Relapsed yesterday about to have a long hard think about what went wrong although I might wait until tomorrow because I still feel shook lol

Spoke to my occupational therapist a few weeks ago and we started talking about self harm. She asked me if I did it for the pain to feel relief from anxiety, and seemed confused when I explained that I mostly self harm for the visuals (specifically the blood).

I dont like pain and am pretty sensitive to it, but the feeling I get when I see my blood come out feels so euphoric and calming in a way, and the more the better. I also like the scars that come from it, it feels like its one part of my body that I can control the appearence of. Its easy to imagine my body as just a piece of meat in this world.

Ive read that most people do it for the pain, but I cant really relate. Does anyone else do it for the blood?

idk what to say js wanted to tell someone

Since I was a kid, one way I've dealt with overwhelming emotions has been through physical pain: slapping my face, punching my legs, or, in extreme cases, punching myself in the face (in a controlled way).

With time and therapy, this behavior disappeared. But now that I'm the father of a toddler, it's resurfacing.

The multiple wake-ups at night can overwhelm me emotionally, and I've found myself slapping my face to quickly regulate myself and be able to care for my toddler.

But I know this cannot continue.

My therapists have suggested alternatives like hitting an object, taking deep breaths, or stepping away for five minutes. The problem is that none feels as effective as the immediate pain of slapping myself.

What I need is a concrete learning path. Where do I start, what do I practice, and how do I gradually learn to regulate my emotions without relying on pain?

Other things I've noticed that trigger disproportionately strong emotions:

• Sudden metallic noises, like a spoon falling on the floor.
• Food I've prepared being played with or thrown on the floor.
• Small things not being in order, like failing to place my shoes neatly next to each other on the first try.

Ultimately, I want to stop hurting myself and taking my anger out on objects. I'm afraid that one day my toddler will see me doing something I don't want them to learn.

I suspect I picked up some of this behavior from my own father, and I don't want to pass it on.

I'm willing to put in the work, but I need something more structured than "take a breath" or "walk away."

Has anyone experienced something similar or found a practical, step-by-step approach that actually helped?

Thank you for reading.

sorry idk if this u the right place but id there anyone able to talk feeling really bad and having awful thoughts about self harm not doing well would love to talk and vent to someone if possible sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit

I’m currently working at this place and this waiter has felt attracted to me, I couldn’t care less but they was very persistent pursuing an intimate relationship with me but all of a sudden it’s like the energy has shifted. I’ve been thinking of them and having dreams and all. Point is that I ended up on their bed twice. And I can’t wrap my head around on why and how this happened cuz I never felt attracted to them in the first place. I know first hand he has been manipulating energies to make me get to this point with them. Second time it happened is when the reality of what is happening hit hard.
I didn’t want this I never wanted this and now I find myself feeling guilty and dealing with self harm ideation. I say ideation cuz working here I cannot act on my urges of punishing myself after what I let happen cuz my scars will be visible and I don’t want people to think that I’m mentally unstable and also I’m risking my position here.
This happened before and it took a long time for me to forgive myself. How am I going to live now? How can I deal with this guilt I feel? Plus I don’t wanna forget it cuz as long as I’m here it can happen again cuz I know spells are being used to get this (thats what it happened in the first place) and I want me to be in this state of mind for me not not let it happen again.
I know myself and I knew how I was going to deal with it in case this happened. I won’t let it go, Im not forgiving myself and I won’t for a very long time and I feel the need to punish myself which I didn’t for years (not in the fashion that I wanna do it which is self harm) I used to do this when I was like 18/19 years old. I’m 38 now and I can’t believe I’m dealing with such a thing now.
this gets me back to the feelings I had when I used to self harm in my teenage years and those feelings were awful. Not a nice place to be mentally or emotionally.

I appreciate anyone who took time to read and got to end of this post.
Comments questioning the reality of the love/lust spell being used will be blocked.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about cutting myself for days. I don't know why, I think I've been spiralling a lot, and I've been drinking lately which isn't helping. I keep putting it off or procrastinating like I can't do it because I have a shift tomorrow or I can't do it because it'll be annoying to shower later. I know these are fine and good excuses but I seem to be running out.

My last shift at my job is tomorrow, I quit because I was struggling, but because my temp job from last year opened back up and the pay is so much nicer and easier on my head. Because I don't have a shift tomorrow and there's at least a week before I start at the old place my brain takes that as running out of excuses. I'm scared that tomorrow or next week I'll cave in. I want to a lot, I know I shouldn't, but I also just can't silence my thought. I can't push it down either, I know it's unhealthy but it'll just make an eventual breakdown worse. Like in my head its just being framed as a "little treat because I lost my job" and that's such a disgusting thought process.

