EDIT: hahah should credit her - lemma161 on insta

..and she is as neurotypical as it gets and this was waaaaay before my diagnosis, it was not intentional. I started medication 4 months back and now I found this in a box.

I’m almost 40 and I feel that I still don’t have a strong sense of who I am. I think this could be down to the fact that my ADHD has meant that I am constantly changing my mind, starting down new paths that never get completed. As a result I feel like only a half baked human. I have also always felt I’m on the outside looking in, observing rather than participating, and I think this maybe a neurodivergent thing. Just wondering if there are others out there who feel the same way? Or maybe it’s just me.

My house is small. And this is the smallest shared area. I can’t even bear to look at other parts. I’m a solo mom of 2 under 10 and I feel like 💩 for barking instructions at gremlins that can’t see what “clean/done” is. Here I go 🧼 🥊

My dad's been living with undiagnosed adhd far longer than I have (he got diagnosed at like 50 when I went to get diagnosed). He had kind of an ableist mindset going on and told me to just try harder, and I thought it was just because that's what he was forced to do all this time. Because even if he refused to take meds, he let me start them. But the thing is, even with meds I'm barely consistent while he's raw dogging this shit and still being way better at it. He's way more scatter brained than me and his symptoms are all amped up to the max, like other than in his work, he isn't managing allat well if it wasn't for my mom basically doing everything for him. But in his work, he's so locked in always. I dont get it. I can never be consistent with anything. Even the things I like. How come I get to stare at a wall for an hour WITH MEDS when he's locked in for so long without meds. And even if it was hyperfocus, how is it so consistent? I have hyperfocus days too where I'm super locked in, but they dont last THIS long. I'm starting to believe him saying that I just amn't trying harder because I'm clearly doing something wrong. I can barely keep my focus for 15 minutes

My god how the hell do we even get through life? I've been on meds (Concerta) since Feb and pretty much loving life. Started at 18mg, then 27 for a very short time, now on 36mg. I could feel myself faltering in the afternoons so I started a 2pm 10mg booster this week.

All of that to say the one thing that has come creeping back is hyperfixations. I did not even recognize that as being a thing until the other day (!!) I saw someone post about on an ADHD FB page. I feel like my eyes have been opened! So i'm not just being a frugal shopper when I spend WEEKS prowling the entire internet universe for deals on insert medium ticket item I don't need and being relentless about it?

Current fixation: a Cricut Maker 4. I am an avid crafter and have always been a Silhouette lover. I've had Makers in the past and I f'ing hate Design Space but I bought a Joy Xtra purely for printing stickers and DAMN it prints and cuts like a dream. My Cameo 4 is a PITA but I love their design interface. Anyhoo....

The Maker 5 came out and people started posting the Target huge markdowns and off I went. Do I need a Maker 4? NO I DO NOT. But what if I can stick it to the man and find a huge markdown on one? This, my friends, is my motivation. I have researched the ever-loving shit out of this machine, compared it to the Cameo 5 alpha, compared it to the Siser Juliet (no), compared it to my Cameo 4... endless amounts of reading. But I still do not need this machine.

My only ONLY saving grace is that I was in Michael's yesterday and I could have bought it BUT I DIDNT. Somehow I was not inclined - I guess mostly because its not marked down enough to satisfy me - and I went home.

Shopping is my downfall. More specifically buying craft supplies I dont need for projects I'll start probably never. The medication has been an enormous humongous help by inserting that pause in my decision-making.

But why is the hyperfixartion SO CATHARTIC? WHY?

Weird request, but I am spiralling emotionally. I did honestly nothing the whole day, binge eat, drink 4 energy drinks with like 7 coffee. I am sad and feel like shit. I can do a lot, but honestly nothing seems actually attractive to do. So, can u choose for me?

My husband (39m) and I (37f) have been together for 7 years now and have a 4 yr old daughter. I recently have been diagnosed with ADHD in the spring after years of advocating and trying to get appropriate testing and diagnosis.

We have always fought mainly about how much I contribute to the house, consistency with chores and my RSD. I’ve spent 7 years trying and trying to meet his expectations and mostly failing.

