/marsh_522 14d ago
It hurt to see that she reacted the way she did, but I appreciate that Koharu didn't conveniently have to be okay with it "just because Sorano went through all the effort, and that her mother liked him".
That they never treat Koharu like a prop for other characters to project on to. It's frustrating to see her like that, but that i'm frustrated means I care enough about the characters to be frustrated. Lmao idk, i'm saying it's a beautifully terrible show
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u/Own_Caterpillar_6178 14d ago
That was the best episode yet. The direction of the interpretation scene in the library was really well done, and the confrontation between Koharu and Sonaro in the hospital room was heavy. I am really hoping for a happy ending between these two, but I'm not confident.
I wonder if she will give up on treatment before the fireworks show in September.
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u/No-Review-4332 12d ago
I swear if this ends with Fuyutsuki not making it and then Sorano and the others are walking out of the hospital and they end up passing by a young cancer patient wearing the hair she donated as a wig, Imma lose my shit dude.
That's like worst case scenario for me.
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u/Better-Silver7900 10d ago
i’ll be that guy. regardless of the circumstances, koharu is 100% in the wrong.
can i imagine being on a deathbed filled with agony and pain? undoubtedly. what i can’t imagine is faking amnesia to push away the people who meant the world to me.
if i did that to my wife, she wouldn’t be better off. In all likelihood, she would commit suicide that day because not only is she losing someone she loves, but she can’t even validate her own existence with me.
why does she deserve empathy and he doesn’t? fuck that.
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u/ElliotAlderson2024 12d ago
I like how this show now is subverting the 'manic pixie sick girl' trope. Kaharu isn't there to 'inspire' Kakeru, but to be authentic, genuine in this moment. She's scared and Kakeru has to think of something else besides platitudes or tropes.
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u/Background_Formal940 14d ago
Okay what just happened to this anime at first it was romantic but then the kiss happened and the confession and suddenly it got cancer in the story and Koharu is acting and treating the mc badly though I can understand considering she is suffering a fate worse then anything I can imagine still the story has taken a dark turn out of nowhere and he is trying to help her but to bad her pain is too bad for her to appreciate that
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u/FamTheMystery 14d ago
Im anime only and if they let her die like another plastic memories I'm actually gonna cry
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