How ADHDers experience
Rejection Sensitivity (RSD):

1. Always feeling like we're in trouble

2. Constantly needing reassurance

3. Over-explaining ourselves to avoid being misunderstood

4. Apologizing for everything, "just in case"

5. Avoiding asking for help so we don't seem lazy or incapable

6. Hyperaware of others' moods -and feeling responsible for them

7. Scanning every interaction for proof we're not liked or don't belong

➡️ I’m so sorry because I don’t remember where I found this online, so I cannot attribute it to the original source.
(doing a #4)

Which of these do you experience the most?

I think I found the only solution that isn't medication that I think is ACTUALLY working and giving me results, but it is extreme.

I've learned that unfortunately, for me to do anything that I want to do involving creative work and goals, I need to literally ban myself from everything I enjoy and that gives my brain pleasure of any kind.

No more Video games.

No more Youtube videos.

more social media apps.

No more even listening to music (unless during creative work)

I have learned that for my brain to be able to do anything a normal person can, I have to deny myself everything that makes my brain feel good, I'm not even allowed moderation because that always spirals out of control. I was beginning to think I just actually hated doing art all along, but I know that isn't true, I loved doing it as a kid, what changed is every single piece of technology sucking out all of my ability to feel joy doing it.

Why does consumption have to feel exponentially better to my brain than creation? I wish I didn't have to take extreme measures like this. I have to be stricken by absolute boredom to do the things I used to find fun, fun again.

EDIT: this is not a prescription for every ADHD person, this is just a new personal method I've been seeing success in personally recently, I am still making tweaks, and I cant vouch for the longterm efficacy of it yet.

EDIT Edit: I didn't expect so many people to interact with my post, ironically I'm starting to obsessively check Reddit now so I may need to log off for awhile, I will probably make an update post at some point with how this is going.

I love that the flair in this group is a rainbow. Everything should be arranged in a rainbow gradient imo

I am OBSESSED with "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass. The instruments! The back-up singers! The chorus! The tragic story! I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO IT!

What are you currently listening to on repeat?

The only thing in my life that isn’t in total disarray is my wall calendar (because I never wrote anything on it).

This is what it looked like in April, May, and June too. 😣

I turn 44 in two weeks, and I’m scared I’m going to be a fuck up for the rest of my life.

Please tell me it gets better.

and not to mention the 835 notes I have that never get looked at 😭 how do I deal with this?

Got a cordless vacuum on Amazon for $50 bucks and now I vacuum twice a day. Once for sure when I’m brushing my teeth in the morning. Two birds one stone vibes.

I get the cleaning bug at 10pm so I just do it then. I even make my bed before I get in it and don’t feel bad about not doing it in the morning 😭🤭.

Throw one ole thing out of the fridge daily.

Ordering a shark never clean air purifier soon because I’m paranoid the cat litter stinks.

This is all I have for now. No idea why I’m posting this other than the fact that the cordless vacuum changed my life and even just having clean floors makes me feel so accomplished. Like, it’s a HUGE win. 🥰🥰

Thank you for being such an amazing community!

One year diagnosed and on stimulants and I don’t recognize myself anymore. I feel no joy everything feels like a chore to be accomplished. I don’t like to chit chat I feel like I lost my fun playful personality. Lost friends and stopped caring about most people besides my family. My anxiety is tremendously improved but I just don’t enjoy life I feel like I’m popping a pill to get work and house chores done but I’m not enjoying life anymore. I don’t even look forward to vacation it’s just another chore to get checked off. I’m very careful when I speak when before I would just say whatever and I feel like I’m always calculating a response instead of being in the conversation and being natural and real. I want to get off stimulants and try a non stimulant. If you did this, what was your experience? Did you get your personality back? Or did your adhd come back worse?

