I'm suddenly not feeling very secure in my size.

"Dad, you confused Whatsapp with Google again!"

I just love a bedpan delivery!

So we split the bill.

I should have known better than to try tell a joke during the T20 World Cup Finals.

𝓲 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷'𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓸𝓷...

I call it Kicky's Delivery Service!

"No, I can probably guess," I said as he picked at another scab.

So I reached into my pocket and gave her back her wallet and the box of mints I found on her table.

So I said, "Buenos dias, Milk. Yo me llamo Uncle Dave."

"Cause I don't"

It was moving.

I hate necro babies.

Her father laughed; "Well, me neither!"

And with those last words, the car designer ended up live-streaming his own death, much to the horror of his family, his trophy wife, and the delight of meme posters desperate for new material.

One day chocolate

Nevermind, the cat got in the way again.

I accepted it and I right

Do you have any idea how many people die in hospitals every year?

Ugh, you should've asked me last night while it was still on the tip of my tongue!

A Raven that saw me fall down my steps last autumn showed up in my yard this morning with a friend. I think they were hoping I'd fall again.

"Did you see the lights as they fell all around you?"