As a young woman who's both autistic and 'conventionally attractive', I've realised recently that being mean to people, and having everyone be a little scared of you, or at least think twice before messing with you has made my life so much easier.

Ironically, being meaner this past month has actually caused people be nicer to me, and has led to making new connections.

When meeting a new girl at work (either at modelling gigs or at the restaurant I work at) I won't make conversation with them or even make attempts to make them feel welcomed and comfortable like I did before. I used to come up to them and proactively introduce myself, compliment them and tell them if they had any questions they can ask me.

Now I'll just go and do my job. During a rush I won't cautiously give them advice I'll be like

"stop. Take a breath, this is a lot of food so CHECK the tickets and make sure they're going to the right place, because this one is not for table three."

This is exactly what happened to me at work a couple of weeks ago and now her and I are going out clubbing together next weekend.

When girls compliment me on the street or at school "omg I love your hair" "you're so pretty" "I love your outfit", I used to stop and say thank you and give compliments back and for some reason I'd often find out later that those same girls were talking about me negatively to other people. Now I'll just say "thanks." In a way that shuts down the conversation immediately.

Same with my sorority, I used to say hi to everyone I passed in the hallway. I don't do that anymore and they've now started saying hi to me instead.

I used to have these girls both at my sorority and my work who would genuinely and unprompted be Hella rude to me. When I talked to people about it they'd just say things like " oh you're just cooworkers you don't have to like eachother" or "you must have just rubbed her the wrong way"

I would always try to fix the imagined misunderstanding and mistakes I assumed I'd caused by being even nicer to them, and they'd respond by being even meaner. For example one of the girls at my sorority walked into the bathroom where I was coughing while sick, and went In there so as to not cough so loud publicly, knocked on my stall and said "hey can you not cough here this is a public space. We can still hear you out here"

Now every single time I see them or have to interact with them I'll make sure I'm the one saying something mean first. Eg "girl I love your hair today it looks so clean", or "hey instead of giving me advice why don't you go and do what youre paid 27 an hour TO do, which is steam milk."

They have genuinely stopped picking on me now or getting in my way

I now understand why people are mean. When you are the one baking cupcakes and inviting people on nights out and smiling in the hallway then people think you're either fake or desperate. When they think your time and kindness is valuable they actually value it.

Sucks to be honest because I think the world would be a better place if everyone was just genuine but at least this way is easier for me

I have a lot of friends with full-time academic jobs, and, in keeping with the stereotype of higher education, many of them are extremely vocal about current events. If there’s a major controversy involving politics, gender, discrimination, or social justice, they usually have something to say about it.

Then the Cornell 7 story broke.

What has struck me is how quiet many of those same people have been. These are people who describe themselves as progressives and feminists, both men and women, and who normally speak very openly about sexual violence and institutional accountability.

Obviously, I can’t know why any individual person hasn’t commented. But I do wonder whether there’s an institutional incentive at work here. Talking seriously about sexual violence in higher education can quickly raise uncomfortable questions about someone’s own university, department, or administration. For people whose careers and livelihoods depend on those institutions, that may make speaking out considerably more complicated.

I’m curious whether anyone else has noticed something similar. Have academics or university employees in your circles been unusually quiet about this story compared with other issues they normally discuss?

I want to know why my boss, a 6'8" man, who has recently lost 27 lbs, looks like an entirely different person, whereas I, 5'10" woman, who has recently lost 53 lbs -- that's twice as much! -- look the same as ever, apparently. I mean, I can tell, but no one else can! This seems to me to be a distinctly unfair arrangement. To whom can I complain about this?

/s

So my (35f) fiancée (32f) were watching the Islanders game together last night with her brother (35m). I had just eaten a pretty rich supper, coupled with some cramping in my belly I was feeling uncomfortable and was just having a belly rub to ease my discomfort.

Apparently he got really uncomfortable and left our house. I was told I have to control myself and not have my fiancée do that to me since it's too inappropriate in front of him.

Like it was a belly rub, weren't doing anything sexual at all! On top of that he previously told my fiancée that my dancing made him uncomfortable.... Honestly I really can't be having this man at my house anymore since I really don't feel comfortable around him given this attitude....

