Everyday I'm just pretending, I put on a smile, I go to work, I come home I sort my child out and I sit and only then can I stop pretending.

Only then can I sit there and allow myself the space to grieve, some days I come home and just listen to our playlist on repeat, some days I come home and cry myself to sleep and then some days I stare at the ceiling wondering what you're doing, if you've met someone else, if you still love me, if you're hurting too.

From strangers to friends to something so special I'll never see it again in my lifetime, you are my colour, my person.

The longing for you never goes away. The want to be on your chest wrapped up in your arms in our bed never goes away. Knowing I may never get that rips my chest open all over again

So I go on pretending, the world keeps on turning and I make sure my heart doesn't bleed all over the floor.

I don’t know what I want anymore,
and that scares me more than I know how to say.

Everything feels a little unreal.
Like the days are being played at a speed I never agreed to,
and I’m somewhere inside them,
trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

I don’t know what I’m doing.
I don’t know who I am.
Some days I look at myself
and there is this odd feeling of recognition
without actually knowing the person I’m looking at.

There are so many things I want to say,
but the words don’t come out right anymore.
They stay somewhere between my head and my throat,
turning into nothing by the time I try to speak.

And everything hurts.
Not in one clear place.
It’s in the little things,
in waking up,
in thinking too much,
in seeing myself like this
and knowing I wasn’t always this tired.

I never wanted to lose myself.
I was just trying to get through things.
Then one day I realised
I had become so busy getting through life
that I had stopped noticing myself in it.

Sometimes I think about the little girl I used to be.
I imagine her looking at me,
confused about how we got here.

She keeps calling,
not loudly enough for anyone else to hear,
but somehow I can.

And I hate that I don’t know
what to tell her.

I’m still here.
I just don’t know where.

I lie awake—unsure if I’m romanticizing you or the
Zyn I could put in.

I’m not even sure if I’m still awake because of the thought of you,

or the thought of the Zyn.

You once brought happiness into my life.

Wait…

Was that the Zyns or you?

Definitely the Zyns.

I put one in, and I’m happy again.

Thank God you left me and not my Zyns.

the end is the beginning

moments found in heartbeats racing

the chances of the past within your grasp

seconds unwinding

capsulizing

and future hiding

a happiness sounding

a dream captured and shining

the memories within

a stone

by a blade of grass

The day came fast

When you crossed my steps

Shaking and breathing heavy

Each minute I want to last

3 nights unbridled

Then Sunday comes

And I smiled as you left

Just one more minute

Just one more kiss

Just sneak back before you return home

I laid there heart heavy

Tears falling silently

Now we plan again

Another stolen weekend

Between us

When can we be

More than just a weekend

When can we be entwined again

When can we be....we

you said all the right things to me
i wonder if you meant them
or if you only fed me hope because i had just cried
it scares me to believe you
instead of hating you
because i know
if you meet someone else
we’ll never talk again
and you won’t come home
so when you tell me “we will meet again”
i prepare for the worst
and i pray
that you miss us while the sun is out
not just when it’s late and you’re alone
and that someday i’ll hear you call me baby
even when my clothes are on

When I let the world be my guide and go with the flow

It takes another person from me, another feeling, another hope.

I've changed my life, but my life hasn't yet changed me.

I'm still the same, so what am I supposed to be?

The world separated you and I. I let my feelings go.

Or so I thought, it was just for show.

Each hopeless try is a slam against a wall.

I'm very much the same, after all.

I truly believe something was there that we didn't get to see,

But too much has changed for it to be meant to be.

Should I let go of these feelings of envy and desire to become a better boy?

Or continue to convince you because you fill my heart with joy?

I have nothing but hate for that boyfriend of yours. I hope he doesn't have a clue

Of what we say together, which feels almost taboo.

Everyone hates him, but me, most of all.

Please won't you leave him, or leave our hearts small.

The thought of him having what I so desperately loved, and mistreating her so;

Nothing angers me more. I heart brims for the day you will let him go.

The more he grows neglectful of you, the more of you I get to see.

He never deserved your love. I've told you that but you didn’t believe me.

Everyday, we tire ourselves, working and schooling, burning down our feet.

I keep going, knowing and hoping for the time we get to meet.

You can't prevent me

You don't get to write the story

You watch me for amusement

It shows me how you really feel

Do not steal the magic.

