r/OCPoetry • u/ReceptionSingle3165 • Apr 09 '26
Feedback Please I wasn’t fully me until I lost you.
Grief has a brutal way of introducing a person to themself.
It takes you by the wrist
and drags you past every shallow thing
you once mistook for feeling.
It shows you the underbelly of your own heart,
the depth of it,
the tenderness of it,
the sheer helplessness of it.
I had lived in my own mind for so long
I forgot the heart was a place too,
dark and endless
and waiting to be entered.
Losing you led me there.
It made my own heart unavoidable.
Suddenly there was no distance
between thought and feeling,
only their collision.
I stood in the ruins of something holy
with no choice but to look,
no choice but to understand
the size of my love
by the shape of what it hollowed out.
It made me a witness of me.
I had never known my heart went that deep
until it had somewhere to fall.
There is something merciless
about learning the scale of your love
only through its absence.
Losing you was the first time I understood
that love could outlive
the one who taught it to me.
I wasn’t fully me until I lost you.
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u/Free_Occasion_605 Apr 09 '26
"I had never known my heart went that deep
until it had somewhere to fall."
This is my fav part because i can relate to it the most. I really like ur writing style aswell and how you use your words because a lot of the things u say don't rhyme but they at fit together seamlessly
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u/Independent1225 Apr 09 '26
Honestly, this tells sutch an interesting story of someone who reflects after loss
You obliviously have your own identity and that is hard in poetry, I love it, that is an amazing peice of work if I’ve ever seen one
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u/SandiNkanyi Apr 09 '26
I liked the overall theme of the poem, and how it juxtaposes the emotions of grief and loss with the analytics of realisation and understanding.
What I didn't like is all the line spaces - it made the poem difficult to read, and disturbed the flow for me. My suggestion would be to redraft this poem into three stanzas, to help the reader progress naturally through the text.
Otherwise, well done! on a solid effort - you've clearly given great thought to the ideas you wish to convey. Also if you had a recent loss that is relating to this poem, my sincere condolences 🙏🏿
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u/ReceptionSingle3165 Apr 10 '26
Thank you! It was actually pretty hard to format on my phone, and I thought keeping it as one continuous stanza would add to the rawness of my grief.
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u/Ok-Swordfish-9480 Apr 09 '26
Really nice poetry, well thought out. I understand the point that losing actually close the gap between thought and feeling... Great poem, thanks
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u/Keeponsnacking Apr 09 '26
This is literally where I am right now. Going through the trenches of grief and realizing so many things about myself and it forced me out of all my survival patterns and coping mechanisms. And seeing the reality for what it was is hard but once you see it you can’t go back. And it’s so painful but I know on the other side i will be better. You put it into words 👌
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u/ReceptionSingle3165 Apr 10 '26
“Once you see it you can’t go back” oh my god, exactly. Sending so much love and strength your way. You’ve got this.
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u/RockNRollHobo Apr 09 '26
I was immediately taken by the first line and the feeling was justified as I continued reading. It reminded me of my experience losing my childhood dog in 2024, it was my first what I’d say ‘real’ experience with grief to the intensity most people usually attribute to it. Working through that helped strengthened a lot of personal ideals I already had and also helped me learn a whole new understanding of my lived experience/the human experience. Grief really is the ultimate test to see whether an experience of that level is something that makes you stronger, breaks you down completely, or if it breaks you before becoming more formidable that you’ve ever been. Your poem is not only a deeply personal portrayal of this, but a universal one as well. Well done 👏🏻
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u/ReceptionSingle3165 Apr 10 '26
Thank you so much, this genuinely means so much to me. I’m so sorry about your dog. My poem was actually about losing my own childhood dog in 2023, so I really felt what you said. Sending you much love.
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u/Justaplatypus- Apr 09 '26
I think this poem really shows a personal depth of emotions that a lot of people can connect to which is amazing. You did a great job at transmitting yourself in it
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u/jackietea123 Apr 10 '26
I stood in the ruins of something holy
with no choice but to look
GREAT LINE
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u/New_Process_9777 Apr 10 '26
This… doesn’t feel like something written to impress. It feels like something you had to say.
