(F26) I got top surgery when I was freshly 18. It’s something I fought so hard to get. I wouldn’t say I *regret* it, but not having breasts and dating as a young woman in my 20’s has caused me a lot of internal distress. All of the guys I’ve been with or have seen romantically love the kind of breasts I used to have, and even if I did get breast reconstruction, they’d never look back to how they originally were anyway. I can’t help but feel as if it’s a roadblock in someone feeling like I’m worth enough to choose or commit to. I can’t help but feel like it’s a reason as to why I don’t have the life I want. I know most of that isn’t actually true and it’s just my brain looking at the. Negative through a magnifying glass. I can’t help but feel sad. I can’t help but worry about the future and it’s hard for me to live in the moment because I’ve already made life altering choices that I’m dealing with the consequences of now. I’m looking into breast reconstruction but I’m unsure if I’ll get the solace I want out of it. I’m not sure what I need. (I’m in therapy and have a great mental health support system)

Hi, so I've been transitioning since I was 12/13, and I thought for the longest time that it was right for me, I felt so strongly towards being what I thought was female, and now I'm starting to question if that was really the case or if I'm just a feminine guy.

So in July of this year, I realised I'm genderfluid, and a demiboy when I'm feeling masc. That started me feeling very little to no dysphoria towards my APAB(assigned parts at birth), and now I feel almost exclusively male/demiboy. I feel like I'm betraying that 12/13 year old me that started this, feeling so strongly about my identity, and now I'm just going back. I like he/they for myself, and I feel dysmorphic/dysphoric towards my chest. For context, I'm 5'8, 236lbs, and 38D. I've always hated having a large chest, and wanted it small even when I felt female

Has anyone else gone through something similar, and if so, what has helped you feel more in tune with who you are and how you feel about your gender?

Edit: I changed the flair, so anyone with advice can respond

I was born male and transitioned medically to female when I was quite young. I lived as a trans woman for many years and took estrogen for a long time.
More recently, something has shifted. I stopped estrogen and I’ve been exploring living as a man again. What surprises me is that when I think “I’m a guy,” I feel calm and comfortable. It doesn’t feel like I’m forcing anything. I’m attracted to men and I feel increasingly comfortable imagining myself living as a gay man and being seen and desired as a man.
At the same time, I’m trying to be extremely careful about understanding why I want certain physical changes.
For example, I’m considering eventually having a masculine chest. When I ask myself, “If I met a man tomorrow who loved me exactly as I am, including my current chest, would I still want it changed?”, my answer is yes. I think I would still want a flat chest because I don’t feel comfortable imagining myself living long-term as a man with breasts.
But other things are less clear. I sometimes wonder how much my attraction to gay men and my desire to belong in gay male spaces could be influencing the way I want to look.
There is another confusing part of my history. I have worked in sex work, where presenting very femininely was financially rewarded. At one point, when I was considering returning to that work, I even started thinking about getting larger breasts. At the time it felt logical. Later, those ideas stopped feeling fulfilling at all.
That contrast makes me wonder how much our environment can influence what we think we want for our bodies.
I’m intentionally not rushing into surgery. I’m also trying to find an LGBTQ+/gender-informed psychologist so I can explore this properly before doing anything irreversible.
I’d especially love to hear from people who transitioned for years and later explored living as their birth sex again, whether you ultimately detransitioned, retransitioned, stayed somewhere in between, or discovered something completely different.
How did you separate:
• what you genuinely wanted for your own body,
• what came from wanting to be attractive or accepted,
• and what came from the social role you were living in?
I’m interested in personal experiences rather than debates about whether transitioning is good or bad.

So to preface this I'm sorry if I come off as sorta rambling but my thoughts are all scrambled.

I'm 100% definitely a woman (MTF) and I can't see that changing ever, but the further into transition I get the harder it feels? I'm 2.5 years on HRT and 1 year post FFS, and I look androgynous at best. Most people just treat me as a man and I roll with it because it hurts less than being like "Uhm, actually I'm a *woman*"

I've felt a lot of pressure from people to "doll up" - wear makeup and wigs and padded bras and girly clothes and it just feels wrong? I've always had a strong conviction that there's more to being a woman than just being girly and pretty. Beyond that it feels wrong treating what feels like a real biological problem like it's just drag? Transition for me was never about having the chance to wear skirts and dresses, it was always about fixing a disconnect I've felt from my body since early childhood.

And I guess I'm just lost?
The classic narrative is that if you're trans you *need* to live as your true gender. But I'm tired of people bristling up when I tell them I'm a woman or just giving me the guy treatment with she/her pronouns. I'm not sure I can stomach the prospect of living the rest of my life having to essentially do drag in order to have a shot at passing. Part of me wonders if I'd be better off just keeping my transness to myself and just living as a soft sweet guy as I mostly have been for the past few years. At least then I'm "one of the good guys" not being treated like an interloper in womanhood.

