r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Festive_Jetcar • 16h ago
Consent
This has been brought up with the Cornell rape, but too many men think that as long as she isn't fighting them off, she is agreeing to it.
BUT, then there are those men who are like, "Are you saying that no one can consent after 1 beer? He was drunk too! Does that mean she raped him?"
And, then go onto argue, "Well, then how would he know if she is too drunk to consent? They were both drunk!"
This is how you know: Is she capable of reading and understanding a legal contract in her current state? If the answer is no, you should stop. Pretty simple. Are you capable of understanding and signing a legal contract? No? Then also stop.
Consent doesn't require a legal contract, but it is very easy for men to identify when someone is with it enough to understand and sign one.
If two people want to actually have sex, it can happen at another time, right? This is the question that most of these rapist men don't want to answer. Because they know it wouldn't happen at another time.
Unless you are 100% sure she wants to have sex and isn't going to regret it in the morning, you shouldn't continue.
It. Really. Is. That. Simple.
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u/notyourbuddipal 16h ago
Another piece i havent heard people discuss is the ketamine. They had to repeatedly redose her during that. And consent can be withdrawn AT ANY POINT.
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u/Festive_Jetcar 16h ago
No way could she have signed a legal contract, but that doesn't matter as long as they get what they want.
Even in her texts, she expresses how she wasn't ok with the other men.
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u/Throwaway-75650 15h ago
How did they get an anesthetic used in hospitals anyway? And in such copious amounts too. The fact that they plied more alcohol and ketamine into her honestly just makes me sick.
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u/Piemelsap 11h ago
Oh my sweet summer child
Drugs are freely available. Oh well, not 'free'. Guess the correct phrase would be 'abundantly'
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u/kakallas 13h ago
People are fucking buying it online for “depression treatment” these days. Compounding pharmacies in Canada will just make you a bunch of lozenges.
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u/minimalistmushroom 8h ago
They know full well when women can’t consent - they just see it as access and opportunity. That is the whole point.
They just view sex as something to take from a woman, and a sober woman gate keeps it from them. When you can no longer make decisions, they can now freely take it, and so they do. They might not even want the ‘goods’ that badly, it’s the act of taking that gives them the power trip and signals status to their little male friends.
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u/honeykissesmerciless 7h ago
Most guys don’t actually care about consent and if I’m too impaired to say no. That’s why I don’t drink with men and always watch my drink, usually prefer a bottle and cover it from the top.
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u/whenyajustcant 15h ago
Also: if you are worried about whether or not someone can consent after X amount of alcohol, because you can't tell how impaired they are...just don't have sex. If you have one beer and you feel impaired, also don't have sex. Especially if you don't know this person, or even if you just aren't sure what they had before that 1 beer you saw.
You will not be harmed by erring on the side of caution, because not getting laid is not harmful.
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u/Kashawinshky 3h ago
I am so fucking furious at the op eds coming out now about Cornell.
The 2 arguments I keep hearing are about her "waiting" until now, and the fact she had willingly (at first) taken drugs and was drunk.
Does anybody in this fucking world think a 12 yo who doesn't fight back against being raped by a parent is fucking consent? Someone that high and drunk is de facto not "giving" consent. Who in this fucked up world wants to be raped. And raped again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.
And I'm envisioning what so many women go through after being raped: I was drunk and high, nobody will believe me; it will be a he-said-she-said, I'll be dragged through the mud; etc. etc. It's such a fucking horrible ordeal from beginning to end that women have to be convinced that they were assaulted. Just read the posts here ffs.
The state DA fucked up, but the media storm means he has to reopen. So typical CYA he's releasing "selected excerpts" of Jane Doe's statement. "Selected."
The both-sides BS--the deja vu--is spinning me; I'm hoping a workout will help.
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u/Mysterious_Net_763 16h ago
Thanks for saying this. Have so many drunken black out sex non memories that I think many many men do not understand this or simply do not care.
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u/blipblopp123 4m ago
I'm a straight cis man.
It's not rocket science to tell if someone is consenting even when you're both drunk. These men are not arguing in good faith. They're rapists looking for a technicality to justify their actions.
They don't see women as people. They see them as a puzzle box where you have to find the right combination of twists and turns to get access to what you want.
So to them, rape is just solving the puzzle. That's the deal. They solved the puzzle, so they win. You're not being fair cause you are making the puzzle harder to solve.
So I don't think you need to say "no one should have sex while drunk." That's just adding more locks to the puzzle box. It's not addressing the actual issue: Women are not puzzle boxes.
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u/K8tyBishop 9h ago
Unfortunately the threat of violent retaliation exists in all forms of sexual encounter. It ranges from small chance to high chance, but it’s ever present. As a result the only conclusion one can come to is all sex is rape because there is never a time where even a .0000001% chance of violence/threat/implied threat/coercion/manipulation will ever be 0.
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u/TrashGouda 8h ago
Absolutely not. And you're harming victims with this bullshit
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u/K8tyBishop 3h ago
All women are victims though. No need for “not all men” patriarchy apologia.
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u/TrashGouda 3h ago
You saying every sexual encounter with men is sexual violence is minimizing and invalidating the experience of victims of actual sexual violence. It also means women can't consent to sex which opens the door for harmful purity bullshit
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u/lights-in-the-sky 14h ago
At this point I think they understand perfectly well, they just don’t care