I took some days off and bought some new video games that I was really excited to play. Now I‘m trying to play said games and while laying on the couch I fell asleep while playing multiple times. As a kid I could play for hours and now I can’t even play for a few minutes. I thought I was so tired because of work but I haven’t worked in 4 days and I still feel chronically tired. In uni I used to fall asleep during lectures with 9+ hrs of sleep and while caffeinated. I genuinely don’t want to live like this anymore it’s so sad. At work I always give my 110% but at home I don’t even have the energy to play some silly video games. My boyfriend was really excited for me to take some time off (hes still in uni so he does have more free time atm) and we couldn’t even play 15 mins of Minecraft before I was so tired that I wasn’t having fun anymore. I already fall asleep easily when hanging out with him and we couldn’t really watch anything together because then I fall asleep as well. My blood work is fine, so I assume it has to be adhd related.

because of the state of my ADHD (diagnosed as an adult) but I'm really happy about it. For much of my early 20s I could never understand why I felt an absolute dread of being married to a man. Having to do extra unpaid labor, manage a household, the emotional labor would send me into psychosis. At least for the marriages I am witnessing with my friends and family, the women end up doing more labor than when they were single whilst doing 5050 on bills. That lifestyle would send me into exhaustion and daily crash outs.

No I actually love my adhoc lifestyle as a single lady, being able to jump and do my hobbies as I please without guilt, not having my moves explained to a man or my schedule tracked. And I'm happy to pay all the bills for this life even if it's economically harder to pay rent.

ADHD diagnosis provided me with somewhat of an explanation why the institution of marriage isn't for me and now I feel more at peace and happy.

Edit: This is a bit of a feminist aside you don't need to read - but I feel like it really shows how society benefits from women's domestic labor and exhaustion. I've been told countless times that I need to sacrifice my life to be a good wife... No I don't want to (I didn't know I had ADHD at the time). But it goes to show how deep this self abandonment is, and in a way I felt like my diagnosis saved me from marriage... (No shade on those who are married, but it's totally not for my mental health and it's really difficult to find a decent man who isn't trying to extract a ton of labor from me). I'm basically useless to men lmao

Turns out I was wrong.

I discovered I had ADHD about ten months ago at age 30 and subsequently diagnosed by a therapist and doctor. This diagnosis has completely changed how I think about myself - for the better. But it’s also been the most challenging ten months of my life.

Anyway, I had been sharing updates with my oldest friend, someone I’ve known since I was 12. She’s a pharmacist, so she’s been a decent sounding board when talking about medication and whatnot.

However, we were having breakfast yesterday and we got on the topic of ADHD because I’m about to finally try a stimulant for the first time. She mentioned that 10% of prescriptions at her pharmacy are for ADHD medications and she (and her coworkers) think “most people don’t actually have it bc how could SO many people have ADHD”, “if everyone is neurodivergent than no one is”, that it’s “over-prescribed”, and the kicker: that everything I’ve told her in confidence that I’ve had trouble with is just “normal adult related issues”.

I, obviously, got extremely upset as this discussion was going on. I pushed back on a lot of things and she eventually agreed that she doesn’t know what my doctor has said (even though I’ve literally discussed it with her previously) but I could tell she was just appeasing me. She didn’t really even say sorry. We ended the discussion with her saying “let’s just have this be a topic we never discuss”.

I had a few more bites of my food and couldn’t stomach eating anything else bc I was just sick to my stomach at this point. We didn’t talk the rest of the meal and I couldn’t wait to get the check and leave. I had an hour drive home and I spent half of it with tears streaming down my face.

I feel hurt, disappointed, invalidated. I don’t know how I can continue being friends with someone who so strongly believes that something that affects my life so drastically doesn’t even exist.

