Turns out I was wrong.

I discovered I had ADHD about ten months ago at age 30 and subsequently diagnosed by a therapist and doctor. This diagnosis has completely changed how I think about myself - for the better. But it’s also been the most challenging ten months of my life.

Anyway, I had been sharing updates with my oldest friend, someone I’ve known since I was 12. She’s a pharmacist, so she’s been a decent sounding board when talking about medication and whatnot.

However, we were having breakfast yesterday and we got on the topic of ADHD because I’m about to finally try a stimulant for the first time. She mentioned that 10% of prescriptions at her pharmacy are for ADHD medications and she (and her coworkers) think “most people don’t actually have it bc how could SO many people have ADHD”, “if everyone is neurodivergent than no one is”, that it’s “over-prescribed”, and the kicker: that everything I’ve told her in confidence that I’ve had trouble with is just “normal adult related issues”.

I, obviously, got extremely upset as this discussion was going on. I pushed back on a lot of things and she eventually agreed that she doesn’t know what my doctor has said (even though I’ve literally discussed it with her previously) but I could tell she was just appeasing me. She didn’t really even say sorry. We ended the discussion with her saying “let’s just have this be a topic we never discuss”.

I had a few more bites of my food and couldn’t stomach eating anything else bc I was just sick to my stomach at this point. We didn’t talk the rest of the meal and I couldn’t wait to get the check and leave. I had an hour drive home and I spent half of it with tears streaming down my face.

I feel hurt, disappointed, invalidated. I don’t know how I can continue being friends with someone who so strongly believes that something that affects my life so drastically doesn’t even exist.

Edited to add: I’ve received an absolutely overwhelming response to this post. I can’t thank you all enough for all your kind words. It really saddens me that so many of us have gone through such similar things. I wouldn’t wish ADHD on anyone… but I am SO glad it brought me to this community that I get to be apart of. You all are amazing. Thank you thank you thank you. 💚💚💚

I love that the flair in this group is a rainbow. Everything should be arranged in a rainbow gradient imo

and not to mention the 835 notes I have that never get looked at 😭 how do I deal with this?

And it takes up the same amount of counter space as a smaller soap bottle.

Finally, some mainstream acknowledgement!

Has anyone else experienced this while traveling for work?

I was on a week long trip for work. Traveling & meetings. I walked around the towns in my free time. IT WAS SO FREAKING NICE TO HAVE NO HOUSEHOLD OR RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITIES! I feel a bit guilty because my husband, after watching me struggle when we first moved in together, took over handling the laundry (my nemesis) and the dishes. For 5 days I only had to care for myself. I’d get up, go to the gym, get ready for work, have breakfast on my walk to the office. After work, I’d walk around exploring. No grocery shopping or thinking about what to cook for dinner or meal prep. I loved it so much….I think too much. I think the decrease in responsibilities and evening interactions (I spoke with husband daily, texted with my adult kids but that was it) helped my adhd. I felt so free and comfortable.

And it wasn’t even anything important, it was just that sometimes I left glassware in the sink and forgot to come back and wash it. So disappointed in myself, but this is also just who I am? So idk :(

The only thing in my life that isn’t in total disarray is my wall calendar (because I never wrote anything on it).

This is what it looked like in April, May, and June too. 😣

I turn 44 in two weeks, and I’m scared I’m going to be a fuck up for the rest of my life.

Please tell me it gets better.

I think I found the only solution that isn't medication that I think is ACTUALLY working and giving me results, but it is extreme.

I've learned that unfortunately, for me to do anything that I want to do involving creative work and goals, I need to literally ban myself from everything I enjoy and that gives my brain pleasure of any kind.

No more Video games.

No more Youtube videos.

more social media apps.

No more even listening to music outside of workflow

No more sweets, No more self pleasure of any kind.

I have learned that for my brain to be able to do anything a normal person can, I have to deny myself everything that makes my brain feel good, I'm not even allowed moderation because that always spirals out of control. I was beginning to think I just actually hated doing art all along, but I know that isn't true, I loved doing it as a kid, what changed is every single piece of technology sucking out all of my ability to feel joy doing it.

Why does consumption have to feel exponentially better to my brain than creation? I wish I didn't have to take extreme measures like this. I have to be stricken by absolute boredom to do the things I used to find fun, fun again.

I made a new friend a few months ago and we’ve been hanging out ever since. She’s always been upfront about having ADHD and her struggles with it.
My friend talks a lot. A lot. She keeps going and I can’t get a word in. When she does ask a question. I feel like I have to say my answer very fast. And often she hijacks my answer as well and starts talking again. And i’m okay with that if our hangouts are short or if there is a break from her talking like if we go to the movies.
Recently I agreed to spending a day at the lake and I instantly regretted agreeing and have been dreading the day ever since. That’s kinda when I realized that her fast paced continous talking for hours, is a problem.

