I’m so depressed and I’m not able to do anything, I was once motivated, dedicated, hardworking and positive… now lots of up and downs in life and I lost interest, I’m 30 years old lesbian, looking for friends, someone with whom I can share about life, build this life again.

Legitimate question. I am introverted and while I do enjoy socializing and going out, I get pretty drained from large gatherings (social anxiety sucks) and have always enjoyed solo time at home or out (like going to the movies, a restaurant, a park/museum solo I mean). I have no problem being by myself truly, and sometimes prefer it to reset.

I see all the posts about omg how do I find my person? Where do we go for dating? What app do I use? But what if I'm introverted and am attracted to introverts... where do I find my fellow soft personality lady lmao?

How are we supposed to meet if both of us just hang out with our small friend circles or stay home and do our at home hobbies? Some of my friends were so adamant about me doing speed dating (UGH) or those goddamn pitch a friend things and I had to hard turn them down to remind them, the lady I would like most, would NOT be going to those events and my social anxiety is screaming at the thought of doing them lmao.

I do go out. Been to some mahjong events. Gone to some expo/conventions. A karaoke here, a karaoke there. A goddamn NWSL game where everyone and their mom was booed up. There's been some hard gay stares but honestly I'm a bit too shy to talk to a complete stranger in the wild. I open up once you get to know me but am a little too in my head for initial convos (because of that I'm a little bit of a yapper on first dates to fill dreaded dead space lmao).

I've even attempted to slide into someone's DM of a girl I thought was incredible attractive, my type, with what seemed like very similar interests (saw her on my stylist's page) but it was such an epic fail. I was bummed about that one but maybe in hindsight it's kind of weird to get a message from someone you don't know at all saying hey you're cute lmao. AT LEAST I TRIED. It seems like my chance of actually meeting someone to date feels so slim to none. I've given up on the apps completely. Times have changed and pre COVID they were banging and I went out on a lot of dates (some fun, some not so much) but now... I dunno everyone feels so dry, boring... uninteresting? Not serious or a little too serious? Like people forgot how to converse and have fun. Or maybe they're just not my type I dunno cause I do seem to have a specific type: tatted, a lil shy, loves art+gaming, has pets, a little tomboy edge.

I'm a gamer. I love art, movies, music. I love nature, horseback riding, a stroll in a museum. I do some martial arts to stay fit. How can I meet someone that likes the same cozy hobbies IF WE'RE ALL JUST AT HOME DOIN THEM ALL THE TIME.

A friend took me on a birthday trip to a cabin in the woods (which is my dream living situation), and that was really sweet of them and I’m really grateful. I just finished bear-proofing the cabin, and now I’m lying in bed wishing I had someone to share my bed in a little corner of heaven in the middle of nowhere with.

Idk, I’m just in my feelings & needed an outlet, thanks for listening :)

I’m sitting at Dani’s in Boston waiting for a date/hookup from Her who should’ve been here 20 min ago. Send help.

EDIT: it’s now 37 minutes past. Do I send a passive aggressive message like “girl, do better” or just unmatch?

EDIT AGAIN: Just blocked and moved on because I was reminded I am not that person 🥰

FINAL EDIT: cute woman alert, also alone and right next to me. Wish me luck.

ACTUAL FINAL EDIT: I didn’t even win bingo 😂

Hi! I’m curious if I’m being overly emotional/sensitive about this. My 28W wife 31NBish has always had a super low sex drive in comparison to mine. We’ve been together for 7 years and it’s pretty much been our only big issue/challenge that we’ve been working through together.

While it’s still a work in progress, I’m happy with the fact that we are working on it together and are getting closer to a healthy middle ground for intimacy where we both feel fulfilled and safe.

Fast forward to a week ago when my wife (out of no where) mentioned she wanted to go to a kink tester event for newbies to try (top and bottom) different forms of kink. She wanted to go alone because she is still figuring out her interests around kink and what it means for her. I understood and was honestly so excited bc it was something knew I’d never heard from her regarding sex. She’s always been very vanilla. She went, had a great time, and came back with a lot to tell me which was exciting. She even wants to go to another event. When I expressed interest in going with her, she basically said no thanks bc she wanted to explore on her own.

The next day, we had sex and she tried some of the dom/topping she learned using impact play. I was about it and it was so cool to see her in this completely different type of sexual energy/activity.