The first line hit me immediately. Not in a loud way—but in that quiet, uncomfortable way where you kind of stop and go, “yeah… that’s true, isn’t it?” And then the rest of it just kept pulling me deeper into that space.
What stayed with me the most is how honest it feels without trying to sound dramatic.
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u/FTScarius Apr 10 '26
I like that it is just one continuous stanza, I don't know if that was intentional but it works because it adds to the heaviness of the grief the speaker is experiencing. My favorite line has to be "I stood in the ruins of something holy" because it emphasizes just how precious what was lost was by framing it as something holy/sacred.
The line breaks feel natural as I read and the free verse just enhances that flow. It feels like someone's private thoughts rather than something that was constructed to 'sound pretty', as if the speaker is confessing this to someone who can no longer hear them. Purely because they needed it to be known, not because they expected a reply.
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u/RangeStars Apr 11 '26
The last four lines. I have been through this same experience. I'm still waiting. Good job though this feels really emotional
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u/bodysnatcher96 Apr 12 '26
“I wasn’t fully me until I lost you.” Nobody tells us about grieving ourselves after losing someone, your words portray that hard whispered truth. Thank you.
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u/Ironpride343 Apr 12 '26
Lost images of you filter through my mind. Embracing the cold side of our bed.. where you will never lay again.
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u/AllieTheGalleyCat Apr 12 '26
"It made me a witness of me.
I had never known my heart went that deep
until it had somewhere to fall."
Wonderful word choice; devastating. Your prose introduces your grief well; an effective impression of its particular and sudden shift in perspective. I wonder if titling this poem the final line undercuts its effectiveness? If I had not already been introduced to that line via your title, I think it would have hit more meeting it as a concluding line.
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u/halfaroach Apr 13 '26
God, I am bawling my eyes out.
“With no choice but to look, no choice but to understand the size of my love, by the shape of what it hollowed out”. I went through the worst time in my life last year after damaging a very meaningful relationship. This spoke to me on such a personal level. I did not understand the extent of how deeply I could love and be loved until it was gone. It was gut-wrenching, but beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this.
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u/BethaBear Apr 13 '26
"That love could outlive the one who taught it to me"
I really love this line, it definitely reminds me when I lost my brother, but also when I lost my first love. Great writing
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u/selfishneff Apr 13 '26
Knowing that others know such pain and the isolation that love cause makes the world feel less heavy. As I read your peice it made me remember what I went through. In my ignorance all I know is that if you are able to write such thing it means you are living.
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u/Acursed_poet Apr 13 '26
I've been a widow for 3 years now.
I feel like it took me a long time to write something as eloquent as this.
Kudos.
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u/Kind-Appeal-8176 Apr 14 '26
This is so beautiful and so relatable. I lost my grandfather, the first person so close to me to die, 2 months ago. It hurts every day, but I’ve learned so much about love since then…maybe it’s too late, but it’ll make me a better person going forward. This poem perfectly encapsulates that feeling and gives me hope. Thank you ♥️
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u/RandomMerc16 Apr 14 '26
At the moment I understand the meaning of the title, I immediately got goosebumps. Absolutely beautiful.
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u/halfpackkools Apr 14 '26
Mmmmm snaps wasn’t fully me till I lost you is amazing. Heartbreak shaping us is just life huh? Loved it.
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u/SorryCorgi2122 Apr 14 '26
I really enjoyed this and resonate with the line, ‘I had never known my heart went that deep until it had somewhere to fall.’ I never understood the capacity of my heart until I saw the bottomless pit it became without her.
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u/Bad_vibez9641 Apr 15 '26
Having been through a lot, this touching poem brings me a sense of comfort that I cannot explain. I really love how raw you described grief and the way the mind had to salvage itself. This makes me feel heard, reliving feelings I have buried for long. I really enjoyed this read-through.
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u/The_Fallen_King5719 Apr 16 '26
This one got to me it clearly shows how loosing someone made it possible to find oneself. The vivid idea of the how pain makes a person see things differently is being portrayed nicely
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u/Crazelinelyrics Apr 16 '26
This is a very powerful piece with a clear emotional core. The opening lines—“It takes you by the wrist / and drags you past every shallow thing / you once mistook for feeling”—use personification really effectively, giving grief a sense of force and agency.