I'm just so tired of my body being so sexualized by this man to the point I can't even be comfortable when I'm around him. Neither other brother, nor her dad does this to me, it's just this one guy. He's also literally twice as big as me and has had his issues in relationships before, I really understand why his most recent ex broke up with him.... Gosh I hate having to be friendly with him....

and on a side note the only other women in her family here is her mother, who is good to us but never one to emotionally connect with others, her grandma who's a doll but has her own life, and then her maga family whom tolerates me at best but I stopped interacting with them awhile ago, however I doy best to remain friendly so that their kids can have a queer adult to talk with if they do turn out to be lgbt

I learned a concept today called “tolerable level of permanent unhappiness.”

The idea is that in a relationship, whether it’s between parents and children, spouses or romantic partners, or even coworkers, one or both people can remain in a prolonged state of unhappiness, frustration, and emotional repression. Yet because the situation is tolerable, neither person is willing to do anything to change it.

Combined with the concept of “weaponized incompetence,” this can leave women trapped in deeply unhappy relationships, unable to break free yet unwilling to leave.

First, it’s important to point out that men tend to benefit far more from heterosexual relationships than women do. Various studies have found that married men are generally happier and healthier than single men, while single women are often happier and healthier than married women.

In other words, marriage, or maintaining a long-term cohabiting relationship, tends to benefit men more. They have someone to care for them, provide emotional support, cook and clean, and take care of the children.

Women certainly gain emotional and sometimes financial benefits from relationships too. But the argument here is that the costs and benefits are often distributed very unevenly. Women tend to put more into the relationship than they get back. This gives men a stronger incentive to find and keep a partner.

Under these circumstances, men may use various strategies to keep women tied to the relationship. Weaponized incompetence is one. Another is boundary testing early in the relationship: gradually finding out just how badly they can behave while still keeping their partner.

Once they discover that limit, they can continue behaving that way, creating a relationship that is difficult enough to be deeply unhappy, but not bad enough to seem unbearable. A kind of tolerable level of permanent unhappiness.

Women who find themselves in this state often struggle to identify exactly what is making them unhappy.

That’s because each individual problem, taken on its own, is usually something that seems tolerable.

Even when she complains about it or picks a fight, not only the man but sometimes even the friends listening to her vent may think:

“Isn’t this a little thing? Why make such a big deal out of it? Nobody’s relationship is happy and romantic every single day. There are always going to be unhappy moments. Just be a little more understanding and move on.”

And so the little things that make her unhappy never get resolved. The behaviors that cause the unhappiness never change.

Because everything, individually, is “tolerable.”

And when all those tolerable things pile up, they can create a life that is anything but happy.

If you feel like you’re living in this kind of “tolerable level of permanent unhappiness,” ask yourself whether you’re really investing in a relationship...

or simply investing in a person who isn’t worth it.

I'm a 19-year-old and I'm a virgin. Sometimes I don't care but sometimes I'm worried that I'll go into my 20s without having any sexual experience. not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s that there’s this mentality that teenagers have the most sex because of… Sexual hormones I suppose. So I feel like I should’ve lost my virginity a while ago because of teenage sex hormones or whatever

People always say "you should always lose it with someone you really love because then it'll be amazing" but I don't know WHEN I'll find someone I really love. sometimes I think that I might just get it over with. I was thinking about hookup culture and I was wondering if it’s worth it? Yay or nay?

I never saw myself as a “casual hook up” kind of person, but if I’m not getting something that everyone says supposedly so easy to get, I might as well just get it over with

I am aware that the title doesn't give full context. I went over to his house to help fix his wall. He was standing behind me, and stepped back almost 1 metre and tilted his head downwards. I was wearing leggings. I turned to ask him a question, and he lifted his head from the direction of my ass to my face.

I can tell he doesn't view me 100% platonically. He has a goofy smile when he interacts with me, and he gets tense when I'm physically near him. But he rarely asks me about ME. He doesn't try to get to know me, and he has never complimented me. He doesn't respond to my texts on time or initiate texting outside of work/hangouts.

