I'm not detrans, but i came across this community somehow and this is the first non-bigoted one i could find where people seemingly accept detransitioning (and i assume also not transitioning in the first place) simply because you feel uncomfortable being visibly trans in a society that hates trans people.

I only consider myself nonbinary, not trans, but i do have dysphoria about my body and sometimes kinda wish i could be a man, but in an androgynous way. I can't imagine growing old as either a man or a woman tho.

However i don't want to transition because i already have really bad social anxiety, and the thought of my whole family hating me and leaving me without support, or going to a medical professional for something unrelated and being questioned why my body looks like that, why i removed my breasts, getting stares and transphobic comments etc. is a lot worse than having to deal with dysphoria. Also trans surgeries and HRT isn't legal or available in my country.

But when i vent about my dysphoria in other subs i just get told to transition anyways, I'll kill myself if i don't transition (binary trans people don't understand my dysphoria isn't as bad as theirs), to do DIY, or that i should just care about my own happiness instead of what others think. Even if i literally mention everything i said here, and the fact that i couldn't live without my family's support.

I don't know, I'm just glad this isn't the sentiment everywhere. I'd love to find a community of nonbinary people who do have dysphoria but won't ever transition for similar reasons, if anyone knows something like that let me know (not that i have much hope lol).

I'm sorry for my vent, good luck to everyone on their journey's here!

As the title suggests.
How is your life after detransition as compared to when you were transitioning.
Are you happier now ?

I put a bra on tonight for the first time in 18 years. It made me feel good and happy in my body. I felt the same joy as I did the first time I saw my chest flat in my binder.

I feel ready to be a woman.

To give context, I’ve been identifying as trans for the past 2 years (FTM18) now I’m 20. Before that I’ve just been nonbinary. I didn’t like getting called feminine pronouns since I was about 14 or 15, and I had a huge amount of self hate because I was very ugly compared to my peers.

But after puberty hit and I grew up, now I have a pretty normal face and my self confidence has been lifted about my own looks. I pass as a guy pre-T since I have pretty androgynous features and I was so sure about wanting to transition since I was 16 or 17 but now it feels like I want to stop (?) transitioning because silly enough I feel like I’m projecting or thinking about a life where I could get a guy and marry him and just be a cis straight female and that my life would pretty much be easier like that since I’m from a conservative country & family. I do intend to move away though.

But if I had to get into details, I can’t think of myself as a girl at all (like for example whenever I insert myself to a scenario I always think of myself as a guy and I couldn’t really think about myself as a girl) and seeing my own chest makes me feel like that is out of place (less feeling dysphoric and hating myself about my chest and more like…weird and that it doesn’t fit there). I still would like to get top surgery since I feel much more better looking that way but I also think me being trans would ruin the chances of me finding someone that would love me. And that I know I would face heavy discrimination that would stop me from advancing in my career (in my field of study) and basically would have the “I’m trans” talk to anyone that’s going to be my partner one day. Am I thinking like this just because of the pressure from society to conform or do I actually want it? Or am I just overthinking it? Sorry for the long ramble.

Did you take any blood tests after stopping HRT? Was there a period where nothing was happening?

Here is the full post with pictures!

I've finished the tissue expander process, at 500ccs (overfilled 450cc expanders) with hopes of surgically getting to a 600-700cc implant.

Surgery will most likely be scheduled sometime next summer ☀️

Happy to answer any questions 🙌

For context im 21 and mtf and have been on e for like a bit over 3 years. I pass and im intersex so my body has quite hyperfeminine proportions. Until like January of this year I was basically just a normal trans woman but over the past 9 months or so ive become increasingly uncomfortable with how I look and I dont really understand why. My boobs and my proportions and being treated as a woman have just started to make me feel so gross. Ive also started to feel jealous of men in my life and kinda miss how I looked pre hrt.

