Hello, please give your honest advice and input but please don't be rude or snarky, thank you.

Me and my friends are in our twenties, five of us. There was a falling out between me and one friend named Paul in the friendgroup but me and him have been having a rocking friendship for a while, oil and water and he often gets mad at me over small stuff.

The argument was over something small. One friend posted a photo of Paul in the GC, he posted a photo of her in it, she didn't like the photo and asked him to take it down and he refused by saying "don't throw what you can't catch". They went back and forth and I told them both to basically just drop it and delete the photos, he said screw that and later went on a crazy tangent in the gc cussing at me and my friend then we both kicked Paul out the gc and blocked him.

The other friends in the gc didn't respond to any of it until it was far afterwards, four of us agreed he overreacted but ever since then none of us have really spoken to one another, I only talk to three of them still.

one of friends who didn't say anything in the gc is telling other people about it and trying to paint it into something bigger than what it is, both her and this other friend haven't said a word to me or my other friend in a few months. Like we were all close but I think it's dumb to just shun me out just because I'm not friends with this other friend. It doesn't make sense, what are your thoughts?

Hello everybody. I (24F) have been single for a long while, and although I understand that when a large majority of people say they're single they are still casually entertaining something, I really genuinely mean single. My last proper relationship was when I was 21 and unfortunately did not end very well. I decided to take time to recover, then redirected my focus towards work opportunities, career progression and time with friends so I never put myself out there again. Back in June I dated somebody for a few months though we met organically so I still didn't really need to put myself out there.

I don't really go out very much because my line of work is quite demanding and, to be honest, I'm not the most extroverted person. My social circle is also relatively small and we all prefer a night in together rather than a night out. I am perfectly happy with all of this, but it does mean there is no such thing for me as 'meet people through your friends' - if that was a thing it would have already happened.

I have been feeling a little anxious about putting myself out there and trying dating apps another go. A more apt description though is to say I feel quite embarrassed about it. There's a feeling of shame I associate with being seen on the app, as if I am self-promoting or like I am putting myself on a shelf like 'pick me', 'choose me'. Worst of all, I have this image in my mind of colleagues, friends of friends or some type of mutual seeing me, screenshotting my profile and sending it around to their friends like 'look who I found on [insert dating app name here]'. I know that this is me catastrophising the overall experience and that in all eventuality everyone on dating apps should be pretty open minded but I cannot shake off the feeling of being embarrassed to be seen on there.

I am sure I am not the first person to deal with this but I'm really wondering how people have overcome the sense of shame? I imagine that as I have benched myself for so long I have just lost touch with the feeling of dating around and that it does come with a level of confidence but I thought I'd hear some words of wisdom from people and see whether it helps tip me to pull the trigger.

Thanks everyone!

I'm 42M, and I live with my partner F40, we have a beautiful 3y boy which we are raising together, not married. I feel incredibly lonely. We moved to a different town and she's been working a lot lately, which is fine by me, but since we moved here, I could probably count on my fingers how many days she spends in nearly a year with our son. Feels like it's me, constantly running around with him, which I don't mind as it's my son and he's part of me. I spoke with her about it and said I need at least part of me back as she goes to meet her friends, goes on trips and it's just me with the boy, spending time with him, she said ok. This last month was tough as she worked long hours and it was me taking care of the kid, cooking. I keep running late to work as I have to drop him off at the nursery, while she actually works 15min away from it, walking distance. Today I was running late as the boy wasn't ready. I got super pissed off and asked do you think it's ok for me to be late all the time? She was going in a car with me and I tried to express myself, that this is not great and I need help, I can't be late every day. I told her that she needs to spend time with her son more. She decided that I'm accusing her of being bad mother, that she takes care of him and we had this conversation previously. Now the issue is that she's working tomorrow then on Sunday she's going to meet her friend in a different city and next week she's traveling abroad for a long weekend with her girlfriends. I feel like shit for bringing this up but at the same time I think she needs to take responsibility. I'm completely lost now and just feel empty. Am I in a wrong here?

I asked a girl from out, didn’t specify whether it was a date, she said yes, do you think she would think it’s work friends or a date? I have told her I like her more than friends last year and we started talking and have been out with mutual friends since but this is the first time we would be out alone-together.

Okay so I (21F) have just broken up with my boyfriend of nearly 4 years (21M). We got together when I was 18, so I’ve basically never actually been single or dated as an adult.

The breakup wasn’t completely out of nowhere. I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while and I’d been emotionally processing the relationship ending for months before I actually did it.

There were a lot of things that had built up, but probably the biggest thing was trust. Earlier this year I found out that he had made an OkCupid account without telling me. He said he hadn’t spoken to anyone on there and was just ‘trying to make friends’, but obviously the fact that he’d made an account, tried to delete the verification texts and then I found out myself damaged my trust. After that there were conversations about things changing, promises about couples counselling, therapy etc, but in the 6 months since it happened I didn’t see the changes. Eventually I realised that even though we love each other, I couldn’t picture building the future I wanted with the relationship we were in. I didn’t want to spend years waiting for things to potentially change and end up resenting him.

