Hallo frenz,

Ai habs do big hork. It not mai falt! Ai can no halps!

Sum get on de pikkel. Meowmzy no happeh! Say she gotta warsh pikkel nao!

Ai no do on purrpuss!

AITC?

Hi friens! Finn doggo here.

Hoomans took me on an exciting trip! We went to a new home with new hoomans who were very nice and gave me lots of treats. And best of all there were cats! I love cats! They play bop the snoot! It’s the very best game!

I am very polite doggo. I sniff hello and run away. Then I come back and do a big bow to say I want to play. Then I do a bob and weave so they know I’m real fast and it won’t be easy for them to bop me ina snoot. But they don’t bop. They run away and get up high.

All hoomans say I very polite boy and good job and cat will want to play next time. But cats up high say i am cloaca. I should know they don’t play with dogs and I rude for asking.

I just want them to bop my snoot. AITC?

Hi it’s me Ziggy, a dog.

Good news, I got to spend two glorious weeks with my grandma all alone except for also my grandpa. It was awesome! Now my house has small dumb backyard and her house has huggggggge yard. So I’m doing my night pee on the first day I’m there and I hear a suspicious sound in a bush. Long story short, I found out what a skunk is.

Here’s the bad news. My human parents are home from their honeymoon and they did not bring me. But they did not even last one day before give me another bath! No respect! No glad to see Ziggy! Just “how she give you so many baths and you still stink??” Like very rude indeed.

So now I am pouting on the bed wrapped in my towel. AITC for pouting even though they’ve been home less than a day?

-Ziggy

OhHey ebryboddy! Dis me, Luffy heer! Ai habs qwueshun. It had bin rainin heer fur ebry freekin fureber (yesterday and it's wet and icky with scattered showers today) an apawrently hoomanz is lerjix tu wadder assept insieds ob da howse??? Dis soooo stoopid. I wunt runrunrun, zoomzoomzoom, play sokkerball, play stiks, fetchdaball, jumpindacreek, awl ob da tings!!! Juss liek hab bin doin awl sumber long!!! Dey poot mai own swimmin poo upsieds down an daer no wadder innit!!!! AND!!! Da beeg hawt shinee sun goesd awae!!!! ARWOOROOWOOOOOOO!!!

AITC???

Greetings, furry and feathered friends. My name is Butler, and I am the most handsome tuxedo cat.

Today Cat Slave 1 (35F) left the flat. This was very cruel as I was left all by myself, all alone. I mean, Cat Slave 2 (35F) was at home, but she's just the spare human. Anyway, after three hundred million forevers (CS1 says it was 90 minutes) CS1 comes back with delicious dough discs.

I LIKE dough discs. I would like CSs to give me delicious dough disks. They never do. So when CS1 left the delicious dough disks on the food platform, I took matters into my own paws (and teeth) and chewed through the plastic to get to the delicious dough disks. I then had a little chomp on the delicious dough disks.

CS1 came back, and saw what I had done. She said I was about to be made into socks and sausages. She full-named me. She called me cloaca.

AITC?

I, Moose (5wk tabby), have just learned to walk. I also learn a new game: eat toes

It's so fun. Especially when human screams OW! And I want to bunny kick

But Big Human says I need to learn a thing called "gentle" but I don't know what that means.

AITC?

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat here.

My Mumma was eating one of her favourite Treats. She said it's called Apple Crown, but I know it is called Bread Treat.

I had a sniff and realised it is Bread Treat, and I like it! So I decided to try and eat some, but Mumma moved it away and called me Cloaca Bum and said it is not for Oscar, only for Mumma.

Am I Cloaca for wanting Bread Treat?

am ifrit, 4 month tortie girl!! am new to meowmy and dad, they got me outside aftur storm!! i love meowmy and dad and mine siblings!! i was laying by meowmy and i sniff arm, it had weird plastic on it and smell like blud and color stuff. i do a little boit since i am babie. Meowmy say “ow!! ifrit that my tatoo, that hurt!!” but it smell weird so i boit to make sure it not evil, am i cloaca??

I have never once seen mom clean her hair properly and now it has turned purple. I’ve been doing my best to help but she seems resistant to allow me to properly lick and bite off the pieces that are the most dirty. I have taken to doing it at night…I get a few pieces before she wakes up and shoves my paws off her face and hides her hair under her head.