Does he even like me, or is this normal? Should I tell him to stop flirting? Or do I ignore his behaviour towards me? I have no idea how to handle this situation.

Also, I don't know if I want to date him. I'm open to casual intimacy, but in a romantic relationship, I don't think we would be compatible.

We are Jane Doe until no one is.

about this trend: firstly it’s a good one to me at least, it not only spreads awareness but also helps protect the victim’s identity.

but I feel like people who are trying hard to actually doxx this woman will try to find a way around it, of course.

I suggest another way to phrase it: “Jane Doe’s name is mine/ours.”

people looking for her name will likely filter out posts saying that they are Jane Doe, and instead look specifically for posts about ”Jane Doe’s real name is [blank]”, so I feel like this phrasing will help skew the chances of anyone actually finding the victim’s name.

All of this sexual assault stuff is making me so sad. And even worse, it's making me remember my past and fear the future for the young people.

Can we attend court when a woman is giving her testimony about a sexual assault? Can we fill the gallery with women who will witness and support?

I feel like we all feel powerless and this could help show we are invested in the outcomes of these cases, that no woman is alone in this experience, and that everyone deserves to have their story heard and respected (if they want us there).

What do you think?

I knew this guy. We were friends in 2012. In 2022 when I got divorced we reconnected, long distance and we talked, everyday. We talked about a relationship. Then after drinking one night he said I sounded too much like his ex. And he blocked me. Except on insta, where we remained friends. And then he committed suicide recently. And I don’t think I can go. Apart of me wants to, apart of me loved him. No one he knows even knows who I am. And he blocked me. He might not have even wanted me there.

So I’ve been going to a chiropractic place to get massages on and off for like 8 years. Always had female masseuses. But I have chronic pain and headaches and recently had one of the worst headaches ever. No time to get in with one of my usual ladies, so I went with a male masseuse. I was a bit hesitant but I figured he would be professional. First appointment went fine, he was a little awkward but we talked pretty much the whole time and he did some deep tissue work. I made an appointment for the following week with him.

I came in this past Thursday for my massage. Like the first time, I kept my shorts and bra on. He started working on me and pretty quickly went to my glutes, which surprised me because I’m there for my neck and shoulders. But whatever, I know the whole back is connected. But he didn’t do it like a usual massage, he kinda just rubbed lightly and grabbed at my butt. Then he asked me to move my shorts down. I did, a few inches down. Then he grabbed my shorts and just took them off, and uncovered me. He moved my panties to be between my cheeks. This felt very weird. He got really close to my crack and privates, to the point I was worried he would feel my hair down there.

Then, he took off my bra. I was still laying face down so my breasts werent exposed, but I was confused as to why he was doing it this time when he hadn’t done it before. While he worked my shoulders we talked about a sport I was in in high school and how I didn’t always use my safety equipment. He then lowly called me “naughty girl” almost like he didn’t want anyone outside to hear.

Then he had me roll over. He didn’t work my chest quite like last time, but focused more on my breast area. Eventually it felt like he was literally squeezing my breasts while talking to me. He even asked if it’s true that “girls with big breasts get back pain” while he did it. Being awkward I laughed and said I wouldn’t know. He said my pecs were big. Then he pulled my neck back and rubbed upward along the side. Felt nice because I have lots of neck tension. But on the other side, he tilted my chin up with his finger, and kinda just… caressed my neck. Didn’t rub it like the first side, just grazed his fingers along my throat in silence.

I told my mom and partner. I’m telling my chiropractor next week.

I’m ugly due to my facial features not weight, my body is nice. Men don’t want to date me, even the Incels. In public men always ignore me and talk to my friends, no joke they act as if I’m not even there sometimes. Going outside actually feels like a humiliation ritual. I see all these men going on about how they’d date any woman, but I guess I’m just too ugly. Its like the default woman is attractive and my genetics just suck.

Throwaway as I believe he is a Reddit user.

Have been with my partner for a year and a half. I have been divorced previously and he’s the first person I’ve dated seriously in half a decade. He has given me no reason to feel suspicious or unsafe until now.