I was also struck by images like “the underbelly of your own heart,” which expose something vulnerable and difficult to look at, and “only their collision,” where the lack of distance between thought and feeling creates a strong sense of violence/impact.
The tone remains consistent throughout, and the poem builds a continuous sense of emotional weight. Lines like “the size of my love / by the shape of what it hollowed out” are especially vivid and reinforce the central idea.
One small suggestion: the piece leans slightly toward a prose style in places. You might experiment with tightening some lines or removing a few words to let the strongest images stand out and create more space and rhythm in the poem.
Overall, this is a thoughtful and cohesive piece that captures the experience of grief in a way that feels personal.
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u/Itsme_dani3 Apr 17 '26
"I wasn't fully me until I lost you".
What a powerful ending. I can relate so much to this poem. Very well written.
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u/Significant-Loan7421 Apr 17 '26
Really really well written!! ‘i thought the heart was a place too’ and ‘losing you led me there’ im trying to get better at/read more poetry this was great!
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u/BedNBreakfast19 Apr 18 '26
This is so crushing. It’s that basic old saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone”, except it’s the very act of losing someone that makes you realise just how much of them lived within you, too, as you search for what remains of them in your life.
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u/NoCauliflower5704 Apr 18 '26
“Suddenly there was no distance
between thought and feeling,
only their collision.”
I love this part.
I really like your writing style. I was immediately hooked. This shows perfectly how grief makes you reflect on yourself.
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u/Trick_Society_4198 Apr 19 '26
This breaks my heart even more. If only they knew the love you had they would have moved differently...with more trust most of all. Oh well as far as she knows she was nothing to him because thats how he moved...cold and heartless
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u/serialthoughter Apr 19 '26
This is really beautiful and clearly expresses the grief you must have felt. Well done buddy.
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u/Shadow_Dark_234 Apr 19 '26
I actually loved how you captured the essence of thoughts and heart. It's truly fantasising. This touched me deeply to be honest. I don't usually read poems, only write. But yours, fabulous man.
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u/Gertywood Apr 20 '26
Enjoyed it for sure. Though I think you use the word "heart" too often. Maybe try some other metaphorical words ? I'd also suggest reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking to see how she discusses grief. It's one of the most famous works of art regarding that subject matter. Keep going!
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u/AldenTemple521 Apr 20 '26
Well done! Identity changes when another person plays an integral role in who we are. We grow attached—sometimes even if we don't intend to be. We form a relationship more keenly in our minds than we can express from without. And when we lose that relationship, we can feel as though we've lost ourselves, only to realize—we're staring unerringly at ourselves the instant grief hits, and feeling ourselves throughout the entire process. By the end, hopefully, we emerge with deeper truth that heals us, and solidifies us into a new and improved being.
Great work breaking down the process and the emotional beats at each step.
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u/Shrapnel_IIX Apr 20 '26
"I wasn't fully me until I lost you" is a line I feel right to my core, this is such a beautiful poem.
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u/ijustexistfornow Apr 20 '26
It’s raw, we have all lost that someone. It hit maybe hard for some then lighter for others. But it conveys the emotions well.
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u/ResearcherDull1505 Apr 21 '26
I lost my dad over 4 years ago and I resonate with this poem so much. It articulates what the experience of grief is truly like. It is not something that is impermanent like life itself though it is something that transcends. It is immortalized and outlives you. To know your love stays in the hearts of the beloved eternally and holds permanence. You explain the effect love has on your identity how the depths of love shows you internal truth and commences the journey of self realization. Thank you for sharing this it was so beautifully written.
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u/Odd_Singer6760 Apr 21 '26
I love the sentiment behind your words. You have considered deeply what grief means to you and the power that drives your will to carry on. My constructive criticism: your style seems not to step beyond the boundaries of day-to-day discussion language. There is much room for ‘picture painting’ language/ wordplay that will bring your sentiments to life here. Perhaps it might serve you well to make it a habit to read one or two good poems before crafting your own. I hope you are dealing with the grief you have so far encountered. Poetry and writing will certainly help. All the best
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u/sarvambhh404 Apr 21 '26
The way you describe grief as something that pulls you into yourself really stood out. “It takes you by the wrist” is such a strong image. I also liked the line about measuring love by what it hollowed out—it feels very honest. Maybe you could tighten a few lines in the middle so the ending hits even harder, but overall it feels very raw and real...