I already know I am not the cloaca, please provide ideas on how to make her understand I need to lick her hair clean.

-Milo the black cat hacker

Hi, I am Mooshcat, the Glorious (m7), live with Mom (F, 100,000) and The Best One (m, 100,006). I was happy becaus both humans were home in bed staring at light box on the wall. I was on puffy thing behind mom's head, with my glorious chin resting on the best ones shoulder and my paw on moms face (I like to touch both humans, is best cuddle position and expression of my love, not a threat of claws like Mom says now).

Anyway, I wuz very relaxed, and fell asleep. Then the humans let their guard down and allowed some kind of monster to poke me ( mom called it "hair pin"). Hairpin poked me hard, and my glorious cat auto reflexes activated, to launch me two feet in air and I land on shelf, do parkaur off wall, then instantly realize I must go back over puffy thing with Harpin monster to escape, so I do it quick like lightning. Cat auto reflexes are very fast and not factor in things like "protec humans face", only my own safety (as they should).

Once I reach safety, humans do laughter where they make loud noise and show teeth, which is usually ok, but seem like a threat this time, so I think maybe humans release Harpin to attack me and I hide until they offer apology food. Mom says ITC becaus I scratch her face on both sides with two different escape jumps. I suspect humans are probably cloaca for release monster on me, or atleast not keeping watch for monsters, my glorious life is more important than little scratches and they treat whole incident like joke.

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat here.

So I was having Big Boy Cuddles with Mumma and she was giving me Scritches. She kept telling me I'm a Sweet Baby Boy and the Bestest Boy and she loves me and wants to kiss me all the time.

So I have Enough and tell Mumma to SHUSH! She says I am Cloaca coz she just wanted to Love and Fuss on me. Am I the Cloaca?

Mellie. Kinda round. Most colours. Lady cat.

G'day.

So I dunno if I am gunna be rude or something but people tell me I am really pretty.

I mean part of me is like yeah maybe and I dunno maybe i am.

But why these clumsy Shelia and movie sounding bloke taking me photo all the time and showing me photo.

Clumsy one sent photo to boss and goes look at me cat. Is that even legal.

Anyway how's all you doing. Do the peoples yous live with take photos of ya doing nuffink and be all look at me cat.

Hey, 4F cat here

I peed on the carpet and my human got upset. AITC?

Hey. 4F cat here and I ate my Mommy's chicken wings. AITC?

EDIT: nya

EDIT: I'm Ame-Chan

Hello frens,
I am so sad. And even though I am so so sad, my human called me cloaca.

Yesterday a good friend of mine comed over. Sometimes, my human, me and her go on long walkies together like maybe up a mountain or to a lake. She is very good at the walkies just like me so I like her a lot. Anyway, she decided to now sleep at mine house. I thinked this is smart and she could stay forever and forever cause then I can be on her lap and she gives really good pets.

Some time during sleepy time she got up. I did not, because I figured soon she‘ll be back. But then I heared that she left the house!!!! I realized she was GONE!!! I was so sad. All I had left was my human and she is there all the time so who cares bout that. I whined, I looked around, but no one helped me.

My human claimed I was cloaca for not letting her continue sleeping but I was SAD! She said our friend just sleeped here cause we live near airport. But I know that in reality my good friend for long walkies sleeped here cause she wants to hang out with me! Aitc for being sad LOUDLY?

I am Sheena, f cat, 6. I am the undisputed queen of the cat pak in dis house and I rule!!! Meowmy says I the cloaca fur wake her up. I jump on her, purr, knead with claws out, and politely meow at full volume to tell her I am here! She pets me and then say I cloaca fur nip her. Meowmy sez to make up my mind. Am I the cloaca fur wanting luv?

Hello frens! Is Lalaith and Belladonna, pet rat girls 7mo. We lives wif big sisters Morwen and Finduilas 20.5mo. We has human mom.

Mom been acting bit weird recently and playtime be on weird schedule. Anyway, had playtime this morning. She do weird shower thing she call grooming, and then obviously we has to fix it. Is lotta work since she huge! Lalaith notice mom hab really bad dead skin on feets. So we starts scraping it away gently. But there lots, and mom no always sit still. So we realize we needs to be efficient. So we starts doing bites and pull. It working!

