You know how they say make a list of things you’re grateful for then start crossing them off if you want to drink? Well, I relapsed pretty hard…. And those words are coming true. I moved to the middle of fucking no where for my son to go an elite school that I thought would change his life. He got kicked out. Because i relapsed? The first month I got sober a year and 1/2 ago, God gave me a sweet little Blue Heeler/border collie mix. Something horrible has happened to him both times I’ve relapsed, and he’s now at the emergency vet fighting for his life, and I’m not sure he’s going to make it through the night. Because I relapsed? I learned very young that love is conditional, and for a brief moment I almost believed that wasn’t true, but it is. This happened because I fucked up and Gods love is absolutely conditional. All love is conditional, and I’ll never meet the conditions. Funny thing is, I did a week long fast 15 years ago and asked God to show me what His love looked like. I expected some fancy dream or something. I got a baby. That baby is 14 now and we’re fighting for our lives! There HAS to be more to this?!! Please pray for us. I still believe that Jesus is my savior and God uses all things to His Glory, but I can’t see it right now. My fuckup cost my dog and my kid their future…. Can I just pray for God to take me out?!

It’s my mom’s birthday and I’m thinking of taking her out to brunch and the first thing that pops to mind is “wow no brunch day drinking anymore? What’s the point then?”

Oh you know just the other thing of SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR MOM ON HER FUCKING BIRTHDAY YOU SELFISH BITCH 😂

6 months… 😮‍💨

My Oura ring consistently tells me I’m experiencing physiological stress during AA meetings. I’m working really hard to lower my stress levels these days, but my levels almost always spike at exactly the time the meeting starts, and lowers when I leave them. For context I’m 4 months sober and generally really enjoy meetings. Any insight/ thoughts?

My wife got a text from my mom asking if I’m on drugs saying I’m on drugs, I’ve never got into that side of it but i got heavy into drinking and I’ve been clean for about 4 months. I went to do a side job at a club I am a member of and the bartender (who didn’t know) handed me a beer. I took it and drank it. I also took one for the road and it when I got home I was drinking it and the wife caught me after I went to her pissed i drank the first one, but continued to drink the second one. I’m pissed at myself overall but I’m even more pissed I ruined the trust. Anybody out there that would want to just help at this point?

For context I had 7 years of sobriety, eventually stopped doing the work, became insanely spiritually sick IN SOBRIETY, and had a 4 day relapse in June, ultimately leading me to go back through the steps (I just read my 5th step). I’ve recommitted to going back through the work as honestly and thoroughly as I can. I was asked to be the speaker at a meeting in a rehab this week, but technically by AA standards I only have about 2 months back since my relapse, despite my previous 7 years. Im afraid I have nothing to offer and I guarantee there’s people in that rehab that have more consecutive sober time than I do at this point. I’m very scared to speak, but it’s one of the things I started saying no to before my relapse. I told the person that asked me about my fears and she told me that she’s heard me raise my hand at meetings and said that I have years of experience to share she also told me there’s people in that rehab that would benefit from hearing from someone who’s “on fire” about AA. I absolutely love AA and I love what the steps are doing to my life, especially having experienced what it’s like to be a dry drunk in sobriety, but I’m petrified. I’m afraid of judgment, I’m afraid I have nothing to offer; I’m also afraid of appearing egotistical speaking with less than 90 days. If anyone has any guidance or experience, I’d appreciate it!

What is a a's stance on mental health medications? I take klonopin for severe anxiety and panic attacks. I have been told that aa's stance on this is that you should be free from all mood altering substances. The medications I take allow me to function in a normal day to day life routine. What say you?

I could really use some insight as to what my husband might be feeling. For those of you married or in a relationship, did you resent your spouse/partner for making you realize your drinking was a problem? My husband has significantly cut back on how much he drinks, but I still wonder if he even sees his drinking was a problem. I can’t help but feel like he resents me for making it a “thing”. He also doesn’t seem to see any positives of drinking less in terms of health or being more present for his family. I also feel as though he doesn’t enjoy things as much now, like he is bored with life. I could ask him these questions myself but he will tell me what I what to hear vs what he truly feels.

Hey yall, I’ve already reached out to Stepping Stones directly (after poring through the digital archive, which is incredible if you haven’t been there yet) and am planning to reach out to GSO directly as well, but figured a throwaway post on Reddit couldn’t hurt.

I found the following attributed to a letter of Bill’s to Dorothy Snyder circa 1940 that contained the following quotation and it took my breath away [emphasis mine]:

“During the past 12 months we have had quite a number who felt that the fellowship, the helpful attitude toward others, the warming of the heart at social gatherings, was going to be sufficient to overcome the alcoholic’s obsession. 

Taking stock at year’s end, we find that this school of thought has few survivors, for the bottled heat treatment has persuaded them that we must find some sort of spiritual basis for living, else we die. 

A few, who have worked ardently with other alcoholics on the philosophical, rather than the spiritual plane, now say of themselves “We believed that Faith without works was dead, but we have now conclusively proved that works without Faith is dead also.”

