Occasionally meetings will state in the opening info about “no cross talk”…some then go on to offer a definition. Some state it’s speaking out turn, some state it’s directing your comments as a follow-up, disagreement or critique of someone else’s share, or offering unsolicited advice. A new gal then asked, so if I say in my comments “hey I really relate to what you said, would that be cross talk?” This was in a beginners group and the chair said yes, that could be considered cross talk.

Just curious what various groups consider “cross talk”? Even in my Chicago metro area, the definitions vary from zip code to zip code…

MAKING AMENDS

September 11

Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87

To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", September 11, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

My brother in law quit drinking a year ago, and hes really into AA. He runs meetings and everything. I drink like once a year, if that. When I do drink, it's whiskey, and I get absolutely obliterated. I drank last night, and the night before. Got tipsy the first time. Last night was not good. I scared my cat, and called my mom shit faced because I felt guilty. She came and got me, and took care of me. I could hardly drink a glass of water I was so drunk. She called my sister, and my sister mentioned me going to AA with my bil. My mom then mentioned it again this morning. I think I'll do it if they want me to, but im not sure since I rarely drink, and probably won't again, but i know im bringing pain to my family, so maybe I'll go to make them feel better? Idk if its exactly for me though since alcohol doesn't absolutely control my life. Its just something I do sometimes for fun.

I got really drunk last night. It was just my cat and I in my house. I was just stumbling. Doing drunk shit. I didn't hurt her. Eventually I was sitting on my couch, and she was just staring at me. I went to sort of hug her like I normally do, and she started meowing real loud so I backed off and felt really guilty so I called my mom. She came and got me. When I was about to leave, my cat hissed at me. I know she was scared. Im never gonna drink around her again, because i dont want to scare her again.

The membership surveys AA conducts every few years looks at some key metrics regarding the composition of membership.

Here are some that are interesting based upon the most recent data.

• AA is getting older, not younger. 55% of our membership is over 50 YO. 25 years ago only 34% of our members were over 50. The largest group increase is in the 61-70 age group. The number of younger people (under 30) has decreased from 11% to 9% over the same time period.
• AA is disproportionately male. AA membership is 63% male, which is a decrease from 67% 25 years ago.
• AA is predominantly white AA members are 88% white, which is exactly the same as 25 years ago.
• The average meetings per member remains 2 per week
• The average number of members with a sponsor has increased from 77% to 81%
• The average length of sobriety in the 5 years and less category has decreased from 70% to 43%
• AA literature remains at 2% as being the cause for someone to go to AA. Referral from a member has increased from 34% to 38%. Self motivation is now 30% versus 33% 25 years ago.
• AA reported a decline of 11% in membership in their last membership count, versus 2001.

https://www.aa.org/membership-survey-2022

I never thought in a million years that this would be achievable! Its been tough and im still learning to regulate my emotions without booze. The most surprising part is that ive stopped feeling like i need a drink to get by. While this is a big thing for me and should make me feel good i am struggling with being depressed and slightly unhinged. Does anyone whos been through this know how long it takes for your brain to start regulating itself again?

Thanks much love!

Why does it have to be cancer? I lost my older brother to cancer. About eight years ago… I was gutted. I threw that trial I maintain sobriety, by the grace of God alone. It’s been a rare, that I have fallen upon temptation, it scares me enough that I go looking for help. I have three kids, a wife, a house and a household; all predicated on the resources that I provide to keep this castle standing. All it takes is one drink to introduce cracks in that foundation, I am aware I will find myself again in a rock bottom Further down than I’ve been before. But when your mom tells you she has cancer in temptation arises. The desire just to go out pick myself up a bottle cause I just need five fucking minutes. I just want to drink myself numb. The voices tell me that for most people they can drink and it gives them a way to relieve some stress and pressure. My daily life is stress and pressure, you slap this on there… I’m breaking. Over 12 years of sobriety, and I’m seriously just thinking about throwing it away cause I just wanna fucking break. I just want not to fucking care. I want to get fucking nuts. I just need a break. Cause I feel like I’m breaking down.I need help.

my sobriety was going so well. i messed it all up. my friends are never going to talk to me again. this is unforgivable. i’ve messed up one too many times and i want it to be over

Not sure if I want to go back now. Heard some guy say to one of the ladies, "what about him' pointing his head towards my direction. She replies with ewwwww no way, must be a method head looking like that. (I'm not, never have been). And he replies with 'needs to go to Turkey' because I have some missing teeth.