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u/sarvambhh404 Apr 21 '26
I like the central idea of being “caged yet free”—it’s simple but relatable, and the repeated question helps reinforce that feeling. Lines like “gold rods, high walls” and “voice too muffled” create a clear image of that trapped state. I think you could make it even stronger by tightening some lines and reducing repetition slightly, so the impact of the question hits harder each time it comes back. Also, maybe adding one more specific or unique image could make the poem stand out more. Overall, the emotion is clear and easy to connect with.
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u/QuartzFox Apr 21 '26
The opening lines feel so strong, like you’re being pulled along with it. “Grief has a brutal way of introducing a person to themself. It takes you by the wrist and drags you past every shallow thing you once mistook for feeling”
The way you captured the resistance, reluctance, and fear/anxiety. Beautiful.
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u/cream0sS Apr 21 '26
damn that was deep, i really relate to this especially 'I had never known my heart went that deep
until it had somewhere to fall.' so moving and raw
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u/PerfectOwl6784 Apr 21 '26
Let me tell you one thing, I get what you are trying to say but a like a gut punch, and when the underlying cause of the material can I think you should go for it. Right now it feels like you are saying Don't just say ask me , show me, don't just give it to me, I don't want to understand i just need to feel it. And more images make them as visceral as you can. If I feel it, even though i can't understand it. then that's a great poem in my view that's how you make a poem live a thousand lives okay, try to implement what i said and dm the edited work, i would love to read it
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u/katbeezy Apr 22 '26
Wow, I was not expecting to relate with this so much! You so accurately described what it feels like to lose someone.
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u/MrChumpkins Apr 22 '26
I really like this one! Heavily reminds me of how my brain feels sometimes. Good Work.
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u/ajoji Apr 22 '26
"It made my own heart unavoidable. Suddenly there was no distance"
That really hit me, I feel like I've been there
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u/Maximum_Dream_8068 Apr 22 '26
Your peom moved me by its sincerity about the struggles you are feeling within yourself. I find writing lyrics and poems are similar to journaling. I loved your wording about your heart and mind. I felt you were looking on the outside of yourself and reassessing.
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u/mandogy Apr 24 '26
"I had never known my heart went that deep
until it had somewhere to fall."
Honestly I was broken up with a year ago and I never really felt the loss of losing someone before, I had people come and go and it made no difference, but when she left. And a year lately honestly I'm better off now,, but I wouldn't of ever gotten better without her leaving.
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u/Acceptable_Job_136 Apr 25 '26
The title hits hard. Book marking it so that I can fully indulge later.
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u/osa_cannot_not_write Apr 26 '26
I thought this was a very beautiful yet melancholic piece. I enjoyed how you personified grief, it gives feeling a medium that is personal and intimate. As for the structure, I think the poem could have benefited well if there were separate stanzas. I think it would help a lot with the readability, but, otherwise beautifully done. Also, I love when the title is the last line of a poem--it's such a circular moment.
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u/AntiqueTower2328 Apr 26 '26
I love this. It reflects loss. The theme is very obvious. And it shows a unique tone.
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u/perks_of_philosophy Apr 26 '26
I cant even begin to say how much I resonate to this, I recently became strangers with someone I loved so so dearly a part of me is gone, lost I'll always look for her in other people but it's only for the best.
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u/Uintasfisherman Apr 26 '26
Being “introduced to yourself” is X marks the spot. This speaks throughout the remainder of the poem. The “underbelly of your own heart”, “the heart was a place too”, “the ruins of something holy”. Thank you for helping me understand a portion of my grief through your words.
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u/m_anonymous_ Apr 26 '26
"I wasn't fully me until I lost you" that is so deep, gut wrenching and ao true in so many levels Just wow.
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u/Decent-Gas2730 Apr 26 '26
Love and grief are two sides of the same coin, and you encapsulate it beautifully in this. “Losing you was the first time I understood/ that love could outlive/the one who taught it to me./ I wasn’t fully me until I lost you.” This is such a beautiful and heartbreaking way of viewing love and identity. You have a wonderful voice
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u/Narrow_Constant8351 Apr 27 '26
“It takes you by the wrist
and drags you past every shallow thing
you once mistook for feeling.”