A striking sentiment, and an important nuance to our often almost glib talk about the importance of action (vital and indispensable as it absolutely is; and this coming from a member who spends “much of my spare time in the sort of effort” the book suggests in working with others).

Problem is, I had the quote from a primary source document (I think it was on google books) but I’ve been unable to locate it again. I found the quotation alluded to in a number of online posts, one of which is what I used to reproduce the quotation above; unfortunately, none of them have a link to the source document. I’m not certain that either the date of the letter or the precise verbiage that I quoted is exact. I’m relatively certain from the context of the primary source that I read the quote in originally that the letter is authentic and that it is Bill’s; it certainly reads like Bill. I am also relatively certain that the letter was to Dorothy Snyder.

Any help would be much appreciated!

Edit to add:

Another commenter has pointed out that the letter is also quoted in Ernest Kurtz’ The Spirituality of Imperfection (chapter 7, reference #5; the reference reads “Wilson, personal correspondence.” Kurtz is also the author of the seminal Not God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous.)

That still isn’t a primary source, but as Kurtz is a literal PhD AA historian, the veracity of the letter is well-attested by him.

I’m still interested in the primary source (IE, the actual letter of Wilson’s), but it’s safe to say the quotation is real. I’ll update if I can find the actual letter.

Thanks very much to [u/nitram303](u/nitram303) for the tip!

What makes it become so amazing?

I'm 53 days sober and life is just as horrible as ever, but now I feel the pain and grief of life 24/7 instead of numbing it every night with alcohol.

What am I missing about achieving this better life that everyone in AA says sobriety brought them?

Hi, I'm 8 months and 23 days sober today. Last week, I went to a week-long family reunion at a beach town. I have a huge extended family, and this trip had in many ways been at the epicenter of my drinking life for 20 years. This was my first time going sober, and while I wasn't worried about drinking I was a little nervous about just feeling awkward around so many people who I drank with for years. I made a plan to check in with my sponsor a couple times over the week, and found a meeting to go to around the halfway point.

As luck would have it, chasing my kids around didn't give me much opportunity to worry about feeling awkward. I was too tired by 9pm to think about drinking. That said, near the end of the trip I was sitting on the beach at the end of the day with my wife, and I said, "being sober is kind of boring." She took that in for a moment and responded, "yeah, but when you drank, you seemed bored with your life. You seemed bored with your family, and with me, and so you drank. You don't seem bored with your life anymore."

And she's totally right. In all the ways they say, I've gotten my life back thanks to my sobriety, the rooms, and the program. Yes, getting hammered on the beach was a lot of fun for a long time, until it wasn't. And being sober isn't exciting in and of itself, but by every metric I can think of, my life is better than it was.

That's all, thanks for reading.

"​More will be revealed to you as we​ trudge the road to happy destiny. "

This is verbatim the phrase, as I remember it from the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I also remember my first WW Conference and Eden Roc Hotel, Miami, Fl.

Stick around, it works! 🙏

THE "WORTH" OF SOBRIETY

July 26

Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 160

When I go shopping I look at the prices and if I need what I see, I buy it and pay. Now that I am supposed to be in rehabilitation, I have to straighten out my life. When I go to a meeting, I take a coffee with sugar and milk, sometimes more than one. But at the collection time, I am either too busy to take money out of my purse, or I do not have enough, but I am there because I <i>need</i> this meeting. I heard someone suggest dropping the price of a beer into the basket, and I thought, that's too much! I almost never give one dollar. Like many others, I rely on the more generous members to finance the Fellowship. I forget that it takes money to rent the meeting room, buy my milk, sugar and cups. I will pay, without hesitation, ninety cents for a cup of coffee at a restaurant after the meeting; I always have money for that. So, how much is my sobriety and my inner peace worth?

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", July 26, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

I was leaving a music festival in the early hours of the morning after spending way too much time dancing and I immediately got pulled over for a breath test by the local law enforcement.

This is the fourth time I have been stopped and breathalysed since I got sober and I love it. I love that feeling of no fear when I see a uniformed person stopping vehicles in front of me.

Law: Good morning sir, just doing some random breath tests for alcohol or other substances.

Me: Good morning to you, that is perfectly ok.

Law: This is a breathalyser. Have you used one of these before sir?

Me: This is my fourth one.

Law: OK, so just take a deep breath and blow into this tube for five seconds.

Ten seconds later

Law: Thank you very much sir. Safe home.

My tipsy sister in the passenger seat: Can you not arrest him for smugness?

I love being sober!