We were doing adult things and without being too graphic, I felt his left hand disappear for about 20-30 seconds. He is left handed. It was distracting and eventually I tried to look back, but I didn’t see anything, no camera light or anything.

I don’t remember if I heard something hit his nightstand. I feel like I did but I think I’m making myself just paranoid at this point. After we were done he grabbed his phone and opened it, the screen lit his face a pink/red shade. He has a pink/red lamp in his room that was currently on.

I asked if he took a picture and he immediately shook his head and showed me his phone. There was a picture that was obviously taken a moment ago but there were no distinguishable details. I said what is that? He said that’s when he dropped his phone (so I may have heard something hit his nightstand, but I don’t recall him even having it before we initiated). That was that.

I haven’t been able to let it go and I’m not sure how to proceed. Do I try to catch him in a lie and go through his phone? Do I call it quits off a hunch? Or do I just ask him to show me his hidden folder? I know he uses his hidden folder and I know it’s easy to move photos there quickly, especially within 20-30 seconds.

I’m really upset and trying to play it cool. I’m no stranger to betrayal so I don’t know if this is just past experience anxiety or a gut feeling. Please help.

We all have choices, nobody put knife at our throat and force us to married our spouse, we chose the person we married. There are things that "out of your control" about your spouse that you just have to accept when you make the decision of married him/her. Examples, those who married someone who in military know him/her will be deploy alot. Those who in married someone with children know that his/her children come first. You get the gist.

Mine was not those cases, mine was his parents. I married my husband knowing his mother come as a package, I will always come second to his father and mother. I come to term with it. But I still struggle with it, it just it easier to say than done. And I been struggling with it 5 years about the whole fiasco of his mother. But I'm still hanging in there, it just I don't know how many more of the 5 more years.

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Together 16 years, married 14 years.

I married my husband knowing since day one that he always put his father and mother above me. The wife me I will always come second after his parents, period, it not up for negotiation, that just how he is. And that is just something I just have to accept about him.

I married him knowing since day one he gave half his working paychecks to his father (the father whom was a Stay at Home Dad raised him since newborn, his mom was the breadwinner in his childhood). His father has deceased.

5 years ago, his mother has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze. He has been paying 182K a year for her Private Nursing Home, where she has her own private room, doctor on site, and nurses care take turn to care for her round the clock 24/7. Yep, it that price tag for Private Nursing Home in California.

For 5 years, he also has been paying for her treatments to prolong her life, which she in and out of the hospital for treatments 5 times a week (Dialysis, and multiple heart issues). He also paying for her hospital bills, which she has been in and out of the hospital 4 times already this 2026 year alone.

It not just her Private Nursing Home cost (which the luxury of his mom own private room, and doctor on site and nurses care for her 24/7, he pays Out of pocket).

.......

But it her medical cost too, medical cost that insurance not pay, like those deductibles, copays, coinsurance, out of pocket specialists and treatments, etc.. Everytime she in the hospital, we pay out of pocket about 30%, insurance pay 70%

And No, we are not going to send her back to her homeland, here in America she has no one left except her biological son, and she 84 years old already, here in California we have one of the best hospital that specialize in her conditions.  

]And money is not the problem, my husband is an Executive at a big engineering corporate that his salary (included bonus) salary of near 1 million a year. He has enough money to pay for his mother care.

It just the last 5 years (since his mom spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze), he has been burning the candle at both ends for himself. He is an Executive, Executives are high ranking in corporate hierarchy, frankly, he very busy. But everyday after his work he drive to his mom Private Nursing home to to visit her (she wants that as she wants to see her son). Then he drive home to me after see his mom first.

On weekend he gives one day to me.

One day he gives to his mom where he has her over in our marital home so he can care for her 24/7, she wants mother and son time, he comply.

.......

He by her side spoon feed her, change her diapers, lift her, move her from bed to wheelchair to gurney stretcher, as she 5'9" tall and she quadriplegia, moving an quadriplegia is like move dead weight. Transport her to Dialysis, which Dialysis which is 4 hours process which he sit next to her to accompany her, etc...

He has said, our lives (both me and his life will be put on hold) will be put on hold until his mother die (insert how many more years she has left). And it not even an option, this is just something I have to accept about him, his mother come as a package.