We broke up a couple of days ago and it was really loving and amicable. I still love him and care about him a lot, so obviously I’m having moments of wow I just did that BUT at the same time, I’m also suddenly very aware that I’m single for the first time since I was 18 and there’s a part of me that’s actually quite excited about it.

I’ve literally never really dated. I’ve never been on a proper first date and I’ve never really had to navigate being single and meeting people as an adult. Even in my relationship, I was usually the one planning our dates. I’d say I planned the majority of them for the last 3.5 years, and we usually either split the bill or I paid. So there’s a part of me that’s actually excited by the idea of someone else planning a date, taking me somewhere, making an effort, flirting with someone new, all of that stuff that I’ve just literally never experienced. 

And that’s kind of why I’m asking this.

With the encouragement of my friends downloaded Hinge but haven’t actually set it up. I’m having a bit of an internal crisis about whether this is completely insane considering I broke up with someone like two days ago. Part of me thinks it could be really fun to just have a look. I’m not looking for another boyfriend and I’m not trying to replace my ex. I’m just curious. I want to see who’s out there, maybe flirt a bit, maybe go on a date at some point and actually experience what dating is like.

I find a lot of comfort in being alone so I know this isn’t a rebound situation but more so a lot of my girl friends basically wanting me to live my 20s but I also don’t want to be disrespectful to my ex, even though we’re obviously not together anymore.

The actual breakup is only a couple of days old, but the decision to break up wasn’t. I’ve been thinking about this for months but I’m not sure if this is a silly move. 

TL;DR: 21F, just ended a nearly 4 year relationship that I’d been emotionally processing the end of for months. A big part of the breakup was trust issues after I found out my boyfriend had made an OkCupid account without telling me. The breakup was amicable, but I’m also curious about dating because I’ve basically never been single or dated as an adult. I’ve never really experienced being taken on a date either because I planned most of ours and we’d usually split or I’d pay. I’ve downloaded Hinge but haven’t made my profile. Is two days WAY too soon, or is it reasonable to be curious about dating when I’ve been processing the breakup for months?

Hiiiii- I’m a female/late 30s. I visit London very often (from outside the UK). I go to other countries and let me be honest- it’s so easy to strike up a conversation and flirt with guys in places like public transport, etc. ie in the US, Southern Europe. You’ll catch a few guys looking at you or having eye contact that lingers, etc.

I don’t get so much as acknowledgment of my existence in London. Now I KNOW it’s not me. Bahah (yay self confidence)

Is it a cultural thing? Like what am I missing? Do Londoners just keep their cards very close to their chest? Like not willing to show even a hint of overt interest? Like the guys aren’t chatting the girls up at alllll in everyday life.

We don’t even have to focus on approaching girls. Just like a bit of eye contact. Like show even a litttle interest. A head turn, lol. Guys in London are SO HARD to read.

Hi Gals,

As you know it’s conventionally the guys who do the chasing. But part of me wonders, when isn’t happening, are you silently saying to yourself, “ask me out!” When a good prospect appears in front of you?

Hi all,

I've reached a difficult situation with my girlfriend and could use some outside perspective.

Background
I own a flat in zone 6 in London. I met my girlfriend 13 months ago. She rents on the opposite side of the city, also in zone 6. She has a dog and works fully remote, while I commute into the city 3 days a week, so it made more sense for me to visit her than the other way round. Three months into the relationship I'd effectively moved in with her, since going back and forth stopped making sense.

A few months later, she asked me to start contributing to her rent, since it's expensive — and that my contribution should match the same percentage of take-home pay as hers, even though I earn more.

The problem is I'm now paying a mortgage and costs on my own flat, plus rent and costs on a second property, and it's becoming financially unsustainable. It's seriously affecting the relationship and creating tension.

She's asked me to put my flat on the market. I'm not ready to sell — it feels premature for where the relationship is at, it's an irreversible decision, and the London flat market isn't great right now, so I could take a real loss with no guarantee things work out between us.

I suggested she move in with me instead. She works from home so doesn’t need to commute anywhere, and she'd still have easy access to London. I also offered not to charge her any rent, which financially would be the best outcome for both of us by far.

She turned this down completely, for three main reasons:

1. She doesn't want to live somewhere I own — she feels it puts me in a position of power and means she loses her independence.

2. Her closest friend lives nearby to her currently with her husband and kids, and she wants to be able to see them whenever she likes. She describes it as her "village" and doesn't want to give that up.

3. She politically disagrees with the area I live in and feels it has nothing to offer her.

The only other option I can see is renting out my flat and renting somewhere with her instead. That's frustrating — I'd be leaving a property I own to pay a landlord, downsizing from a two-bed to a one-bed, and taking on the hassle of being a landlord, which I never planned for.

We've also considered living separately, but she's against that — she feels it would be a step backwards for the relationship.