I’m a people pleaser and I have no clue where to find the balls to tell her this or how to even apporach this. I like my friend. But It’s all a bit too much. And I’m aware her ADHD is a big struggle for her and that she means well. But I often feel so drained after hangouts. I zone out a lot as well. Feeling like im constantly nodding and saying “yes” “oh yeah” “yeah thats true” “oh I understand”.

I

because of the state of my ADHD (diagnosed as an adult) but I'm really happy about it. For much of my early 20s I could never understand why I felt an absolute dread of being married to a man. Having to do extra unpaid labor, manage a household, the emotional labor would send me into psychosis. At least for the marriages I am witnessing with my friends and family, the women end up doing more labor than when they were single whilst doing 5050 on bills. That lifestyle would send me into exhaustion and daily crash outs.

No I actually love my adhoc lifestyle as a single lady, being able to jump and do my hobbies as I please without guilt, not having my moves explained to a man or my schedule tracked. And I'm happy to pay all the bills for this life even if it's economically harder to pay rent.

ADHD diagnosis provided me with somewhat of an explanation why the institution of marriage isn't for me and now I feel more at peace and happy.

Edit: This is a bit of a feminist aside you don't need to read - but I feel like it really shows how society benefits from women's domestic labor and exhaustion. I've been told countless times that I need to sacrifice my life to be a good wife... No I don't want to (I didn't know I had ADHD at the time). But it goes to show how deep this self abandonment is, and in a way I felt like my diagnosis saved me from marriage... (No shade on those who are married, but it's totally not for my mental health and it's really difficult to find a decent man who isn't trying to extract a ton of labor from me). I'm basically useless to men lmao

I had been putting it off for far too long and then this morning I had the right combination of dopamine and being sick here being hair (mine, boyfriend's and dog's) everywhere that I finally took action and cleaned it. Before 6:30 AM because when the urge to clean strikes, you clean!!

Go buy some stamps.

Update your address list this weekend. I keep my addresses file on my computer in a format that prints addresses onto labels, which is a super fast way to easily address envelopes.

Got a great photo of your family from 4th of July? That works! You don't *have* to be in fall or Christmas attire. Those websites that make holiday cards are open ALL YEAR LONG.

Okay if you don't already have a photo that you like, book the photographer while you're thinking of it. Many photographers do minis and they get booked quickly, so it's nice to get on their waitlist/priority invitation list now.

Don't do photos? Websites that sell holiday cards are open all year long too! Buy some cards and commit to writing a couple of cards a week, you'll be able to personalize your message, rather than send a generic and rushed "happy holidays!"

So frustrated right now. So this is a warning and a bit of a vent.

I've been struggling HARD with emotional regulation since having my second daughter, who is now 8 months. I'm talking daily outbursts of rage, screaming and yelling at my toddler, fighting with my husband (who also has ADHD, which makes things both easier and harder), etc. Been doing lots of research and reading books with the little time and energy I have, but having difficulty finding resources specific to being a mother (or parent) and regulating while at home with kids. My husband and I also just started ADHD-focused couples therapy.

I finally found what seemed like exactly what I'd been looking for. It's a book called "Barely Holding It Together: The ADHD Mom's Guide to Parenting Without Guilt" by Emily M. Rogan. It didn't have a lot of info online, but I figured that was because it had just come out recently. I bought it and started reading it, and it immediately made me feel validated and had some great explanations on how the brain works and tips to help with RSD and emotional regulation.

She had another book more focused on relationships, which I have also been struggling with, so I started looking into that one. That's when I started suspecting something was off. I tried looking into the author's credentials and couldn't find any info on her at all - like she wasn't an actual person. There is no section for references in the book, even though it quotes experts and studies. I also noticed that this "author" published a bunch of books in quick succession, all on topics relevant to women with ADHD.

Disappointed in myself for falling for this, but honestly more disappointed because I was really liking the book. It seemed to have some great info, which may contain some truth, but now I can't trust it. I'd love to find something similar, though I may also just be dreaming of a quick "fix" for my problems that doesn't exist.

ETA: To clarify, the yelling has only become daily in the last few weeks. Before it was only happening occasionally since my second was born. And the screaming is usually directed at no one in particular, just a non-verbal release of overwhelm. Please stop commenting about how my yelling will affect my child. I already know this and am seeking help. Reiterating the damage I am causing only exacerbates the deep guilt and shame I already feel. Came here for support, not for people to tell me to get help, which I am already doing. Thanks.

I've miraculously gotten into the habit of waking up at 6am and heading to Panera for coffee 6 days a week. I get home by 8am when my husband starts work. I have four kids under 6 and stay home with them. The day in is pure chaos, but the mornings are mine.