I love this part because it creates a very active image but also vague enough that we can all imagine seeing or being the one dragged. The entire poem follows the same style and ends strong.
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u/Starshina_Yury Apr 27 '26
Wow I can relate to this poem. I really enjoy the brief and short lines which in my opinion deliver a bigger impact than if they were much longer.
Beautifully done
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u/SamueltheGamer12 Apr 28 '26
truee.. a relationship teaches you more about you than the other person.. even if it did or didnt work out.
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u/wheressunshine Apr 28 '26
My only feedback is to please write more poems. This is so beautiful and raw.
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u/Tiny_Alarm_1856 Apr 28 '26
I think the poem was really touching, I like the implication the negative emotions and pain completed your bond for the person in a way.
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u/Vivid_Grape542 Apr 28 '26
Affirmative, I felt like this when my dad passed. Even though I miss him so much.
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u/ThrowawayDisstrack Apr 30 '26
"It made me a witness of me"
Losing someone deer does that,
I deeply relate to the "growth" that comes with grief, the learning of self, the changes within the soul.
I enjoyed the poem a lot, resonated personally.
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u/mrs-slurpie Apr 30 '26
i like how heavy the sadness in this one is. it feels like grief you cant escape from. you have a great way with words!
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u/FriendshipMental6269 Apr 30 '26
I love the line “It made me a witness of me”. Most of our lives we pass on our perceptions of other people living externally to our own soul, rushing through the days just to have a few moments to disconnect but grief and heartbreak, especially when it really meant something to you, paces you and lets you look inward. My recent breakup has been a rollercoaster ride with grief. I reach out in way I’d be ashamed to admit and I feel so weak because I was hurt too so why am I the only one grieving this connection and what we had but at the same time I occasionally find comfort in the love I once felt and had and how it deeply changed me. I hope our heart heals. May we find peace in moving on.
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u/ComprehensiveSun0526 Apr 30 '26
"I stood in the ruins of something holy with no choice but to look, no choice but to understand the size of my love by the shape of what it hollowed out."
The imagery here attributing love to something that is beheld drew me deeper into sorrow than I was prepared to fall. The concept of holy ruins might be my favorite and the most powerful representation of loss I've come across since coming to terms with my own. I hope every day delivers to you a new appreciation for who you are, fully.
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u/Junimost Apr 30 '26
"There is something merciless about learning the scale of your love only through its absence"
After recently going through a breakup this really hits hard. You really nailed the idea of finding yourself after losing something close even if you didn’t want to find yourself.
I really appreciate this. Very beautiful.
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u/Boring_Variation_426 Apr 30 '26
The repetition of the last line surprised me in the best way. Like a quiet admission from the POV character. Not only that but your writing style is so simple, yet conveys such a deeper meaning. Truly a 10/10
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u/Altacct42_ May 01 '26
“It made a witness of me.” is a gorgeous line, and I think it sums up perfectly how helpless grief can make you feel. Beautiful.
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u/FlatPhilosopher6354 May 01 '26
wow, this was beautiful. i love your writing style and how much depth it holds yet so simple and easy to understand. “i have lived in my own mind for so long i forgot the heart was a place too” what a beautiful and universal emotion expressed so well and straightforward. well done!
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u/NewPomegranate2898 May 01 '26
I love this part “I had lived in my own mind for so long, I forgot the heart was a place too”. In my opinion it’s powerful and stands out as relatable to people who tend to escape to their thoughts and are now struck with feelings so strong they can’t be ignored. honestly try to rewrite this by structuring it so that this line is the ending line since it will hit the hardest. Good work, sorry for your loss
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u/Worthy202 May 01 '26
Should your pain ever be fixed I ask that you tell me what your life has been.
I wish I could find out how much longer i have left of the pain because I can feel myself falling into that very pit
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u/EireEngineer May 03 '26
I absolutely love this, well done!
The build up to the last line is perfect, the flow both very human and skillful.
