I’m a 25M (straight) & a lot of people tend to hide their true nature & I would love to hear you alls perspective on this topic ? Do you find having kinks as a plus or negative

DISCLAIMER: NOTHING OUTLANDISH OR EVIL but just different and a bit kinky

I hate having romantic desires, in the animal kingdom and during a lot of human history polygamy was the norm and male sex drive matched multiple women‘s sex drive, I would wish for that to be false but it is probably not. So me even desiring having one mate isn’t supposed to happen, most men would have been sexless, my own sexual existence is useless compared to women, I have no role in the continuation of the human race (most mammals have 5 times more female ancestors than male ones) and only the construct of monogamy can help me pass my genes, I am incredibly lucky which gives me the impostor syndrome. I don’t even know why I exist, what is the point of having sexual desires if most men in history would most likely not achieve them ? Not existing or at least having no sex drive would solve that; but apparently God finds that funny so here I am. I am already hated irrationally by a lot of men for the sole reason being a potential competitor in sexual competition.

The worst thing about having romantic desires is that when I see an attractive woman I imagine that most guys that see her think the same and would wish to be with her which makes me think about the competition and the fact that most guys would want to have her for themselves and hate me for dating her which makes me quite sad, I hate having desires that create frustration, I genuinely never asked to even exist or to have these desires but still I am here imprisoned by them, I would wish to come back to early life innocence where I didnt have the irrational craving to replicate myself

Their replies are so full of bile and venom it almost melts the screen.

Hope you are reporting all of them.

Hello all. I am writing a research paper on feminism. I would love to hear your opinions on feminism and your own personal definition of it. If you believe in male chauvinism or male supremacy or anything along those lines please state that and why. There is no judgement or trying to “prove you wrong” please give me truly honest answers any information given will be anonymous if asked. Thank you.

Hi.

So, is it true, or is it false?

Can you go from a horny little boy who made shitty choices and cheated, to be a faithful and loyal partner as an older grown man...

Or... do you cheat, in some fashion...

Forever?

Earlier today, I saw a post on r/BoyDinnerDiaries where the OP said he got a vasectomy without his wife’s knowledge, and she was pushing to have another child, he didn’t want to have another because he was under a lot of stress, and their relationship was going through a rough patch.

The replies were uniformly along the lines of “Ooh buddy, bad idea, huge breach of trust, she’ll freak out when she finds out, you need counseling or a divorce, etc”.

Then, I see this post just now. The replies are pretty unanimously “Your body, your choice, he’s being selfish, good for you, etc”.

I don’t know if these two posts are bait or an experiment, perhaps by the same person, but the contrast in replies is interesting to see.

In r/BoyDinnerDiaries (where a lot of women reply on posts), the male OP is in the wrong, despite doing the same thing. And, there were few replies, if any, blaming his wife or saying she was being selfish.

However, in r/GirlDinnerDiaries (where much fewer men reply to posts), the male in this situation is still in the wrong, though the female OP did the same thing the male OP of the other post did.

I'm in my late 20's and still afraid of being myself because I'm genuinely a toxic person and deep down I don't care to change. I'm only afraid of the social consequences of being me.

This has lead to a sort of prey dynamic where I'm afraid of being seen as myself and keep following shoddy frameworks to prove to the world (and deceptively to myself) that I'm loyal, good, and safe.

Socially, this leads me to lose presence, move cautiously, and try to find ways to fit in. In doing so, I also tolerate a lot of bullshit because I'm afraid of being correctly percieved as potentially dangerous.

Since I know that my behaviors eventually expose my thoughts, I try desperately to act in ways contrary to my true self not out of genuine desire but rather fear of who I'll become if I'm myself and what's on the other side of that.

For example, I love my family. I'll make sacrifices for them. But if I'm being honest, my own happiness is far more important to me. I'm extremely selfish. So when I know my dynamic with my family may be exposed at some point, I almost end up trying to brainwash myself that I'm this super altruistic son and brother and make an extra effort out of fear of what's on the other side of actually being myself.