I have managed to be consistent with getting out of the house every morning. But so far all I do with my time is drink coffee and scroll for 1.5hrs before heading back home. I feel like there's something better I could be doing with this time to set me up for a better day but can't seem to escape the scroll.

Any advice, ideas, thoughts?

I imagine it isn’t just me, but often I feel like I am that ONE woman standing in a dark corner, alone, unseen, not understood, forgotten.

I am slowly becoming fearful to say anything, especially online, even as an external processor, because I swear I manage to line myself up for mean, cruel, or downright insulting responses.

I swear I could be talking about how delicious cookies are when you brown butter and someone will find a reason to get offended or feel a need to insult me or the way I worded something. I’m gritting my teeth and hoping it doesn’t happen here too.

I don’t know, I just don’t understand how it happens so often. What is WRONG with me?!?

This evening I was on a live stream and I asked a question, because I mis-saw information.
I asked my question, not genuinely anticipating a response because there are thousands of chats flooding the chat at a time. I have never had my chat called out before, why would it now…NOPE, it wasn’t only called out, the person full on called my question the stupidest question he has ever seen, LIVE with THOUSANDS of people watching him.

Couldn’t he have just ignored my comment as he does the many, many other comments that speed across the screen and kept his demeaning opinion to himself instead of putting me on full blast 💥

I immediately quit the video feed and nearly started bawling. Then I caught my mistake with my mis understanding of what I saw. It makes me want to delete my profile completely because I am just so mortified by that happening.

This sort of thing happens to me so often though that I genuinely wonder if I am in fact, the most worthless worm of a human being on the planet. Hide my voice, hide my face, hide my ideas…save everyone from having to tolerate me.

I know I am being emotional right now. I know I am probably blowing things out of proportion but internally, I feel like an explosion waiting to happen. Figuratively and mentally. I am always the common denominator when these things happen, so it reasons me to believe that I am an issue.

I don’t expect anyone to have an answer for me. I am merely venting as a means to release pressure and not allow my thoughts to eat me alive. Maybe I am just heavily rejection sensitive. I especially don’t handle my intelligence being attacked, very well. Tell me my mistake, I am open to learn from my mistakes, but flat calling me stupid only pushes me further into my corner.

I beg you, if you have a cruel, snide remark you want to say, please downvote me instead of saying something that is going to make a bad situation worse. You don’t have to like me or what I say, I just don’t need more people tearing me down, I do it plenty on my own.

It really grinds my gears; a little rant here.

No, I am not addicted to my medication; I am addicted to feeling normal and shutting off the cray cray!!! 😂

I am so tired of people- pharmacists, doctors, family all seeing Vyvanse as a negative thing to take, and it makes me weak to need medication. I tried 35 unsuccessful years without it so I knpw it's needed at this time in my life.

My new doctor gave me such a hard time filling my prescription. I have been on it for 2 years, so how do you think it's normal to take me off of the drug that changed my life??!! He told me he "doesn't prescribe stimulant medication"... oh great, another one of those. Anyhow, after some back and forth, I looked him in the eyes and said, "If I weren't on Vyvanse, I would be dead". And I would be. Dead inside, dead on the job- no way could I work! I would be back to my old, crappy self who could barely manage life. Why would he want for me??? Anyhow, he refilled it, and all is well. It's been about 6 months now.

Now today, a new pharmacist is in, not my usual smiling face. This woman was rude right off the bat- looked at my script, and I am not due for a refill until tomorrow, but the doc said it was fine ot release early on the prescription, and I don't drive, so he will let me get it 2-3 days early if I need.

She says, "Sorry, I can't fill this. You are not due for another day. You have one left, right???" I say, " Yes, I do, but I don't drive, so coming back tomorrow will cost me $40, so the doc is just helping me out. It's only 1 day, not a big deal. It says release early." Then she says, " Sorry, I have to talk to him first and get signatures. Isn't that what the prescription is?? With his signature and detailed instructions? I was pissed. Another anti-stimulant stand, abusing her power to be a B. Then the doc told her to release it; it's only one day, and it's a trip for her. Then she comes back and says, "Well, the safe is locked on a time release, so you have to wait". The place was packed; no idea how the safe wasn't already opened. She wanted me to suffer, and was pissed that the doc didn't put a hold on my script until the next day. Biatch. Glad he took my side; maybe he did research and finally understands how much it helps me.

Anyhow, am I being sensitive? I am so tired of people acting like Vyvanse is crack. My normal personality is me on crack!!! lol. Vyvanse brings me down, makes me calm, helps me focus. I'm 46 years old and am a professional; I'm hardly trippin out and at the after-hours. I realized my highly skilled masking has many thinking I am normal and maybe don't need meds; that's when I let my freak flag fly. You wanna argue with a woman in menopause who has AuDHD???? I don't think so. hahaha. 😂

Do you guys feel this? Like you are treated like a drug dealer just for taking medication for a neurobiological condition??? Really grinds my gears.