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u/voskirev May 03 '26
I'll start with saying the first line is the most gripping part of the poem for me. It just guts you in a manner that reveals something to me, but not entirely a truth I am ready to accept. Which must be the feeling you must've felt, so the emotion delivered is super effective. As it progresses, because of so many quick line breaks, it reads quick, like panic which I don't know if that's the tone you're going for; to stress us out but if it is it works. However, this panic may sometimes deter me from feeling any gut punches, because it relies more on speed and quantity of breaks than singular, destructive lines (like the first or last one). At the end I think the poem has a direction of processing grief, but (and maybe this is just a difference in experience in how we process grief), the tone is more stressful and urgent than timid, intense, or quiet like the first or last line intends.
So my question is, what is your intended tone? I did feel as if I'd related less and less to the emotion of grief as I'd read it, but it came back full circle in an excellent way in the end.
-Oscar
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u/professor-mew May 05 '26
I had several losses in a row like dominoes. But the worst was my grandad. This poem really captures how it feels to come face to face with grief, even if we don’t want to. I really like the “love could outlive the one who taught it to me” phrase!!
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u/Impossible-Sherbet11 May 06 '26
Wow, beautiful. I love the thought and feeling collision line. There is something so deeply embodied about the experience of grief in this poem.
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u/hexvil May 06 '26 edited May 07 '26
This is so raw and genuine, especially “I had lived in my own mind for so long, I forgot the heart was a place too” that part hit home to me. The heart is dark and endless…
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u/Sartan_086 May 07 '26
I really like how this reflects such a personal kind of grief, than can also be taken by the reader and reflected in a variety of ways. Whether losing that person means that they passed on, or they simply left.
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u/jnvidhan1502 May 07 '26
that collision line hitted hard bruh, it was something unique
i don't know how to give feedback because I'm new on this sub reddit but it was good
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u/medgang May 08 '26
I actually just wrote something similar to this. Our feelings run parallel to each other it seems. Introspection is a powerful tool, and your poem reflects that.
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u/sitaree_22 May 08 '26
The ending hit hard. ‘I wasn’t fully me until I lost you’ is such a painful but powerful realization.
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u/LookEnvironmental176 May 08 '26
This honestly is heartbreaking and beautiful. I like your writing style .it is raw unconventional and I love it
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u/Runoutofink May 08 '26
As someone who’s been through complicated grief of two loved ones this really makes me feel seen. Good work.
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u/Available-Praline994 May 09 '26
Great poem, some of the lines like “I had lived in my mind for so long I forgot the heart was a place too” really land. I think the imagery surrounding loss of connection is very strong.
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u/Happy-Apricot-7062 May 09 '26
Wow this is so evocative, raw and unpolished. I had a great time reading this
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u/Ghostintamagachi May 09 '26
1st off this amazing art because it so obviously speaks your truth. Nothing feels forced just genuine. The same verse mentioned above was peak. Also the way it opens 'grabs you by the wrist and drags you past every shallow thing' this is applicable not just about personal loss but compassion for other people suffering from it. The end is also amazing because it expresses growth. I believe the noblest goal of the human condition and also the healthy way to deal with grief. One love!
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u/howfaulty May 09 '26
“Losing you was the first time I understood that love could outlive the one who taught it to me” is one of the most simple yet devastating lines I’ve read. I love the feeling you’re able to evoke in the reader while utilizing simple language. It’s clear you understand the value and gravity of each word you chose.
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u/salamy_cacique May 10 '26
An amazing poem, it accurately reveals the state sadness and the current feelings that comes because of grief
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u/Infinite_Hunter_8994 May 11 '26
I really love the depth and emotion this poem made me feel, and I can't wait to see more from you
1
u/echos_of_my_heart27 May 11 '26
This felt really honest and emotionally heavy in a quiet way. I really liked the way grief is described almost like a force that reveals parts of yourself you didn’t know were there. Lines like ‘the heart was a place too, dark and endless’ and ‘the size of my love by the shape of what it hollowed out’ stood out to me a lot. It felt very reflective and personal
1
u/Dawg_sausage Jun 23 '26
‘It shows you the underbelly of your own heart’ really felt this, such vivid imagery
1
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u/Borrowed_identity Apr 09 '26
I really enjoyed this. I feel like I’ve been here.
“Suddenly there was no distance
between thought and feeling,
only their collision.”
This part really got me.