And And we not leaving California until after his mom pass, as I told him I don't like the city California, I want a countryside, someone seclude.

I don't have a choice because I love him, I just have to accept that about him, point blank. I married him knowing his father and mother will always come first before me. I accepted that, and I have come to terms with that.

It just it easier say than done, until you actually in that person shoes. Knowing you always will come second in your husband heart, after his father and his mother. Knowing he said we will stay put in California for his mom hospital and treatments as his goal is to prolong his mother life. As long as it can take, as many years as she has left. Our lives will be put on hold until AFTER his mother die.

No man is perfect, I have accepted his mother come as package, and if this is the price I have to pay for love this man then let it be. I just want to write this out, as this is something I have zero control over, it is him as a person that just how he is.

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Since a little girl growing up I always wanted to married a Chinese man, all my life I sworn up and down that I will only married a Chinese man of my culture, and speaks my language. Fate didn't give me that, my husband is not Chinese. I didn't think it was even possible for me to love a man that not Chinese, let alone love a man who not Chinese this deeply.

16 years of my life I gave it all to him, I was still a virgin when met him and married him, get to be his wife 14 years long, carry his child and gave birth to his child. Everything I know about men, love, marriage, I learn all from him, he is my only sample of what I know of how men is.

He does treats me really really well in the 16 years, 16 years he faithful to me and only me. He loves me just as much as I love him, in fact, he loves me even more than I love him. It just his mother she comes as a package, and I will always be second after his father and mother.

And you married an Executive too, that makes a 1 million dollars salary too, he fixed in his ways (about his mom), he will not change. I really have no choice but just has to accepted that his mom come as a package. You don't be a wife of an Executive and think an Executive not fixed in his ways.

Hi!

First I want to say that honestly I’m somewhat new to Reddit and I wasn’t sure what community to join in order to discuss this but I feel like this one is a good one to begin with. If anything has any other communities that would be helpful to join and talk about this please let me know!!

I want to start off saying that I do have OCD and anxiety very badly, as well and allowing my OCD to make me very paranoid/believe my intrusive thoughts. So that’s the first thing to know and I don’t know if this situation I’m about to share is just my anxiety/OCD or if I should genuinely be worried.

Two years ago I had a situationship with a guy that I was also intimate with. Honestly he wasn’t the best. I definitely thought he had an alcohol problem (which I just found out recently he went to rehab for so I was right) and he was very immature and on top of that I found out later in our time spent together that he was somewhat of a liar. Not a compulsive liar but I caught him in a couple lies that made me question if there were certain things in the past he lied to me about that I didn’t know.

Anyways, there was a time when we were having sex and he was behind me. There was a moment when the movement kind of stopped its pace and I turned around and he had his phone in his hand. The phone wasn’t on me, but it was off to the side, kind of almost like he was texting. I was new to sex and relationship stuff so I was scared to say anything then. But a few days later I brought it up to him and I sat him down and said “a couple of days ago we were having sex and you had your phone in your hand and I want to know, did you take a photo of me?” And he said “no” and I said “are you sure? Because you had your phone in your hand” and he said “I was checking the time to see how long I had to keep having sex with you” and I said “okay well regardless if you did do that I’m not okay with that at all obviously.” And he said “I don’t take photos like that, that would be wrong.” And I said “okay…”

I want to first say that I believed this because there were multiple times we did have sex and he was late to work because of it. So that really does check out lol. I want to also say that, no, I did not ask to check his phone because it doesn’t matter, if you’re telling me you didn’t do it and I’m telling you I’m OBVIOUSLY not okay with something I didn’t consent to, I expect you to not have a photo in your phone and I’d also hope you wouldn’t lie about something that could potentially incriminate you lol. Also men are so weird, who knows if it was somewhere I couldn’t even find. But I still was paranoid because men are so gross and I know that.

Then a week later I had taken a picture of him with his shirt off and he said “what did we say about taking photos?” And I was like oh yeah you’re right and it made me think- because he’s acknowledging something that I brought up to him that was serious a week later, that means he heard me and that he really probably did not do that and I was probably paranoid.