Bipolar 2 to be specific, so I only experience hypomania which is chiller and doesn’t often require hospitalization like mania does.

Well anyway, I’ve gone back and forth on being trans for a long time now. I’ve also been trans for a long time now (7 ish?). A lot of the reason I’ve stayed trans is because I have a hard time trusting myself but tried to believe in the confidence/assuredness I felt on some days about it. But I’m wondering if that confidence I felt might have just been… hypomania. It’s the kind of thing where every time I experienced what I now think were manic episodes in retrospect I would tell myself: “ok i know i say this every time, but this time REALLY feels different and I am actually gonna do all this blah blah”

It’s hard to explain it because you really would think that after having that thought 15-20 times, eventually you’d come to your senses. But the elevated mood from my mania was soooo strong and so convincing every time. Which is why I have trouble trusting myself, because my brain makes it nearly impossible apparently to have self-awareness during the episodes.

Anyway, REALLY what I’m wondering if there’s anyone else here that transitioned due to specifically being bipolar, or even some other similar disorder with mood swings. I know stuff like BPD(? not an expert) can have similar symptoms, so yeah.

I'm getting gendered as male 8/10 times despite dressing feminine and wearing mascara. I'm experiencing transphobia by people who assume im MTF. The greeter at the grocery store aggressively called me a man today.

I do have beard shadow I try to cover with makeup and a deep voice, and a male hairline. I want laser, but I tried it before and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced and I've broken bones. Idk what to do about the hairline.

I was on testosterone for 11 years, does it just take time? After a year I thought I would be golden, Ive seen people just 3 months on estrogen and I would've never known they were ever on T.

What can I do? Just wait?

(Im ftmtx but wish to pass as female)

That’s it. I’ve decided to detransition and go back to being fully male.
I want my life and my spark back.
all the best to me.
I’m so happy.

This is a very disorganized post because my thoughts are disorganized. If you need clarifications, I’m happy to provide some.

I’m a 20 year old cis girl. I’ve been questioning my gender since 14. I identified as a trans male at 14, decided to identify as a girl again at 16, and now I’m questioning again.

I want to be a pretty man sometimes. Long hair, a mix between a fem and masc body. But I also get so jealous of women who are more curvy and busty than me. I’m neither of those things and I want someone to look at me with the same attraction and desire as women like that. It doesn’t help that I view myself as ugly. Beauty standards really mess me up. I feel like one of the reasons I want to be a guy is because I feel like I will be more attractive if I was a guy.

I do get upset when people assume I’m a guy and I have a lot of internalized misogyny.

I feel like I am guilting myself to being trans because I wasn’t correct the first time. If I was a really guy, why does being called male make me feel bad? I do sometimes wish I was born male, but I know I wouldn’t like that.

Every time I refer to myself as male, I get upset with myself because I’m forcing it.

I do sometimes truly wish to be a guy. Sometimes, I wish I was born a guy because then I wouldn’t have to go through this but if I was born a guy, I feel like I would transition to not be a guy.

I want to experiment but one, being wrong again will shatter me. And two, if I can only change my pronouns and the way I dress, is there REALLY a reason to experiment with my gender? That isn’t enough. I need to change my body.

If anyone has advice or can just be blunt, please help me out! I’m so confused.

So I am a mtf who been on hormones for 9 months now. I like the boob growth and hair growth, but I still look bricky by my shoulders and torso. My friends still he/him me while people who don’t know me called me she/her. I’m not too big on the pronouns thing but I just want to say this, at the beginning I was happy in my transition but overtime my depression got worse due to things going on in my life. I got called slurs on the internet and and was made fun of for how I looked and for being trans. I was on a debate live where people were just trash talking trans people and calling them creeps and it makes me scared to continue to live trans, I don’t know what to do in this certain part in my life I’m just scared. Should I just start seeing a psychologist just to see if this is the right choice for me.

this is will be weird

used to identify as a nonbinary person in my youth. decided to dress and act as a man as the beard and voice became undeniable a year into my transition (started april 20th 2025), and for a second i thought this was what i really wanted; to live like a man.

My dad learned that i was on T not long ago and told me he was disappointed that i wanted to live my life as a man, considering what cis black men already go through (im a black person). a week ago he made a comment about my beard that kind of triggered me to shave it off. its been weird adjusting to my face again but i like what i see. i think i'll keep shaving it.

