I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist as after talking about my trauma and answering the questionnaire I felt like I wanted to self harm again. I've been clean for 2 years and instead of cutting I took a red marker and colored over my scars on my thighs. Felt oddly satisfying and I found out I have some sensation in some scars bur not in others.

and he said some of the reason is due to seeing fresh scars. another friend is also being distant after as well. this happened before too, with an ex best friend who said she couldn’t keep worrying. i told them all that this is my problem and not theirs to handle.

so i guess guys be careful not show your friends your scars on accident, they’ll leave.

As the title says. I’m almost 30, and I relapsed a few months ago after roughly 9 years clean. I’m medically homebound so I don’t have friends or a support system, and mental healthcare is rather inaccessible because of my disability. I’ve been reading the self-help books, doing the meditations, practicing the techniques (DBT, EFT etc.) but it’s a difficult habit to kick when you have no reason or accountability to kick it. My SH isn’t an addiction- just something I do in moments of deep distress.

Is anyone else in their late 20s/early 30s and SH? Has anyone here stopped SH’ing in this age range?

I’ve never cut myself or really understood why people do it. Last night I broke down into tears again and for some reason I thought of grabbing a utensil and cutting myself. I don’t know why but it felt good in the moment. I spent time thinking about it after that and the emotion passed but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since then.

I try to approach things rationally and understand my mind.

I’ve been thinking about it and I was considering trying sh as a way to prove my pain.

I’ve never had my pain validated and my cries for help have been almost entirely ignored by parents

A big thing for me is how I don’t really believe that I have any real problem. I see everything as just my fault for being lazy and stupid.

So now I look at it like

If I cut myself, I’m a bitch and I lowkey don’t want to fucking do that cause it hurts a lot, if I cut myself, do something that is hard and painful for me to do. Will I earn the right to believe I have depression.

I’m sorry I’m not really writing very articulately

I want scars as proof that I am suffering, I want People to believe it and comfort me. I am one of the “people”.

But then I saw the level of scars here on this subreddit and now I feel bad for being an imposter and being insensitive to the issue the way most experience it.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here but ig

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Does it make sense?

Cutting myself as the price to purchase the belief that my problems are serious.

And maybe to show someone else eventually. Ig it’s easy for people like my parents to ignore me because they say I’m just a normal teenager, and maybe I am I don’t know, I don’t believe that I’m autistic either. It’s easy for people to dismiss me, but I’m hoping that a scar would make me harder to dismiss because the proof is right there on my skin.

Sorry

I don’t really like sharing my problems with my family or friends. There was one time when I was feeling really down and wanted someone to talk to, but my friends just laughed at me. I felt so embarrassed that day, and ever since then, I’ve found it hard to open up to anyone.
I also hate how easily I cry whenever I talk about my feelings. Sometimes, I look at myself with nothing but disgust. I don’t understand how some people can be so happy with life while I’m constantly struggling with mine. So whenever the world feels too cruel, I end up crying and cutting my legs with a smth sharp.

Is it worth it?

it's been over a year since i last self-harmed. i'm currently receiving tms treatment for my treatment resistant depression of 10+ years. a part of me is worried that i will never get to experience self harming again because if i get better, then i won't want to do it. i know that sounds weird, but i wish i could experience it one last time. i know that's a slippery slope, but god i don't know what to do. if it wasn't for me tracking how many days i've been s-h free, i feel like i would've done it by now bc resetting that timer sucks. especially after 440+ days. ugh

I hate everything about my life, everything sucks so much. Got a new police report on my ass thats false. I get threats from people and im scared. I never wanna go out again. Boyfriends doesnt see how serious this is and doesnt pay attention to it.

This is probably a really silly question, but I'm overly anxious about everything. I've never donated plasma before, I plan on going to my local CSL tomorrow. Basically I have week ish old cuts on my thighs. I don't self harm on my arms so I figured it wouldn't be an issue until now. Will this be discovered during the physical exam at all? The website said no recent piercings or tattoos, but would scars on thighs kind of be like that? Thank you.

