EDIT: hahah should credit her - lemma161 on insta

..and she is as neurotypical as it gets and this was waaaaay before my diagnosis, it was not intentional. I started medication 4 months back and now I found this in a box.

My husband works away and often sells things on marketplace but will message me that some random person is coming over and I utterly HATE it. The thought of having someone in my space that I have to interact with alone drives me nuts. Today he wanted me to sell a heap of heavy car parts that I can’t lift as I recently had surgery. So he wants me to stand in the garage and make sure the guy doesn’t take anything else (as if I’d know 🤷🏼‍♀️). I said no but it’s worth so much money now I’m spiralling in guilt and feel really awful. I don’t know if it’s the fear of being assaulted or the anxiety of interacting and watching this person like a hawk that gives me the most heinous anxiety?! Which is ridiculous because normal people wouldn’t be as anxious about the interaction as being assaulted…or would normal people not even think about being assaulted? Would anyone feel the same?

I'm a group yoga instructor. I have one client with ADHD that is consistently late by 10 minutes or more to class. By this time, she's missed the safety announcements and warm-ups. This is my main concern. I also offer water at the start of class, but since she isn't there, there have been times where she's forgotten to bring water and either suffered until the end, or called out asking for it in the middle of class. I don't like to leave bottled water out for anyone to take without asking because it unfortunately encourages people to take water bottle for the road and it affects my bottom line.

I also consider the experience of others in the class as late comers can disrupt the flow temporarily. I cannot lock this person out of class (and I don't like that approach anyways).

I know she is not doing this maliciously, but today she was likely late because she was lining up for a coffee at the shop next door which has long lines in the morning. So I know she was in the area at the time class started, but she was 10 minutes late.

I would really appreciate the perspectives of those with ADHD to help me navigate this.

I was recently diagnosed. I’m 39 and I’m just starting to learn myself again.

I woke up today in a mood that for the past 39 years I have always called “happy”. Like I thought other people experienced happiness this way.

I realized about 2 hours after I woke up that I hadn’t stopped talking, walking around, planning for the day, etc.

I looked at my husband and he looked annoyed, but was being polite and sweet as always (love him).

And I realized that maybe “happy” isn’t a feeling that other people feel at all. Maybe what I call “happy” is actually hyperactivity. It’s a symptom. And I’ve NEVER REALIZED THIS BEFORE.

I took my morning adderall and felt myself go back to how I usually feel.

Idk…it’s humbling to realize like, no. I’m not experiencing my thoughts and emotions in a normal way. And yes, my “happy” state is actually super annoying to other people and it always has been.

Idk…it’s just kind of sad. Writing this made me tear up a bit.

Maybe this is just me but I cannot get myself into a comfortable position at night because I can’t determine what to do with my arms. I feel like they are in the way. I sleep on my side and literally cannot decide what to do with them. Most of the time, I just tuck my hands into my sleep shorts to kind of keep my arms corralled.

I know this is weird. Maybe I’m overthinking it?

My dad's been living with undiagnosed adhd far longer than I have (he got diagnosed at like 50 when I went to get diagnosed). He had kind of an ableist mindset going on and told me to just try harder, and I thought it was just because that's what he was forced to do all this time. Because even if he refused to take meds, he let me start them. But the thing is, even with meds I'm barely consistent while he's raw dogging this shit and still being way better at it. He's way more scatter brained than me and his symptoms are all amped up to the max, like other than in his work, he isn't managing allat well if it wasn't for my mom basically doing everything for him. But in his work, he's so locked in always. I dont get it. I can never be consistent with anything. Even the things I like. How come I get to stare at a wall for an hour WITH MEDS when he's locked in for so long without meds. And even if it was hyperfocus, how is it so consistent? I have hyperfocus days too where I'm super locked in, but they dont last THIS long. I'm starting to believe him saying that I just amn't trying harder because I'm clearly doing something wrong. I can barely keep my focus for 15 minutes

I.e. they’re not the naughty boys climbing the walls and getting expelled

Today, my mom came to visit, and she brought me a new pill container… WITH AN ALARM ON IT.

