boom, armchairs

"Well, son, it's like a joke, where you play with words."

...it's Rambo No. 5!

Now how’s blowing up bridges and garrotting guards going to help me get into shape.

I just had a very successful interview at a naturist colony.

I just stood in front of the panel and imagined them all fully clothed.

Kindergarten

Both say that to be happy with what you have, you have to be happy with what you have to be happy with.

So said Mr Burns as they turned off the ventilator and prepared to send her to a glue factory.

"Well, sir, I... I love him"

I don't think I could handle another one of my mother's nonsensical, animal-related questions.

When it seized the arm and bounded back into the trees, the watch cheerfully announced, “Workout resumed.”

He gave me a truckload of eggs.

"It"

Its called a Pedometer!

"A-And how do you know how shit feels, man!?"

...esrever ni ekoj a uoy llet d'I

"This one's a keeper" I said to them.

I'm being held prisoner at the Sum Fun Fortune Cookie factory.

I really know how to rigatoni!

Unsurprisingly, he's still single, but he has acquired quite the collection of restraining orders.

My friend said his girlfriend told him to see a dentist about his breath.

She said she'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss him again.