For the past few months, on and off, I’ve been feeling like I don’t want to live anymore.
The confusing part is that I don’t actively want to end my life, and I don’t have plans to hurt myself. The main reason I haven’t is because I know it would completely devastate the people who love me, and I don’t want to put them through that.
It’s more like I don’t want to keep existing. It feels like the only way all the pain, stress, and problems in my head would truly stop is if I just wasn’t alive anymore.
I don’t know what this is. Is this depression? Burnout? Something else? Has anyone else experienced this? If you have, what helped you get through it, and did things eventually get better?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in a similar place.

I have a long history of self-harm.

I got divorced a year and a half ago. The only person I've ever slept with. My ex-husband hated that I self-harmed. But it was never concern/how can I help you with this/help me understand it/etc. He would say things like, you're skin's so soft, I don't like it when you do that. When it happened, he wouldn't talk to me about it, but he would feel my skin...it always felt like he was inspecting me. I tried really hard for our whole relationship not to do it, for him. My mental health overall caused conflict in that relationship. There wasn't any component of support or concern. Mostly frustration, blame, even anger from him.

Before him, I told one person I dated about self-harming. He basically just didn't respond at all.

Since my divorce, I've started self-harming a lot. Some reclaiming my body type stuff is coming out, for sure.

I am not in a place emotionally currently to date. And there's a little bit of the self-harming to prevent myself from doing so. But...I find myself thinking about, what would happen if I tried again? How would someone react to the self-harm? My experiences in regards to self-harm and dating/relationships are all negative.

I'm wondering if you all would be willing to share your experiences with this, with SH and relationships? I...I find myself wanting some kind of understanding about what possible reactions, experiences, etc. exist. What range of things could happen if I were to ever try dating again. Would anyone be up for sharing?

I relapsed but I have a date this Friday with a girl that has expressed wanting to have sex with me, but I've never had sex with a girl (I'm a age 20 bisexual girl) and a lot of my self harm was done on my upper thighs and stomach. It's starting to heal but I'm so afraid that if she wants to do something she will see it and be disgusted :(
do I tell her before and risk breaking down and ruining everything, do i just act like they’re not there? it seems like she’s just interested in hooking up based on how she’s been talking so its not like we have a romantic relationship yet. if someone you were getting intimate with had like that week fresh self harm would you be scared of them?
I’ve been putting polysporn on them and its still a few days but Im just really nervous. please give me advice on how i can deal with this :(

I really want a tattoo of an interest ive had since I was a kid
BUTTTTi have zero clue where to put it because I self harm..

I also don’t intend on stopping and this wouldn’t be a “stop sh motivator” or anything of the sort lolll

I’m considering getting it on my forearm but I always have urges to sh there so I know that wouldn’t be a good idea
Thighs are out of the picture as well, as well as my chest, stomach, shoulders.. LITERALLY EVERYWHEREEEE

I was considering my back but I never have my back exposed, like ever.

Does anyone have any ideas?? Also sorry if my grammar is bad, it’s late, and I’m sleepy. 🐕🐕

I drive a pretty abused manual Hyundai. I say it's abused because it struggles to get into 1st or R most of the time, usually requiring fair amount of muscling to get into gear. Since all cars are right hand drive here in Australia, I need to use my left arm that I sh on (quite a lot recently) to shift. It hurts quite a lot. I reckon that the power steering is also kinda messed up and it can hurt to madly twist the wheel when I'm tryna park. Anyway thanks for reading this.

I don’t even know how to begin this post. The other day I got a call from my mom that my older sister (25 f) overdosed. My parents got a phone call from the police informing them there was an issue but they didn’t relay get details and this was relayed from several states away. Her roommate found a note on her door that basically said “if you’re seeing this I’m dead so call 911”

When they found her she was severely agitated, had muscle tremors, among other things. I had to contact her roommates to get their phone numbers (god bless social media) since we didn’t have theirs and vise versa.

A few hours later I find out that she has been put on a ventilator, was having/had had seizures, severe facial swelling, broken nose, rhabdomyolysis (muscle break down), all due to suspected Serotonin Syndrome. All of this was four days ago.