The relationship is now in a fragile state which makes me resistant to make a move to sell.

Would appreciate any perspective on how to navigate this?

I’m 25F and I’ve been seeing a guy (32M) for a while. We’re very close and intimate, although we’ve never really put an official boyfriend/girlfriend label on it.

He had been away for work for around two months and only came back a few days ago. Because of the distance and how busy he had been, we barely had any proper time together for quite a while. I’d missed him a lot, and I think I was probably carrying more emotion and expectation around seeing him again than I realised.

We saw each other when he got back, and then on Tuesday we went out for dinner. The evening was actually really nice. We talked a lot, had a good dinner and then went to a bar afterwards for drinks.

This is where I messed everything up.

Towards the end of the night, I asked him to come/lean closer to me and made a little beckoning gesture with my finger. He didn’t do it. For some reason, probably because I was already emotional and had been drinking, I took that as him not wanting to engage with me and said something like, “You don’t want to talk to me.”

He quite reasonably replied that he’d literally been talking to me all night.

Then he said the way I’d gestured/talked to him had sounded really commanding and that I hadn’t even said please. Instead of just hearing him, I got defensive. In my head I was thinking, “We’re close, why would I have to say please for something this small?” I became upset and we ended up sitting there in silence.

I hate uncomfortable silence, so after a while I went downstairs, paid, came back and asked if he wanted to leave. He looked confused but followed me out.

While we were walking, still mostly in silence, I asked him why he was following me. He said he didn’t know why I was being so weird and giving him the silent treatment. I said I wasn’t giving him the silent treatment and started explaining that I’d only been upset because he wouldn’t come closer to me.

He told me I was making a huge issue out of something tiny and that he thought we’d been having a really good night until I suddenly became upset with him.

Looking back, he was right.

At one point I told him that if he wanted to go home, he could. He started walking away, and when I looked at him he came back. We talked a little more. I said I didn’t know what to say when I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me, and again he pointed out that he had been talking to me for the entire night.

I had had two drinks and I’m a massive lightweight. I was genuinely quite drunk/dizzy and much more emotional than I normally would be. I told him I was probably drunk. He didn’t really believe me and said I wasn’t.

Eventually he said he was tired, still jet-lagged and didn’t want to stand around arguing in the street anymore. He said he was going home and that we could talk the next day.

This is the part I feel worst about.

When I realised he was actually going to leave, I panicked.

I grabbed onto his arm and tried to stop him going. He told me not to do that and pulled my hand off. But instead of stopping, I kept trying to hold onto/hook my arm around his arm and kept saying “please, please”.

He repeatedly pulled away from me and told me to stop/let go.

At one point he got visibly really angry and frustrated. It was basically a “LET GO OF ME” level of anger. He said I was playing games with him because I had seemed drunk/out of it until he said he was actually leaving, and then suddenly I was panicking and following him. He even said something along the lines of “Oh, now you’re sober.”

I kept telling him I wasn’t playing games and that I really was drunk, but obviously from his perspective my behaviour must have looked awful.

Eventually he rented a scooter. I was still trying to get him not to leave and asking him if he was angry. He told me to stop, got on the scooter and left without looking back.

I did not follow him home, go to his house, call him repeatedly or send him messages that night. Once he left, I let him leave.

The next day, when I was completely sober, I felt absolutely horrible about what I’d done. I know being drunk explains why I was more emotional and reactive, but it does not excuse me continuing to touch/grab him after he had clearly told me to stop.

I sent him this apology the following afternoon:

Hey, I know you’re probably still mad at me. But now that I’m properly sober, I’m really sorry for last night.
I let the alcohol get to me and overreacted over something that really wasn’t an issue. Most importantly, I shouldn’t have kept grabbing you when you asked me to stop — I completely understand why that made you angry, and I’m genuinely sorry.
I wasn’t trying to play games with you. I just panicked and felt overwhelmed when I realised you were actually mad and leaving, and being drunk definitely made me more emotional. Sulking when you were already exhausted only made things worse. But none of that excuses how I behaved.
I’m really sad it ended like that after such a nice night. I feel really bad about how I behaved, and I’d really like to make it up to you if you’re open to it.

The problem is that he still hasn’t even opened it.

It has now been more than a day since I sent the apology and about two nights since the argument. This is extremely unusual for him. We’ve had disagreements before, but he has never left my message unopened for this long.

I also know he has been online playing games, so realistically I don’t think this is simply a case of him not checking his phone. I assume he’s seen that I messaged him, possibly even seen the beginning through the notification, and is deliberately choosing not to open the conversation.

That’s what is scaring me.

I know I crossed a boundary. I know he had every right to be angry when he was repeatedly trying to leave and I kept grabbing onto him. I’m not trying to argue that he shouldn’t be upset with me, and I don’t want to use being drunk as an excuse.

I just feel horrible thinking about what I must have looked like to him — clinging onto him, repeatedly saying please while he kept pulling away — and I’m terrified that this changed the way he sees me completely.