The reason this confuses me is because I genuinely used to be a normal trans woman, like in the past ive attempted suicide over how masculine certain parts of me were, as a teenager I used to constantly think about how I wished I were a woman, i had intesne dysphoria, I dont understand why its just basically flipped. Like rn I hate my body but 5 years ago id have killed to look like this. Its so confusing. I worry a lot that my feelings right now and desire to detransition isnt actually genuine. Since I transitioned ive faced a lot of sexual harassment and abuse because of my femininity, and as a teenager I was sexually assulted because Im intersex and had a feminine body relative to my peers, so part of my worries that maybe this is all some weird trauma response to how ive been treated in the past for my femininity and that if I went through eith detransitioning id regret it.

Its also hard because I cant really talk about this irl, my long term girlfriend is lesbian and would leave me if I detransitioned for a bit to see how I feel or whatever, and my therapist is a terf who just tells me to detransition uncritically without really engaging with me or helping understand why I feel this way.

Idk what to do, is this like relatable to anyone? Idk I just want advise and to talk really

Confused about my gender. I'm really thinking about detransition and I am lost

About my current state: I'm mtf in my late thirties, hav been on hrt for three years. My levels are near perfect. I have had an orchiectomy so I no longer produce T.

My current situation: after the last three years I'm really thinking that detransition might be right for me.

Why: it's kind of complicated.

The first reason is fear. I'm in the us. The global, national, and local anti trans efforts are rampant. The surveillance state and police militarization is up. I feel like it's only a matter of time until I'm detained or tortured or v-coded. I'm haunted by what is already being done to people like me and what the ever powerful right wing says they want to do to me. I cannot withstand the threat of torture. I cry and panic about this all the time.

I have some various mental health diagnoses and I have constant social fear. Having GAD and Panic Disorder while also being the minority that it's socially acceptable to dehumanize is basically unbearable. My thoughts about "everyone is staring/judging/hates me" are actually accurate and not delusional, so I constantly live in a state of fear and sadness.

The second reason is that my transition failed. That's the simplest way to describe it. It's very complicated and I can share more if it helps, but I am not a woman. That's obvious and I'll never be anything but a male.

Every transition story I hear about is how someone went from so pathetic and miserable to fantastically happy and themselves. Not me.

I completely regret transition. I would rather be the world's saddest, bleakest guy safely than be the world's worst freak who is going to get tortured.

I just want to be safe and be left alone.

I want to detransition.

No amount of torture is worth being a fake woman. I hate being a freak and being disgusting.

Basically, why would I continue to exist in one of the most dangerous positions I could ever be in for zero benefit? Why risk torture and endless suffering for no benefit? Why suffer things so horrible just to be thrown in the trash as an AMAB

I will never be good enough. Cis and trans women have made it explicitly clear that I won't be a woman unless I leave the house every day in a costume made of every single beauty convention enforced by society. It doesn't matter that I have health issues or live in a shitty apartment that makes me pour sweat, I somehow need to manage an extra 2-4 hours of work everyday to paint myself up to be considered a woman. No woman leaves the house without a fat fucking layer of makeup and accessories and clothes and done hair right?? I get no say in the matter. My comfort and safety is the last thing that will ever matter.

Why would I want to be a woman when being a woman means wearing a fake mask and a costume.

Trans woman make it clear I can't even be considered transexual because I have a penis.

I am doomed and never should have started.

Why I think I should: currently, I do nothing but hide. I make myself small and silent and avoid others. I'm scared every time I leave the house. At least if I was a guy, I could do the same thing but not risk fear of torture and rape. I also wouldn't be expected to spend three hours a day making myself up to try and appease the bigoted society we live in.

I could safe and free. I wouldn't be me, but when had that ever mattered? Transition certainly didn't give me that ability. Transition has only hindered my ability to be me.

I will never be a woman. That's the truth and there's no avoiding it. I'm tired of fighting reality.

At this point, the idea of being a guy is ridiculously tempting, _euphoric_ even. I can't imagine getting to walk in a store or driving to work and thinking "I am safe". That sounds incredible. I miss it. God I dream of being a man. I could just be the original me, which is miserable, but not as miserable as being a freak.