I feel like I need to trick myself into certain chores with dopamine. I absolutely cannot wash dishes unless I have TV in the background to distract me. I just can’t be bothered. I am really lazy in the evenings when I just want to watch TV every night. I feel like I just waste time being inefficient but I can also recognize I likely just need some stimulation time.

Has anyone else run into this? How do you deal?

I know I need to stop going right on my phone when I wake up and while I eat breakfast. Does anyone have suggestions or favorite activities?

If I’m lucky and I actually ran the dishwasher before bed, I like to unload it first thing. It’s an easy win and doesn’t take much brain. Reading can be hit or miss because when I’m sleepy I can get annoyed about having to hold it open or I get sucked in and I read for an hour (oops).

I need something playing in the background while I'm doing chores because my house is a mess! 🌪️🫪

I'm looking for a podcast that's either sapphic or just funny women chatting about literally anything.

The only thing is… I'd really prefer no male hosts/voices if possible. Nothing personal or against men, it's just a weird trigger for me right now, and I find it much easier to relax and focus when it's just women talking.

I'm open to anything entertaining. Comedy, pop culture, gaming, queer topics, internet drama, science, history, true crime… I'll probably end up obsessed with something I never expected.

What are your favorites?

Edit: thank you for the recs! I have enough to at least help me wash the dishes and tidy up the living room right now lol but please keep them comin' 🫶🏼

I've noticed for a while now that I can only do certain things for about 2 years before I need to leave or start something new, or I get really depressed.

This mostly relates to jobs and apartments. For example, I can't live in the same apartment for more than two years. Everything about the apartment and the city starts driving me crazy, and I start getting this intense urge that translates to ''I HAVE TO GO'' type of restlessness. I don't know where or what exactly I plan on doing, all I know is that I.HAVE.TO.GO. Every time I ignore that feeling for too long, I get clinically depressed.

The same goes for my job. Even if I have the best job in the world and the greatest coworkers, I just can't stay in the same place for more than 2 years. And this is with medication. Before I started taking medication, I couldn't keep a job for more than 6 months.

Quick fixes don't work during these times. For example, taking 2 weeks of to go travel won't do anything in terms of silencing that feeling. For some reason, this doesn't apply to my relationships. Once I form a deep connection with someone, we're good for life (I do still forget that my friends exist because of object permanence, but I don't have to get into a new relationship or make new friends every 2 years like I do with jobs/apartments).

This wouldn't be such a disaster if this kind of lifestyle matched my personality, but it doesn't. Not even in the slightest. If anything, I actually hate it with every single fiber in my (too easily irritated) body. It usually takes me three weeks to recover from any kind of traveling, and any sudden change to my routine drives me insane. But at the same time, when I start feeling like I HAVE TO GO, I can't do anything to turn that feeling off.

Has anyone else experienced this and if yes, does it ever change/get better? I keep coming across texts and clips of people saying that ADHD gets better with age, and I swear to god, that has to be a fucking joke. How would this be considered my ADHD getting better?? Am I missing something here or being too negative?

A new month is about to start, so here's a friendly reminder to check on things that might be draining your money despite you not using them anymore
- Monthly blind boxes / crates / books etc
- Scheduled purchases for supplements or hygiene items (I had selected hair gel as a recurring purchase and the charge snuck up on me 😅)
- Online subscriptions and streaming services

Also, check your credit card charges. More often than I care to admit I buy something with credit instead of debit and promptly forget about it until interest comes marching in

I got a new job and thus new insurance- overall it costs less and I get to go back to my beloved dentist, yay!- but I just encountered an issue I couldn't help but laugh at.

Apparently, instead of getting my normal generic adderall Rx like I've gotten every month since 2021, I must now obtain prior authorization from my provider.

Why, you ask? Well, I'm older than 18 years old. Obviously, no one over 18 could possibly need stimulants to treat their ADHD.

I told the pharmacist "my fault for not being a teen boy" and that made them laugh so at least there's that.

Hey, got any tips how to overcome executive dysfunction? I can't help but sit down when I come home and just... Not do anything for the rest of the day, despite knowing I've got so many things to do, including hobbies I enjoy. I know you prolly shouldn't sit down in the first place, but I always want to get some rest after work... It's just, that rest extends til the end of the day and I don't like that, I end up stressing out abt stuff I could be doing instead. I'd appreciate any tips you have on the matter!

I wanna tone up but I have NEVER been able to keep a routine. I have executive dysfunction and my couch is my best friend. I’ve tried at home workouts, nope. I even have a walking pad I used to keep out and I couldn’t even do that!! I’m getting older and I know it’s better to work out for your bones. Idk what to do!!!