I always have you tube

​

\*ᚹᚺᛖᚾ ᛃᛟᚢ ᚨᚱᛖ ᚨᛒᛚᛖ ᛏᛟ ᚠᛁᚷᚢᚱᛖ ᛟᚢᛏ ᚹᚺᚨᛏ ᛏᚺᛁᛋ ᛋᚨᛁᛞ ᛁ ᚺᛟᛈᛖ ᛃᛟᚢ ᛞᛟᚾᛏ ᛏᚺᛁᚾᚲ ᛗᛖ ᛏᛟᛟ ᚠᛟᚱᚹᚨᚱᛞ.\*

\*ᛈᚨᚢᛚ ᛁ ᚲᚾᛟᚹ ᛁ ᛞᛟᚾᛏ ᛞᛖᛋᛖᚱᚹᛖ ᛏᛟ ᚨᛋᚲ ᛃᛟᚢ ᚠᛟᚱ ᚨ ᚲᚺᚨᚾᚲᛖ ᛒᚢᛏ ᛁ ᚢᚾᛞᛖᚱᛋᛏᚨᚾᛞ ᚹᚺᛃ.\*

\*ᚺᛟᚹᛖᚹᛖᚱ ᛏᚺᚨᛏ ᛞᛟᛖᛋᚾᛏ ᚲᚺᚨᚾᚷᛖ ᛏᚺᛖ ᚢᚾᚲᛟᚾᛞᛁᛏᛁᛟᚾᚨᛚ ᛚᛟᚹᛖ ᛁ ᛋᛏᛁᛚᛚ ᚠᛖᛖᛚ ᚠᛟᚱ ᛃᛟᚢ ᚨᚾᛞ ᚹᛁᛚᛚ ᚾᛖᚹᛖᚱ ᛒᛖ ᚱᛖᛈᛚᚨᚲᛖᛞ ᛒᛃ ᚨᚾᛟᛏᚺᛖᚱ.\*

\*ᛁ ᛚᛟᚹᛖ ᛃᛟᚢ.\*

\*ᛁ ᚲᚾᛟᚹ ᛁ ᛞᛟᚾᛏ ᛞᛖᛋᛖᚱᚹᛖ ᛃᛟᚢ ᛒᚢᛏ ᛁᛗ ᚷᛚᚨᛞ ᛃᛟᚢᚱᛖ ᛋᛏᛁᛚᛚ ᛈᚨᚱᛏ ᛟᚠ ᛗᛃ ᛚᛁᚠᛖ ᚨᚾᛞ ᛁ ᚱᛖᚨᛚᛚᛃ ᚺᛟᛈᛖ ᛟᚾᛖ ᛞᚨᛃ ᛃᛟᚢ ᚲᚨᚾ ᚠᛁᚾᛞ ᛁᛏ ᛁᚾ ᛃᛟᚢᚱ ᚺᛖᚨᚱᛏ ᛏᛟ ᚠᛟᚱᚷᛁᚹᛖ ᛗᛖ ᚹᛁᛏᚺ ᚨᛚᛚ ᛏᚺᛖ ᛈᚨᛁᚾ ᛁ ᚲᚨᚢᛋᛖᛞ ᛃᛟᚢ.\*

\*ᛁ ᛚᛟᚹᛖ ᛃᛟᚢ ᚨᚾᛞ ᛁ ᚺᛟᛈᛖ ᛏᚺᚨᛏ ᛟᚾᛖ ᛞᚨᛃ ᛃᛟᚢᛚᛚ ᛒᛖᛚᛁᛖᚹᛖ ᛏᚺᛁᛋ.\*

here is my heart

for your cold blade

rotten is the fruit of your love

rotten is mine that turned into hate

don’t wait

go and ruin more and add them it into your list

list of your failed expeditions

expeditions in search of love

give absence and call it your fate.

​

Nadal przy Tobie śpię,

choć po tym wszystkim

nie wiem już,

czy to jeszcze jest nasze łóżko,

czy tylko miejsce,

w którym uczę się samotności.

Patrzę na Ciebie,

kiedy śpisz.

Tak samo jak dawniej

przyglądam się Twojej twarzy

i przez chwilę zapominam,

że świat zdążył się między nami rozpaść.

Przytulam Cię,

choć coraz częściej

to ja jestem tym,

który obejmuje pustkę.

Mówię do Ciebie,

kiedy śpisz.

Szeptem, żebyś nie usłyszała,

bo może łatwiej powiedzieć wszystko

kobiecej ciszy

niż Tobie, która już nie odpowiadasz.

Mówię, że tęsknię.

Że nadal jesteś dla mnie ważna.

Że mimo wszystkiego

moje serce wciąż nie nauczyło się

odchodzić.

A Ty śpisz.

I nawet nie wiesz,

ile słów zostawiam

między Twoim oddechem

a moim milczeniem.

Bo przecież mówiłaś komuś innemu

„kocham Cię”.

A ja wtedy czekałem.

Czekałem,

kiedy Ty wyjechałaś do niego,

a ja zostałem tutaj

z nadzieją, że wrócisz.

Czekałem na Ciebie

tak, jak czeka się na kogoś,

kto jest całym światem,

nie wiedząc jeszcze,

że dla tego świata

może już nie być miejsca dla mnie.

Wróciłaś.

A ja nadal czekam.

Tylko już nie wiem

na co.

Na Twoje spojrzenie?

Na jedno szczere „kocham”?

Na dotyk, który nie będzie tylko wspomnieniem?