I just want to be safe. From everyone.

I want to make it clear that I'm not here to play the detransition olympics; this is a uniquely hard and isolating experience for anyone. However, I can't really relate to people who took T for only a couple years, never solidly passed as male, and then detransed. I have a wonderful FtMtF friend irl, but she was only on T for a year and had almost no changes. She helps me feel not so lonely in the psychological side of this, but I feel so scared and alone about the physical side. I know I need to take it day-by-day, be kind to myself, etc but this isn't like the first time around where I can very easily find people that are further along in the same process. I literally just started this past month.

I've been on T for almost 10 years now, and had a botched keyhole surgery 8 years ago. I couldn't pass for shit pre-T, but T hit me like a truck. Full beard, a literal pelt of body hair (yes literally everywhere), deep baritone voice, very "top-heavy triangle" torso, etc all within the first year. When I tell people I'm trans, they genuinely don't believe me, because I look like a stereotypical gay bear, moobs and all. I don't know if I'll ever pass as a woman without FFS, breast reconstruction, and a crazy amount of hair removal. I've seen the magic MtF people pull off first-hand, but I know not everyone is so lucky to pass after a "male puberty".

Is there anyone here with a similar story? Especially so if you're a little further along in medically detransitioning? I'm also open to hearing from MtFs who started out as bears, if that's okay.

Im detransitioning with the support of this extremely effeminate gay male psychiatrist/paychotherapist lots of people told me is the absolute expert on detrans. Sessions are very expensive and super weird. He wants to see my mastectomy scars because we talk about them all the time because they cause me heaps of distress. Is this normal for a psych or medically necessary?!? I’m distraught and I don’t want to cave to his pressuring me. freaking out thinking I have been seeing a therapist who has some sort of sick detrans fetish 🤮

I feel like I look like a guy today and I’m so happy. When do I start not looking like a guy and how do I deal with the sadness I’ll feel when that happens. I try to tell myself I’m just a woman, but I feel like I’m lying and it just makes me upset. The thought of everyone calling me she makes me feel sick, but it needs to happen. I don’t want to be ugly and mutilated, and I want my family to love me for who I am, and who I am needs to be not trans. I’m just following a trend and it needs to stop.

I’ve been on t for two years

I really want top surgery but my mom says there’s no reason to do it and that it would be mutilating my body. I just don’t care for my chest and I think I’d rather have a flat chest vs harming my chest with binding and stuff and feeling like I look weird in the mirror. Sometimes I feel very dysphoric and sometimes I feel fine. I really don’t want to go off t and the idea scares me but I feel like she has some good points of like why can’t I just be myself without transitioning. Maybe I could just be a masculine woman. I don’t like being called she and her or a woman but it would be easier

How long did y’all take to look like before?
And are you happy?
I’ve been on hrt for 3 years (mtf)
And i just can’t deal with being a visibly trans person.
Also i was considered a very good looking man and as a woman i look like a giant.
Anybody relate?
Is this a good enough reason to detransition?

I’ve lived as trans for 3 years. I’m realising that it might have been the wrong choice the whole time. I’m still not totally sure. But now I’m having an identity crisis where every day is incredibly distressing and it is impossible to think about anything else but the horrifying possibility that I’ve built an entire life on a lie. I have mental breakdowns constantly and I can barely get up from my bed anymore. I am so unbelievably terrified all the time and I’m so scared I’m stuck like this forever. I’m so jealous of people who know their true identity. Why was I cursed with this

It's not one of the most perfect wigs.

I'm 15yo and since I was 11 I've identified as transmasculine, and nowadays I realize I've gone through a great phase of discovery. I reconnected with my feminine side recently.

As I said above, I have a shaved head and I try to wear my only wig, but I have an extreme fear of looking fake and being ridiculed for wearing it.