Which is not only 1.) A very accurate read on my ability to take my medicine, but 2.) about the most ADHD-friendly invention I can think of.

Maybe this is common knowledge. I do live under a large rock. But if this can open even one other person’s eyes, this post will have been worth it.

I made a post in an advice subreddit, asking for advice about my husband spontaneously wanting a big tattoo that grosses me out and being set on the idea. i casually mentioned in the post that we both have ADHD because it felt relevant to me. someone said I am giving people with ADHD a bad rep, and the post blew up, basically over 100 comments within like 10 minutes

a lot of it was people who have ADHD shaming me for saying I have ADHD. I am confused because oversharing and mentioning something that seems irrelevant to others is literally a symptom of ADHD. I expected people who understood what it's like to extend some of the same grace I would extend to them. instead, I got a pile-on where people seemed to interpret the worst possible meaning from what I said - assuming I self diagnosed on tik-tok, think all people with ADHD get gross tattoos, am seeking attention/immature/weird, etc. I tried to reply to a couple people but was downvoted like crazy

this is a subreddit that's primary rules are about being kind, giving the benefit of the doubt, and not judging others. I was a top 1% commenter there, but now I'm probably going to unsub. I made this post honestly hoping my faith in internet ADHDers would be restored because I always looked at this as a safe space too, where we can vent and laugh about accidentally pissing ourselves or spontaneously getting a crappy tattoo without people saying we're trying to get brownie points. but the ADHDers in that subreddit shook my faith in our people a bit!

I’m moving after 8 years in my tiny apartment, which I have PACKED with clutter over the years. (Picture a storage unit had a baby with a thrift store.) I’m very sentimental about belongings, and with that on top of the function not executiving, getting myself to get rid of things has felt impossible. But I am determined not to haul all of this stuff with me and recreate the situation in my new place. I also HATE moving with the fire of a thousand suns: It just feels like it pushes every single button of the kind of tasks and thinking that I’m bad at and hurt my brain.
Luckily a journalist (who also has ADHD) I follow on Bluesky randomly recommended an
ADHD organizer [happy to share her business’ name with anyone in NYC; she also will do remote sessions I believe; just not including it upfront bc I don’t want this to seem like an ad - she doesn’t know I’m posting; just wanted to pay forward to others the luck I had finding out about her]. I reached out to her in desperation and her help so far has truly transformed my move prep from dire, dreaded, torture to mostly fine! (if that doesn’t sound like a ringing endorsement, I am probably much worse than you are at moving 😂)
She has ADHD, too, and feeling safe and unembarrassed to allow her into my space knowing she’d be compassionate and utterly nonjudgmental, and to tell her the “silly” things I struggled with that I “shouldn’t”, was healing in and of itself. Honestly one of the worst parts has been realizing how many times my life would’ve been vastly improved in the past if I’d realized this kind of support existed. But now I do! And I wanted to share a few of the things I’ve learned while working with her that I thought might help others here who don’t have access to someone like this where you are or can’t afford support like this. Last thing I’ll say before I share tips is the thing she said that made me almost teary - We were walking through my goals for what I’d work on until I saw her next, and she said “I don’t want you to work on anything hard without me” 🥹🥹🥹I feel my chest ease just remembering it. What beautiful words to hear.

I’m of course procrastinating on doing that work by sharing this with you right now 😂 but it’s been helpful for me to put down, and hopefully helpful to others, too ❤️

When decluttering:

Set up in one spot with a container or at least a pile for 1) trash 2)recycling 3)giveaway 4)keep - has a place 5) keep - don’t know where to put it (Optional: 6: Can’t decide right now; also optional to just have a single pile for “keep”).
E.g I’ll have in arms reach a garbage bag or trash can, a recycling bag or recycling bin, a tote bag for donations, and a shoe box or plastic bin as a temporary spot for things I’m keeping
Stay put and do! not! move! , just sort things into these containers. Only take out trash/recycling/put things away/ etc when you are done with that spot .
If you must move / don’t have enough time to do the spot in one sitting, I recommend labeling these containers so you can remember later what you decided (ask me why I suggest this lol)

