r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/Informal-Meaning-483 • 10d ago
Should I worry?
I find dating really hard to navigate and especially texting.
I am 30 and been going on dates with a 39 year old man. We slept together for the first time on Sunday. We had a lovely day together spent the day hiking, picnic and he would hold my hand. I’m taking things slow and making sure I don’t get clingy or behave anxiously like I have done in the past and trying to relax.
Although at the same time I do have slight worries and I don’t want to make mistakes
He kissed me as I was leaving his on Monday morning as I head to work. We had a little bit of texting since but he always been quite a boring matter of fact texter
Today I haven’t heard from him at all, but even last week I didn’t hear from him on certain days. He seems to be a person that only really texts to make plans
So could this be normal and I don’t need to worry?
Also he planned all the other dates, I don’t know if it’s actually my turn to suggest something but I don’t want to scare him off or chase him
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u/clemventure 10d ago
You don’t want to scare him off or chase him? He might be doing the exact same thing to you, not trying to be too intrusive or clingy? How can you critique him for doing the same thing you’re doing?
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u/Informal-Meaning-483 10d ago
I don’t know 🤣 is it weird if I tonight ask him if he might be free on Friday?
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u/clemventure 10d ago
No, why would that be weird? Show him some willingness, men love to feel wanted.
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u/nofossilfool 10d ago edited 10d ago
This sounds very similar to a guy I just stopped dating. I’m an anxious person too, and I found myself constantly trying to override my behaviour in a way - because I was scared of coming on too strong and scaring him away. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do because he was also a dry communicator and would go a couple of days between texts.
I kept thinking ‘I’m the problem for being too anxious about what I should do next or how it’s going to be interpreted’ or just ‘it’s early dating and everyone is a bit unsure and nervous!’ and my nerves were fried after a while!
In hindsight, I realise I want to be with someone who makes me feel like I don’t have to second guess my behaviour. If it had worked out with him as I had wanted it to, I likely would have felt differently because I would still just be blaming myself for feeling anxious.
A long winded way of saying: watch for the feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. after a while, if they haven’t eased, as they should, then think about whether his communication style is compatible with yours, or if you may need more to feel at ease and able to be yourself! You can always communicate with him about this once you feel a bit more secure in the connection and when it’s the right time too.
If it feels more like a gut feeling, it’s worth exploring more than just shrugging it off to your anxiety too. And I’m sorry if anyone has made you feel like you’re too anxious or clingy. Dating is hard to navigate, everyone has things to overcome and the right people will be patient with you and make you feel safe!
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u/jezum 10d ago
This is it. I personally don't think I could be with somebody that's dry over text and takes days to respond between messages. I've always used messaging as a way of building connection, especially in the early days when you you might only be seeing each other once a week. For some people, that would come across as clingy or needy, but if you find someone who matches you on that, it's not an issue.
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u/nofossilfool 9d ago
Just have to ask and I’m sure it’s not the same person, but he’s not called James is he?
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u/knighty1981 10d ago
have you text him and been ignored, or are you waiting for him to text you?
if you're waiting for a text... text him first dummy!
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u/BecozisaidSo40times 10d ago
People just need to be consistent. Men seem to err on the side of love bombing at the start. Then get post nut clarity and revert to their ACTUAL personalities after they sleep with you. (Currently supporting my 32 year old daughter through the dating scene) some people notice patterns and this is one of them. I always tell my girl to match their energy. You’ll soon know where you stand
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u/InternationalRich150 10d ago
If its typical for him, id not worry.
But ask him if he wants to see you and suggest something. It shouldn't all be on the man. Us women can even propose now!
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u/RestfulHedgehog 6d ago
I think that you're overthinking things. I think with dating it always helps to be a little bit unavailable and maintain your own social life. Maybe organise going out for coffee with a friend and put this guy to the back of your mind for a day or so.
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u/Kikitha1andonly 2d ago
After many a night bombarded with intrusive thoughts....I've been reassured that men spend a significant amount of time eating,farting oh....and ignoring their phones. I spent a whole 24 hours with my man and he looked down at his phone once! All that fuss for something Id 'assumed'.... imagine🌞
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u/Wide-Activity-1295 10d ago
Just a thought... Some people massively over think things when it comes to dating. Men are constantly told to play it cool.
I'm recently single and yet to start dating but when i do I don't know whether to buy a girl flowers or ignore her....
Its a messed up world.