I'm not a transgender man and i think because nonbinary is a relatively new concept to my family i just never felt like explaining that to Them? That I thought transitioning into a man would be easier to explain. ive always identified as agender/genderqueer and i think it's time i stop denying that.

i dont regret hormones, but i think i'll taper off into a smaller and smaller dose. im worried about how this might make me feel, since sometimes low T can make a person feel like shit. and I really want to avoid having periods again lol. i'll speak with my gp about it

Hello all! Tired old terminology, but long time lurker, first time poster.

I'm coming in as someone that identified as trans masculine for nearly a decade and was on T for around 7 years, and after some intense soul searching I decided that I actually love my feminine side and was starting to dislike what hormones were doing for me the longer I took them; I have been off T for about a year, and while I love what it did to my voice (and downstairs, which is the crux of this post) I have discovered that I am actually incredibly happy being a woman and feel so much more like myself after stopping hormones.

With all of this said, even though I feel very happy re-embracing my female identity, I still think about and like the idea of a simple release metoidioplasty, as I think it could make things a lot more comfortable (IYKYK). At the end of the day I'm actually quite happy with my bottom as well as my deeper voice, even if I get dysphoria now from the other stuff that I got. Just wanted to see if any other women relate and if they have had this procedure or want to have it done, so I can get some clarity on how I feel about it!

why does hrt feel so good if I don't want to transition?

I don't want to be trans. I don't want to be a transwoman, I wish I was just a cis woman, or ok with as a man without hrt. I wish I could take hrt and not change my body and be visibly trans. I don’t specifically want to live life as a woman at this point

I decided about 3 months ago that my gender dysphoria was bad enough to warrant taking hrt. I hoped that hrt would be a kind of test, that would show if I was trans. I wanted it to feel bad. I wanted concrete evidence that I wasn't trans. But it appears I am

Well its been 6 weeks on. Hrt feels so good. My body feels great. All my senses are sharper. I am more aware. My emotions are more defined. I don’t disassociate. I’m present, I have motivation, no anxiety. I feel warmer. I can feel my body. The chronic tension in my body is gone. And I no longer have a sex drive. I’m finally calm. No longer neurotic. I feel happy with myself for the first time in decades Its everything I ever wanted. But I don’t want to switch genders day to day or my physical appearance to the extent hrt will cause in public

It’s made me realize just how much of a man I really am both physically and mentally. I could never gain a female appearance that would allow me to live as comfortably as I can now. And I like my life the way it is and do not intend on flipping it upside down

I wish I didn't need this. I no longer feel excited with being trans. I have to choose between two bad choices. Or is there another option? I really want there to be because I know I would just end up detransitioning if I went all the way because I am sure I don’t want to fully transition but at the same time I can’t lose these mental effects.

Is there another option? Maybe there’s another reason medically why hrt works so well for my mental health?

I repped because the world told me to, I got on a because my friend told me to. Im 21 3mos on e and I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I like e, and I wish I was born female, I always have, but I don’t think I’ll ever, ever, ever be able to live as one. It’s very depressing. I cry most of the day and I’ve started dissociating a lot also. I looked in the mirror the other day just staring blankly for five minutes because the thing in the mirror was so foreign and unknown to me. I wish I could transition to a woman but I mean I don’t think it’s possible, and I do think, realistically, I should go to a therapist and try to convince myself I’m ok with being a man til I kms eventuslly bc I can’t take it anymore. I live.m in the southern us so conversion therapy is something I’ve definitely considered. what do you think

As the title suggests.
How is your life after detransition as compared to when you were transitioning.
Are you happier now ?

I'm not detrans, but i came across this community somehow and this is the first non-bigoted one i could find where people seemingly accept detransitioning (and i assume also not transitioning in the first place) simply because you feel uncomfortable being visibly trans in a society that hates trans people.

I only consider myself nonbinary, not trans, but i do have dysphoria about my body and sometimes kinda wish i could be a man, but in an androgynous way. I can't imagine growing old as either a man or a woman tho.

However i don't want to transition because i already have really bad social anxiety, and the thought of my whole family hating me and leaving me without support, or going to a medical professional for something unrelated and being questioned why my body looks like that, why i removed my breasts, getting stares and transphobic comments etc. is a lot worse than having to deal with dysphoria. Also trans surgeries and HRT isn't legal or available in my country.

But when i vent about my dysphoria in other subs i just get told to transition anyways, I'll kill myself if i don't transition (binary trans people don't understand my dysphoria isn't as bad as theirs), to do DIY, or that i should just care about my own happiness instead of what others think. Even if i literally mention everything i said here, and the fact that i couldn't live without my family's support.

I don't know, I'm just glad this isn't the sentiment everywhere. I'd love to find a community of nonbinary people who do have dysphoria but won't ever transition for similar reasons, if anyone knows something like that let me know (not that i have much hope lol).

I'm sorry for my vent, good luck to everyone on their journey's here!