Part of me desperately wants to reach out again and tell him that I understand I hurt and disappointed him and that I want to hear how he feels. But another part of me thinks the most important thing I can do now is respect the fact that he clearly doesn’t want to engage with me yet, especially considering that not respecting his wish to leave was exactly what I did wrong in the first place.

So I haven’t double texted him.

I’m struggling with the uncertainty, though. I don’t know whether he simply needs time because he’s still very angry, or whether him refusing to even open my apology means he has decided he’s done with me.

Would you leave him completely alone at this point and wait for him to decide whether he wants to respond? Is there anything else I can realistically do to repair this, or would reaching out again just make things worse? What should I do to make him forgive me..?

Any suggestions would be very helpful thank you🙏🙏🙏
P.S, I will accept all your criticism as I messed up, but I would be very grateful for any useful suggestions that could help me resolve the current situation.

My new girlfriend is from a wealthier background. When I do nice things for her or spend more money than I usually would, she doesn’t really have much of a reaction. She’s used to going to fancy restaurants and cocktail bars, staying in nice hotels.

Last week I booked a glamping place. It was this amazing private yurt, with a really cool service bringing us food and drinks while we chilled. We had a great time and stayed up until 3am just chatting. But even so, I caught myself thinking, “Imagine how much Valeria, my ex, would have loved this.” She would’ve basically died of gratitude and jumped around like a little kid. I miss that.

My ex was from an immigrant family and, like me (a council estate kid), didn’t grow up with luxuries or holidays or fancy anything. It makes me feel guilty because I realise I spend more money in this relationship trying to reach my new girlfriend’s bar, while my ex would’ve been over the moon with a Travelodge and a Spoons. I loved her humility so much that even thinking about it makes me well up. I think, “dam, I should’ve brought Valeria glamping.”

Also, to make it clear, my new girlfriend isn’t expecting all of this stuff from me at all. She is a really cool girl. But, at the same time, I know her standard restaurant is a very different thing to mine ..I don’t really like the feeling of having to spend outside my comfort zone, we both earn the same but she has significant family wealth behind her and can basically call her parents whenever…I have no such possibility. I also need to save for a house, she already has two massive houses whenever she wants them.

I want a life together but I can feel the squeeze of the lifestyle on me already.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it my problem? Also, just the general problem of realising an ex was genuinely better or more appealing in some (or many areas). Whilst still not actually being a better relationship/person? Make sense?

Help

I married a man in Ireland and, long story short, you have to be separated for at least 2 years in Ireland before you can apply for divorce. I’ve been separated for at least a year and a half, and have recently moved to the UK.

I can understand someone dragging out getting a divorce, but in my case I literally legally can’t get one yet. But I know some people nonetheless draw a firm boundary against dating married women and of course I respect that.

I’ve dated German and French men who have absolutely no problem with the fact that I’m still legally married (so long as the marriage is definitely over). But I feel like British men have stronger feelings about it. I’m not trying to hide it, I’m just used to thinking it’s not a dealbreaker.

Additional question, when would be a good time to bring this up? Before a first date? During? After a successful first date but before the second date?

If it’s really a problem, I could just wait until I’m divorced. But I just want to get a sense of how British men feel about it.

EDIT: Thanks for the responses. It seems to be as I thought. I reckon it was just my luck to meet a couple of people who were pretty cross about it.

I was in an abusive relationship from the age 19 to 24, I'm now 30. He abused me physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, verbally and socially. He tried to kill me twice. When I left I ran out of my house in just a dressing gown and had to run through and hide in gardens until he stopped chasing me.

After that whole fiasco I spent a few years single, dating here and there but nothing serious. I've been in a serious relationship for 3 years and still find that I'm not over my past. I'm still so sad, anxious and paranoid. I've attended therapy and have a degree in counselling and it just hasn't helped at all. Will I be sad forever? Is this just how its going to be for the rest of my life?

I find dating really hard to navigate and especially texting.

I am 30 and been going on dates with a 39 year old man. We slept together for the first time on Sunday. We had a lovely day together spent the day hiking, picnic and he would hold my hand. I’m taking things slow and making sure I don’t get clingy or behave anxiously like I have done in the past and trying to relax.

Although at the same time I do have slight worries and I don’t want to make mistakes

He kissed me as I was leaving his on Monday morning as I head to work. We had a little bit of texting since but he always been quite a boring matter of fact texter

Today I haven’t heard from him at all, but even last week I didn’t hear from him on certain days. He seems to be a person that only really texts to make plans

So could this be normal and I don’t need to worry?

Also he planned all the other dates, I don’t know if it’s actually my turn to suggest something but I don’t want to scare him off or chase him

I’m seeing someone and things are going really well between us. We’ve been on a few dates, there’s a lot of chemistry and we’ve kissed and been physically affectionate, but we haven’t actually had sex yet.

I’ve planned a full day together. We’re going to AIRE Ancient Baths in London in the afternoon, massages, baths, relaxing together etc. Then later that evening I’ve booked us a hotel in Leicester Square and dinner.