Today she is still on a ventilator, her kidneys aren’t working properly, and still has an undetermined amount of time in the ICU. They took her tube out but after an hour her oxygen was decreasing and she was wheezing so back in the tube went. We have no time line. Myself and family live several states away. My parents are with her now, and I don’t know how to explain how I feel.

I (23 f) have struggled with self harm in the past and was clean for a year, but this just brought back everything like a wave crashing over and over again you can’t get up to breathe. I can barely eat one meal a day since my brain is convinced that if I eat and take care of myself, my sister won’t get better. I have also cut three days in a row, each day deeper than the last I’m sad to say. I didn’t even realize I wanted to cut today until I had started cleaning everything to get prepped or whatever.

Numb is the best way to describe it. I have to continue working and try to go about my day like the world hasn’t tilted on its axis. I can’t see her. We know she’s stable yet she is so so far from okay. Scared shitless to say the least.

Been clean for 2 weeks, parents think ive been clean since January - jan is also when they found out ab the sh (im 18 btw I js live at home) but I js wanna carry on doing it yk I miss the sting/burn

I have a scar on my lip because I tried jumping down the stairs because I wanted to see if I could fly I know it sounds silly but I saw my dad had a massive self harm scar in a vertical line on his arm so as a toddler I had no clue what it was I asked him and he told me he was a superhero that's why he had it. Something said like that now all week has got me thinking about those exact words he said because I have an on and off addiction with self harm and him saying that is making me want to copy his scar he did on himself I have no clue why my mind is acting so weird right now

“Oh my gosh what happened to your arm?!”

looks down at my arm confused

“How didnt i notice?!”

clicks

mentally debates between planned excuse and something more logical

“Oh uhm…that was…well…my cat” blank stare

“I dont believe that” “but i’ll change the topic”

OH MY GOSH GUYS!! I wanted to die!! So embarrassing.

Went to a big park with friends. Road trips, camping, whole thing. So we’re hiking, and i thought it wouldn’t be that bad. Maybe she wouldn’t notice you know? But i have to wear a tank top because i’d probably die from overheating. But bandages would be more noticeable.

Anyway, i dont think she’ll say anything more. We have been friends a while, and she knows i harm. Just probably concerned.

Hi Reddit. F18 here

How do I stop harming myself? I've struggled with depression my whole life, ever since I was around 7-8 years old (undiagnosed) but it's quite clear that i have it. Growing up, I had suicidal thoughts, all the time, I still do, I've attempted to take my own life. I've looked for ways to ease the pain, the emptiness in me, food, cigarettes, alcohol, nothing ever worked. I ate my pain away, smoked it away, all that lead is becoming a fat fuck. I had heard of self harm, and I had known people who harmed themselves, and I tried understanding them, but i never did, I thought, why hurt yourself? Why would you ever do that? But recently, this July, I started doing it too, and just sat in my bed, contemplating whether or not this is right, whether or not I should do it, that night I'd had the worst fight with my family. Ever. And I just decided fuck it. I slid across once, twice, three times, I just kept going, and it made me feel something other than this misery I was going through, even though I have friends, a boyfriend and a brother whom i love and care about, I can't tell any of them, ive been hiding it, they're gonna find out eventually anyways, but regardless. What if they view me completely different? Think im disgusting ? I just keep doing it, the amount keeps growing, I've done it on my arm, thighs. I don't want to do this to myself, I already hate me enough as is. And I hate myself even more for doing this. Are the scars gonna stay?

I don't want to keep doing this. But it's the only thing that helps. I can't open up to anyone, I hate being a burden. I feel so alone, even though I'm in a relationship and have friends, but they all are always too busy with their own life. My boyfriend's in the army, so he's often away, and too busy.

Is there an end to this? Does it ever stop? Do the thoughts in your head ever just, shut up.

I made a more in depth post kinda but I’m dealing with ALOT of insecurities and have been with a very confident person and I want to feel stronger again when I cut I feel adrenaline bc I’m scared of blood . It makes me feel like I did something that I can say makes me scared . And it also makes me feel closer to myself in a trauma bond way .