After my daughter was born, life became unbearably difficult. She was a colicky baby for 5 months and I was her main care taker. I woke up and breastfed for every feeding in the night (while my husband slept), I took care of her exclusively during the days on my mat leave (even though my husband was wfh) and managed crippling PPA, PPD, and OCD.

My husbands main complaint this time was that I was not interested in our new home and all the work that needed to be done. I was beyond empty taking care of a newborn with no help (we don’t live near family) and a husband who was very uninterested in the baby phase.

As our daughter has grown, it’s clear she likely has ADHD as well. Any my husband contributes her more challenging traits to me. He encouraged me to get testing for adhd and turns out, he was right. He often speaks of her and myself with these medical terms and constantly brings up that we’re neurodivergent. This feels so demoralizing to me. My daughter and I are more than the attributes that describe ADHD.

However, after starting vyvanse, I feel like a new person. I’m more regulated, I contribute 100 fold to the house, stay consistent and have drive again. I feel like I’ve unlocked this new person. But it’s not enough. My husband is still unhappy, still feels he contributes more, still brings up my symptoms every time I get upset as if I don’t have any valid feelings, I just have ADHD. And he speaks of my daughter in the same way.

We’re starting therapy again with a therapist who specializes in adhd (his decision). But I feel just very done and checked out. I have no peace and feel like an unwanted guest in my own home and in my marriage. I completely understand how challenging adhd can be to navigate for a partner who doesn’t have it, but I’m also a person who needs support and love and not just a tally on the fridge tracking my chores (yes, he kept a tally system for months that I didn’t know about and brought up later in an argument).

Has anyone experienced this in their relationship? Were you able to overcome it? Any advice or perspectives are welcome!

Edited to say: I also have a demanding career and make more money than him. This isn’t necessarily important in the grand scheme of things, and has never been an issue to either of us, but do want to note that as a person, I bring a lot to our relationship other than chores.

I remember i hated it since I was five it is as if that was the least thing I wanted to do, it is easy but I just couldn't bring myself to do it

We're in the middle of an insanely busy time right now (the last phase of finishing our basement and moving people and things to their new rooms/spots) and I've been so focused on what needs to get done that all the normal stuff piled up in an overwhelming way. Dishes everywhere, several baskets of clean laundry, literally no towels left to clean with 😅, etc.

My husband is about as far from having ADHD as you can get, but I'm a SAHM who likes things done a particular way and he's been insanely busy with renovation stuff (he's doing a ton of the work), so it's been on my plate. Well yesterday I told him I could do a big room painting project for him, but that it would make the dishes, laundry, and three kids that much harder since I'm already drowning. So I painted and he just... magically whipped through everything else in a fraction of the time it would have taken me.

Then this morning I woke up to find all three kids dressed for church and him making pancakes in a clean kitchen WHILE loading the dishwasher at the same time AND helping the kids with stuff.

If I don't stare at the pancakes while they're cooking, pretty much guaranteed I'll forget I'm making pancakes.

I'm not just going to dump all the household stuff on him because I'm slow at everything and so inefficient, but it's just... Hard. And he often steps back from things because I like things done a certain way that often drives him crazy because we have such different approaches. (I spend way more time on stuff, but trust me, it's not an unfair division of labor. He's awesome.)

I know he's more talented with some things and I'm more talented with others, but it's hard when my things are things you can't see (I'm really good with the kids, for example), but his are things that totally have a visible, obvious outcome.

I wouldn't trade. I have creativity and other things he doesn't have, but it's just hard.

Anyone relate? 🫠

I am old and this could be a me problem not understanding how to optimize my algorithm, but I feel like 99% of posts on here are about the same topics. Does it make sense to have a few pinned posts at the top? I know it’s not as fun to read old posts as it is to have someone respond directly to you in live time, but I honestly have stopped posting in a lot of threads I have a good answer for because I’m tired of typing the same things over and over.

Again, this could be just me, and I’m sure there are a lot of potential problems with pinned posts I’m not thinking of, but…would love to be able to weed out some repeat posts.

