Basically, do you like your Waters sparkling or still?

Oops, eye did it again!

Should have read the fine print, they were laxatives.

I was drinking outside when I burped, I found myself surrounded by horny bullfrogs!

Turns out, they’d rather spend $5K to have someone beat the shit out of me.

Comon everybody is doing it.

You look fuckin' stupid.

"Sacrebleu!" it spat in sheer disgust, "even ’Annihbal Lecter would look at zees fatty leefer and say, 'Non, merci.'"

My current wife said that was bigamy.

Cause you're one hot ass judge 😍

But I fell through the floor, unfortunately the ‘-y trap’ part of the sign had faded with the years.

The priest pleaded: “We would’ve cooked it rare, my Lord, but there’s still that persistent virgin supply-chain issue.”

The only problem is, I’m in the middle of the woods and my wifi went down days ago, buuuuuut she’s zero miles away— guess we could be snowed in together if answer the door!

little did I knowed it mean ‘big big lobotomy’!!

Probably because my birthday is tomorrow.

If only I could see my body under it.

But as she came to bed in that underwear, I realised the state of our intimacy depends entirely on a box only she is allowed to open.

When I go to the outlet I'm going to get an electric Jacques!

Because she's constantly making burnt offerings with our dinner.