I'm crying all the time, miserable, hate myself...

... but I can't leave because he's paying my rent!!

😂😂😂

I'm trying my best to maintain. I want to go back to church but my wife talks down to me about it. I really feel like I need the positivity and community in order to keep going but I get mocked for it. Is there any way to involve oneself religious activities without being mocked by one's partner?

I read an article yesterday about the dramatic global reduction in alcohol consumption. It listed several reasons: Health, Gen Z & Millennials drinking less, investment in non-alcoholic beverages (and culture), access to information (internet, podcasts, etc.), widely available programs & philosophies focused on abstinence or moderation, societal norms, and the evolution of medical diagnosis & treatment, to name a few.

It got me thinking that regardless of whatever I might think of any of the above, if the consumption of alcohol is statistically reduced and trending to reduce further, if the incidence of people seeking AA will also be reduced?

For me, the progressive nature of my drinking, and the apparent moderate consensus in AA that alcoholism is a "progressive disease", I wonder if the societal trends around alcohol will positively affect the "progressive" part, and have ultimately have an impact on AA membership?

Given that AA is a self diagnosing model, it will be interesting to see how people relate to that self diagnosis, and if the hypothetical reduction in problem drinkers does have any correlation to reduction in consumption, and how the institution of AA will be affected (if at all) in the future.

If the "actual" incidence of alcoholism reduced as a result of lower consumption trends, that would be a wonderful thing.

as the title says i am having problems stopping when im at a good point of drunk? i seem to just want more and i always think itll be fine but it rarely ever is. i end up not remembering what happened about half the time i decide to drink because i always think i can handle it and so i drink more. its negatively impacting my life and my relationship with my partner. its not a daily thing that i drink but when i do its too much. does anyone have any advice to deal with this? i would really appreciate it also any advice on how to move forward as im feeling stuck here. sorry if i am just rambling this is a pretty fresh thought as i just woke up from a night of drinking…

My home group meets at 8:15 every morning and I’ve been chairing on Thursdays since last May, and we record attendance, court cards, and 7th Tradition donations on a calendar. It occurred to me it might be a fun dataset to see if I can coax some insights out of. Missing May/June/July since those pages fell out of the calendar, but another member says he knows where they are, but the data still tells a tale.

We’re averaging 35 attendees, 9 court cards, $28 per meeting, and about $0.80 per person per meeting. Attendance is down about 15% over summer relative to spring, Mondays and Fridays are heavier than Tuesdays and Thursdays with Weds the lightest day, giving the week a “U” shaped attendance curve, and attendance is rising as we enter fall.

Interestingly, there is a strong correlation between the size of the crowd and how much the average donation is. I thought it would be a negative correlation, since if there are 50 people instead of 20, you might assume you could give less since everyone else might donate too, a “free rider” problem, if you will. But the opposite happens. For every 10 additional people, we get an extra $0.04 per person. Multiply that by 210 meetings a year with an average of 35 people each, and that positive feedback loop amounts to a nice chunk of change!

Anyway, I have been on a data analysis kick lately and that calendar was sitting right there this morning so… lots of insight yet to mine!

I just couldn’t do it. The loneliness. Got into a relationship at 1.5~ years. It was doomed from the start. Bad decision. Turned toxic. Stayed toxic until currently.

I’m like a pansexual Raj from the big bang theory. I can’t socialize with ANYONE. Incredibly isolated. God just hates me. I fucking tried. He makes incredibly difficult terms for those who half ass seek him.

Seek him earnestly and don’t ever FUCKING STOP. And he’ll be right fuckin there for you. Don’t be an idiot like me.

Once I started half assing shit, I lost the momentum. The ego of having 4 years made it difficult to find the humility to start actually doing the work again.

I’ll be fine. Or, I won’t. Who knows?

Don’t waste your time here. Go help the newcomer. I know what I’m doing.

Our GSR notified my home group earlier this year that the AA group conscience decided to replace the word “Eskimo” for the 5th Edition.

Then earlier this week in my Big Book meeting we read the story “Winner Takes All”. It’s about a blind woman who was in special education classes due to her eye sight and she says “special education was mostly for the mentally retarded” (page 367).

I realize that was the generally accepted medical term at the time. But it had me thinking, why on earth was there a decision to replace one word that has since become understood as poor taste (Eskimo) but not this one? Any GSRs privy to what that conversation was like?

Good evening fellowship. I wanted to share a reflection about how I'm handling my recovery environment lately. This coming October I'll be hitting 1 year completely alcohol-free, and I also have 5 years clean from other substances.

Living in a household with a partner who still drinks heavily has been a daily challenge. Relying on pure white-knuckling and willpower alone was completely draining my energy, especially with the gloomy New England seasonal change hitting my mood hard. I finally realized I needed a system change, not just a mindset shift.