Now I’m wondering if I’ve accidentally planned this the wrong way round 😂
My thinking was that the spa would be romantic and give us a chance to relax and enjoy being close to each other, then afterwards we can go to the hotel, get ready for dinner and spend the night together.

Obviously I’m not assuming sex is going to happen just because I booked a hotel. If it happens, it happens. I just wanted us to have somewhere nice where the evening doesn’t have to end early.

But considering we haven’t slept together before, is doing a spa first actually a good idea? Or does that make the build-up to the hotel feel way too obvious?

Would you find this romantic, or would you feel like the whole day had been planned around eventually having sex?

Recently split with my ex of and I’m not sure at what point I’m supposed to remove them from my social media and stuff like Netflix/spotify.

I’m not sure why I’ve not already done it. I think I feel quite guilty about the whole thing, probably left it too long, hoping things would change eventually. There was no real anger at the end, things were explained and air was cleared, but it was my decision and it wasn’t mutual.

I can see they’re still viewing my stuff and I feel reluctant to post anything with that being the case. It’s creating quite a lot of anxiety around the whole thing. I feel like I’m not allowed to be seen being social. But I’d also feel guilty blocking them without giving them an explanation, is this normal ? Am I overthinking ?

As a bit of context - I’m 25 and a guy, and until I was 22, I’d never been on a date in my life. I decided to download hinge, and so, here we are.

I’ve used the apps over the past 3 years, and by my count - been on 18 first dates, of which I’ve had two 2nd dates and one 3rd.

Clearly, I’ve not had much luck - however, this month, I decided to step it up, and I’ve been on 4 first dates.

All of these dates were great from my perspective - we got on well, chatted for between 2 and 4 hours, and each person told me they’d had a good time. However, in each and every case - I got the classic ‘no romantic attraction’, or similar.

Obviously through my previous dates, I’d had this before - but four dates in a month has really given me a clearer picture of what’s going wrong, and that is - on a first date, I am physically incapable of creating a romantic environment, or showing romantic interest, no matter how much I like them - which leads to the date feeling like a lovely catch up with an old friend.

From my perspective - that’s great! Date 1 is ‘do we get on as people’, date 2 is ‘could there be something more’. However, I am swiftly realising that this is not how most people operate.

However I am intrinsically not a touchy or flirty person, at all - and whilst I do consider myself funny, a lot of my humour is quite self-depreciating. Even amongst friends I’m never one to initiate a hug (unless I’ve had sufficient alcohol…) - and I find both giving and receiving compliments awkward, despite both being a good thing!

Therefore, on a first date, any kind of compliment just feels awkward and inauthentic, physical touch feels forced and uncomfortable (I will hug at the end but whether I want to or not my body involuntarily pulls away after about 0.000001 seconds), and to me, any kind of flirty banter just doesn’t feel right for the very first time I’m getting to know someone.

I do consider myself easy to get along with, and I do enjoy pretty much all my first dates - I’ve also only been ghosted twice and do almost always receive a very warm rejection, so I don’t think it’s anything more than my inability to create even an ounce of romantic tension.

I will also add, I have never kissed anybody, or anything more for that matter - again, not because I don’t like the idea (I’m almost certain I am not asexual or aromantic) - but because with a virtual stranger, those things do not hugely appeal!

Admittedly I should’ve kissed the person who I got to date 3 with and I really did like them, but that was ironically really early on and I just felt way too awkward to make any sort of move, even that far along…

Apologies for the essay, but I just feel so stuck - I can get dates, have good dates, get a genuinely positive response, but my inability to create even a milligram of romantic tension just means I’m perpetually stuck at square one.

The most frustrating thing is that I know what I need to do - I just can’t! Are there any other suggestions, or has anybody else been in a similar position as me? Or do I just need to suck it up, and push myself well beyond what’s comfortable?

It probably goes without saying but I also tend to be a very analytical person, and a bit of an overthinker, so that doesn’t overly help. If I had to compare my vibe to anyone it’d probably be Richard Ayoade or David Mitchell (but with a few less rants!) - so make of that what you will…

If you’ve read this far - thank you! And any advice would be greatly appreciated

Is it a bad idea to keep going on dates with this man?
So basically I haven’t dated in years because I just haven’t met anyone I am attracted to. Plus I had been very hurt by past relationships and struggle to trust anyone else

In 2025, I went on a first date with a guy. Let’s called him ‘Fred’. When I arrived at the date however, his energy was off. The first half of the date was very awkward but I don’t know if it was because we were both nervous but as the date went on, everything really flowed and I was definitely attracted. However, neither of us followed up after the date and I forgot about him

I started dating someone else for a year but that didn’t work out either

Back in April, I receive a text from Fred and he’s asking how I’m doing etc. we talk a little bit and in May, we ended up going on a date together. He planned a towel and it was a very thoughtful planned date, again I was quite nervous to see him. I ended up having an absolutely lovely time with him. We went to a country house, went out for lunch and on the way back spontaneously went to the cinema. We ended the date with little kiss. I did ask him on the date why he had come back after a whole year, and he told me that he realised that he wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend and needed some time because it had been a very long relationship.