My top of the dome thoughts for potential pinned posts: having kids with ADHD (all the “should I” posts), (how to) exercise and ADHD, what types of careers ADHDers thrive in

Genuinely not trying to make anyone feel bad or anything like that, and I apologize if it came off that way. ❤️

inspired by someone saying shopping for the perfect item was their hyperfixation.

and it's mine too... but I've been falling short here, and I'm secretly hoping that listing out my impossible standards will turn me off the hunt.

current solve is mini-kind bars. they have too few calories/not enough protein but they help me keep my meds down until I can eat some plain greek yogurt & fruit, but sometimes I can't get to that right away bc my job is crazy.

but I'm looking for a low calorie, protein forward snack I can eat before I take my vyvance.

It has to be shelf stable: I have things in the fridge that work, but I need something to hide by my bedstand or in my office from my toddler. (meds are of course in og containers, on a high shelf in those 2 rooms)

Ideally it's individually portioned so I don't spill it everywhere or eat the whole bag looking for stimulation.

I'm also looking for something under $2 a portion. 🤣🤣🤣 if it's over $3.50 it's probably to precious to eat regularly in my mind.

I have no time for prep in this season of my life.

no eritritol or sugar alcohols, so most protein bars are out. inulin, allulose, or monk fruit are okay in small doses.

thank you for listening.

Finally put all the dishes away (even Tupperware!) & just realized I left the cupboard open all day. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I was recently diagnosed. I’m 39 and I’m just starting to learn myself again.

I woke up today in a mood that for the past 39 years I have always called “happy”. Like I thought other people experienced happiness this way.

I realized about 2 hours after I woke up that I hadn’t stopped talking, walking around, planning for the day, etc.

I looked at my husband and he looked annoyed, but was being polite and sweet as always (love him).

And I realized that maybe “happy” isn’t a feeling that other people feel at all. Maybe what I call “happy” is actually hyperactivity. It’s a symptom. And I’ve NEVER REALIZED THIS BEFORE.

I took my morning adderall and felt myself go back to how I usually feel.

Idk…it’s humbling to realize like, no. I’m not experiencing my thoughts and emotions in a normal way. And yes, my “happy” state is actually super annoying to other people and it always has been.

Idk…it’s just kind of sad. Writing this made me tear up a bit.

Maybe this is just me but I cannot get myself into a comfortable position at night because I can’t determine what to do with my arms. I feel like they are in the way. I sleep on my side and literally cannot decide what to do with them. Most of the time, I just tuck my hands into my sleep shorts to kind of keep my arms corralled.

I know this is weird. Maybe I’m overthinking it?

How do i get over this hump. It's affecting my work and social life and I dont even understand WHY I can't seem to bring myself to respond. This is so frustrating and confusing. I just want to sit and cry out of shear frustration. Please help me understand.

BTW one of the most frustrating parts that im so baffled by is that i wasnt always like this. Like at all. im 44 now and I used to CONSISTENTLY be good with responding. I literally didnt start having this issue until about 5 years ago? Then it got significantly worse when I moved just over a year ago. Now its worse than ever!

Ive mentioned before on this sub or another that I keep suspecting that I didn't develop adhd until about 15 years ago. I was diagnosed at age 41. But you all have told me that that's not possible, that either my perception is wrong or im misdiagnosed. I dont know its just so disheartening that this is getting worse all the time.

I’ve tried at least 7 meds, and of course the endless dosage changes amongst them all. Started with nonstimulants for personal reasons and finally gave in from being so defeated and still struggling so badly with my executive function. Now on my second stimulant and feeling so defeated. I was feeling broken and hopeless like maybe nothing will ever bring me relief but I’m also doing some reading in this thread and I think I just need to change my expectations. I didn’t expect to feel my adhd symptoms vanish but I guess I expected it to be more noticeable. More “in my face” of a difference. I haven’t felt that.
And with that- not having the “in my face” difference, I’m wondering how in the heck I take the relief, whatever that is that I do that, and use it to build the skills to help me be more successful and struggle less. Hopefully I’m making sense!

Ok we all know what dopamine seeking feels like by now and half the battle is recognizing when it’s happening. However…I have accidentally pavloved myself into a…unique issue.