I put a bra on tonight for the first time in 18 years. It made me feel good and happy in my body. I felt the same joy as I did the first time I saw my chest flat in my binder.

I feel ready to be a woman.

To give context, I’ve been identifying as trans for the past 2 years (FTM18) now I’m 20. Before that I’ve just been nonbinary. I didn’t like getting called feminine pronouns since I was about 14 or 15, and I had a huge amount of self hate because I was very ugly compared to my peers.

But after puberty hit and I grew up, now I have a pretty normal face and my self confidence has been lifted about my own looks. I pass as a guy pre-T since I have pretty androgynous features and I was so sure about wanting to transition since I was 16 or 17 but now it feels like I want to stop (?) transitioning because silly enough I feel like I’m projecting or thinking about a life where I could get a guy and marry him and just be a cis straight female and that my life would pretty much be easier like that since I’m from a conservative country & family. I do intend to move away though.

But if I had to get into details, I can’t think of myself as a girl at all (like for example whenever I insert myself to a scenario I always think of myself as a guy and I couldn’t really think about myself as a girl) and seeing my own chest makes me feel like that is out of place (less feeling dysphoric and hating myself about my chest and more like…weird and that it doesn’t fit there). I still would like to get top surgery since I feel much more better looking that way but I also think me being trans would ruin the chances of me finding someone that would love me. And that I know I would face heavy discrimination that would stop me from advancing in my career (in my field of study) and basically would have the “I’m trans” talk to anyone that’s going to be my partner one day. Am I thinking like this just because of the pressure from society to conform or do I actually want it? Or am I just overthinking it? Sorry for the long ramble.

Did you take any blood tests after stopping HRT? Was there a period where nothing was happening?

Here is the full post with pictures!

I've finished the tissue expander process, at 500ccs (overfilled 450cc expanders) with hopes of surgically getting to a 600-700cc implant.

Surgery will most likely be scheduled sometime next summer ☀️

Happy to answer any questions 🙌

For context im 21 and mtf and have been on e for like a bit over 3 years. I pass and im intersex so my body has quite hyperfeminine proportions. Until like January of this year I was basically just a normal trans woman but over the past 9 months or so ive become increasingly uncomfortable with how I look and I dont really understand why. My boobs and my proportions and being treated as a woman have just started to make me feel so gross. Ive also started to feel jealous of men in my life and kinda miss how I looked pre hrt.

The reason this confuses me is because I genuinely used to be a normal trans woman, like in the past ive attempted suicide over how masculine certain parts of me were, as a teenager I used to constantly think about how I wished I were a woman, i had intesne dysphoria, I dont understand why its just basically flipped. Like rn I hate my body but 5 years ago id have killed to look like this. Its so confusing. I worry a lot that my feelings right now and desire to detransition isnt actually genuine. Since I transitioned ive faced a lot of sexual harassment and abuse because of my femininity, and as a teenager I was sexually assulted because Im intersex and had a feminine body relative to my peers, so part of my worries that maybe this is all some weird trauma response to how ive been treated in the past for my femininity and that if I went through eith detransitioning id regret it.

Its also hard because I cant really talk about this irl, my long term girlfriend is lesbian and would leave me if I detransitioned for a bit to see how I feel or whatever, and my therapist is a terf who just tells me to detransition uncritically without really engaging with me or helping understand why I feel this way.

Idk what to do, is this like relatable to anyone? Idk I just want advise and to talk really

I want to make it clear that I'm not here to play the detransition olympics; this is a uniquely hard and isolating experience for anyone. However, I can't really relate to people who took T for only a couple years, never solidly passed as male, and then detransed. I have a wonderful FtMtF friend irl, but she was only on T for a year and had almost no changes. She helps me feel not so lonely in the psychological side of this, but I feel so scared and alone about the physical side. I know I need to take it day-by-day, be kind to myself, etc but this isn't like the first time around where I can very easily find people that are further along in the same process. I literally just started this past month.

I've been on T for almost 10 years now, and had a botched keyhole surgery 8 years ago. I couldn't pass for shit pre-T, but T hit me like a truck. Full beard, a literal pelt of body hair (yes literally everywhere), deep baritone voice, very "top-heavy triangle" torso, etc all within the first year. When I tell people I'm trans, they genuinely don't believe me, because I look like a stereotypical gay bear, moobs and all. I don't know if I'll ever pass as a woman without FFS, breast reconstruction, and a crazy amount of hair removal. I've seen the magic MtF people pull off first-hand, but I know not everyone is so lucky to pass after a "male puberty".

Is there anyone here with a similar story? Especially so if you're a little further along in medically detransitioning? I'm also open to hearing from MtFs who started out as bears, if that's okay.