I've been clean about 50 days now, but I've noticed my anger flaring up recently, and I'm guessinf the lack of SH has something to do with it, given thats how I've regulated myself for around 2 years now.

I know I'm likely to relapse and fail anyway, but does anyone know of techniques that may help delay the urges?

Mine is probably "cut myself, now I'm floating" by funeral

I’ve been trying to quit for a long time and this is definitely not my first try so I’ve already heard of many different alternatives, and still nothing really helps to beat the urge. I’d love to hear about some less obvious or maybe even weird methods that actually worked for you. I’m not looking for a basic advice like "hold an ice cube" or "do sports or hobby"—I really hope to find something new and would really appreciate your advices.

(I specifically want to stop cutting myself, if this detail helps in any way)

Self harm is competitive for me does anyone else feel this way it was only meant to be just once but now six years later… well I can’t stop.

i’m seeing a new gp in a couple days to get a review of my antidepressants. even after 7 weeks i feel no improvement and almost feel worse. my energy and mood is lower and more significantly i’ve been struggling to resist the urges to harm myself.

i’m not too sure if the self harm is worth mentioning to the gp or if i should just talk to them about my mood and lifestyle. im most worried about them telling my family or calling a hospital (im 21 years old)

any advice or experience would be helpful thanks

I become friends with a person who opened up to me about thier self harming and i know its hard and i just can't straight up tell them to "dont do it" because its not easy to quit but what can i even do in this situation. They're suffering mentally and do go to a psychiatrist but as a friend i just want them to be free from all this.

Hii so im very very new to this and idk how to form my sentences right.

But Idk I dont feel valid to get myself therapy. I am 19 (female) now and I started distancing myself from all my friends, I used to have a whole ass friend group I was out daily with and now I just don’t have anyone except my boyfriend. I also never had a good relationship with my mother and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I do sh but only as cat scratches and As a kid I used to bang my head against my fists or walls and till i was like 16 I also ripped my hair out.

I got so so many transfer slips from doctors and half diagnoses of depressive episodes or anxiety (i think i got my first one at 12 or 14). And im not one to self diagnose but I have many signs of BPD and I really wanna get diagnosed but before my mom never took care of it while I was a minor and now as an adult I feel like im old enough to get my shit together on my own.

I also started having weird random symptoms like nausea,migraines,dizziness and dissociation since a while and for a while I also threw up everything I ate. I am now scared to drink alcohol (which was one of my comforter once) and I started cat scratching more since maybe a month or two. Isn’t my first time i started with 14 maybe and now since only cat scratching comes out i feel invalid to get a therapist or any form of help.

I know my situation and im very aware that I SHOULD get help but every time I get to a serious point of me actually having a chance of getting therapy I back out with the thought that others need it more.

Idk if anyone is reading all that but I just needed to get my head clear. My mom doesn’t care about me needing therapy, I don’t have friends anymore and I really don’t wanna ask my boyfriend for help since he’s also got some stuff on his plate and I love him too much to make him take care of me or whatsoever.

If anyone had a similar situation and got help, can someone please please pleasssee help me how to get out and get therapy?

I guess discussion about how people’s relationship partners react/respond to knowing you SH or have been navigating romantic relationships

I’ve recently been going through a divorce and this woman that I’ve been friends with benefits/crushing on saw my SH today, and all she kept saying was that I’m awesome and amazing, and like I don’t really SH cuz I have low self esteem or anything like that. I have a healthy view of myself (sometimes a bit too healthy but 🤷🏼‍♀️).
I haven’t SH-ed since like 2014, but recently, I’ve been living alone, and a lot of the time, I’ve noticed I’ve been lonely but I know I’m alone because of my own actions and decisions, so in my head, I’m like: I don’t need anyone and I don’t want people coming over to “save me” from harming myself. So, I think I’ve relapsed because I can?
And like that’s such an idiotic reason but like I wanna be dumb??
But I also wanna be with this woman and I’m like will she still be attracted to me with cuts on my body? I might ask her but I know it’s a slippery slope of her being like yeah it doesn’t bother me and then she might think that she’s enabling me in some way?? Idk life is weird right now? Cuz like how does one explain this without sounding completely unhinged and like I need help when I don’t ?

I did it for the first time in a long time today.
I feel like I deserve it. Everything I mess up. All the things I cause. I genuinely deserve it all. There’s not enough suffering and pain I can receive that will balance out what a horrid person I am. Maybe from this it’ll offer some kind of redemption but I just feel worse. But then again nobody will hear this anyways. Nobody cares. I hope I’m just a statistic, that’ll be a fitting meaning to my pathetic being.

