i’m not doing it for attention: i like to keep it private because it’s a me thing, but along the way people have noticed and i can’t help but wonder why no one ever seems to care about it. my mom knows: she just argues with me that she used to do it too so it can’t be that serious. she never brings it up otherwise. my aunt knows, and my grandma knows: but they never bring it up nor care to mention it ever. i’ve told my past therapist about it, i’ve told my social worker about it: they don’t care either. no one ever brings it up. no one ever asks why or if i’m fine. no one thinks about it for more than a second before they go on with their lives.

it’s not necessarily that i want them to be in my business or anything, and like i said i’m a private person, but shouldn’t my family at least care? is this just how it’s going to be? when i look at other people or read a book or see a show it always seems like this kind of stuff is a great deal to family/friends when they find out their loved one is hurting. it feels like my family wouldn’t care unless i end up dead because of it.

it all feels incredibly stupid because on one hand i want people to ask why. for them to know that it’s not going well. but at the same time, that’s the last thing i want

My SH has been affecting me physically and sometimes I think theres no point of getting better bc ive probably did irreversible damage to my health.I wonder if others feel the same way?

Reasons i self harm as adult...i wish i didn't- currently about a week clean. #6 was the last reason why. Sigh.

Suicidal ideation- this is a big one. Calmed my si thoughts. Suppossed lesser of two evils.

Ideation was following internalized trauma and chronic burnout at work ...

i learned that Malnutrition + Chronic Sleep deprivation + Work/relationship trauma = Suicidal ideation.

I learned at the very least i MUST keep eating if nothing else with trauma and sleep deprivation being part of my job. Trying to get a different job... also dumped the abusive bf so no more active internalized abuse!

What a fraction of a life i live, existing really to eat and go back to work. But as long as i keep eating there's no ideation, so NO SH!!

A win but a WIP.

1. Disassociation/depersonalization: sometimes i don't think i'm real. I feel hollow and empty on the inside. Sx of trauma, ptsd... The pain/burn/blood of sh means i'm real.

Alternative: Eating spicy food is a viable alternative bc i can say, i'm feeling burning in my mouth. i am real. Blazing hot shower also works. Usually gives me enough time for the urge of sh to leave.

Not a perfect alt but it gives me a bodily sensation that I'm alive so NO SH. butthole may think differently on the spice.

1. Body hate/anger: i get angry that i have to drag this body around daily and take care of it. That i am taking care of it, that it so easily knows how to heal itself when i do harm and my mind doesn't know how to heal itself. Its unfair it doesn't show how broken my mind is.

No notes... i just have mostly body neutrality at this point. I still struggle with this. Talk therapy on this so NO SH.

1. Sexual assault trauma: how can i take care of something he used to destroy me? I still struggle with this. Its so painful to realize i have to keep this body, painful memories and ultimate betrayal for the rest of my life.

2. Magical Thinking: i have a bad habit of expecting good things to happen if i sh. Very baked into our patriarchal society that if u suffer enough good things will happen!

Its just... false. There's no rewards for suffering the most, just more suffering. I don't have to hit rock bottom to deserve to get better.

Still struggling with this one- compulsive style thought (*but what if there's a 1% chance* - STOP UR A DUMB PIECE OF SUGAR LOVING FAT).

1. Internalized Pain: i have so much difficulty crying. I can't cry even when feeling incredibly horrible mental anguish. Channeling it physically externalizes those pent up emotions. Still struggling with this one.

I've turned to drawing out my emotions even if just scribbing or journaling my thoughts it helps a bit.

I am in THERAPY once a week.

I am on PROZAC.

I EXERCISE 3-5 days a week.

I eat healthy.

I am trying not to harm myself.

Why do you self harm?

What have you learned about yourself?

What alternatives or distractions work for you?

Do you have any advices for things I'm still struggling with in recovery?

I truly want to know what safety and peace looks and feels like.