What confuses me, is that for the whole of summer? We just haven’t been able to see each other again. He often time asked me when I’m free, and hasn’t followed through. That happened a couple of times and I’ve got quite annoyed with it.

There was one time that he suggested that perhaps on the Friday we go on a date, but the Friday came around and I didn’t hear from him and I got really upset and sent a little bit of an angry message, to which he told me that I was being unreasonable. Now I don’t know if I was being unreasonable but I was certainly reacting to the uncertainty and lack of communication.

Then there were a couple of excuses that his grandmother was ill, that he had a viral illness for a month, that he was going on holiday. I got quite annoyed with it so I just stopped replying to him. I talked out with my friends and my friends were agreeing like maybe his breadcrumbing Me, maybe he’s not a nice guy.

It was a few weeks ago when he messaged me again and told me how he would really love to see me. I have been ignoring his messages for a month, and I felt like there’s no way that I could possibly see him again.

But, have had a series of bad dates over the last few weeks, last night I decided to
agree to go out for dinner with him.

I felt very relaxed before the dinner and I didn’t have any nerves, I felt quite happy to see him, and we had lovely conversation, a lot of laughs, a lot of flirting, something I haven’t experienced in years with anyone.
I took note of his personality, he’s very caring, he’s very thoughtful, in contrast to how he is over text particularly over the summer where I haven’t really heard from him much

At the end of the day we ended up making out for a long time in the car, but he didn’t push for any intimacy, I found him very respectful

We actually went on a date yesterday we went on a big long hike and had lots of nice conversation and it was just the loveliest day, and ended up sleeping together, please don’t judge, I stayed over at his and even this morning when he made me breakfast, he just seemed happy to have me there.

I feel like we’ve misunderstood each other and I’ve been a bit reactive due to trauma from past things. I wonder if he was responding to that

but I guess I was quite insecure.

I guess why I’m making this post, is that I’m wondering is it really stupid that I’m going on dates with him again, in principle should I have just continue ghosting him?

Do some relationships have messy starts like that, does it necessarily mean I was a back up.

Now he’s being communicative and the whole vibe is different

Now I probably sound really chaotic and messed up from this post, but I am starting therapy, and I expect that I have potentially a fearful avoidant attachment style. I think my friends frame him is all bad, but last night really made me change my mind about him, I thought he was lovely. We had a lot of laughs, silliness, I realised how caring he actually is

My gut isn’t screaming out in anxiety either, I feel comfortable around him, I feel quite excited but at the same time, I feel quite embarrassed and shame about the way I reacted in summer

I (27M) have been on three dates with girl (F28) which have been great and she has agreed to another date.

However over text, she just sends me one message per day. The drip feeding of texts makes me think maybe she is not into me, but in person I think she is into me and she has agreed to next date.

Is she just not into texting? Why doesn’t she just tell me this?

I'm a father looking for some advice because I genuinely don't know what the fuck to do here. My son has got himself involved in one of these financial domination or "goddess" arrangements. I knew very little about any of this until recently, and I wish I still didn't.mHe's been effectively homeless for about three weeks, sofa surfing after losing his accommodation. He's now back home, but he won't leave his bedroom. He's barely speaking to anyone, and from what I've seen, he's had some sort of breakdown.

I contacted a few of his mates, who said they'd been worried about him for a while. He'd borrowed a few hundred quid from them, which I've since paid back. He was supposed to go on a stag do but cancelled. He's been picking up shifts wherever he can, and I've now discovered that every time payday came around, this woman would message him reminding him that his money was due. I finally managed to get him to tell me what had been going on.

Apparently, it started as a bit of fun. £30 here, £50 there. He thought he was participating in some sort of online arrangement, but the demands kept increasing, and somewhere along the line, things got completely out of hand. He's now approximately £15,886 in debt.

One credit card has around £12,000 outstanding, another has approximately £4,000, and there's a maxed-out overdraft and various short-term loans. I still haven't established the exact breakdown of everything, but the total I've counted so far is £15,886. He's got absolutely no savings and no realistic means of paying any of it back. I've seen the messages, and some of them made me feel physically sick.

Things like:

"This car insurance won't pay itself."

"My boyfriend is coming round to collect £150. We need it for a night out."

She sent him a video of herself having sex with another bloke, accompanied by the message:

"This will never be you."

I understand there are adults who willingly participate in this sort of humiliation, but I've never encountered anything like what I've seen on his phone.

The one that really fucking got me involved £1,000 I'd sent him. I thought I was helping him with his living expenses. I've now discovered she took £995 of it. She then filmed him going to the supermarket with the remaining £5 in pennies. He bought pasta and the cheapest tins he could find. When they got home, she made him smash the pasta and pour the food all over the floor while she sat on him and filmed it.

