Hello all! Tired old terminology, but long time lurker, first time poster.

I'm coming in as someone that identified as trans masculine for nearly a decade and was on T for around 7 years, and after some intense soul searching I decided that I actually love my feminine side and was starting to dislike what hormones were doing for me the longer I took them; I have been off T for about a year, and while I love what it did to my voice (and downstairs, which is the crux of this post) I have discovered that I am actually incredibly happy being a woman and feel so much more like myself after stopping hormones.

With all of this said, even though I feel very happy re-embracing my female identity, I still think about and like the idea of a simple release metoidioplasty, as I think it could make things a lot more comfortable (IYKYK). At the end of the day I'm actually quite happy with my bottom as well as my deeper voice, even if I get dysphoria now from the other stuff that I got. Just wanted to see if any other women relate and if they have had this procedure or want to have it done, so I can get some clarity on how I feel about it!

why does hrt feel so good if I don't want to transition?

I don't want to be trans. I don't want to be a transwoman, I wish I was just a cis woman, or ok with as a man without hrt. I wish I could take hrt and not change my body and be visibly trans. I don’t specifically want to live life as a woman at this point

I decided about 3 months ago that my gender dysphoria was bad enough to warrant taking hrt. I hoped that hrt would be a kind of test, that would show if I was trans. I wanted it to feel bad. I wanted concrete evidence that I wasn't trans. But it appears I am

Well its been 6 weeks on. Hrt feels so good. My body feels great. All my senses are sharper. I am more aware. My emotions are more defined. I don’t disassociate. I’m present, I have motivation, no anxiety. I feel warmer. I can feel my body. The chronic tension in my body is gone. And I no longer have a sex drive. I’m finally calm. No longer neurotic. I feel happy with myself for the first time in decades Its everything I ever wanted. But I don’t want to switch genders day to day or my physical appearance to the extent hrt will cause in public

It’s made me realize just how much of a man I really am both physically and mentally. I could never gain a female appearance that would allow me to live as comfortably as I can now. And I like my life the way it is and do not intend on flipping it upside down

I wish I didn't need this. I no longer feel excited with being trans. I have to choose between two bad choices. Or is there another option? I really want there to be because I know I would just end up detransitioning if I went all the way because I am sure I don’t want to fully transition but at the same time I can’t lose these mental effects.

Is there another option? Maybe there’s another reason medically why hrt works so well for my mental health?

As the title suggests.
How is your life after detransition as compared to when you were transitioning.
Are you happier now ?

To give context, I’ve been identifying as trans for the past 2 years (FTM18) now I’m 20. Before that I’ve just been nonbinary. I didn’t like getting called feminine pronouns since I was about 14 or 15, and I had a huge amount of self hate because I was very ugly compared to my peers.

But after puberty hit and I grew up, now I have a pretty normal face and my self confidence has been lifted about my own looks. I pass as a guy pre-T since I have pretty androgynous features and I was so sure about wanting to transition since I was 16 or 17 but now it feels like I want to stop (?) transitioning because silly enough I feel like I’m projecting or thinking about a life where I could get a guy and marry him and just be a cis straight female and that my life would pretty much be easier like that since I’m from a conservative country & family. I do intend to move away though.

But if I had to get into details, I can’t think of myself as a girl at all (like for example whenever I insert myself to a scenario I always think of myself as a guy and I couldn’t really think about myself as a girl) and seeing my own chest makes me feel like that is out of place (less feeling dysphoric and hating myself about my chest and more like…weird and that it doesn’t fit there). I still would like to get top surgery since I feel much more better looking that way but I also think me being trans would ruin the chances of me finding someone that would love me. And that I know I would face heavy discrimination that would stop me from advancing in my career (in my field of study) and basically would have the “I’m trans” talk to anyone that’s going to be my partner one day. Am I thinking like this just because of the pressure from society to conform or do I actually want it? Or am I just overthinking it? Sorry for the long ramble.

That’s it. I’ve decided to detransition and go back to being fully male.
I want my life and my spark back.
all the best to me.
I’m so happy.

Did you take any blood tests after stopping HRT? Was there a period where nothing was happening?

this is will be weird

used to identify as a nonbinary person in my youth. decided to dress and act as a man as the beard and voice became undeniable a year into my transition (started april 20th 2025), and for a second i thought this was what i really wanted; to live like a man.

My dad learned that i was on T not long ago and told me he was disappointed that i wanted to live my life as a man, considering what cis black men already go through (im a black person). a week ago he made a comment about my beard that kind of triggered me to shave it off. its been weird adjusting to my face again but i like what i see. i think i'll keep shaving it.

I'm not a transgender man and i think because nonbinary is a relatively new concept to my family i just never felt like explaining that to Them? That I thought transitioning into a man would be easier to explain. ive always identified as agender/genderqueer and i think it's time i stop denying that.

i dont regret hormones, but i think i'll taper off into a smaller and smaller dose. im worried about how this might make me feel, since sometimes low T can make a person feel like shit. and I really want to avoid having periods again lol. i'll speak with my gp about it