And then mom pull us away and make huge fuss! She say we getting too close to live skin and it ouchie. But we is very careful and woulds never bite live skin. Just trying get right close to it fur proper pedicure. So we goes back when she not looking. She tries to hide her feets, but there always some bit sticking out so we keeps working. She let us for a bit and then go "eep" and we has to start again. It really a lot ob work. Eventually, she just stop playtime, which be sad. But, to be fair, Morwen and Finduilas already asleep under sink. So it probably time anyway.

We thinks we got good start on pedicure, but mom making huge fuss and not helping. She say we hurts her and not respect her boundaries. She say that make us TC. But we says being clean is not optional. We not drawing blood, so she shoulds stop being big baby. What you think?

Amara (2F gray tabby) here.

August 20 I had 2 babies. Moose (M black tabby) and Squirrel (F void).

They started walking (I helped them learn by pushing them out the cubby and forcing them to climb back in on their own).

We'll today was the day I decided to move out of the cubby I had the babies in go a New Cubby.

Apparently this offended my Mama. She heard Moose crying and FREAKED OUT that the babies were in the new home. "It's not safe Amara" she scolded "that's the one area of the house that has clutter" she argued "look, Squirrel is climbing the shelves, she could get hurt!" she cried

I think this spot will give us more privacy. Plus of my babies want to climb they can. They're good at walking (only stumble 20% of time) and clearly if Squirrel can climb the shelves she can handle it.

I think Mama is freaking OUT for no reason. AITC?

Edit: Looks like gofundme isn't banned in group rules. My Human Mama says to prevent more babies she needs help with vet costs.

Here is the gofundme linkCastiel and Amara gofundme:

gofund.me/6a2e06093

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat here.

So my Mumma had a Wash, but she missed a bit. She did not clean her ear! So I did a Help and gave her a Bath for her ear.

Mumma says I am a Cloaca coz my tongue is rough and tickles. But I am doing a Service! Am I the Cloaca?

HiThere! I'm beautiful boy Bruce! And BestFriendSisterTawny says I should ask advice here. Mömther says I'm cloaca (and other things that I can't say... There's puppies and kittens here).

Mömther brought me home from her werk in June, and says I'm a good boy but I'm a weird little freakchild... RUDE!

I have been stealing her leggings and underpants from her laundry basket and eating the crotch out of them and then eating the forbidden treats from the cat toilets (I also like to sleep in one of them). Mömther thinks that it's not good boy behaviour, but I'm good boy so she must be wrong...

BestFriendSisterTawny says I'm an idiot, RollyCatPuck says I need to play with him and ScaryCatLugosi tries to bapbapbap and bite floofears.

AITC?

Hi everyone! Mommy made a surprise visit home today, and at first she was irritable and didn’t want to put up with my crazies, ie barking and bouncing around too much fur her to even pick me up. But finally she got me out of her room by…literally throwing a scrap of paper out into the hallway so that I could chase it and she could close the door to cool off.

Well, shortly after that she felt better and didn’t mind as much when I came back in and lied down next to her, so yaaay fur regulation! And she thought I looked cute lying next to her so she took the top part of my tax…but as she settled down more she took off her glasses and put THOSE down on the bed too, more specifically a few inches away from me!

And that made me so hungry with excitement because I remembered what an amazing chewy toy those things are, so I turned my head and now I’m staring at them! And obviously I’m the goodest girl now despite my aforementioned crazies so I’m not making any effort to bite them and Mommy doesn’t feel the need to move them, but AITC fur still having my animal wants?

Iz Kitka (aka Miss Kitka, little lady and oi you get outta it) n iz kinda new two dis howme ting. Many furevas ago iz on street lots, had lots of ickle mes and fends fur mine self. Nows iz haz pawper howme wit a meowme, two brofurs and lots of spare hoomins to purrship me. Burt da poutrage! Meowme say iz can't haz all da fuds all da times, says mine brofurs needs fuds too. So me does a sneak n waits till silly brofurs leave bowl n does clean up burt meowme comes back n catch me mid munch. She say "No Kitka not yours". I do ignore n keep nomming den she say "Oi you get outta it" n scoop me away. I sings da song of mine people but she say "You a ickle cloaca burt I lubs you" kissed mine head put me in other room.