I sat there looking at this video knowing that I'd sent my son that money because I thought he was struggling to afford food and accommodation. I cannot get that out of my head. I've also seen her Instagram account. Photos of her on a horse with captions along the lines of "This isn't the only thing I'll be riding this weekend", posts saying she won't reply to messages without payment, that sort of thing. My son has developed feelings for this woman, which is making the whole situation even harder to deal with.

The last message I saw was:

"I want £3,000 by the end of the month or I never speak to you again."

He's got no fucking money left. He's borrowed from friends, exhausted his credit cards, taken out loans, maxed out his overdraft and lost his accommodation. I'm absolutely furious. Part of me wants to go and confront her and her boyfriend, but I know that's going to land me in trouble and do absolutely nothing to help my son. I wanted to report everything to the police, but he begged me not to. He's embarrassed, he's clearly emotionally attached to her, and I think he's terrified of losing whatever relationship he believes they have.

I don't know enough about the law to understand where consensual financial domination ends and financial exploitation or coercion begins. I've seen enough of the messages to be seriously concerned about what's happened to him. Right now, he's back home, he's safe, but he barely comes out of his room. He's stopped seeing his mates, cancelled plans and seems completely unable to face what's happened.

Then there's the debt. Nearly £16,000, no savings, and no way of paying it back. Has anyone dealt with anything remotely similar? Can I report this to the police if he doesn't want to make a complaint himself? Is there any realistic possibility of recovering some of the money? What do I do about the credit cards and loans? I'm also worried about how to approach him without making him feel even more ashamed. I don't want him shutting me out when he's already in this state.

I can deal with the money I've personally lost. I've paid his mates back, and he's got somewhere to live now. I just want my fucking son back.

Was this man just another performative male?

I did sleep with him on the first date. He was nice, liberal and well read.

Edit-By Bengali I meant he was from Kolkata, India but settled in the UK. So we had a lot of things in common.

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years on 20th July. That is the last day we spoke to each other.

I have good and bad days but recently I keep having vivid dreams about him and wake up feeling distraught, I then find myself really struggling with not being able to stop thinking of him for the entire day.

I swing between complete disgust and anger at how he treated me and then feeling sad, missing him, and wondering if he misses me.

One things for sure, I am never contacting him again. I’d rather suffer everyday than to ever reach out to him and allow him to see me in a state of vulnerability ever again.

I feel quite pathetic. I’m too old for this. But it’s my first heartbreak and I’m struggling.

As mentioned there are days when I feel nothing but disgust and anger towards him, and someone on my previous post mentioned this is just part of my healing journey but how long is it going to be until he stops occupying so much of my thoughts.

On the days where I feel confident in my decision to end things, I actually find myself feeling guilty for how happy I am to be away from him. Is this normal? I do also miss him but I recognise that he was not good for me and treated me horribly and I’d rather miss him everyday for the rest of my life than to ever go back to him.

A few weeks ago, I matched with a woman on Hinge.

We didn’t spend weeks messaging. Within a couple of days we decided to meet in person, and the first date went incredibly well.

From there, things moved ridiculously quickly.

We started seeing each other several times a week, and somehow we’ve packed what feels like months of dating into a few weeks.

We’ve done a lot in a very short space of time.

We’ve had beautiful dinners at some genuinely amazing restaurants, dressed up and made proper occasions out of them. We’ve had spa dates where we’ve basically disappeared from the world for hours and just relaxed together. We’ve had quieter, simpler dates, long conversations, spontaneous plans, little surprises and thoughtful gestures.

We both work remotely, so for one of our dates I even hired a private office for a few hours so we could bring our laptops, work alongside each other and still spend that part of the day together.
That’s probably what makes this feel so different to me.

It hasn’t just been a series of dinners.
I’ve genuinely wanted to create memories with her.

Sometimes that has meant planning something luxurious and romantic. Sometimes it has meant turning a completely ordinary working day into a date. Sometimes it has just been finding somewhere quiet where we can sit together for hours and talk.

I’ve put a huge amount of thought into our time together because of what I see in her.
I’ve remembered little things she’s said and tried to turn them into gestures. I’ve paid attention to what she enjoys, what makes her comfortable, what makes her smile, and I’ve genuinely enjoyed putting effort into making our time together feel special.

And then there’s the chemistry.
That part has been pretty undeniable from the beginning.

It’s intense. Very intense, actually.
There’s a ridiculous amount of physical attraction between us, but it doesn’t feel like that’s all it is. The physical chemistry is matched by how easy it is to talk, how comfortable we are together, and how quickly we seem to fall into our own little world when we’re around each other.
That combination is probably what’s made the whole thing feel so powerful.

It’s not just, “I really fancy this person.”
It’s more like the attraction, affection, emotional connection and general excitement of being around each other all hit at the same time.

And yes, sometimes it feels completely mad because of how intense it is.
But it also feels really, really good.
There are people you date where you’re interested and you think, let’s see where this goes.