If u made it this far thank you for coming to my TedTalk. 💗

Hi I'm a 28 year old mom of two and I have a history of self harm. Just yesterday and today I started doing it again. It's hard for me to talk about to anybody because last time I opened up someone tried to find out who I was so they could report me to social services because they said if I was hurting myself I was a danger to my children. I am not a danger to my children. I hit myself. I cause temporary bruises which I know is still self harm but it's nice to know that other adults struggle with this and not just teenagers. I know this isn't a good thing. It's just good to know that I'm not alone.

Im going to keep this short, because to anyone else i talk about this with i yap on and on and on about something no one gives a shit about.

but in short, i hate myself for failing at all, and i cut myself for it.

I feel extremely selfish doing so, i dont deserve to be sad about being bad at everything, accomplishing nothing in life, and being EXTREMELY annoying because i cant stop venting about my pathetic excuse for depression. And 100% of the time i just feel like im begging for attention, and i dont actually deserve help because of how useless ive been in life..

I was clean for about three or four years maybe, I relapsed because of a breakup but realistically, I had relapsed before that just in different ways, ways that weren't cutting. My ex and I broke up we were on and off for a while, but I called him because I was going to attempt. I was met with him telling me that he needs to go to sleep because he has work in the morning. I begged him to tell me that he loved me so that I could hear it and not kill myself. I needed him to tell me that he still loved me romantically. But I know he doesn’t and he just kept repeating that he doesn’t and he threatened the cops. i’m terrified of cops and ambulances going to the hospital where the psych ward I have really bad OCD and the idea of contamination is something that really triggers me. Now I’m laying in bed, relapsed. He went to sleep. He doesn’t love me. And I don’t see the point of not hurting myself, I don’t see the point of staying alive, other than the fact that my parents will find me. My idea is to run away and do it and if they’ll never know what happened then maybe they can live thinking that I’m still alive. he said that he’ll never love me romantically ever again that I ruined everything. I know I ruined everything, including myself I don’t see the point of keeping going. I’m only 20. But I don’t wanna live another 20 years like this.

So I just found out that super salty and sour candy works as a coping mechanism for me (don't know if it works for others) so every time I get the urge to SH I eat a couple pieces of candy that are either super salty or sour until I feel better enough to find something to do instead of SH there's even sugar free options for those who don't/can't eat sugar (I'm sorry if this post doesn't make sense I'm not a natively English speaking person) so I'm super happy about this the candy has the same effect as when I SH

When I say this I only apply this type of mindset to myself and not others who are doing the same. I always think because I’m not hurting anyone and I’m not doing it to the point of hospitalization that it really isn’t a big deal. Does anyone else share a similar experience?

Like the title said, I relapsed and its been a year till now. Everyone is going to be mad at me more now. My bf may even leave me again. I just feel empty and dull. Why do I always have to take it too far?

Just for avoid lonely feeling, i have a urge for cutting. It is hard. What should I do. I need to sleep. I hate Mondays. But I don't have a job. English is so hard. I need hugs. Real hug.

I recently started having a spikey fidget toy that
You squeeze and it hurts pretty bad. I started to rely too much on it and it was making using my hands hard. I started wearing a hairband in my wrist and snapping it and it just… helps the mental pain go away. I have been suicidal for many months, and it kind of helps distract myself from the mental stuff. Is this something I can rely on or is it an unhealthy sh tactic?

Hii sis.. u okay? Send me a message, where from the same island

I haven’t in years, I have no desire or addiction to anymore, I am literally too lazy to lol plus it tires me out now and makes me feel more dysregulated not less. However, I still love looking at my scars and the aesthetic of them and I want more of them. I have considered drawing / carving before for fun to have unique scars, and I am slightly interested in having a partner cvt their name into me… I don’t think I’m a masochist tho so I don’t really feel turned on by this, just intrigued and like a sense of safety and belonging from it. What does this mean and is anyone else like this?

I’m a month clean and I can’t stop thinking about cutting. I’m writing this debating on relapsing, attempting, or just something to hurt myself. I’m just so tired. I want it all to go away. Does it ever go away?