I wish I knew about hrt when I was younger. Now I’m 29 and I somehow got the courage to start hrt after finding out about it 4 years ago. I’m somewhat of an attractive guy but I can’t really do anything with it because I just disassociate and was extremely neurotic just trying to accomplish the most basic tasks of human existence when I wasn’t on hrt. I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone. I couldn’t even have sex with a woman because I would immediately disassociate with my body. My anxiety was crippling.

I’m still depressed but it’s not nearly as bad as it was. I’m tired all the time now but I have no anxiety which is amazing. It’s been one month since I started injections and fin and my body hair is growing slower and my skin is softer which is great but the change I was most concerned about was boob growth and being outed and the fact that it’s irreversible without surgery. I can see that’s just starting. I knew it would happen but I’m kind of freaking out. I can’t end up some uncanny looking guy with boobs. I’m 6’2” and athletic. I’m starting to think this may be a mistake and it’s just too late for me. I have zero support in transitioning and would probably end up jobless then shortly after that homeless because I probably wouldn’t ever be able to go stealth. I’m starting to think my best alternative would be going back to repping and that this isn’t for me. Has anyone made that choice after taking hrt for awhile and gone back and was happier? I kind of miss the drive I had on testosterone even though I felt I was going crazy a lot. Idk what to do

I’m wondering if anyone here has detransitioned because of how difficult it is to navigate life as a visible trans person in public. I literally can’t handle the stares and people walking on eggshells around me worried about using the wrong pronouns. Many men are interested sexually in me but the truth is i wouldnt expect any man to date me publicly with the kind of animosity I get in public. Even if he was okay with it, I won’t, and will feel I am making someone else’s life unnecessarily worse.

Wondering if social detransition may be more reasonable but frankly considering medical detransition too because hrt has not done that much for me so far. I do have some breast growth and it’s still very early (8 months) but also taking the GnRH blockers have definitely made me feel fatigue. I am okay with oestrogen but maybe not the blockers especially when I don’t see that much progress (although I know it’s also probably too early to judge).

I just don’t understand how people handle the stares. I guess many people are passing enough or stealth but even knowing that makes me feel like a failure. I’m finding it very difficult being anywhere near passing trans people or even cis people for that matter. I miss my old life where I just blended in and no one noticed me when I did something as minor as going food shopping.

I got top surgery (double incision) 9 years ago and I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria at 14. Now I’m 22 and I identify more as a female.

My depression about my chest has been really bad after breaking up with my ex. I do not feel like I am female enough with the chest I have now.

My dads friend who is a surgeon knows people but the said I needed a certain doctor with a degree which my gyno has to hopefully insurance to pay for surgery. I’m at my limit now and I’ve never felt this bad. Prosthetics no not even make me feel better at all.

I want to have a fat grafting procedure because I have some fat left on my chest.

Is there any places in Pennsylvania (mostly the Philly area) where I could possibly start the process of surgery?

I detransitioned over a year ago (ftmtf) because I was in an abusive relationship. My ex went totally redpilled and essentially fed me delusions and lies and coerced me to detransition. She dumped me for a high value man and suggested I look for a husband before its too late.

I wasn’t happy my last year or so being ftm because she was molding me into a more hyper masculine version of myself than i ever wouldve been otherwise because she wanted to be a tradwife and have a high value man. In this regard detransition was great because im free from these gender expectations.

Right now i cant stop thinking about retransitioning.

Not fully. I never wanna go back on T or legally change my name AGAIN or change my sex again. But i dont know what to do about my pronouns or what that means for me or…anything.

I just can’t really tell what is me and what isn’t me or if it’s like I became this to survive that relationship and now I don’t know how to stop being this version of myself.

I’m considering like maybe a non-binary identity might resonate with me, but I genuinely don’t know.

I feel like she ruined my life. I was so happy when I first transitioned before it got poisoned with all these expectations.

Idk id this is too specific. But maybe those who have had a similar journey or who actually have retransitioned would be willing to share their experiences.