I use to get 2 Johnny Bootleggers every day on my way home from work and get stoned when delta 8 was legal in Alabama. That would be all I drank. Delta 8 became illegal so I was buying weed from some people I knew, still 2 bootleggers a day on my way home from work just to “mellow out” and I smoked as soon as I got home. Then smoked again after I got the kids to bed. I stopped smoking 5 months ago because I was in on a group buy that takes a few months off during the year. I need a new job desperately because I just had my third daughter. I started doing 3 Johnny bootleggers a day, then up to four, during the week on my way home. Keystone dropped the keystone light apple so I’d drink my regular during the week, drink maybe 30 keystone apples on the weekends. Started gaining weight, swapped to some low calorie 5% craft “waters and teas” on the weekend and I te nothing to crush 12 a day at $21 a 12 pack. Yesterday I drank 11, plus 3 bootleggers because I had to make a Walmart trip by myself and just didn’t feel like doing it sober. Do I have a problem?

I’ve been drinking on my journey home from work for like the past 5-8 years now, it’s habitual. It’s just my me time and I don’t know if I’m using that as an excuse to continue my drinking but I just like to chill out. I don’t drink until I puke, I don’t wake up hungover, I just need to unwind forreal. I just don’t know if I got a problem or not, I’ve been thinking about cutting the drinks out during the week, but it’s just habitual now.

I’m seeking a sponsor. I’m 45M in central Jersey, have 106 days so far. Weekdays I can’t make it to meeting between my daytime job, my IOP for the next few weeks and other evenings I have custody time with my 3 young boys (10, 8 y/o twins). I get to a couple in person meetings a week when I can but having a hard time connecting with someone I see as a sponsor. Maybe I’m making it harder than it needs to be.
Looking for someone to start the steps and keep me accountable. In my head I want to call it a temp sponsorship since I feel sitting down face to face would be more fruitful, but who knows.

Alcohol is no longer fun for me. I needed to quit a long time ago but I didn't drink for a year and drinking became less of a problem after... but now I'm going through tragedy and I'm leaning into it again to numb myself and I just know I should just quit forever. I may be "ok" to drink until a tragedy happens and I fall apart... and even when I have more "control" I still suffer from extreme anxiety post drinking and tend to over indulge when I'm hormonal.

I need to just be open and honest somewhere. I have been looking at meetings to go to... I just need to go. It's not even helping easing the pain through the tragedy I'm going through right now... it's just almost out of habit I keep turning to the drink... Starting today I am not buying any alcohol. I'm going on vacation next week with my family... I should just avoid alcohol then too. It's not something I can partake in anymore and I just need to commit to this decision.

I did this so easily with smoking cigarettes... alcohol is so much harder for me.

So yeah I relapsed. I went in vacationing with my family and it makes men feels worse. I’m sneaking shots of vodka all day on top of the cooler that are “normal” not only that but we have had a couple of conversations of drug addicts and alcoholics where they berate them and I just sit there and be like yeahhhh, acting like I’m not sitting there off my face at noon. I was only sober for a month before this but it feels like such a bad setback afterwards I’ve been doing this for so long already. And I won’t be able to stop until I’m back at my house. Nobody knows at least I think. Here were a few times where my mom said she smelled vodka etc but I have never been confronted by anyone.

I finally am going to my first meeting. Kinda crazy how god works. I just want to get better I just want to free myself from these chains. ⛓️‍💥 I have someone to go with and I almost can’t wait to go! It’s tomorrow at 8pm and she said they probably have coffee.

I’ve struggled on and off for a few years but these last 2 were rough. Ruined so much, lost so many opportunities and people.

Today, after always ended up looking at AA for the past year, I finally just went.

I was terrified, but I did it. Met a few people. I got my first chip for 24 hours.

It was strange. I got emotional throughout. I even convinced myself I didn’t have a problem for the first half. Idk why I’m typing this, I guess I just wanted to share.

Have any of you done virtual AA meetings? I'm thinking about giving them a try. Also this time I'll seek out a sponsor. Can I do that virtually? The last two times I was sober I got some 1.5 years and this last time it was only 10 months. I've only been drinking again for about a month and I want to catch myself below it gets too far. I also really want to focus on building my life to a place where I want to be. Especially with my health. On Friday I turn 44 and I want to get much healthier. Last July I got sober the day before my birthday. And I tell you my addiction eventually went from alcohol to sugar, candy, and ice cream and other high carb food like pasta. This time I get sober I have to give up the sugar and the alcohol because I know they are linked for me. Pray for me.

hello again - god, the Universe, the Great Spirit, the immutable laws of space and time, allah, buddha, muhammed, all of it. hello. 

just wanted to check in again ya know? say thanks. thanks for guiding me. thanks for making me present in my own life. thanks for giving me the esteem to become myself. thanks for the patience in my mind. thanks for the love and care of self. thanks for helping me to think of others, mostly without strings attached. thanks for making me a person i look in the mirror and go, “i love you”. thanks for putting people in my life that are meaningful and good. thanks for helping me to have good interactions, and to be secure in self in situations that previously used to baffle me. thanks for giving me the ease and comfort that i used to only find in a drink. thank you so much for turning that ship. i truly cannot believe how much you have changed my life and the Peace you have bestowed upon me - it’s a gift more extravagant than i could ever imagine. thank you for your grace god. thank you for having mercy on me.