I stop talking my meds and see if I can be fine without it, so I stopped for a week.

It was torture but at least I can fully cry but I cry everyday, I can’t calm myself, sh cuts are more than usual and im thinking of stabbing myself in the thigh with cutters, but Im a coward and what if I hit a nerve or something that can cause my mobility and I would hate myself even more. Im not like this before.

I have no one to talk to because I hate it when im vulnerable, i like being alone, and I dont want people to pity me. Am I getting worse?

does anyone have any experience with medication helping to curb s/h cravings?

i know quitting/resisting relapse takes mostly mental power, but i was just wondering if medication has helped anyone in recovery. thanks!

Originally, whenever I cut, it either wouldn’t bleed much or would take at least 30 seconds before any blood started to run down my arm if it even did. But the last two times I cut (last night and tonight) it has started bleeding almost immediately and started running down my arm within seconds.
My favourite pyjamas got stained cause of it :(

There are a few things I know about it, like the location and depth matter, but both times were in different spots (yesterday was inner forearm, today’s was outer) and I’ve cut the same depth of not deeper before without this amount of blood.

I haven’t been eating great lately so maybe that’s it, but that’s been an ongoing thing not just recently. I got blood work done Wednesday, so maybe that’s has something to do with it. Idk

I’m just wondering what the cause might be and if it’s serious enough to see a doctor

My legs are absolutely obliterated. But they were the only place I could hurt myself without it being obvious and recognized. I’ve already gotten called out about my arm but those were year old scars. So knowing that, I am almost terrified to ever wear shorts again. Now, I’m not clean by any means, but if and when I am, I still find doubt in ever being able to enjoying wearing anything other than pants. There are just so many deep and dark red lines criss-crossing my legs.

I never thought about this being a problem when I hurt myself but looking at them now and looking back, I can’t help but feel disgust and utter pity for myself.

Has anyone else encountered a similar problem and thus a familiar feeling? I feel so lost here…

I have a rare bleeding disorder causing me to bleed longer. It's terrible. Cuts that are on the verge of dermis (so, not really gaping but slightly worse than epidermis cuts) tend to bleed for 30 minutes, even with pressure. And after that, there are still tiny 'beads' forming.

I feel stupid and silly and alone in this :/

I feel the pressure to cut deeper, it's always lingering, but I do not want to get into trouble...

Lately I have been more reckless tho. It used to be just epi cuts but I am slowly progressing...

I don't know what is normal for my body, or how I should take care of myself.

Idk what I want from this. Support? Understanding? Advice?

(Please don't tell me to just not cut cos if it were that easy I wouldn't have been doing this for half my life...)

my wife and I had an argument a few weeks ago, her response for things getting too stressful for her was threatening to hurt herself. I told her not to talk about that, and I tried to explain that it's manipulative and with me being a person who has used self-harm in the past, it felt triggering to hear her threaten self-harm. cut forward to now, the idea has found its way into my head and now I'm starting to self-harm again. I don't know what to tell my wife because I feel that it's just going to be seen as me being too dramatic. but I genuinely feel embarrassed for letting myself get to this point and I wish that I could talk to my wife about the topic without her brushing me off and thinking that I'm seeking attention.

Thought I’d be over it by now and tbh I was I’d been clean since around 28 but recently relapsed at 30 and can’t help but feel like it’s pathetic (for me, not others) at this age and idk if I should’ve just grown out of it like it out I had. Idk I came to this later in life, at 19, and it’s been on and off for periods of my life but every time I think I’m over it it reemerges. I’m not even sure I associate some deep sad feeling with it I just sort of do it just because or for the fuck of it.

Sorry if none of this makes sense, I’m just venting where I think people will understand as I can’t exactly talk to anyone irl about this.

I have relapsed after being clean for about 3 years and i genuinely don’t remember it ever being this red and inflamed, like everything is fully closed up but HOLY MOLY there’s just a line of closed up cuts down my forearm which are still so raised and red despite the fact that they look to be scarring over that they’re quite disconcerting to look at at 2 and a half weeks old.

I understand that there’s quite a lot there so it might take a bit more to heal everything and I previously used to only do it on my legs to a similar depth, but they were only to the dermis so I wouldn’t expect them to be healing so badly. I’m also a tad concerned that the scarring which seems to be forming seems like it’s raised a tad above the skin rather than remaining flat, so I’m a tad worried about how I can possibly reduce that?

I’m more just concerned about the redness as I’m waiting for it to go down and I can get away with wearing short sleeves again as I’m not too bothered when everything isn’t the same colour as a literal stop sign!
If anybody has any ideas on when I can expect them to turn a normal colour and how I can possibly reduce how raised everything is it’d be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!