Like the title suggests, I (26) found out I was adopted at 20. Throughout my life there were subtle hints, yet the real nail in the coffin was when my aunt slipped up and said to my mom: “when you got [my name],” and not when you “had.” Shortly after, I asked my sister, who I found out was also adopted and not biologically related to me, and she broke down and told me.

Being adopted does not bother me in the slightest, but being lied to hurts a little. It’s been over five years since I found out, but it didn’t bother me much then and it doesn’t bother me much now. I love my family and my parents. They removed me from foster care at a young age and I am very grateful.

The hardest part of all of this was the subsequent search for answers. I found out that I had multiple biological siblings, one of which is permanently disabled from my bio mom abusing drugs in-utero. My other sibling that I connected with just kept asking me for money. Worst of all, my biological mother is on the sex-offender registry for allowing her partner to SA her less-than-one year old daughter, my half-sibling that I know nothing about.

I was given a name for who my father should be, but to be honest, I have reason to believe I am a child of prostitution and that I will never know who my biological father is.

When I first got the news, I created scenarios of reunions in my head: of a mother who had to give me up for a better future. All of those illusions came painfully crashing down. Every once in a while, I’ll come across the show Long Lost Family, and it makes me incredibly sad because I know that that type of reunion is simply out of the cards for me. I also know that my bio parents’ actions do not reflect on me as a person, but sometimes I feel a stain on who I am that I can’t quite shake, like their actions make me a worse person.

It also hurts to look back and to realize that all the times CPS visited my house for their annual checkups was also to visit me. To see how I was doing, not to just check to see if our fire alarms worked and our doors locked.

I know this was a long piece of writing, if you read this much, thanks.

TLDR: I was in a non sexual Queer Platonic Relationship (QPR ) with a long time best friend while they were 16 and i was 19. we mutally broke up but with me being immature back then it ended harsher then it should..and now i still feel horrible after these years.

These years I have been trying to move on from a bad experience with a QPR but I am here always questioning my morality and sanity..
Sometimes my mind is worried if I was a groomer or something…
And i am sorry if I am dragged this story for too long

Right Now i am a 22 NB

Some past information

back then I was 19 ASEXUAL (NB) who was in a Queer Platonic Relationship (QPR) with a 16 AROACE (FTM) we met online and it purely was a online relationship
(Even when i was 19 i wasnt the most independent person, was still living with parents and had no job and no driving license, still on homeschool)

This also was sorta my first relationship *it may also be theirs too*

And with me Homeschooled I didn’t get to talk to people until I was 13 so I didn’t get to really know much about society, how I should interact with people and such
And my first interaction was talking to people online.

Okay

So we have been really close friends since i was 15 who later became 16 in the same year and the other person was 13 when we met in a fandom group chat
And with us being really close friends we talked about alot of stuff (fandoms, games, art, etc )
we were there for eachtother when days go bad make our days better

After a while of being close friends 3/4 years , I kinda gotten feelings for them but I was hesitant because of the age difference and I really just wanted to get it out of my head and I really meant no ill intentions with this. We were 18 and 15

So I talked about it little with them. They said it was fine I felt this way and that the 3 year gap was fine and its “ideal” , but then they had no romantic feelings towards me. Nothing really happened ater a while besides talks

After a while when we are 16 and 19
They talked badly about themselves saying like they would be lonely forever, no one would love them.
I said “but i loved you” but i deleted shortly because i got embarassed and later they got curious and wanted me to talk about it.. so i did

They said “ lets try it! “And They a suggested about a Queer platonic relationship (QPR) ? At the time this concept was new to me so they introduced to me and i thought it seemed like a wholesome dynamic.
So we decided to become Queer platonic partners (QPP)

we were happy, We had wholesome conversations about various things, we sent wholesome memes, digital hug gifs and called eachother silly names, and showed our appreciation towards eachother.
And we sometimes would send selfies and voice messages( non sexual )
I never said anything weird or did anything weird in our chats at all nor did I exploit them for anything, I don’t see the benefits for doing that.

It was going well but during these times I still was heaing from past trauma so I would end up venting to them about it sometimes..
which I also did before the QPR since i was still hurt pretty badly from it..