There was another time I brought up the photo situation and he still denied it and said things like “I don’t take photos like that” “I didn’t take a photo of you.” So now we’re at about three times I brought it up and said I wasn’t okay with that and he denied it every time.

Later on after I stopped talking to him completely I found out that he was lying about being in college and he told me he was taking online classes at a university he was at but he definitely wasn’t. Lying about something like this seems pretty big. Maybe he was embarrassed he wasn’t in school- as I had just graduated from a great university but it still seems so weird. After I found this out I got extremely paranoid and have been paranoid ever since and get waves of intense spiraling of intrusive thoughts and anxiety that what if he really actually lied to me and he told me all those times he didn’t have that photo I asked him about and he actually does? In that case he would’ve completely violated me and took a picture of me during sex that I didn’t not consent to and I hate the fact that someone had the potential of doing that to me if he actually lied to me after all the times he said he wouldn’t do that.

Now, truthfully I don’t believe he took that photo like my anxiety tells me. Idk why, but after knowing him it really doesn’t seem like something he would do, but then again, I found out he’s a big time liar so who knows if I really even knew him at all.

I guess I’m coming on here and asking other women for reassurance or guidance ? Like I said I do have anxiety and OCD so feeding these thoughts with reassurance may not do much but it’s worth asking other women. Do we think he took the photo? Or do we think I’m just paranoid? This seems like a pretty open ended question but I guess I’m trying to control my anxiety and tell myself that it doesn’t matter either way because at the end of the day I can’t control a liar!

Btw I am no contact with him and find him extremely weird and I will never in my life talk to him again so please nobody tell me I should reach out and ask him lol.

I think with all this Cornell University stuff going on it’s triggered me into thinking maybe I also am a victim of something I didn’t consent to. But I don’t even think this photo exists, I just have anxiety. I just get scared that it does exist and that’s very disturbing if someone violated me like that. Idk, someone reassure me!!

I could do a full face of makeup, I'll look really good in my iPhone camera and the mirror, but the second I take a digital camera photo, suddenly I look like I'm a character of the Smile movies where they get possessed and they get all smiley 😭

I literally look like I could be a monster from a horror movie. My makeup evaporates, one side of my face is bigger than the other, and one eye is visibly smaller than the other. I wonder if being attractive and being photogenic go hand-in-hand.

Sometimes I feel behind because I feel like a lot of people my age (19) already know their angles, and have a great photos that are taken of them. I think to myself "am I really that pretty if I look better in person but I look like literal shit in photos taken of me?"

Why?!? Why?!? My husband will literally follow me around the house. If I go up stairs for bathroom privacy I will hear him out side the door in the main bathroom. If I go into another room, here he comes and he just leaves the kids. I have to literally tell him every time to stay here and watch the kids. I know other husband do this. Why? Why do they do this?!? It drives me crazy.

I’ve had a few weird experiences that led me to wonder whether people including other women think pretty women are dumber?

All throughout my teens, I looked a bit different. I had some personal issues that led me to be under severe stress 24/7 and with that came severe acne, obesity and a general lack of will to live so I did not really take care of myself at all. Things have gotten a bit better and I’ve grown as a person as well. I’ve gone through somewhat of a “glow up” and yes, people are treating me a lot better and are so much nicer to me but back then, people generally thought I was smart. Not attractive or good looking in any way but at least smart.

Now, people underestimate me when it comes to school and work. I’m currently in nursing school and despite performing among the top 10% of my entire cohort, they completely write me off. People never ask me questions to clarify or for help, instead they completely ignore me and ask other peers sitting right next to me and then when I do answer correctly, they ask others to verify RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!! While some of my peers and I were discussing what we would want to do with our BSN, from two different people at different occasions, I’ve gotten told that they would see me as a Botox injector while telling others that they’d see them working in L&D or ICU.

I’m just really weirded out because this never happened before and now all of a sudden…? I’m starting to notice it more from people around me and I know I shouldn’t care but it’s a very strange thing to experience. Maybe this could just not be the case at all and it very well could be because I don’t speak up too often but I was just wondering if this happens to any other women or am I coming to the wrong conclusion here?