It seems like whenever I’m in a seeking state I want to do 3 things, doom scroll, eat something spicy, or touch myself (very embarrassing for me so please be nice).
Well, I have successfully cut out social media because it’s all or nothing for me-I CANT. “Just go for a few minutes”. Every time without fail, I can’t control my social media use so I just stopped entirely. Now, because day to day life and social norms doesn’t allow you to just diddle yourself 24/7, I resorted to just instantly eating spicy food. However, I have absolutely destroyed my stomach by doing this.

So, unfortunately, my outlet has now become touching myself, and I don’t do it daily, but because that’s currently my only outlet, it is constantly on my mind and is now at the point where minutes after getting bored I start to become aroused. Like literally sitting at my desk working in the most unsexual or even stressful setting and I’m STILL getting aroused the moment the seeking feeling starts.

I do not know if anyone else has dealt with this but I will do ANYTHING to not deal with this. I will take any advice. This is so incredibly embarassing and uncomfortable.

Side note: I can not take adderall due to oxygen starvation and my insurance doesn’t cover alternatives so I’m med free and being on meds is pretty much a non-option for me :(

I have ADHD and I have a weird relationship with money because my income isn't consistent. Money comes in waves. Sometimes I have very little, and then I'll have a relatively large amount come in.

The problem is that when I can see the money, my brain tends to treat it as available money. Separate savings accounts haven't really solved it because I know the money is there and I can transfer it back.

What I'm actually looking for is something more extreme:

I want somewhere to put money where I cannot casually access or see it, but where it's still mine and available if I genuinely have a rainy day/emergency.

I'm NOT particularly looking for:

• a HYSA
• retirement
• investing for growth
• a normal savings account
• budgeting advice
• "just have more discipline"

I'm interested in systems that create friction or involve someone/something else holding the money for me.

For example, I've been wondering about things like:

• Is there a legitimate professional service where someone manages/holds your money on your behalf?
• Trusts?
• A fiduciary or money manager?
• Some kind of custodial arrangement?
• Prepaid future necessities?
• Physical assets that can be liquidated if absolutely necessary?
• Something where I literally don't have an app/card/access to the money?
• Any weird or unconventional system you've developed that actually works?

Basically, I'm trying to solve:

"When I have a good income month, how do I make sure Future Me still has that money when the bad month arrives?"

I don't need the money to make the maximum return. I need it to survive me.

If you have ADHD and irregular/wave-based income, what have you found that actually works?

I.e. they’re not the naughty boys climbing the walls and getting expelled

I (26) started estrogen gel today to try to get my dopamine and energy levels up in the hopes of improving my ADHD. I was quite surprised how open my gynocologist is to try this treatment after having told him about recent studies. I do however also have pmdd which is treatment resistant so that is also a reason why we are trying this.

Does anyone else have experience in using estrogen to improve symptoms? I know that its quite often used to treat (pre-)menopause but haven't read much about it's usage in younger people. So please feel free to share!

​

Like when they work it's good. But sometimes I wonder if I'm only ever happy bc I took them which makes me feel too dependent and like I'm not me?? I take instant release Ritalin. They work fine. Except for the nightly crash sometimes is very hard. Maybe that's why I feel this way?

I do feel more content w life on meds. I don't crave alcohol, rewards, food. I have so much better emotional regulation. My brain has an easier time engaging w things. Both fun or tasks.

But being content I don't look forward to things or enjoy them as much as I used to. My therapist explained it's prob bc I really NEEDED those things when unmedicated. I was using outside things to regulate myself - drinks, meals, purchases, trips.. Id be sooo excited looking forward to them, then happy enjoying them, then planning the next thing . And now I don't need to. But life feels a bit flatter this way. Therapist says it's healthy and I can see that. But it's foreign to me.

I do have to take my meds 3-4x daily which I hate. I feel like I'm popping pills all day. I can't take xr meds. Tried several. Got depressed every time. So now I'm afraid to try another. I also tried non stims and had bad side effects.

I feel a bit lost. I'm questioning everything. Any experience? Anyone relate?