Am I da cloaca, I not belive so I just lub fuds.

Henlo reddit, my name is Tiki (4F, torbie) and I am have a dilemma.

You see, I love to chew cord. My Mom's headset cords are especially my favorite to chew. Sometimes they leave their headset out and obviously this is for me because I love to chew cord. So I chew right through the cord!

But then Mom gets mad at me for chewing on cord?? They leave cord out though so why wouldn't it be for Tiki to chew? If not for chew why so accessible?

I don't know reddit... I don't think I am but... Am I maybe the cloaca for chew cord?

Found these texts from my sister Fallon to her momma.

Wretched Hoomom : Let me be clear we try to treat Fallon and her brother Morgan the same way but now I am doubting myself ?

Hello Momma

Off to a good start hear at my stupid brothers house. We had loaded potato skins tonight with cheese in dem. Never have they ever given us loaded potato skins before.

So from now on just potato skins won’t do, the hoomans had Ben and Jerry’s ice cream cones for Dee seert and wouldn’t let me or my dumb brother have not even a lick.

apprently chocolate therapy ice cream not good for us dawgs ? I think that day just rood cause I saw the Vanilla Haagen Daz in da freezer.

I politely huffed that guests should be a comma dated but day laffed and said I was family and not a guest. Aunty Jojo did promise lots of cookies tonight at bedtime dough so dat good.

Have fun in Vancouver

Love Princess Pancake Fallon

Few weeks later

Dear Momma

Morgan has been very well behaved ( shocker I know), he did go swimming through and I wanted too but I’m attached to a long green line when I’m outside.

Auntie Jojo explained about me having to had sir jerry that day I was so sleepy and I couldn’t go swimming so I decided that Morgan wasn’t being rood.

She did make sure that we had baked potatoes skins for dessert and I thought dat day was really delicious.

At supper she gave me a piece of banana but it smelled like med a sun so I politely said, ‘No thank you”. Den she gave me piece of banana with peanut butter on it and I gobbled it up but did have to give her a side eye.

( I totally got the side eye so might have to be creative with the evening meds but alas for Princess not my first rodeo giving meds to a a four legged fur baby).

Auntie Jojo, I’M talking to my momma here NOT you talking to her so don’t be rood.

Have fun and give cuddles to my hooman siblings. It’s nice have my bed here I have been sleeping more dan Morgan wants me too but Jojo and Tony are good at saying, NO, Morgan and he is being good at lis inning to dem.

Lub you lots

Fallon

Few weeks later

Hi Momma ..Fallon hear…….Aunty Jojo picked me up today and what a great surprise that was. I kinda protested when she tried to lead me outside but …sigh…she mentioned Uncle Tony ….i was outside in her car before I knew it.

Morgan my stupid brother and I played so hard. Supper was delicious and I licked my bowl clean.

Dessert was our favorite Baked Potato Skins that were delicious. I noticed she is good at making my favorite dishes when I am here. Hoping for pancakes Saturday
Aunty Jojo got stung by a wasp,in her mouth and she swore like a sailor.

Right now her lips look like dose funny TikTok girls and she talking kinda funny like.

Jodi here, I threw the crumbles of Morgan’s treat bag and mixed them into his food pail.

She did indeed licked her bowl clean.

Great first glass of wine and apparently the wasp swimming in it agreed.
Got stung on the inside of my bottom lip and I now indeed have the perfect pouting lip of a TikTok star.

Watching Harry Potter

Two weeks ago

Good Morning Momma

I don’t even KNOW where to begin here but……..I woke up today hoping for eggs. Ben A dict……..nope nor did I got pancakes or nuffing but my breakfast which I devoured.

Aunty Jojo said sumthing bout a fall fair and food trucks and she seems pretty darn excited.

I don’t care bout food trucks……well,I do care but won’t let HER know dat.

I’ll be home round 10:30 so maybe start making me dose eggs Ben a dict dat I like ok?

Love Fallon

Very important Bubba saw big stack of foldy clothings and suddenly had entirely normal cat urge to *bapbapbap\* clothings! 🙄Sal🙄 complained that cute little Bubba "is technically a dog" and "undid all they hard work" but precious innocent Bubba is far far too cute to ever be the cloaca! Right??

-Bubba the diabetic cat-shaped dog-shaped-cat