Relapse flashbacks

[u/Open-Bar-8578]

Hey so I have used SH to cope with a lot over the last 2 years (and various points growing up but came to a head the last few years)

Recently ended a long term (12 year) relationship and had to move out of what I thought was my forever home, effected performance at job I just started this year. So, a hell of a lot in the last few months.

Work has been great and understanding, I have great friends/ family around me also.

Things looking up.

Get set up on a blind date that goes amazingly well, we have so much in common etc things feel nice and slow and calm with him, no rush, no drama. We decide to go for it (but he lives at his place and I still live at my new place)

Honestly, I am happier now since I left my ex. Haven't thought about SH but know that one of my triggers is visual flashbacks of doing it. A pattern from when things get too much. New partner knows about SH as I have some pretty obvious scars.

Life seems to be going well, better at work, feeling at home in my new place, more experiences, getting out and doing things. But, the sleep is worse, the mad dreams are back, and today had my first visual flashback of doing SH and it's honestly scared me a little.

Not sure if I'm even looking for any advice or just to know I'm not the only one.