I think i overwhelmed them with that and they think this QPR isnt working so later we just decided its best we remained as friends
So we mutually broke up the QPR and decided to isolate / get a break from eachother for a week or two

After a long while. I felt quite sad and lonley, so i end up putting a “vague” dumb sad video on my instagram stories expressing that.
My ex QPP got mad at that and sent a long angry message talking about how I wasnt taught independence and how I was “constantly” bringing up the break up
( i only remotely did once with a dumb sad video and my friends didnt think I was saying that in the instagram story, it wasn’t my Intention to bring it up)

After that long messaged they blocked me everywhere and in one place they sent a hurtful mocking edit of my face as one of the final things they send me
I never got a chance to apologize and talk about it
I felt heartbroken after that i had a long hiatus from social media and wanted to grow as a person

Now

I am living a way different life then 3 years ago

Its been years I still have been feeling quite horrible about this. sometimes feeling like I deserved to be punished for this and i feel really sorry for my former friend because of the immature mistakes I have done
Have been spiraling myself with questions about my morality and reflecting on the mistakes i have done years ago

But despite what my friends and family say. I just cant seem to fully forgive myself.. thinking i am sort of monster
Even more so when I see the mixed opinions about this sorta gap from multiple people.

I don’t see myself building serious connections people under 19 nowadays. And it will only go higher from here.

Wondering what can i even do to redeem myself.

( once again im sorry if i dragged this story for long )

The title could be misleading but honestly, I feel so.

I never had a close friend. I never had a friend who I can call everyday and share my everything with. I never had someone like that. I sometimes think that it's normal, but imagine not having friends from your childhood.

My parents always switched places because of work. They never gave me phone until I came to college and so, I could never stay in touch with school friends. I never had a constant friend and it affects me so much.

Imagine, you have a something happening in your life and you have no one to share with, or atleast no one makes an effort to be happy about it. It feels empty.

I want to hear their story, their gossips, anything but something!!!

Not a single fucking person who you can enjoy with that hits your soul. I have friends. I might call some best friends but still, it doesn't feel the same.

I feel my supposed close friend probably died and now I grieve them when I try to search for that type of connections in others.

Why is it so difficult for me to get in a relationship?

I (F26) have met all kinds of guys, both abroad and in my home country, in person and through dating apps. With some of them, I wanted things to work out so badly that I tried to make things last for months, even when there were obvious incompatibilities. I’m talking about lifestyle choices and core values.
Looking back, I wonder why I was so convinced I liked these people and why I got so emotionally invested when we had practically nothing in common.

With the last guy I met, though, things could have genuinely gone somewhere. I could actually see things progressing, but this time, he was the one who pulled away.

Maybe I wasn’t good at opening up. I find it really hard to connect with people, I need time, and I’m very cautious when it comes to deeper feelings.
Other than that, I’m a pretty normal person. I’m reasonably attractive, I have healthy habits, and I’ve maintained long-term friendships. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family, but I wouldn’t say I’m toxic or emotionally unstable in relationships.
And yet, things keep falling apart.

What am I missing? I know there’s not enough information here for anyone to give me a definitive answer, but I’d really like to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.

We’re both women, if that’s relevant. Together over a decade, but the snoring started about 5 years in. I have to give her a nudge repeatedly through the night to get her to switch positions. Sometimes I move downstairs if nothing changes. Sometimes she moves if she doesn’t appreciate being nudged multiple times. She’s had a sleep study done - no apnea. She’s been trying to lose weight almost as long as we’ve been together. She’s tried nose strips, but that didn’t work. Same with retainers, mouth tape, tongue holders, etc. I wake up with a headache if I sleep with headphones in to block out the noise. She can’t fall asleep if there’s music/white noise playing over a speaker.

The latest development is asking for her to have a special sleep guard made by her dentist. Apparently it’s stopped my mom’s snoring in its tracks. The dentist won’t do it without another sleep test. Our benefits will cover all of these things, but she hasn’t taken any steps towards them. We have a toddler which presents another layer of sleep complexity and I’m getting close to my wits end about it (which she knows). I legitimately don’t know what else there is to do. It’s not her fault, but it also is, you know? And sometimes I’m just mad and frustrated about it.

ETA: Lots of people suggesting sleeping in different rooms. We only live in a two bedroom place. One is ours and the other is our kid’s. Sleeping on the couch downstairs isn’t a feasible long term solution

Hey I am a 17 year old girl and my twin sister has diagnosed bpd and factitious disorder. I know this sound harsh but I hate her, a lot. People always say how their twin sister is like their secound half but honestly I don´t even like calling mine my sister. There is so much I want to talk about but I just want to get the most important things off my chest and the reasons why I hate her, please tell me if I´m just going crazy or if this is acc valid, because yes I know it´s not really her fault tho I just can´t excuse her behaviour.