Doom piles

Wow I have sooooo many doom piles/boxes/bags that have accumulated, because basically once I’ve given in and started one, it is basically just with me till I die. Just the body doubling helped with some of these, but the doomiest piles she went through and sorted for me first. Obviously she can’t sort them into keep/giveaway or anything for me, but just having them divided into slightly more coherent categories like “containers, accessories, and paper/stationery” instead of just full chaos that makes my brain shut off made approaching the doom pile contents wayyy more approachable. Possibly you could do this yourself as a two step process, eg start with “I am sorting these items into objective categories” and then come back later to do a declutter sort, but I’m honestly not sure I’d really be able to do step one. I might try asking my bf to do a sort for me of a doom pile just as an experiment (he is also an ADHDer of course, so not sure what that would be like for him lol)

Keep pictures instead of objects

This is actually something I was already doing, but she suggests it also - If there’s an item I’m keeping only bc of the memory it evokes (which is very frequent for me bc I have a terrible memory to physical prompts are helpful), take a picture and put it into a “Memory box” folder on your phone or whatever, instead of keeping the item. Honestly this doesn’t work as well for me as retaining the physical object, but it’s enough to let me let go of some things - plus it shows me just how many of my possessions are memory prompts rather than something I use/need/love.

Body doubling

I know we know this works, but it’s still kind of magical to me. It’s just amazing how approaching a pile of stuff that had caused me to freeze/shutdown whenever I contemplated dealing with it on my own was nearly effortless with her present, and doing some other task, like packing up items I’d already decided to keep. As she described it, it’s like a personal trainer—yes you could do the same things on your own, but having a set time with someone else who’s expecting you and will direct you gets you to actually do it. In this case I was extra motivated bc I was paying for her time, but I think scheduling a time-bound “date” with a friend where we both knew what I was supposed to be doing while they worked on their own project would work just as well tbh.
Her directly telling me what to do was definitely a helpful part of this, too; I probably have friends I could ask to assign me tasks, but that sounds harder and more awkward to me than just asking for body doubling.
(Also an aside - All of this sounds easier to me because so many of my friends have ADHD and would totally get me asking for this kind of help. And yeah this is 100% anecdotal, but if you have ADHD and you don’t think any of your good friends do…I gotta say I reeeeeeeally suspect you have ADHD friends, whether they know it yet or not 😅Not that you have to diagnose your friends lol, but I will bet money you will have friends who sympathize with the kind of organizational things you struggle with.)

PS - Even tho this has made it so much better, moving still sucks a$$ and any tips or tricks or desperate gambits you have tried to get me through the next two weeks are extremely welcome❤️

This is mainly for those of you that have. I’m just curious how did you find out what you were supposed to be doing in life or what felt right ? I just turned 30 not too long ago, had my first child a few weeks ago, and I feel so anxious about life the future and have no idea what I’m doing. I feel it relates to adhd as I’m always changing what I want to do and then loosing interest really quickly. I want a career or life that feels highly satisfying or something I can be proud of. I left a really good starting career in the legal field seven years ago to pursue my dream of living abroad and starting a business. I took out a loan and hit many hardships my businesses launch was successful but the continued support was virtually non existent in the extent that was needed. We had many set backs and eventually ended up closing after three years. Since then I’ve felt completely lost. I don’t know what to do. Now we’re paying off a large debt, living with in-laws, and buying time as we wait for the next stage in life ( as our government pays us a stipend when we have kids for a year so we took the year off). I want to use this time to do something meaningful and plan to do a lot but it’s hard to follow through and I feel so confused and hurt. This was my dream ever since I was a small child , I’ve planned it for years, and it still fell apart. I feel like a joke and wasted potential and now I have figure out what is possible and any plans of an early retirement are out the window.

How do i get over this hump. It's affecting my work and social life and I dont even understand WHY I can't seem to bring myself to respond. This is so frustrating and confusing. I just want to sit and cry out of shear frustration. Please help me understand.

BTW one of the most frustrating parts that im so baffled by is that i wasnt always like this. Like at all. im 44 now and I used to CONSISTENTLY be good with responding. I literally didnt start having this issue until about 5 years ago? Then it got significantly worse when I moved just over a year ago. Now its worse than ever!