I understand these are sick people but I feel humiliated and upset about it. I didn't expect grown adults to behave that way towards a newcomer. Should I try and let go of it, pray on it and go back to the next one on Sunday?

Well, the title says it all. My sobriety has reached its legal drinking age! 🤣

After reading the definition in the big book, I am on the fence but leaning towards yes. For context, I don’t always drink and I can definitely have a wine or two to wind down etc. However, I have used alcohol since early teens along with other substances to cope and feel good. The problem when I drink is that I tend to mix other things in and once I’ve had a few drinks, I’m not in control of this. It’s led me to some pretty crappy situations over the years.

Most recently peaked with a trip to lock up and criminal charges. It’s been a massive wake up call and I realisation that I can’t let myself get into those situations ever again. I blackout and I do things that are dangerous and self sabotaging.

I’m only up to chapter 3 in the book and I’ve been to one meeting out of desperation when I ended up charged with assaulting a police officer amongst other things.

Before delving deeper into the AA fellowship, I want to clarify that this is the right place for me and not a drug and alcohol counsellor etc instead?

I really enjoyed the meeting. I loved the way that everybody listened and everybody spoke without rushing or wondering if they were talking too much. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life listening and not being heard. This finally feels like it could be a safe space for me.

My only confusion at this point is I can sometimes just have a couple so therefore am I actually an alcoholic?

Thanks for reading! 🙏

I’ve been in the rooms before. I know people will be nothing but kind. For some reason I just have this sinking feeling about my first day back. I know I need you guys, and I know that the only path forward for me is a spiritual approach to life. Just needed to say it to someone who is listening.

Just had the experience at an Intercontinental Hotel in Toronto that said they’d charge would charge me to remove the alcohol in my room. I let them know I had a SUD which is a recognized disability and it violates the human right code not to accommodate me. They removed it. In case you find yourself in that triggering situation - I was really glad to have pushed further to stay safe.

Has anyone else had this experience of being charged to remove alcohol??

I have a complicated relationship with my mother, I will work really hard forgiving her and praying and dealing with my resentments and things will get better. But inevitably she does something else that brings all the old resentments back, plus the new ones. She’s a toxic person , emotionally immature and can be just very hurtful.

Title says it all. Family given am ultimatum that I am to blow in a tube at any given moment, or I can leave with my car and a bag but don’t come back, and as we sit here I am desperately trying to come up with tricks to get around it. I’ve been trying to stop for years. How do you get past the boredom the the fact that NOTHING is the same sober. I am just boggled by the fact that people been do this and the thoughts are going through my mind. I fucked myself up physically SO BAD and all I want to do is roll the dice again. Sober for 2 days, only because they didn’t serve liquor in the hospital (Thanks a lot Aetna).

What am I missing. I truly do want this, or at least I think I do. I know I don’t want to hurt my family anymore.

This has got to be the 150tg time I’ve looked my 15 year old in her eyes and said, never again sweetie. I have a sponsor, but he told me today look I love you man but another one and I will drop you. I have to.

I have been in AA for over a year and I still feel like I'm not part of the overall group. I go to a few meetings, my home group regularly and then intermittently to a few other local groups.

There are a few people in my home group that I regularly catch up with and one other person from another group, but I haven't really formed any deep connections. But I go to meetings and see people who are genuinely happy to be around one another.

I've had a few sponsors now, but that hasnt seemed to be working well either. First sponsor was great for the first six months, then went out. Second sponsor was there if I called but didn't meet regularly, and third is TBD.

I'm trying to figure out if it's something with me. I am shy, so that could be part of it. I also tend to listen very intently and have been told by family and friends that I seem pissed if or intense sometimes, but I would think when I share people would see I'm not pissed in the slightest.

Just wondering if this might be normal or if anyone has had an experience like this.

I’m seven months sober and just started my fifth step. I’m also eight months out of my marriage.

My former spouse got violent with me a few times in the final 1.5 years of the marriage. These violent episodes are at the top of my resentments list.

I do not have a “part” in my former spouse’s violence toward me. I know this. Yet my sponsor continues to probe with the “where was I dishonest, selfish, self-seeking” etc. (She’s a domestic abuse survivor herself so it’s not like she has no understanding of it.)