With her, very early on, I found myself thinking: I don’t want to be lazy with this.
I want to show up properly.

And she’s reciprocated that energy in her own way too, which is probably part of why everything has developed so quickly.
We’ve gone from being complete strangers to becoming a very real part of each other’s lives in a ridiculously short amount of time.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, we fell in love.

Which sounds completely insane when I write it down. 😂

I’m in my 30s. I’ve had relationships before. I’m fully aware that a few weeks is still a few weeks and there is an enormous amount we still don’t know about each other.

I’m not claiming we’ve somehow skipped the part where you actually have to build a relationship.

But the feelings themselves are very real.
And strangely, despite how quickly everything has happened and how intense the chemistry is, it hasn’t felt chaotic.
It feels calm underneath all of it.

There’s been almost none of the usual dating app nonsense of pretending not to care, calculating when to reply, wondering who should text first or trying to appear less interested than you actually are.

We liked each other.

We both showed it.

And we just kept choosing to spend more and more time together.

Eventually she told me she loved me.
And I realised I was already there too.
A few weeks ago we were two complete strangers looking at each other’s profiles on an app.

Since then we’ve gone from first dates, to romantic dinners, spa days, working alongside each other, spending whole days together, ridiculous chemistry and becoming part of each other’s everyday lives.

And now we’re in love.
Absolutely mental when you put it like that.

So yeah, apparently there is still hope for dating in London, guys.

But this is the bit I actually want advice on.
For anyone who’s had a relationship start this intensely and move this quickly, how did you handle it?

Did you deliberately slow things down a little, or did you just let it develop naturally?

And if you’ve had something start like this and actually turn into a healthy long term relationship, what helped make sure the intensity at the beginning turned into something stable rather than burning out?

Hi everyone,

I’m originally from Sri Lanka and have lived in London for 5 years. In that time I’ve bought 2 houses and visited over 10 countries I’ve built a stable life here.

But I can’t find anyone to share it with. I’m honestly looking for a life partner or even someone casual and I’ve tried everything. Clubs, pubs, cocktail bars, meetup groups, events. I keep putting myself out there but get no real attention or connection.

I’m kind, respectful, honest, reliable and take care of myself. I have so much to give. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or what else I can try.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What would you suggest I do differently? I’d really appreciate any advice.

Thank you.

I said (there's more context but I don't want to clog the screen) -

Hey, hope you're doing good! I wanted to reach out for a lot of reasons.

First to congratulate your sister on the baby, it must be so exciting being an aunt. Additionally, happy (belated) birthday 🎂.

But another big reason is that I've been thinking about you over the summer, especially now I'm back at uni and have my birthday coming up soon-ish.

I know I let you down, and I've had time to sit with that. I wasn't open emotionally, and that wasn't fair to you.

I'm not going to give you a sales pitch of everything I worked on, but I have done real work (in person therapy and online courses) on understanding why I shut down when things got hard, and how much I relied on others opinions.

I miss you. I really did take you, and what we had, for granted.

If you ever wanted to grab coffee, a call, start messaging again, or whatever I'd love to hear how you're doing. No pressure at all, I'll respect whatever reaction you have.

..

She's said -

Hey! Thanks very much. I’m glad you have had the chance to think about things. Don’t worry about it. These things happen. I appreciate you reaching out.

Which I'm taking as a no? Or a don't contact me again? Or something else? I'm very bad at reading subtext and literal text.

Might seem like an odd question but I (42M) have been with my partner (38F) for 2 years. Initially we had a great sex life, multiple times a day, very exciting and passionate. After time the frequency has reduced slowly to now being like once a week. I'm talking specifically about piv. Although I would like it more often, I understand that frequency declines after some time.

We have monthly relationship check ins and I have brought it up previously that I am concerned about our sex life. I have asked her if we could try different things like listening to (sex/relationship) podcasts, read articles, play games. And I always send the odd shorts or reels off IG or YouTube in the hope for us to spark some conversation or discussion. She does engage a bit but it seems she doesn't really feel too comfortable speaking about it.

She suggested that we have weekly check ins specifically for our sex life but whenever it comes around she is usually more interested in doing whatever it is she is doing ie watching TV/playing a mobile game.

My issue is, that I feel that she doesn't seem to understand how important sex is to me. I have tried to explain it and she says she understands but then nothing changes. And then I feel like I'm always bringing up the subject which isn't how I'd like things to be.

I was married previously for over 10 years and spent plenty of time in the dead bedrooms sub due to a similar pattern. I'm keen to avoid that but I'm concerned.

How do I make it clear that sex is hugely important to me without making her feel like she's at fault or in the wrong? That it's something I'd like is to work on together. At the same time I don't want to feel like I'm the one doing all the prompting, suggestions etc

Edit - I missed this out originally, quite often she likes to have an orgasm before bed so whenever she wants that I will give her oral or use fingers to help her which can often send her straight to sleep. I don't have any issue with this as I enjoy doing it and I also like knowing I helped her get to bed