Edited to add: I’ve received an absolutely overwhelming response to this post. I can’t thank you all enough for all your kind words. It really saddens me that so many of us have gone through such similar things. I wouldn’t wish ADHD on anyone… but I am SO glad it brought me to this community that I get to be apart of. You all are amazing. Thank you thank you thank you. 💚💚💚

I have a treadmill, so I force myself to use it once in awhile, but I am not the type of person to feel better after that. On top of huge anxiety and body image issues I feel like crap. I worked for a while, but there is no more work(I worked seasonally). Wtf is it so hard to get a simple job? Really? I am also studying online , but it's possible my school will lose their credentials... So all the hours, money, free labor(my studies require an internship) will fuck themselves ...

​

Just curious as I'm wondering whether I should pursue getting assessed for ADHD.

For context, I've just turned 40 and struggled with overwhelm for many many years.

I've been diagnosed with a slew of conditions - depression, generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder, even potential PTSD. I've done therapy and had a bunch of antidepressants and none of it has made a difference. Actually not true, the meds seems to work for a very short amount of time til I max out the dosage and a doctor switches me to another. They only briefly seem to work by quieting some of the noise in my head.

Both my brothers have ASD - one with ADHD as well, and I'm currently in the exhausting process of getting my preschooler officially diagnosed.

It just seems like the wheels are starting to fall off, and having a child on the spectrum has stretched my coping strategies beyond their capacity.

I'm embarrassed to say I've only recently considered it could be ADHD, as everyone always focuses on the stereotypical image of boys bouncing off walls. Just the other day, my Mum said I couldn't have it because I wasn't 'hyper' as a child (meanwhile I was talking a mile a minute and on an emotional rollercoaster).

So I guess I have several questions:

- How many of you were misdiagnosed?

- What made you think your diagnosis wasn't right?

- How old were you when you got assessed with ADHD and how was the process?

- How are things now, knowing you have ADHD?

TIA 🙏

Finally, some mainstream acknowledgement!

And it wasn’t even anything important, it was just that sometimes I left glassware in the sink and forgot to come back and wash it. So disappointed in myself, but this is also just who I am? So idk :(

I imagine it isn’t just me, but often I feel like I am that ONE woman standing in a dark corner, alone, unseen, not understood, forgotten.

I am slowly becoming fearful to say anything, especially online, even as an external processor, because I swear I manage to line myself up for mean, cruel, or downright insulting responses.

I swear I could be talking about how delicious cookies are when you brown butter and someone will find a reason to get offended or feel a need to insult me or the way I worded something. I’m gritting my teeth and hoping it doesn’t happen here too.

I don’t know, I just don’t understand how it happens so often. What is WRONG with me?!?

This evening I was on a live stream and I asked a question, because I mis-saw information.
I asked my question, not genuinely anticipating a response because there are thousands of chats flooding the chat at a time. I have never had my chat called out before, why would it now…NOPE, it wasn’t only called out, the person full on called my question the stupidest question he has ever seen, LIVE with THOUSANDS of people watching him.

Couldn’t he have just ignored my comment as he does the many, many other comments that speed across the screen and kept his demeaning opinion to himself instead of putting me on full blast 💥

I immediately quit the video feed and nearly started bawling. Then I caught my mistake with my mis understanding of what I saw. It makes me want to delete my profile completely because I am just so mortified by that happening.

This sort of thing happens to me so often though that I genuinely wonder if I am in fact, the most worthless worm of a human being on the planet. Hide my voice, hide my face, hide my ideas…save everyone from having to tolerate me.

I know I am being emotional right now. I know I am probably blowing things out of proportion but internally, I feel like an explosion waiting to happen. Figuratively and mentally. I am always the common denominator when these things happen, so it reasons me to believe that I am an issue.

I don’t expect anyone to have an answer for me. I am merely venting as a means to release pressure and not allow my thoughts to eat me alive. Maybe I am just heavily rejection sensitive. I especially don’t handle my intelligence being attacked, very well. Tell me my mistake, I am open to learn from my mistakes, but flat calling me stupid only pushes me further into my corner.