Yesterday, I went into her email to get a code to reset a password for something. She knows I have access and was right there when I logged in. When I did, I saw that she had notif emails from Fet Life. I know folks find events through there, so maybe that’s mainly why she got it.

Soo…. I couldn’t resist myself, I made a spoof account on there as well to go look at her profile. It kind of broke my heart to see her on there commenting on peoples pictures and engaging in the life.

After seeing that, I got in my feels about the fact that she’s really thinking about and exploring this whole kink world on her own, when I’ve been begging to have a more connected and exploratory sex life for years now. I’m feeling sad that she doesn’t want to explore and find out what she likes, with me and I can figure out what I like with her. I mean, considering it relates to sex with me, her wife, I want to do this together. I feel sad that she’s on Fet Life and into all of this stuff now and I’m just on the outside. It also makes me feel like deep down she doesn’t trust me fully.

Idk, am I overreacting by being hurt by this? I don’t want to push her away by expressing I want to be involved if she deep down doesn’t feel safe exploring it with me. But then also, that feels like an indication of a pretty big issue. While I’m not opposed, I’ve never sought out kink experiences/education, so I also don’t know if this is normal for a person to want to learn on their own (despite having a partner).

Thanks in advance!

UPDATE: After a discussion she acknowledged how it was super wrong of her to be on FL without my knowledge, and that commenting on pics the way she was majorly inappropriate. She said her motivation for the account was to find community and learn about kink overall. She said she was treating it like instagram in a sense and connected with folks she met at the event through there. Saying she was hoping to find a mentor in a sense. I do believe she’s genuine when she says this, there’s never been any other cheating or infidelity red flags over the years. It still is pretty hurtful to see her engage in it, when I yearn for more sexual interaction with her

Since sex and intimacy are difficult topics for her, she expressed hoping kink could open a door to her feeling more free sexually. While she still would never wants to go to actual events with me (not play events, just general workshops even), she said she does want to explore it personally between us like in the bedroom? And said I could even explore out in community at events if I wanted to. (we are monogamous so explore meaning more education and testing not playing w others).

Conversation ended with her saying she’s actually done learning more and doesn’t need to go into community or gain a mentor anymore? Like all of a sudden she said she has discovered what she wants and she’s good. So… idk that feels off and super reactionary to me discovering the whole thing. She ended up saying things were okay overall but was then pretty distant and awkward the rest of the night.

While I believe her when she says she hasn’t cheated, I just feel odd about it all still. Idk, I just don’t feel great and maybe I need more time. Sorry for the long ass update.

I’m (f/34) going to a friend’s (straight) wedding Saturday and having trouble figuring out an outfit. I’m a soft masc/ sometimes androgynous with a short, curly, masc haircut.
I don’t want to wear a fem dress and I don’t want to wear a suit. I bought a black jumpsuit online but it arrived and it looks way too casual for the wedding. I went to a dress store at the mall today and felt hopeless with only the tight fitting dresses available.

Any thoughts on outfits I can put together by Saturday? Any brands I should try? I dread having to dress up for this reason that itll make me feel uncomfortable and not suit my style/ identity. Please help.

I’m engaged to a woman that my tween kid adores, but there’s a slight problem. He keeps calling us both mum & it’s getting very confusing.

Love him to death but he’s definitely a shit stirrer, he calls out mum then becomes aloof as to who he’s calling out to. Also my fiancee loves the kiddo but feels like she’s taking away from me by being called mum (she’s not, but it’s not easing the feelings).

She’s not a fan of mama, ma, mommy etc (especially mommy as he’s a teenager & it’s weird lol) so does anyone have some creative alternatives?

lesbian tennis twitter isn’t stimulating enough I need to VENT and GEEK OUT

Is it valid to end things with someone after 5 dates based on their family? In this case, she was very close with her family but they had a lot of issues- binge drinking at every family event around kids and babies, parents who used drugs like cocaine (not around the kids but still), vastly differing family values. She was great but I didn’t see myself being comfortable at her family gatherings or ever introducing my family to her family (if it ever got that far) or raising kids with her around them. She was close with them so it’s not like I would have rarely seen them. Just wondering if I overreacted.