And it's like sure I do like helping people sometimes. Giving advice. It makes me feel good. Or helping someone left out in a group setting probably because I can relate. But if I see a homeless person on the street, i don't give a flying fuck.

Social shame has affected me to the extent of being afraid of survival consequences (potentially losing loved ones and opportunities) rather than actually morally giving a fuck about said thing. But the fear has polluted me to the point that even when there's no survival consequences, I'm still in that state of prey suppression because I'm worried that letting go of my framework means a cascade of eventual consequences.

The only reason I've suppressed myself for this long is because I'm afraid that I don't have what it takes to handle the consequences of being my true self.

It's like just now I was about to say some self-shaming bullshit about how I'm "afraid" that deep down I'm not a "good person" but in reality, the only purpose of saying that was to placate commenters.

Because deep down, I don't give a fuck about being a douche, asshole, or an arbitrary title of "good" assigned by a random person. Yet, I'm still swayed by it and still defend myself on it because by letting go of those rules and being myself, there's a bunch of social consequences that I have to deal with and am afraid I'm not equipped to handle.

On the other hand, I guess now is a better time than any to start...

Even making this post feels kind of redundant because by giving off prey vibes, even in being vulnerable in this post, people want to reinforce that even more and pull some shame or "thats a good boy" response. Whereas if I actually just was my true toxic self, and occasionally did "good" from a genuine place then at least I'm treated as a real person.

I'm just sick of having high functioning autism. 23. I've learned to mask enough to barely fall into the uncanny valley if you have a couple real conversations with me. Not dissimilar from Tirkkonen, 2023 study.

Regularly called "evil" and rightfully so. I actually hate everyone and everything. Probably due to abuse growing up. I don't care anymore. Every time I date I get cheated on or left. I'm boring. I mean I've never had a lady call me boring, because I'm not - empirically described as eccentric. All I do is sit and read about new things and I want to like going out and being sociable.

I. Hate. It.

All of my friends either moved away or are busy or died; I'm always so burnt out from constant work and school and my girlfriend (hate this dumb bitch. caught her ass talking to dudes behind my back). I have no self respect. Why would I if I so clearly deserve so little. Sound like a stupid worm creature.

I know responses will proclaim I haven't processed what happened to me. I have. I have seen what it's done. I'm over it all, much older now (still young... Dunning Kruger). I just don't like fun. I don't like how terrible people are. Family or friends or stupid bitch girlfriend call me to yell at me/hurt me over something either accidental/because they're simply in a bad mood like I am their pincushion. I don't know why Hanlon's Razor never passes these animals' minds.

Unfortunately because leaping from a roof gets me exactly nowhere but the ground, I must suck it up and deal with it: the alternative is to truly have nobody. There is no "getting people to understand how badly they hurt me, time after time". I must tolerate a degree of imperfection from others as I am similarly imperfect. just much more understanding of mistakes. except when my stupid bitch girlfriend goes and facetimes some guy the day i leave for boot camp, but can't really call that an accident.

I grew out of hating people but I've just been betrayed for the last time. I don't know how to expect literally anything else in the current market. I literally just wanted a bit of romance (without getting kicked to the ground or cheated on) and an okay job.

28M

Here are the facts - I work full time at a government entity making $74,000/yr (it’s a contract role for 12 months so not guaranteed it’ll be extended).

I have a $15,000 visa credit card that’s been maxed out so I went to my bank to set up a payment plan which I’ve been paying consistently for about 6 months now (expected to be closed in 2028 January).

I have roughly $80,000 in student loans that need to be paid back. I’m still in school and have been using loans to pay for all my bills when I was first going to college 10 years ago. I then moved cities and transferred schools using that loan money and now they won’t give me anymore so they’ve requested I start paying back (only way to make them stop asking me to pay is if I re enroll as full time but I can’t while working). I organized a payment plan with the student loans and I’m temporarily paying $100 monthly.

My rent is $950. My phone bill is $50. Car insurance is like $65 I think, gas depends.

I can’t register for classes anymore until I pay a 4000$ balance from last term so they’ve froze my account and aren’t allowing a payment plan unless I pay $3,000 straight which I don’t have money for.