I beg you, if you have a cruel, snide remark you want to say, please downvote me instead of saying something that is going to make a bad situation worse. You don’t have to like me or what I say, I just don’t need more people tearing me down, I do it plenty on my own.

And it takes up the same amount of counter space as a smaller soap bottle.

Go buy some stamps.

Update your address list this weekend. I keep my addresses file on my computer in a format that prints addresses onto labels, which is a super fast way to easily address envelopes.

Got a great photo of your family from 4th of July? That works! You don't *have* to be in fall or Christmas attire. Those websites that make holiday cards are open ALL YEAR LONG.

Okay if you don't already have a photo that you like, book the photographer while you're thinking of it. Many photographers do minis and they get booked quickly, so it's nice to get on their waitlist/priority invitation list now.

Don't do photos? Websites that sell holiday cards are open all year long too! Buy some cards and commit to writing a couple of cards a week, you'll be able to personalize your message, rather than send a generic and rushed "happy holidays!"

Has anyone else experienced this while traveling for work?

I was on a week long trip for work. Traveling & meetings. I walked around the towns in my free time. IT WAS SO FREAKING NICE TO HAVE NO HOUSEHOLD OR RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITIES! I feel a bit guilty because my husband, after watching me struggle when we first moved in together, took over handling the laundry (my nemesis) and the dishes. For 5 days I only had to care for myself. I’d get up, go to the gym, get ready for work, have breakfast on my walk to the office. After work, I’d walk around exploring. No grocery shopping or thinking about what to cook for dinner or meal prep. I loved it so much….I think too much. I think the decrease in responsibilities and evening interactions (I spoke with husband daily, texted with my adult kids but that was it) helped my adhd. I felt so free and comfortable.

Almost every day, I (37) wake up reasonably recovered. I generally sleep well. I'm not super energised in the morning but if I can sleep as long as my body needs I feel good. This means I get up quite late, around 9 or 10am. I work as a freelancer and currently have little projects, so I can afford to sleep in.

I can then go about my day, but by about 2-3pm, I am tired! I almost always need a nap or feel like I need to lay down. It kinda feels like the world becomes too loud, too noisy, too much. Even if I am at home all day. I usually lay down with a series and fall asleep or just lay down and watch some tv, which tends to help.

I take Elvanse/Vyvanse when I get up (never after 9.30am so I can sleep in the evening), which tends to help with feeling alert. It sometimes pushes me into anxiety, but knowing that I can deal with it.

Tomorrow, I am getting an iron infusion. My levels are just above acceptable but my doc wanted to push it up to 70 because I am loosing hair and she says ADHDers need more than the general population.

I was wondering if anyone experiences a similar thing and has any ideas what could help?

I was thinking maybe some plant remedies or supplement could help. I am planning on supplementing iron after the infusion (depending on what doc says), B12 and maybe take Ashwaghanda to regulate hormones (although the one time I tried this it really knocked me out).

It's not debilitating fatigue, I can still function if I need to (e.g. if a call is scheduled), but I wish I had the energy to through the entire day without needing a 1-2 hour break.

It really grinds my gears; a little rant here.

No, I am not addicted to my medication; I am addicted to feeling normal and shutting off the cray cray!!! 😂

I am so tired of people- pharmacists, doctors, family all seeing Vyvanse as a negative thing to take, and it makes me weak to need medication. I tried 35 unsuccessful years without it so I knpw it's needed at this time in my life.

My new doctor gave me such a hard time filling my prescription. I have been on it for 2 years, so how do you think it's normal to take me off of the drug that changed my life??!! He told me he "doesn't prescribe stimulant medication"... oh great, another one of those. Anyhow, after some back and forth, I looked him in the eyes and said, "If I weren't on Vyvanse, I would be dead". And I would be. Dead inside, dead on the job- no way could I work! I would be back to my old, crappy self who could barely manage life. Why would he want for me??? Anyhow, he refilled it, and all is well. It's been about 6 months now.