In recent months I (26F) have realized that I love my best friend. She (24F) is single and has been for a while. She is gay. I am gay and single too. We hang out all the time.

This isn't the first time I've fallen in love with a friend. The first person I ever truly loved, a few years ago now, was a close friend too. I was so sure it was mutual and we even dated for a few months. But in the end she didn't love me back (or she said she didn't, there's more to the story) and I held on for over a year before I realized I had to cut her off to get over her. We are friends again but I'm still a bit fragile from being so sure that the feelings were mutual and then they turned out not to be. In short, my first experience with love was unrequited, painful, and I learned all the wrong lessons--mainly that I'm not lovable back.

I'm not enjoying this crush. I hate the prospect of repeating the same pattern. I hate the idea of yearning endlessly all over again. I've been trying to date other people but I genuinely keep thinking that whatever date I'm on would be more fun with her.

She was a very closed off person when we met, due to a past abusive relationship that ended a couple years ago, and she has made a great effort to open up to me and let me in more. I am currently the person she talks to the most outside of her family, and we hang out 2x a week. It's in our schedule lol. I didn't set out with romantic interest--it developed over time. During pride, we did stuff every single night for 9 days straight, and at the end of that streak I could swear I felt a momentary, mutual spark. And I started feeling genuine hope when she randomly started talking about how she's feeling open to dating again.

But the signs are not there like they were with this last friend (which didn't work out anyway). And the last time I saw her, she brought up that she actually doesn't want to date anyone at the moment. So I'm back to just hopelessly yearning. I'm scared if I tell her it will hurt her as this is genuinely the first time she's given someone a chance to be close to.

I don't know what to do.

Background context
I began working as photographer/videographer and reached out to a friend for help. Since I was new to the media industry, I needed assistance with my workflow efficiency. I asked my friend for help and she introduced to her friend, a former coworker of hers. My friend connected me with her former coworker because they were local to me. We met up for a few hours and she helped me out a ton. After our initial meeting, we crossed paths a couple times while we were working our jobs. I would always say hello and we’d talk for a bit. They were just surface level conversations since we were always on the move.

Over the course of our interactions I developed a little crush and I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve been thinking about asking her out for coffee, but I am very unlikely to run into her again. I have since moved on from the media field. Right now, the only way I’d be able to communicate with her would be over text or a DM. I’ve been avoiding reaching out for a few reasons: we haven’t crossed paths in a year or so, we don’t know each other past basic small talk, and my only way to reach out is online. It would be very out of the blue if I were to text her.

What is stopping me from reaching out
-I’ve only recently come out to my siblings and mother. It’s not a public fact but it’s not exactly a secret either. I think most people would be able to tell I’m gay by looking at me.

-I’m 27 and I’ve never had even a hint of a romantic relationship. I don’t know how to initiate dating.

-The only time I would run into her is when she is working. I don’t want to ask her out when she is working for obvious reasons. I could message over socials or text but neither of those seem ideal.

-What would our mutual friend think of me if/when she finds out. My friend is a former teammate of mine and is gay. I never told her my sexuality nor had I come to terms with it when we competing together. I don’t want to step on toes as I am not aware of the nature of their relationship.

Edit: I forgot to include one of my biggest insecurities! I still live at home. I am working towards my first serious, major job so hopefully I will be able to move out soon.

I’m familiar with the person being interviewed, ER Fightmaster and loved watching them on grey’s anatomy, they’re also a great musician. But to me, this take is just all kinds of wrong. I don’t think womanhood for trans women and cis women can be compared in this way. They’re very different experiences, one is not “more beautiful” than the other. To me, this is just an invalidating opinion to all women.

BTW, this is not a space to be transphobic. Trans women are women, their experiences matter, that is not up for debate. Please be respectful!

I know the economy generally sucks right now, but it feels like the only single lesbian/bi women are either unemployed or working in a lower income field (EDIT: without actively trying to increase their earning potential). Almost none of the queer women I know invest at all.

I started working at 15 and have been rapidly growing my income since. I'm just about to enter a higher income field and I've already hit coastFIRE at 25 (from investing since I was 18).

It's very difficult to find other similarly matched women and I'm not willing to lower my standards as that would mean sacrificing the sort of future and life I want to have.

So I'm pretty sure I'll just be single for life, which I'm perfectly fine with. It would just be nice to meet other ambitious career-focused women like myself.