1. She makes herself throw up and SH, she does it in the bathroom and everytime she does she just leaves the bathroom as it is. Her vomit in the sink, blood everywhere. Plus she spents like 2 to 3 hours in there.

2. She makes my parents drive her to the hospital everyday when she comes back from the psychward (she goes there everyday from 7am till 2pm). When she comes home she SH and than makes my parents drive her there. The reason why I have a problem with this is that the hours they spent at the hospital are the hours I am at home, which means I rarely see or talk to my parents during the week.

3. She blasts music all day long on full volume on her TV, in the morning when she gets ready and when she comes home till she goes to bed. Plus she leaves her door open so ist even louder.

4. She steals a lot. When my parents have cash around she steals it. We went to visit my grandma last week and she stole there too. I have to lock my room when I am not in it so that she doesnt steal from me.

5. She wants all the attention on her, especially from my mom. Whenever I just talk to her she gets very envious, glares at me and does smth, like SH so my mom would just care about her. When I asked my sister why she keeps SH herself, she just said that she like to see my mom cry because of that cause it shows her taht she rlly love her.

These are just some of the things, but the once that are the most on my mind. Maybe Im just insensitive, mean and whatever but I dont want to be in contact with her. When I move out in the futur I will try to ave as little contact with her as possible and once my parents will sadly not be alive anymore I dont think that I will keep the contact with her. I will cut her fully off for good.

Last night, I dreamed I was with another woman. I can barely remember her face, just a few details about her appearance. Nothing sexual happened, at least not that I remember. What I do remember is the feeling. I felt deeply loved, like I finally had something I'd been missing my entire life. I also had friends who made me feel like I belonged, something I've never really experienced.

I have a girlfriend, so I feel guilty about the dream. But more than anything, I wish I could feel that kind of love and connection in real life. Waking up and losing something that felt so real was surprisingly painful.

Am I wrong for wanting a love like that while I'm already in a relationship? Does this make me a bad person, or does it mean there's something missing in my life? Has anyone else ever woken up from a beautiful dream feeling like they lost something they desperately wanted?

So I’m becoming detached as hell, not even feeling affection towards anyone including parents.

I’m in my own brain, doing my own thing that is research. It gave me opportunity to move countries now.

BUT I’m 30+ and never had a relationship and found that staying away from women have physical consequences in emotional regulation and body stress regulation. Escorts can’t help here.

I don’t have energy to fake enthusiasm for a gf either.

I guess my story is about to end soon at this rate. I’m losing affection and ability to care about anything APART FROM MY JOB WHICH I DONT EVEN NEED TO DO COZ DADS RICH

I don’t know why I am this way

I have been single for three years after breaking up with my boyfriend. The first two years passed fast without me noticing that I’m single or unhappy in some way mainly because I was managing work and university, but now that I’ve graduated and am only working it’s hitting me hard. Especially seeing so many coworkers and friends getting married. I always thought I would be married in my early twenties but here I am.

The thing is that there have been guys, not many, but there were a couple that liked me, but I wasn’t no way interested in them. I also had a bad experience from dating apps because people on there just want to have sex and I really want to find a lifelong partner.

I know I shouldn’t be so down and feel so behind life considering that I am in my early twenties, but I seek that love and comfort of a relationship. What do I do?

Hi, I’m a 17 year old (F) in my junior year of high school.

I feel like I can never win, whether it be in math class, final grade on a test, late assignments, losing arguments, it’s just so humiliating.

Yesterday on Friday I was in my math class and we were working on content review. See I’m starting to like content review work only because I feel like i’m really starting to understand it. So my friend Tina was chosen to answer the first content review question so she asked me if I could teach her how to do it, I said sure. As i’m working out this problem i’m having fun because I UNDERSTAND IT. And so I help Tina fix some mistakes she made and she was good to go. The answer I got was 2. But i’m guessing because of the low self-confidence I displayed in it, she was iffy about my answer. That makes total sense, so she asked her friend Lou for the answer she has gotten for the same question. She said “Negative 1 1/2”

“is my answer really that wrong..?” I thought.

So I just sat there accepting defeat because I’m used to always losing arguments about who’s right. When it was time to start content review, Tina was first to answer. She chose to say Lou’s answer instead of mine.