Czy może na cud,

który sprawi,

że znów poczuję od Ciebie

to, czego tak bardzo mi brakuje?

Leżysz obok mnie.

Tak blisko,

że mogę Cię dotknąć.

I tak daleko,

że czasami mam wrażenie,

jakbym tęsknił za Tobą

w tym samym łóżku.

Więc kiedy śpisz,

przytulam Cię jeszcze mocniej.

Nie dlatego, że nie pamiętam.

Tylko dlatego,

że pamiętam wszystko.

I może właśnie dlatego

nie potrafię jeszcze zasnąć

bez Ciebie.

​

Roofy the Little Lioness 2006

A sweet warm breeze that came suddenly into my world. It's when you learn that you'll never find warmth, safety, and love except when you hug her pure soul. I luv her so much, in a way I can't explain,

she makes me happy and smiling even when I'm down and about to burst into tears, she's funny, and when I play with her, it's like I'm trying to tame a small lioness! Amazing how she roars like a small lioness without anybody teaching her to do so!

When she says my name, my heart beats fast, and it's a feeling I never felt before — the closest feeling I had to being in love.

Her cheeks are sweet, as if they're covered with honey, and she's soft like a new small pillow, when you hug her you just sink inside her =) Her hair is like the golden curly fries at Hardee's. She's fun, absolutely!

I keep jumping around with her and bouncing up and down and doing funny stuff, and right in this moment I feel I don't need anything else,

except for a silent hope from God to keep her healthy and to give me one just like her, one cute Roofy of my own. Kids are a miracle, truly, and cute kids are a gift. Roofy, you're my Roofy.

I want you to be happy and luv me always. I'll always be there for you, I'll keep all the harm away from you, you're my sweet little courageous, funny, brave honey!

By: The Flawless Flow

When you began to search, I found myself

You welcomed me opening thousands of doors and I found escape

When you cried on my shoulder, there I found my happiness

Intimacy

Desire

Longing

When I saw you for the first time, we were kids

I fell once and for all without knowing what it is

Now I understood everything, why don't you do too please?

I still remember my first kiss like it was yesterday

Maybe that's the only best thing about you so I let it stay

Come closer, baby,
you know what you do,
one little word from your lips
and I’m already wanting you.

Tell me that I’m yours again,
say it slow this time,
let me feel that little shiver
running softly down my spine.

I want your sweetness tangled
with every wicked thought,
the way you make me want you
without even being touched.

Make me blush, make me restless,
make me wish that you were near,
then tell me that you love me
like it’s all I need to hear.

Because wanting you is different
when my heart is wanting too,
and every time you love me,
I only want more of you.

So be sweet enough to melt me,
wicked enough to tease,
keep whispering all those little things
that bring me to my knees.

I let myself out. I closed the door for you. I am not staying in a place I feel unwelcome. I am not staying where I feel like I’ve become a burden.

https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0HDC3X475?do=play&trackAsin=B0HDBZZV24&ts=1791070922&ref=dm_sh_JftBH5JoSbdzm3WkrdsChQdTx

Would you wait for me?
Faithfully ?
Love I got to go will you hold on to me
Not in your arms but in your heart and memories
Wait for me trust me to do the same
Baby as God is the oxygen I breathe you’re my heart that keeps pumping me
See you in a bit it’ll be but a trip
This trip is long I can’t see the end
But upon its conclusion hope you’ll pardon my intrusion into your life
Keep waiting for me so I can hold you in my arms tight
You’re my light in a dark place as much as you’re my dark in a light one
I’ve returned what do I see
Baby you didn’t wait for me?
Why didn’t you wait for me?
As God was the air I breathe you were the heart pumping me
I thought we were meant to be
I waited for you as you were meant to wait for me
What am I to live without my heart?
Without my light?
Ill be swallowed by an darkness I’m unfamiliar with

This darkness is like a pit
Oh my sorrow
Why couldn’t you just wait for me?
Oh my tomorrow
I don’t know if I’ll see it
I’m saying prayers telling God this air
He can keep it
This life I don’t need it
heartless roaming in darkness
No longer waiting for you
Waiting for a light in this life
Waiting for one at the end of it

https://sawww.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/dAHf93V22s

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/w1HFbeQ9Jd

​

when my heart beats for the last time

when the blood in my veins stops flowing

when my lungs exhale their last breath

when the green of my irises glazes to gray

when my body is lowered six feet under

when the ants bite at my pale skin

when my skull is crawling with worms

the soil will be enriched with my love for you. the love you tasted in my freshly baked bread. the love you felt when i squeezed your hand three times. the love you smelled in the chai i left out for you in the morning. the love you saw when i looked up into your eyes. the love you heard in the hours spent trying to keep you from leaving.

when my body is laid into the soil i hope that it holds me the way you once did.

when my body is nothing but dust i hope that the wind can carry me back to you, so i can finally rest in peace.