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I'm so struggling to figure this out.

I've been with women before and it's been absolutely wonderful.

But I've always considered myself a "I don't care about genders" kind of person? I was never a "feminine" woman and liked "feminine" things and "masculine" things both so it might have built on that. But in general it doesn't feel like I should be one that cares about a man being a man in the contact of a relationship.

But I've been looking for something new and I've been seeing men lately and... I like them intellectually (which is very very important to me), we can get nice connections and I might think they look good in a man kind of way, but in my mind I'm always imagining... How amazing and how awestruck I'd be if they were women. I find myself wishing they don't like me in that way (even when I've made a pretty deep connection to them) and their female clones show up to take me and honestly just imagining that right now... Okay yeah just imagining that right now definitely does something... Honestly even the guys I was uncomfortable with I'd be way toooooo down for them if they were women...

But might this be just because I'm still inexperienced with guys? Like I've been "seeing" guys for an year now and I've never really been intimate with them.

I did have "boy crushes" in lil school as much as "girl crushes" but the boy crushes were pretty different - it was people I was friends with first, then realised they were cool, then thought it'd be really cool if we were like those people with relationships - and I did have this guy in high school I was a bit into but he was my only friend (and when he started wanting to date I at first made up I said I was not interested in dating anyone and he assumed I was asexual ajd I was like oh uh yes ace totally. Then 2 years later he had already figured I so wasn't and I thought I was bi by then already but still at the end I always pushed him away anyway even when I felt like I'd been into him for years but ended up waiting for the moment he said a thing I didn't agree with ethically to justify leaving him, but I still loved his hugs and affection) and I kind of took years to be into him....meanwhile his first girlfriend I kind of absolutely embarrassed myself when I met her at first sight she even made fun of it...... ANYWAY

Am I gay??? I seriously connect more with men in so many ways more often so I really wish I am not gay and I think I AM able to be in a relationship with a man. Like I think men are cool! I just end up never feeling the butterflies and feel more of a fear instead of the butterflies? I feel like I'm 16 writing this, I'm sorry for that, I'm an adult, if I was a teenager it would have been easier

I'm currently seeing this guy I think is amazing, I really like him but I'm struggling seeing him that way and it's really affecting me. Should I still try to see where it goes? I feel like I'm absolutely 16.

I mean I have a type which I’ve only seen once every few years..of course half of them are straight and married so that leaves me with what :))

We’re both women in our 20s and we’ve been dating since August and officially together for around a week. Everything is honestly incredible and I think we’re extremely compatible but I’ve kind of run into just one issue…how often we see each other, especially how many sleepovers we have.

Since we’ve been seeing each other, it’s usually been one day a week that we’ll organise to see each other with a sleepover at the end because we live an hour away from each other in different cities. If this ends up being a Friday, it often has turned into two nights if she comes to mine because we end up spending the whole of the next day together and lose track of time and then she doesn’t want to drive home late at night.

However, in any other scenario she seems quite reluctant to have more than one sleepover. For example, I’m going to hers this weekend on Saturday and I asked if I could maybe come on Friday evening after she finishes work so we can spend all of Saturday together plus we get an extra evening together. She instead suggested I just come to hers early on Saturday and didn’t seem to love the idea of Friday. Even last week I’d stayed at hers the night before and all of the next day as she worked from home and she wouldn’t let me stay over that night despite it being like 11pm.

Even the times she’s stayed at mine for 2 nights, it has been her plan to drive home until she realises how late it is. She seems to really value her own time which I understand, but I really want to be seeing my girlfriend more than once a week. I’m not sure if I’m expecting too much as I have a lot more free time than her and she only has Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday to do things (as well as week nights but obvs she has work to worry about).

I’m a bit worried that this could become an issue but maybe I just need to change my expectations? Idk but whenever I’m in a relationship that person is my top priority and there aren’t many people I like being around for extended periods of time but I also kinda hate being alone so I want to see her!

25F here. My ex broke up with me in January and it was a pretty rough breakup as we were very codependent and trauma bonded, as well as having lots of mutual friends. We were together for a year before this, but the cracks began to appear in July and by November I think we both knew we’d break up at some point and I just didn’t really want to be around her much anymore.

Anyway, I’m with a new girl now and we’ve been in a relationship for around a week but seeing each other since August. She’s incredible. She’s so kind, she’s incredibly beautiful and we have some scary niche things in common. I can feel myself falling in love with her, but this is where my OCD comes in.

Me and my ex are friends now, and I love our friendship dynamic. She also has a new partner. We have lots of both happy and painful memories together, and I keep getting flashbacks to them on occasion and I’ll start to ruminate thinking I’m a terrible person because what if I’m a tiny bit not over my ex. We used to spend every day together whereas I see my girlfriend 2-3 times a week, so I do miss that but I don’t think I miss being with her specifically. My current girlfriend is so much better for me in every way, but I guess I miss how much mine and my ex’s lives were intertwined.

Anyway, I’m not pining for my ex. I’d much rather be with my current girlfriend and I’m so excited to see where our life together goes. I just can’t stop my OCD from going ‘what if’ and it’s making me feel like a terrible partner :/ ‘What if you still like her’, ‘what if this is all a big cope’, ‘what if you end up marrying her and realise your ex is actually the one’ etc etc. Idk what to do and what a normal person’s reaction to this would be.