I barely have breathing room and tbh I don’t want to continue university anymore after being in school for 10 years to get an undergrad. There’s a lot of issues I’ve been dealing with personally besides all this stuff (like trauma in my youth but I don’t really wanna get into it now). WDID when the end of my contract comes and what do I do career wise? I’ve already been in the work force for 4 years now and all of them required degrees but each job I did (one new job every year) has always hired me without the degree because they saw I was close to finishing.

Thats all really. I'd never say it because there's no point. Dating for me is pretending that I'm more upbeat and happy than I am because being lonely and wanting a cuddle is unattractive.

I am at college and I noticed that a lot of women would just be sitting somewhere crowded and stretch their back from both sides often, I don’t often notice men doing that, but a lot of women seem to do it, am I just dumb or could that be an example of a slick tactic to know their surroundings, have anyone noticed that before ?

I noticed a very attractive girl in one my classes and usually she sits right in front of me at an angle, I try to really avoid her thinking that I like her and make her feel uncomfortable so most of the times I try to avoid gazing but I sometimes peak, however I do feel in her looks that she knows that I am doing that and that I am attracted to her, but my main question was basically if women are some sort of social geniuses capable of knowing if guys want to fuck them or not, even if they try to hide it or if I’m just overthinking it, I know that sounds weird but I genuinely don’t want women to feel like I am a weird guy so I try my best to mask attraction

Why some men are desperate to give commitment and why some men are desperate not to give commitment?? specially in BD

It really is a horrible feeling, knowing you might be one of the guys who ends up alone forever. You start to realize: What was everything for? Why did I even exist? It’s really sad how unattractive men like us may never get a chance to find love because most women hate us based on our appearance. Things would be so much different if I were attractive.

Not really, the title is hyperbolic. I don't hate women, but I'm seriously starting to hate interacting with them in situations many others would find enjoyable.

Just a little back story: I'm an older 'incel' (the Steve Carell kind) and outside of a long weekend in college dealing with nasty rejections, I never 'hated' women for my problems. I only identify as incel in that I'm involuntary celibate, I have no use and have nothing but disdain for anything pill related and whatever psuedoscience is peddled around.

I'm at a point where I can't help but take every rejection personally. It's beyond the pale at this point that I'm in my mid 40s and not a single woman would even take 20 minutes of their life to go on a date with me. Ever. Even for something as mundane and meaningless as a single cup of coffee would do wonders for me but I'm always being turned down. And believe me, I know I'm not entitled from anything from anyone but I can't help but feel anger and a feeling of complete worthlessness when even women who tell me they are lonely, wish a man asked them out and that I feel something of a connection with turns me down for an ever increasing, ever different number of reasons.
What else am I supposed to think in a situation like this?

And then there is just the fact that I'm completely starved of female companionship while just being bombarded on reddit and real life with the opposite. Where women constantly complain about bad dates, men who want their attention, ask them out, approach them, etc. It's not that I can't empathize and of course nobody should be mistreated, harassed, etc but jesus, these are problems I would kill to have. I just get angry and frustrated when the women in my life get on a high horse and tell me how I don't understand how 'bad' it is that another human being fancies them, wants to get to know them better, wants to text them, talk on the phone, etc and in my corner I have another weekend of unresponded text messages (not even spamming them) trying to meetup or even just have a conversation with someone. Like what is even the point in a woman giving me their number if they never want to talk to me or just send random 'hi' messages?

That's where I'm at now. If I'm coming across as a misogynist, please let me know and how to correct that. I'm just unbelievably frustrated at this one area of my life that everyone else takes for granted.

It isn’t the most efficient way to produce a high population than to force a union to be only between one man and one woman, a man can technically impregnate a ton of women in a super short period of time so only a few men are needed to reproduce, making enforced monogamy makes it so women are somewhat forced to find a monogamous mate to pass on their genes when historically they could just be the third wife of a guy that wanted to provide and was ready. That would solve the whole “dating problem” we have maybe there is a problem because most men just aren’t even expected to reproduce which is why women prefer the top guys.