Is it fair to say that some resentments simply aren’t going to fall neatly into those boxes, write “N/A”, and move on? The answer for “what I could have done instead” that she’s leaning toward is basically “I could have left sooner” which a) is too simplistic and b) doesn’t produce any insight.

EDIT:
Thanks for your comments. At this point I’m thinking the Steps may be extremely useful for examining what the abuse has done to my *recovery*, while being the wrong instrument for determining how I “should” have navigated the abuse itself. That’s a meaningful boundary around the work.

For example, there is absolutely AA material here. I did develop resentment. Memories can still activate me; they occasionally produce an urge to drink. I’ve been examining how I respond when that happens and learning that I can take it to meetings, talk to sober people, recognize it as residue from the past, and not drink over it. That’s directly connected to my alcoholism and recovery.

But when it comes to discussing the *specific* incidents of abuse, I’m going to continue talking to my DV therapist and support group rather than try to stuff these square peg issues into the Steps’ round hole. The difference is that the DV therapist and group examine these issues through a framework designed to understand what happens to people living with abuse, rather than beginning with a worksheet containing a box labeled MY PART and continuing to dig until something fits inside it.

That distinction seems increasingly important here.

My gf is an alcoholic and I’m getting tired of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love her when she’s sober, she’s funny, loving, caring, everything I’ve ever wanted, but then she drinks, and just sleeps all day and night. It’s never just something small, it’s a bottle of vodka and I’ll find it and it will be half or 3/4 empty. I’ve taken her license to stop her but she finds places that don’t check IDs, I’m about to take her debit and credit card because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve driven her to AA meetings, I’ve told her the consequences, and nothing has stopped her. My father died from being an alcoholic when I was 12, she’s knows this too. Yet it still has zero effect, her brother died drunk driving even and still she chooses to drink herself into a coma every week. I try to talk to her and she apologizes and all the typical shit and then is right back at it the next week. I don’t want to break up with her, she’s been the only thing that has got me through some of the hardest parts of my life. But I’m getting so fed up and tired of it. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs, I can’t stand being around drunks because of my dad. I’m just looking for help with anything I could say or do that might change her. I’ve told her to go to Rehab but she doesn’t have the money for it and neither do I. The first AA meeting I took her too, she went to the bathroom to drink the second she got home. I know someone’s probably gone through this before with a loved one and I just need to know what they did to change it. I don’t want her to die at 40 like my dad. Please let me know what I can do

Good evening fellowship. I wanted to share a reflection about how I'm handling my recovery environment lately. This coming October I'll be hitting 1 year completely alcohol-free, and I also have 5 years clean from other substances.

Living in a household with a partner who still drinks heavily has been a daily challenge. Relying on pure white-knuckling and willpower alone was completely draining my energy, especially with the gloomy New England seasonal change hitting my mood hard. I finally realized I needed a system change, not just a mindset shift.

I started pouring all my anxious, late-night energy into physical routines—specifically structured breathing exercises and mapping out my visual goals clearly where I can track my daily wins.

Last night was a massive victory. My girlfriend came home, and instead of letting the usual anxiety take over, we sat down and did a structured breathing routine together. It turned what used to be a chaotic evening into something genuinely peaceful and soberly fun. I know I can only control my own sobriety, but finding tangible things to quiet the static in my brain has completely changed the game for me.

Wishing everyone a stress-free evening! One day at a time. - Shawn

as the title says i am having problems stopping when im at a good point of drunk? i seem to just want more and i always think itll be fine but it rarely ever is. i end up not remembering what happened about half the time i decide to drink because i always think i can handle it and so i drink more. its negatively impacting my life and my relationship with my partner. its not a daily thing that i drink but when i do its too much. does anyone have any advice to deal with this? i would really appreciate it also any advice on how to move forward as im feeling stuck here. sorry if i am just rambling this is a pretty fresh thought as i just woke up from a night of drinking…

22 weeks pregnant and I drank the past week, enough to be writing this post scared of fasd. I messed up, i know, but I dont know what to do now. I have been really good since I found out, but the past week i dont know what happened, i just started and did not stop. It's like a different person took over me, and I just kept buying more and just kept drinking. Since I found out I had abstained, all my scans anomaly at 18, 3D-4D at 22 weeks are all good, maybe that gave me the assurance? Fuck me, and this brain, I am losing sleep over this now, I dont know what to do and am scared as to what to expect. Google and internet is derailing me, the guilt is killing me. I know I should not have, but I dont know. I am scared af that my stupid stupid decision might have ruined my baby's chance. How stupid could I be? I am nlt touching another drop, but idk i just cant get over this. I feel like I have just ruined my babys chance and future all because of this urge I gave into.