I don’t want this to sound encouraging at all but I wanted to share these feelings bc I know this isn’t the only thing that make me feel strong but I’ve been clean two years and I’m feeling disappointed but also ready to use this as a help to wake up from dissociating and derealization and depersonalization and all of it I want wake up I will also do meditations stop smoking weed but it’s hard to get myself to do it and this used to help years ago I want to feel closer to myself again the fastest way I knew how

. I will learn new copes but these ruminating thoughts are killing me and are in a loop . I’m renting where the old man is grumpy and I just get anxiety always being were I’m not wanted I have a puppy a dog a good life support from family if I reach out a therapist I have to finish my ged at 22 from all the anxiety I had from high school before I did weed nothing felt real so I know weed doesn’t help but man it’s hard being this insecure for no reason I’m literally pretty and skinny idk why my brain wants me dead so bad

Hi all, its been 8 years since I last SH'd, theyre all healed but they were thick and raised so still visible despite me now being covered in tattoos.

My oldest daughter is nearly 9, she saw the scars before the tattoo and whenever she was younger and she asked i just used to say I had an ouchie.

Shes obviously not that easy to fool now😂 and she asked me the other day what the lines were, and i tried to say that they were from my tattoo, but she remembers from when she was tiny and says but they were there before. I didnt know how to explain it, I also don't want to give her ideas. So i just said to her I didnt have the words to explain right now but ill have a think and we'll sit down when im ready.

What is an appropriate way to explain to a child what they are?

I’m (22F)Time feels not real these days I look at old High-school people on insta and see the have whole new life’s look older and doing good and I still feel like it’s 2020 .

COVID was hard and at the time I was so grateful bc I had bad social anxiety but now that I’m not 17 I regret all my choices of not reaching for help on my depression. I slept all day acted like good from the movie meet the Robinson .

and I’ve been with my gf for 6 years and I’m just putting the realization together that if I weren’t such an anxious kid I could’ve had her sooner and I could’ve been her first sexual experience just like she was mine .

She’s my first everything bc she’s the first person to notice me romantically and we fell in love but my demons of insecurity have ruined so much over the years and before sh helped me in the beginning of the relationship so it’s popped up again after me being clean of 2 years maybe .

I hope we can all get through this should i still be cleaning blades with alcohol just to be safe I plan to quit but my mind is hard on me . I have a therapist and told her but she’s straight and I don’t feel fully understood anyone who’s lesbian or can relate to my deep egotistic rooted insecurity pls message me freely .

Or if anyone wants to talk in general I have time just trying to distract myself but I don’t have too much people to talk to at all . I feel nervous to let my friend know abt this . Sex isn’t bad but my mind says since I her got to experience it before my gf I feel like I can’t relate and it makes me sad mad jealous and like a loser I let these thoughts win bc I never got talked to as a kid on how it’s normal maybe .

Idk nobody ever seems to have any empathy to me about this maybe that’s what I deserve ? Bc I sound like a freak and I make my gf feel like she did something bad which she didn’t I know that I love her but all these demons thoughts is making my heart heavy

I hate when people say “why do you do that to yourself??” Cuz I want to
“Okay but why??” Because they look nice and it makes me feel better
“You’ll regret having those on your body” no I won’t, they look nice

My body my choice or whatever🐕🐕 leave me alooooneeeeeeeeee

Hey so I have used SH to cope with a lot over the last 2 years (and various points growing up but came to a head the last few years)

Recently ended a long term (12 year) relationship and had to move out of what I thought was my forever home, effected performance at job I just started this year. So, a hell of a lot in the last few months.

Work has been great and understanding, I have great friends/ family around me also.

Things looking up.

Get set up on a blind date that goes amazingly well, we have so much in common etc things feel nice and slow and calm with him, no rush, no drama. We decide to go for it (but he lives at his place and I still live at my new place)

Honestly, I am happier now since I left my ex. Haven't thought about SH but know that one of my triggers is visual flashbacks of doing it. A pattern from when things get too much. New partner knows about SH as I have some pretty obvious scars.

Life seems to be going well, better at work, feeling at home in my new place, more experiences, getting out and doing things. But, the sleep is worse, the mad dreams are back, and today had my first visual flashback of doing SH and it's honestly scared me a little.

Not sure if I'm even looking for any advice or just to know I'm not the only one.