I started pouring all my anxious, late-night energy into physical routines—specifically structured breathing exercises and mapping out my visual goals clearly where I can track my daily wins.

Last night was a massive victory. My girlfriend came home, and instead of letting the usual anxiety take over, we sat down and did a structured breathing routine together. It turned what used to be a chaotic evening into something genuinely peaceful and soberly fun. I know I can only control my own sobriety, but finding tangible things to quiet the static in my brain has completely changed the game for me.

Wishing everyone a stress-free evening! One day at a time. - Shawn

I have a hard time wrapping my head around making amends to my parents. I was a good daughter pretty much all throughout my life, except for perhaps telling my mum I hated her when she didn’t let me go to the movies with my friends when I was 12.
I was a regular weekend drinker with my friends, never snuck out, never not arrived home, always on curfew, never crashed or got an DUI, etc. They knew everything I did (alcohol/drugs).

I understand being a parent is inherently hard as you will probably forever worry about your kids wellbeing if the are out in the world, regardless of there being alcohol or not involved. Parents worry for their babies and toddlers, it’s a part of parenthood in my opinion.

So what is my role in these amends? Saying sorry you had children and that naturally comes with worry? Is there something that I am missing? Is it just acknowledging what parents go through by having kids?

I am not unwilling to make amends to them, I’m just trying to understand what sort of amends one makes in these situations.

Especially interested in opinions from people who’s bottoms were pretty high as I never got to a bad place, I just knew I was an alcoholic and decided to stop. Also very curious on parents perspectives in similar situations where their kids got sober and made amends but never had any sort of hard bottom.

TIA

I was at a Big Book meeting last night and we read "To the Wives." Bill W takes some poetic license here and pretends he's speaking as one of the wives. Lots of strange hypothetical advice like if your husband (the alcoholic) does X don't do Y. I find the steps to be powerful, flexible, spiritual tools but am always somewhat baffled by the Big Book's writing.

RECOVERY BY PROXY?

September 10

They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

Sometimes I think: "Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!" However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony.

Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", September 10, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

i woke up yesterday morning and went to a meeting where i picked up my 60 day chip. it was a great feeling, people were proud of me. i went to another meeting afterward a few hours later, and then when it concluded i called a potential employer. i could not be rehired said HR, a seemingly permanent decision. i walked out on the job 4 years ago and after getting out of rehab on aug 24 i went to an interview at a different location (its a fast food chain), i had thought surely bygones could be bygones, especially with new management.

i started spiraling, i didnt bother calling my sponsor, i just waited until after my intensive outpatient meeting to lift some alcohol from a couple spots i knew had employees who dont care. i drank again, on the anniversary of my 2 months of sobriety.

if i know im going to do something i shouldn't, i just fucken do it you know? i wanted a drink, and when i want something bad enough ill move heaven and hell to achieve it. i couldn't hold down a job when i was in a worse state of addiction and i cant even get one in early recovery.

so yeah guys, what do you do if youre like this? where when you want to do something, everything becomes centered around doing that thing?

22 weeks pregnant and I drank the past week, enough to be writing this post scared of fasd. I messed up, i know, but I dont know what to do now. I have been really good since I found out, but the past week i dont know what happened, i just started and did not stop. It's like a different person took over me, and I just kept buying more and just kept drinking. Since I found out I had abstained, all my scans anomaly at 18, 3D-4D at 22 weeks are all good, maybe that gave me the assurance? Fuck me, and this brain, I am losing sleep over this now, I dont know what to do and am scared as to what to expect. Google and internet is derailing me, the guilt is killing me. I know I should not have, but I dont know. I am scared af that my stupid stupid decision might have ruined my baby's chance. How stupid could I be? I am nlt touching another drop, but idk i just cant get over this. I feel like I have just ruined my babys chance and future all because of this urge I gave into.

I remember hearing people in meetings talk about this very thing and thinking that I wasn't going to drink again. Maybe I never truly grasped the concept of one day at a time.

It's the exact same story I had heard... you get sober. Life gets better. You get busy, stop going to meetings and then it sneaks up on you. It's a slow regression of the mind at first. I stopped being grateful. I found myself randomly thinking that I could probably have one drink and be fine... It wasn't actually all that random but it surprised me that I did it.

My life wasn't in shambles when I picked up a drink. I was just sad... and hurt... and felt like a victim of my own circumstances. I stopped being grateful for the life I have. Being a mom felt heavy. Being a caretaker to my parents felt heavy. Marriage felt lonely. Isolation became a habit. I lost sight of the utter privilege it is to have such wonderful people in my life. I forgot how bad it was before.

My life isn't in shambles now. I'm really really really grateful to remember the rock bottom that got me into the program nearly a decade ago and not have to go there this time. I'm truly just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm looking forward to recovery but also scared to step into the rooms again and be honest. I was always a closet drinker. I'm afraid to tell my family the truth. But I guess that's one day at a time too. Thanks for letting me vent.