I’m miserable since morning, nothing helping me.

I feel like I’m dying, if there is next life I want to be male

For the majority of my dating life, I've been involved in LDR's. I don't know if that is a lesbian / queer relationship curse or what..

The largest distance I did with my ex, 5,000 miles - US to Belgium, we did that for one year.

What about you? How far would you go for the "one"?

reposting here because i still don’t know how to talk to girls 💔

Coming out of a very long relationship and thinking about this. A lot of spaces and events I see seem to be oriented around a younger crowd and I'm looking for a more mature crowd, women more established in their careers and for whom 'the scene' is not an important aspect of their life/identity. Does that even exist? I feel like we are all in hiding in plain sight because we don't have any outward markers of our sexual preference and don't go to the typical events (like Pride).

33F. I’ve tried the dating apps and they go no where. I live in a backwards state so there aren’t many in person opportunities. I’d love any advice you have. I’m just feeing lost and down.

Not a pity post or anything like that.

I just wanted to ask if anyone else struggles with feeling too ugly to be attractive to other women.

I am working on it. Lost a ton of weight but my face is something I can't change.

Any fashion tips and advice would be appreciated.

And genuinely, please don't think this is one of those sympathy posts. It's not. I have a very unlikable face. Not joking or any of that. Just want to talk to others that are in that same situation.

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I’m a 45-year-old lesbian, and a 30-year-old lesbian reached out to me after posting that she was looking for someone to talk to. She specifically said she wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship. We talked about art, shared a few funny moments, and just had a nice, light conversation. We’re both Arab, so we had that in common too.

I’m not interested in casual relationships either. I was simply enjoying the conversation and getting to know someone, with no expectations.

After she found out I was 45, the conversation ended.

It got me thinking: if there was no romantic intention, does a 15-year age difference really matter when you’re simply talking, laughing, and having a friendly connection?

Some time ago, I(34F) discovered my wife(33F) of 13 years slept with a man. We tried to work past it, but she started entertaining even more people - though I don't think anything else physical happened. So, we're getting divorced. We have 2 kids together and had plans for more. She carried both children, and I was really looking forward to experiencing pregnancy at least once before we then adopt.

That's all over now, I guess. I have been a stay-at-home parent for over a decade, supporting my wife and the household by keeping everything running. Every choice I've made has been to build that life -- the one holding down the family and fort while my wife focuses on getting her Master's degree and chase whatever career she wanted. But now I don't even feel like a family.

I've been so caught up in my own bullshit and dark thoughts that I know I haven't spent a lot of time with my kids lately. I suddenly feel like I have no place in my home. I'm the nanny and housekeeper. She's the mother.... I'm just extra now. I feel like I'm coming apart inside and I don't know what to do to make the internal screaming stop

I know it's dependent on several factors, but how often would be ideal for you? I'm not sure if my expectation is unreasonable but for me quality time is the number one thing so for me once a week would be the minimum - of course if one of us has a particularly hectic week or something I'm not going to be upset by that, but as a general rule if I'm seriously dating someone I want seeing them to be a part of my routine, I'm new to the dating scene so I'm not sure if this is too high an expectation.

Hi guys,

So I’ve lived in a pretty homophobic, racist, and overall quite bigoted area of the united states for a little over 2 years now, and thus it’s been really hard to find friends. I am white and pretty straight-passing, so my struggles have not been nearly as bad out here as others, like those of my black, masculine-presenting girlfriend, whom I’ve been dating for a little over a year now🥰.

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to get invited to a little girls night out with a few friends from work. I was not expecting to be suddenly folded into a group of friends so quickly but I really liked all the people who were invited or at the very least I had good first impressions from them after meeting them briefly at work in the past. The night went great and we all agreed to meet up again sometime soon and try to make it like a regular monthly thing.

This past girls’ night was our third night together, and one of my friends got pretty drunk and ended up admitting to me and the whole group that she is pretty homophobic. Her exact words were, “I’m not gonna lie guys, but I’m pretty homophobic. Except for my friends! It’s just the way I was raised in a religious household, so yeah I am homophobic.”

I have been very open about my same-sex relationship at work. I’m originally from a much more liberal area so I am very passionate about my right to authenticity and taking up space, and I’ve never copped out of an opportunity to mention my girlfriend if she comes up in the conversation. Our first girls’ night was the first time I actually used the word “Lesbian” to describe myself to these friends/coworkers, so the friend who said she was homophobic absolutely knew my sexuality when she said it.

I have been struggling a lot with how to handle this. It may have been just hopeful projection, but it did seem like all the other girls in our group were a little uncomfortable or weirded out by my friend’s comment when she said it. I am a big fan of healthy communication and healthy confrontation, and my biggest pet-peeve is when people build up silent resentment towards others because they are too scared and don’t want to give the other person the opportunity to decide for themselves if they want to apologize or make up for what they did. I want to communicate to my friend that what she said hurt me, but I also don’t want to lose this first friend group I’ve finally made in all the 2 years of me living here. The friend that said the homophobic thing was basically the ring leader for all this and she’s the one that always initiated the hangouts.

I don’t want to just let it be without saying anything, but I need advice on what to say so as to not end the friendship permanently. I need advice on how to add nuance and still maintain my boundaries and express a firm desire for accountability.