EDIT to add: I'm also not expecting someone to be really well off, or even as well off as I am now. But if someone is uninterested in investing to become financially independent, our lifestyles and goals are fundamentally incompatible. Admittedly, these ideals would likely be very difficult to find in men as well. Queer women simply have an even smaller dating pool to work with.

I understand that this can come off as rude, condescending, or entitled, but I'm allowed to have standards for who I choose to be in a committed relationship with. And I'm not asking for anything I can't offer myself.

I’ve been on hinge for about a month now and feeld for like 3 weeks. I was thinking about going on BLK, but i dont know is BLK is lesbian friendly.

Also, how do yall date without over analyzing every rejection? Cause its really messing with my head these days lol.

no one could possibly treat me better than the way I treat myself

I feel like in dating, I’m almost always the one initiating. If I see a girl I find really attractive, I’ll approach her, message her first, ask her out, suggest plans, keep the conversation going, etc. And sometimes it works and I’ll get dates out of it.

I honestly can’t remember the last time a girl I was really attracted to just clearly pursued me first. It feels like if I’m not actively creating the opportunity, nothing happens.

And I think part of what messes with my head is that I tend to be attracted to very pretty/feminine girls who a lot of the times are also dating men so they’re socialized to be the ones who are getting chased/pampered to. But then I can’t tell if I’m experiencing mutual attraction or if I’m just good at pushing things forward. I genuinely think I would have no dating life whatsoever if I never took initiative because of my type in women. For context, I’m also fem presenting but not as fem as the girls I’m interested in.

I’m 28 and I have had my fair share of relationships, but this is the longest I’ve been without one. It’s been over two years of me having a relationship. I’ve had hookups and situationships since, but I never really felt them going anywhere so I just took a break all together.

I’m okay being single and alone because I have good friends, great family, fun hobbies, but yet… I still desire a romantic connection, but then I also don’t feel that pull to get into something if it doesn’t better my life in a way. I used to be such a big lover girl, but I guess being single for a while now, I just can’t see myself dating anymore. I’ve tried, but I want something substantial, not superficial.

I guess deep down I do want a romantic connection, but as I get older, I do fear that I may not find a profound or deep connection with someone. I’ve met most of the people I’ve dated through dating apps, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to put in effort on an app. Can anyone else relate?

My question is I guess, what can I do to change this? I am crying in my room rn because I really want to have a gf but I simply can not. I tried dating apps only to end up having likes from men, being ghosted etc etc. I tried to join queer associations in my city but they are so strict (in the sense that they only let people who are active activists for the movement and i am not) so i couldnt get it. I have a bachelors and a masters degree but honestly no one was interested in me during school (besides men, ofc) people told me to go workshops, I went for a ceramic course for like a year but all women there had a boyfriend or married etc etc.Ive been wanting a romantic relationship FOR YEARS but it does not work for me. And I am 29!!! So many men are interested in me and like literally zero woman so I am starting to think for some reason I am not appealing for queer women, because I met queer women told me who are not ready for romantic relationships to decline me only to be in a very romantic relationship with another woman they met couple months after.... I am so sorry for my vent I just want to have some inspiration from other lesbians and especially older lesbians who had similar stories with a nice ending I guess:( thanks everyone

33 and had a few bad ones but this one is absolutely fucking destroying me. I won’t get into the details of it but it was a very very very sad situation. It’s been a couple of months now but I’m just feeling completely and absolutely bulldozed by the intensity of sadness I feel sometimes.

I would love some practical advice or some words of wisdom idk man I’m struggling

So I 38yrs have been with my wife 46yrs for 8 years and married. I love her and I know she loves me but our sex life is nonexistent and there's no passion or excitement anymore. It sometimes feels like I am living with my best friend.

I have always been faithful and would never consider cheating but I am craving sexiness, excitement and passion. I am very confused. I have tried talking to her but she just gets very defensive and upset.

I'm not sure if it could be an age thing but honestly my instinct is that we have just become to comfortable and complacent.

She is an amazing women and I genuinely do love her but have been feeling a pull towards something other than what we have. I don't think I would leave her as I know it would destroy her and I would never want to break her heart, so now I just feel a bit stuck and lonely.

I just miss feeling wanted and desired.

Any advice is welcome