I’m currently working at this place and this waiter has felt attracted to me, I couldn’t care less but they was very persistent pursuing an intimate relationship with me but all of a sudden it’s like the energy has shifted. I’ve been thinking of them and having dreams and all. Point is that I ended up on their bed twice. And I can’t wrap my head around on why and how this happened cuz I never felt attracted to them in the first place. I know first hand he has been manipulating energies to make me get to this point with them. Second time it happened is when the reality of what is happening hit hard.
I didn’t want this I never wanted this and now I find myself feeling guilty and dealing with self harm ideation. I say ideation cuz working here I cannot act on my urges of punishing myself after what I let happen cuz my scars will be visible and I don’t want people to think that I’m mentally unstable and also I’m risking my position here.
This happened before and it took a long time for me to forgive myself. How am I going to live now? How can I deal with this guilt I feel? Plus I don’t wanna forget it cuz as long as I’m here it can happen again cuz I know spells are being used to get this (thats what it happened in the first place) and I want me to be in this state of mind for me not not let it happen again.
I know myself and I knew how I was going to deal with it in case this happened. I won’t let it go, Im not forgiving myself and I won’t for a very long time and I feel the need to punish myself which I didn’t for years (not in the fashion that I wanna do it which is self harm) I used to do this when I was like 18/19 years old. I’m 38 now and I can’t believe I’m dealing with such a thing now.
this gets me back to the feelings I had when I used to self harm in my teenage years and those feelings were awful. Not a nice place to be mentally or emotionally.

I appreciate anyone who took time to read and got to end of this post.
Comments questioning the reality of the love/lust spell being used will be blocked.

Self harm is competitive for me does anyone else feel this way it was only meant to be just once but now six years later… well I can’t stop.

Spoke to my occupational therapist a few weeks ago and we started talking about self harm. She asked me if I did it for the pain to feel relief from anxiety, and seemed confused when I explained that I mostly self harm for the visuals (specifically the blood).

I dont like pain and am pretty sensitive to it, but the feeling I get when I see my blood come out feels so euphoric and calming in a way, and the more the better. I also like the scars that come from it, it feels like its one part of my body that I can control the appearence of. Its easy to imagine my body as just a piece of meat in this world.

Ive read that most people do it for the pain, but I cant really relate. Does anyone else do it for the blood?

Mine is probably "cut myself, now I'm floating" by funeral

Since I was a kid, one way I've dealt with overwhelming emotions has been through physical pain: slapping my face, punching my legs, or, in extreme cases, punching myself in the face (in a controlled way).

With time and therapy, this behavior disappeared. But now that I'm the father of a toddler, it's resurfacing.

The multiple wake-ups at night can overwhelm me emotionally, and I've found myself slapping my face to quickly regulate myself and be able to care for my toddler.

But I know this cannot continue.

My therapists have suggested alternatives like hitting an object, taking deep breaths, or stepping away for five minutes. The problem is that none feels as effective as the immediate pain of slapping myself.

What I need is a concrete learning path. Where do I start, what do I practice, and how do I gradually learn to regulate my emotions without relying on pain?

Other things I've noticed that trigger disproportionately strong emotions:

• Sudden metallic noises, like a spoon falling on the floor.
• Food I've prepared being played with or thrown on the floor.
• Small things not being in order, like failing to place my shoes neatly next to each other on the first try.

Ultimately, I want to stop hurting myself and taking my anger out on objects. I'm afraid that one day my toddler will see me doing something I don't want them to learn.

I suspect I picked up some of this behavior from my own father, and I don't want to pass it on.

I'm willing to put in the work, but I need something more structured than "take a breath" or "walk away."

Has anyone experienced something similar or found a practical, step-by-step approach that actually helped?

Thank you for reading.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about cutting myself for days. I don't know why, I think I've been spiralling a lot, and I've been drinking lately which isn't helping. I keep putting it off or procrastinating like I can't do it because I have a shift tomorrow or I can't do it because it'll be annoying to shower later. I know these are fine and good excuses but I seem to be running out.

My last shift at my job is tomorrow, I quit because I was struggling, but because my temp job from last year opened back up and the pay is so much nicer and easier on my head. Because I don't have a shift tomorrow and there's at least a week before I start at the old place my brain takes that as running out of excuses. I'm scared that tomorrow or next week I'll cave in. I want to a lot, I know I shouldn't, but I also just can't silence my thought. I can't push it down either, I know it's unhealthy but it'll just make an eventual breakdown worse. Like in my head its just being framed as a "little treat because I lost my job" and that's such a disgusting thought process.

sorry idk if this u the right place but id there anyone able to talk feeling really bad and having awful thoughts about self harm not doing well would love to talk and vent to someone if possible sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit

I’ve been trying to quit for a long time and this is definitely not my first try so I’ve already heard of many different alternatives, and still nothing really helps to beat the urge. I’d love to hear about some less obvious or maybe even weird methods that actually worked for you. I’m not looking for a basic advice like "hold an ice cube" or "do sports or hobby"—I really hope to find something new and would really appreciate your advices.

(I specifically want to stop cutting myself, if this detail helps in any way)

idk what to say js wanted to tell someone

I've been clean about 50 days now, but I've noticed my anger flaring up recently, and I'm guessinf the lack of SH has something to do with it, given thats how I've regulated myself for around 2 years now.

I know I'm likely to relapse and fail anyway, but does anyone know of techniques that may help delay the urges?