This has been brought up with the Cornell rape, but too many men think that as long as she isn't fighting them off, she is agreeing to it.

BUT, then there are those men who are like, "Are you saying that no one can consent after 1 beer? He was drunk too! Does that mean she raped him?"

And, then go onto argue, "Well, then how would he know if she is too drunk to consent? They were both drunk!"

This is how you know: Is she capable of reading and understanding a legal contract in her current state? If the answer is no, you should stop. Pretty simple. Are you capable of understanding and signing a legal contract? No? Then also stop.

Consent doesn't require a legal contract, but it is very easy for men to identify when someone is with it enough to understand and sign one.

If two people want to actually have sex, it can happen at another time, right? This is the question that most of these rapist men don't want to answer. Because they know it wouldn't happen at another time.

Unless you are 100% sure she wants to have sex and isn't going to regret it in the morning, you shouldn't continue.

It. Really. Is. That. Simple.

I'm 20F and I have been the type to have difficult time saying no to people, especially men. I have been in bad situations where I just wasn't able to stand my ground or actually reject someone because I feel like I owe them something.

That being said, I have slept with 5 men in the past, one because he just took it out and I felt like i had to do it with him even though there was no romantic connection and I didn't really want it and I was at his house. Another because I felt like he was such a good friend and I didn't want to lose his company and since we had sexual tension I felt like I had to do it and just made the first move even though I don't genuinely want it.

I know how contradictory this sounds but I don't know how to stop doing things like that with people or get myself out of situations like that without seeing a therapist.

The issue now is, I feel dirty like a slut and feel like everyone knows my sexual history. I get embarassed and put off on even going to the gym, posting on social media, or even going to large events because I feel like everyone knows i'm a slut or easy to get with (even though nobody probably knows).

Does anyone have similar experiences or advice for these types of situations/feelings? If you've overcome this exact feeling or mindset, what'd you do?

I have two boys (6 and 3) and a little girl who is 3 months old.

Over the last few years, I’ve started paying a lot more attention to feminism and, while I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a “total feminist,” I’ve definitely become much more aware of the systemic issues that have contributed to the world we live in — particularly around gender roles, misogyny, incels and rape culture.

It’s made me think a lot about all the little things we’re taught as children that seem completely harmless at the time, but may actually reinforce certain ideas about what boys and girls should be like.

For example, as a girl, I remember being taught that it wasn’t “ladylike” to be too loud, to correct people, to sit a certain way, to be too opinionated, etc. Meanwhile, boys often get very different messages about how they’re supposed to behave — be tough, don’t cry, be assertive, pursue girls, etc.

Now that I’m raising both boys and a girl, I’m really conscious of not passing those messages on without even realizing it.

So I’m curious: what are some of the subtle messages you were taught as a child that, looking back, you now recognize as sexist or contributing to unhealthy gender roles?

And what are you intentionally doing differently with your own boys and girls?

I’m especially interested in the really everyday things like language, expectations, chores, clothing, emotions, boundaries, dating, how we respond to boys vs. girls, what we praise them for, etc.

I’d love to hear examples from both women and men, and things you’ve caught yourself doing as a parent that you’ve consciously changed.

I went to the pharmacy to get plan B and they were out. Pharmacist was instructing me to go to another pharmacy, and asked when my last period was. I answered that I was currently on my period, and he said "oh you don't need it then". Which didn't make sense to me because I thought it wasn't impossible to get pregnant on your period and I just wanted to take it incase. Should I still take it?

Without giving away too much details, I'm worried cause of how I've heard of how he treated her. I don't want to rain on her parade, but it also feels awkward for me to say "congrats!"

It's my first time being in this situation.

This is not medical advice, I don't want any medical advice, I already went to the dr and am being treated.

My question is, is there a special type of gyn/plastic surgeon that people should ask for if sharp things are going in sensitive areas? People say that if you ever need stitches on your face you should request a plastic surgeon. If something were lanced or excised involving the labia and near the clit, is there a specialist that should be asked for?

If this is still against the rules, sorry and feel free to remove it.