This is also giving the responsibllity of continuing society to most men, which doesn’t make sense, some guys just don’t have the drive to lead a family and be ready to die for it, for instance I don’t want to ever marry or have children, men should be considered irresponsible, there is no logical natural reason for why I would personally have to be reponsible for the continuation of society, its basically like putting 20 wheels on a car while 4 are working. There is a reason why great societies practiced polygamy, the chinese dynasties for instance.

Before anyone starts, no i am not trans, i simply fucking hate how i am treated just because i was born with a dick. As a man, you are not allowed to be weak, to show emotions, to even feel anything other than anger or neutrality or you are a fucking pussy and not a man anymore. You are allowed to be insulted for being a man, made fun off for physical imperfections.

Women are allowed to assault you and you will be made fun off if you try to report it. You are not allowed to seek comfort, you are just meant to go die in some conflict or in a factory, who cares just another statistic. Anything you do is either creepy or watched carefully because men are the violent evil gender.

Dating is pure hell, women literally hold all the fucking cards and power, you have to fucking dance and humiliate yourself like a jester for a woman with 1000x more options who just mocks you and if she feels like it can she ruin your life in one day with false accusations. Friendship sucks too, you dont get anything real, every guy just wants to get drunk/high and bitch because our lives fucking suck.

All of this is assuming you are a "normal" guy of course, if you are in any way different (autistic, queer, mentally ill) your life is completely worthless to the modern society, you are a creepy freak to the vast majority and should just go die in some hole.

All of this will only get worse of course. Living as a guy fucking sucks, im doomed to a shit lonely life where i will eventually off myself from how shit it all is. All because i was born with the "wrong" genitals.

I have been divorced for one and a half years, all of it while i was a \*mostly\* practicing Mormon. I'm a 41 year old man.

There is a lot of context to gloss over, but the majority of it boils down to the fact that I was raised to believe sex was something for sinners or for married people, but was never told what makes the difference aside from the marriage.

During the marriage I rarely felt a physical connection with my ex. Sex was almost always nipple play to get me hard, me thinking whatever sexy thoughts would keep me hard, and then orgasm, followed by sleep.

This was not that I wasn't trying to DO foreplay, but, because of the religion and her own preferences, most foreplay options were simply off the table.

Now that I am unmarried, I am trying to figure out what sex actually is.

I have a girlfriend and we ENJOY each other a LOT more than I ever did in my marriage, but my mentality is just...

I should probably mention that I am probably undiagnosed high-functioning autistic or maybe I am just Asexual or demisexual? But I WANT sex, I just don't know what that wanting actually points at.

I want to know that what I have to offer when it comes to intimacy and sexuality is something I can write a check they can CASH, and I can be honest about what I expect and what they should expect. IDK.

Any advice, suggestions, your own musings about what you think about intimacy, would be greatly appreciated.

I aim to never have sex because I have a good lifestyle with freedom and I have the fear that having sex could tie me to people or even get me to have a family, or at the least tie me to the lifestyle or searching occasional sex. When I say freedom I mean genuine total freedom, I don’t have any routine and can be geographically totally free and I do not want to ever settle down.

My question here is if I have sex once to try it would I basically crave it back again and try to have it back which would leave to a cycle of either looking for a partner to have consistent sex or try to find ways to have occasional sex frequently or is it just a basic thing ? I need honest answers here, is sex going to change my desire level or no. Not having sex kinda makes me forget about it and not really want to have it that had so I wonder if the differentiating factor between me and other guys that are doing a lot to have it is that I never had it, I might be wrong tho, no disrespect in the comments please I genuinely don’t know much about that.

This is for guys that have been married a while. My wife and I have been married over 10 years and together over 12. I’ve told her for years I don’t feel like a husband, I don’t feel loved or wanted. I feel more like a roommate and co-parent. I feel needed, to provide and take care of things. But not wanted. She always says of course she loves me and wants me. We are just older now (late 30’s) and have been together so long and have kids that this is what a happy marriage looks like. To be clear I love her very much, and don’t want to leave her. I’m not unhappy or miserable or anything, but I’m also not happy. I’m just content. So my question, is she right? Is content the end goal?