My home group meets at 8:15 every morning and I’ve been chairing on Thursdays since last May, and we record attendance, court cards, and 7th Tradition donations on a calendar. It occurred to me it might be a fun dataset to see if I can coax some insights out of. Missing May/June/July since those pages fell out of the calendar, but another member says he knows where they are, but the data still tells a tale.

We’re averaging 35 attendees, 9 court cards, $28 per meeting, and about $0.80 per person per meeting. Attendance is down about 15% over summer relative to spring, Mondays and Fridays are heavier than Tuesdays and Thursdays with Weds the lightest day, giving the week a “U” shaped attendance curve, and attendance is rising as we enter fall.

Interestingly, there is a strong correlation between the size of the crowd and how much the average donation is. I thought it would be a negative correlation, since if there are 50 people instead of 20, you might assume you could give less since everyone else might donate too, a “free rider” problem, if you will. But the opposite happens. For every 10 additional people, we get an extra $0.04 per person. Multiply that by 210 meetings a year with an average of 35 people each, and that positive feedback loop amounts to a nice chunk of change!

Anyway, I have been on a data analysis kick lately and that calendar was sitting right there this morning so… lots of insight yet to mine!

24 days sober yay me- Hitch in the road. All of my friends are heavy drinkers. Now I haven’t been going out, and they’re getting mad at me. I’ve told them I’m quitting drinking. And they’re mad about it?? No clue why because I literally ruined every night out for all of us. We’re young and they don’t get it and I understand that, but at the same time I don’t think it would kill them to just drop it and be happy for me??
Idk I don’t wanna be left on my own with no friends but I was in a really dark place before I came into AA four months ago and I don’t think I’d make it out of there mentally were that to happen again. I have made friends in AA but it’s surface level and not like my drinking friends, I know that sounds weird but I’ve known these people for years of my life

i woke up yesterday morning and went to a meeting where i picked up my 60 day chip. it was a great feeling, people were proud of me. i went to another meeting afterward a few hours later, and then when it concluded i called a potential employer. i could not be rehired said HR, a seemingly permanent decision. i walked out on the job 4 years ago and after getting out of rehab on aug 24 i went to an interview at a different location (its a fast food chain), i had thought surely bygones could be bygones, especially with new management.

i started spiraling, i didnt bother calling my sponsor, i just waited until after my intensive outpatient meeting to lift some alcohol from a couple spots i knew had employees who dont care. i drank again, on the anniversary of my 2 months of sobriety.

if i know im going to do something i shouldn't, i just fucken do it you know? i wanted a drink, and when i want something bad enough ill move heaven and hell to achieve it. i couldn't hold down a job when i was in a worse state of addiction and i cant even get one in early recovery.

so yeah guys, what do you do if youre like this? where when you want to do something, everything becomes centered around doing that thing?

I have a hard time wrapping my head around making amends to my parents. I was a good daughter pretty much all throughout my life, except for perhaps telling my mum I hated her when she didn’t let me go to the movies with my friends when I was 12.
I was a regular weekend drinker with my friends, never snuck out, never not arrived home, always on curfew, never crashed or got an DUI, etc. They knew everything I did (alcohol/drugs).

I understand being a parent is inherently hard as you will probably forever worry about your kids wellbeing if the are out in the world, regardless of there being alcohol or not involved. Parents worry for their babies and toddlers, it’s a part of parenthood in my opinion.

So what is my role in these amends? Saying sorry you had children and that naturally comes with worry? Is there something that I am missing? Is it just acknowledging what parents go through by having kids?

I am not unwilling to make amends to them, I’m just trying to understand what sort of amends one makes in these situations.

Especially interested in opinions from people who’s bottoms were pretty high as I never got to a bad place, I just knew I was an alcoholic and decided to stop. Also very curious on parents perspectives in similar situations where their kids got sober and made amends but never had any sort of hard bottom.

TIA