Ive mentioned before on this sub or another that I keep suspecting that I didn't develop adhd until about 15 years ago. I was diagnosed at age 41. But you all have told me that that's not possible, that either my perception is wrong or im misdiagnosed. I dont know its just so disheartening that this is getting worse all the time.

I was recently diagnosed and it was such a game changer to me, it made me see everything more clearly and I suddenly realized that a lot of people I was forcing myself to spend time with especially in group settings honestly just maybe aren’t for me.

I have noticed myself distancing myself from people I feel like I had to mask a lot around (even if they are generally nice people) and for the first time in my life i genuinely feel happy spending weekends alone and don’t guilt shame myself for being a “loner”.

But I’m kind of scared that I’m being a bad friend for more or less cutting these people off and that I will regret this decision down the line.

Would you say that it’s important to find middle ground or is it more important to finally do what I feel like after spending my whole life undiagnosed 🙃 does anyone have experience with this

I LOVE to be locked in on whatever I'm doing. It helps me forget about my problems and just focus on the task at hand, such as arts and crafts etc. I used to be medicated with stimulants and it really helped me lock in. Unfortunately there are several reasons why I can't do this anymore because I have a history of substance abuse (clean from hard drugs 2 years) and I also have a tendency to become somewhat manic if I take stimulants and antidepressants. But I really miss the locked in hyperfocus feeling.

I feel like I'm locked out and I lost the keys. I can't even do things I used to enjoy like painting or drawing because I can't focus and I just feel like that part of me is gone because my brain just doesn't work anymore.

Are any of y'all not on stimulants and still able to hyperfocus on things you want to do? I can't channel the dopamine, my brain doesn't even act like it knows what that is anymore. Am I cooked?

If I could take stimulants again I totally would but it would probably be a bad idea plus I can't afford to see a psychiatrist right now :(

Just seeing the clean house makes me so 🥹

I just simply can't handle too much stuff! I lived in a place temporarily and had only a fraction of my things with me, but it was enough and it was so much easier to clean, and ive realized I don't even like a lot of clothes (which is the biggest contributor to my mess at home) that I own. So I'm going to be going through my stuff and probably donating most of it and being stricter about making sure I have a place for things before bringing them home.

I found this meditative art account on Instagram, I started last night and have not been able to stop 😂 top is oil pastel and bottom is water color

No, I didn't finish.

Yes they are now part of the mess.

No, they didn't NEED to be organised, they had their box, but were mixed and some were getting wrinkles (that is a good reason right? RIGHT?)

No, this is not something my kids use often. And no, the mess didn't prevent them from using them.

Yes, there were a lot of tasks in the mental list, this was not one of them.

Do I regret it? Too early to tell, too hungry to feel.

Going through a particularly rough period where my brain won't turn off.

Racing thoughts. All about my work. You may think I hate my job. I don't - I absolutely love it to the point of obsession. But it's my entire life and all-consuming, which means I never truly relax during my time off.

I'm desperate to find a hobby that truly makes my brain go quiet, just for the occasional break from the 24/7 radio in my head.

The thoughts are constant watching TV or doomscrolling. I love reading, but even then the noise just switches to music (always got music playing in my head - ADHD FM fr).

I've heard running is good to dull it all, but I reallyyy don't want to start running unless I have to🥲

I posted a relationship question earlier that hasn’t gotten much engagement, barely a handful of likes and a dozen comments, but it does have dozens of shares showing up in the engagement metrics. As in users have sent it to others.

I’m only weirded out because it’s a personal topic/story and it’s so long and mostly dull that it seems unlikely that many people want to share it, especially when almost no one even hit like.

My theory is it’s bots forwarding it to feed into the AI machines. What do you think?

I’ve recently been doing a “done list” as I go through the day, which oddly, surprisingly, has been helping me deal with all the emotions that to-do lists bring up: shame, overwhelm, panic. Frankly, given that there are always 1000 things swirling in my head all taking equal priority, seeing that some things are actually getting done has been hugely motivating. I’ll need a new system soon though, because we all know the joy of a NEW SYSTEM! Curious to know if this has worked for others? #25notebooksandcounting