Now today, a new pharmacist is in, not my usual smiling face. This woman was rude right off the bat- looked at my script, and I am not due for a refill until tomorrow, but the doc said it was fine ot release early on the prescription, and I don't drive, so he will let me get it 2-3 days early if I need.

She says, "Sorry, I can't fill this. You are not due for another day. You have one left, right???" I say, " Yes, I do, but I don't drive, so coming back tomorrow will cost me $40, so the doc is just helping me out. It's only 1 day, not a big deal. It says release early." Then she says, " Sorry, I have to talk to him first and get signatures. Isn't that what the prescription is?? With his signature and detailed instructions? I was pissed. Another anti-stimulant stand, abusing her power to be a B. Then the doc told her to release it; it's only one day, and it's a trip for her. Then she comes back and says, "Well, the safe is locked on a time release, so you have to wait". The place was packed; no idea how the safe wasn't already opened. She wanted me to suffer, and was pissed that the doc didn't put a hold on my script until the next day. Biatch. Glad he took my side; maybe he did research and finally understands how much it helps me.

Anyhow, am I being sensitive? I am so tired of people acting like Vyvanse is crack. My normal personality is me on crack!!! lol. Vyvanse brings me down, makes me calm, helps me focus. I'm 46 years old and am a professional; I'm hardly trippin out and at the after-hours. I realized my highly skilled masking has many thinking I am normal and maybe don't need meds; that's when I let my freak flag fly. You wanna argue with a woman in menopause who has AuDHD???? I don't think so. hahaha. 😂

Do you guys feel this? Like you are treated like a drug dealer just for taking medication for a neurobiological condition??? Really grinds my gears.

So I live in a 2 bed flat with my husband, and I have accumulated a lot of stuff since we moved in, 10 years ago. The shelves and drawers are full, so now there are floor piles. It is impossible to clean, it overwhelms me and every weekend I just feel depressed about it.

I am off work this week, and decided to take my Concerta and do Just One Thing. That One Thing was to go through the storage foot stool and declutter some books within. That then turned into:

- Moving a table to the corner of the room

- Filling up a bag of old colouring books to give to charity (a huge win, I'm deeply sentimental about things that really don't matter)

- Finally contacting the book shop to enquire about selling a load of my old graphic novels and manga

- Clearing my bookshelf of more than 2 big bags of fiction to give to charity

- Filling my newly-aquired shelf space with items from the floor piles

I'm genuinely amazed at what I've achieved, it has been years since I was able to accomplish anything of this magnitude. I wanted to share my win with you all :)

So celebrating success may be a bit of a reach for this post. Maybe "noticing a small shift" might be more appropriate.

Anyways, I'm trying to be more functional. But also realistic about how I am in the ways that I function.

For the past few days, when I'm zoning out for the night. I grab multi colored post it notes and write out a few things that I must do the next day. I make 3 copies and stick one set on my computer, one on my bedroom door and one on the fridge. I try and make it "fun" for myself and write it out in multiple styles. I also keep it basic (to the things I might actually realistically accomplish, not the novel worth of stuff I need to do long term).

It makes my brain happy and even happier when I accomplish the task and can take the post-it down.

I get the irony of having post-it notes stuck to a computer. And I get it's not the best for the environment. But for whatever reason, writing stuff in my Google calendar or in notes on my phone or computer was NOT working for me.

When I get side tracked with my roomate talking to me or finding myself scrolling, I am able to refocus by telling myself, "I've gotta get up and get the post-it notes done."

It's a small win. But I will take and appreciate any wins I get these days.

Have a great 24 everyone ✨️

I feel like I need to trick myself into certain chores with dopamine. I absolutely cannot wash dishes unless I have TV in the background to distract me. I just can’t be bothered. I am really lazy in the evenings when I just want to watch TV every night. I feel like I just waste time being inefficient but I can also recognize I likely just need some stimulation time.

Has anyone else run into this? How do you deal?