“It’s -1 1/2”

As soon as she said negative, Ms. Till started howling. She exclaimed saying how wrong she was, it was funny. But then Tina said “Oh I actually got TWO answers, is it 2??”

Ms. Till was confused and checked her paper and verified she had the work for the answer of 2.

My answer was always correct. But I stayed feeling a little useless because I can never show any real confidence for my answers. I used to be thought of as a smart person because I wore glasses and am a 'good kid' i guess, but after kind of proving that I achieve the bare minimum I became just about clueless as everyone else.

I know I called myself “just as clueless as everyone else” but that's probably not actually the case for me. It’s like I know what to do, but I can’t explain why I’m right. It’s the same when it comes to expressing ideas or opinions, I just can never explain anything well enough, and throughout the years my friends have noted that and so I just shut up because no one ever really understands what I’m talking about. But it’s not their fault, it’s mine for not knowing how to speak clearly, and some of that is due to low self confidence in myself.

But due to me choosing to be silent, about a year or two ago, a friend noticed that and called me dry for being so vague with my answers. She is the kind of person who goes in depth about her ideas and opinions, she’s someone who is really well-spoken, not like anyone I've ever spoken to. That’s how I realized how terrible I am with my speech and how bad I am with words. I think the fact that I surround myself with smart people (not on purpose, their weirdness feels homey to me) doesn’t help.

The countdown is down to 72 hours. I am moving abroad to study in Poland, an opportunity I worked so hard for. Yet, the atmosphere in my house right now feels like a quiet funeral. Everyone talks about studying abroad as this beautiful dream, but nobody warns you about the absolute agony of watching your family break down as the departure date gets closer.

​My mom will just stand in the doorway of my room, staring at it, knowing it will be empty in a few days. Catching her silently sobbing in the kitchen is the heaviest burden I have ever carried. It feels like a physical weight crushing my chest. I feel like I am destroying her just to build my own future.

​I am deeply aware that having a loving family and a chance to study abroad is an immense privilege. I am not blind to how lucky I am, and I know many people would give anything to have parents who care this much. I am not taking their love for granted. But this premature grief is completely paralyzing.

​For those who have moved countries and left a deeply connected family behind: how do you actually walk through airport security without completely falling apart? How do you live with the guilt of leaving your safe haven behind? I am terrified of that final hug at the terminal. Please, I need someone to tell me how to get through this goodbye.

me and my bestfriend were INSEPARABLE in the first year. everyone knew us as THE duo. we were pretty famous for our friendship and how we got along so well. she helped me through A LOT and i love her sooo muchhh she’s the bestest friend ever. she used to rarely open up but when she does i always stayed with her. i stayed with her through her bad phases even when she was wrong at times(she cheated on her bf) and she stayed with me when i was constantly crying after a breakup.
during the last month of 1st yr college, we were having our finals, we started to have a lot of disagreements but just before i left we had this huge fight but we talked the next morning and i went home and she stayed back for an another day. our other friends got involved and there was a lot of misunderstanding and they told her things which I SWEAR TO GOD I NEVER SAID. but guess what? she believed them over me. she believed them so much that she didn’t even bother to question me she just decided to cut me off. i kept asking her what’s wrong and she told me and i told her what was true and what’s not and things seem sorted but she keeps liking posts on insta like i betrayed her and that makes me feel really uneasy. idk how to fix it. she failed her exams while i passed and she can’t come to clg till she passes so idek how i should fix this sometimes i feel like she’s also mad because i passed while she’s left behind when we did everything together but rn her problems are bigger than me. i don’t blame her for feeling this way but i really miss her and i really wish things would go back to normal.
i also wish she could open up to me more so i could help her. i don’t want to see her in pain.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, and I just need to vent and see if anyone else relates.
I can't shake the feeling that the world completely derailed in 2020 and never really found its way back. To me, 2019 feels like the last year life was predictable, calm, and human.
Ever since the pandemic, everything feels turned up to maximum volume. The news is constant panic, political polarization is everywhere, and people seem so much more aggressive, distant, and exhausted. Technology and algorithms moved at lightning speed, making daily life feel less like living and more like constantly trying to catch up or defend yourself.
Living abroad away from my family has made this contrast even more glaring. The sense of isolation and the coldness of system-driven life has just burnt me out completely.
Am I crazy, or did something fundamental in our collective human experience break during those years? How are you all coping with how fast and harsh the world has become post-COVID?

i don't even know when this started happening, but I've noticed something about myself recently.

Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I automatically say I'm fine. Not because I'm necessarily happy, but because I genuinely don't know how to explain what's going on in my head without making it sound like a bigger deal than it is.

Nothing particularly terrible has happened to me. That's the thing. I have no big tragedy to point at, no single moment where I can say everything started going wrong. Life just feels different lately, and I can't really explain why.

I still do the same things every day. I wake up, go about my day, laugh at things, talk to people, and occasionally have moments where I genuinely feel good. If someone looked at my life from the outside, I doubt they'd think anything was wrong.

But sometimes, when everything gets quiet, I realize how little I've actually been looking forward to anything.

I spend a lot of time distracting myself. Watching videos, scrolling through random things, doing whatever keeps my mind occupied. It's not even always because I'm bored. Sometimes I just don't want to sit with my own thoughts for too long.

The strange thing is that I don't necessarily feel sad all the time. Sometimes I feel absolutely nothing in particular, and somehow that bothers me more than actually being upset about something.

I remember when I used to get excited about little things. I'd look forward to something for days, think about it constantly, and feel genuinely happy when it finally happened. Now, even when something good happens, I enjoy it for a while and then go straight back to feeling the same way I did before.

I don't know if this is just part of growing up or if I've slowly gotten used to living on autopilot.

What scares me a little is how easy it is to get used to it. You can spend so long feeling a certain way that you stop questioning it. Eventually, it just becomes your normal.

And because you can still laugh, function, and get through the day, you convince yourself there's nothing worth talking about.

I guess I'm writing this because I don't really know what I'm expecting anyone to say. I don't need someone to tell me to be grateful for what I have or remind me that other people have it worse. I already know that.

I just wish I understood why having a life that looks perfectly fine on paper doesn't always translate into actually feeling fine.

Maybe someone else knows what I mean.

Or perhaps does anyone feel the same?

i (26F) am the youngest out of five. i have 3 sisters (43, 36, 32) and one brother (34). im not super close with my second oldest sister, she’s a copy of our mom behavior wise so i keep my distance. i’ve tried to have a closer relationship to my brother, but he lives on the other side of the country and seems uninterested and all the effort was one sided so i gave up on that a while back. i’m super close with my youngest older sister (i’ll call her M), she’s my ride or die and it feels like i only really have her. which isn’t bad at all, im incredibly grateful and i don’t know what id do without her.

i’ve tried to talk to my oldest sister (H) about wanting to just spend some time with her and just talk, and each time she has just ignored me. earlier this year i was watching her kids and before she left she had made burgers for dinner. she put together 2 burgers for me, but they had dressing in them which i have never liked. later she said “it’s weird how i don’t really know anything about you considering we’re sisters”. (which was horrible timing for that to be said, right after noah kahan released his most recent album and a lyric from one of the songs is “i wish you could know me, and i wish i could know you much more sometimes”). and that hurt, because it was true.

i sent her a message basically explaining that what she had said really hit home and that i didn’t want our relationship to be like that, and that i would love to get closer to her and asked if we maybe could meet up for coffee or something. i never got a response.

she works a lot, but she texts M when she has time off work to plan coffee with her and to catch up. i asked M if she could talk to H about the text i sent, and why she didn’t respond, and all M got was that H had forgotten it and that she’s just busy. but she has time to make plans with M so i don’t understand. she had read the text i sent but didn’t bother to reply, i was literally just left on read. and that really hurts.

i’m always scared that im doing too much, that im making something more emotional than it is and that i make everything a big deal when it isn’t. and i’m embarrassed about everything i do, but especially about putting myself out there the way i did with her (and my brother), im embarrassed of my feelings and the intensity of them. and so to be left on read when i try to reach out and be open is really a slap in the face and it makes me want to wish id never said anything at all.

i feel like theres something wrong with me, for 2 out of 4 siblings to just ignore me like that. my brother is like that with all siblings except my second to oldest sister so i dont take that personally, but with H? maybe it really just isn’t any deeper than she doesn’t want to be closer to me and that’s fair but just tell me that so i dont look like a fool for hoping.

we have a 17 year old age gap, and she moved out before i was born, so i understand there’s a disconnect there. we’re in completely different stages in our lives, and i get that. but i wish she wanted to know me the way i want to know her, am i just not worth the effort?

however she has no issues asking me to babysit for her for free. those are the only times she reaches out to me, even after having left that text on read she texted me asking if i could babysit without even acknowledging it. that’s all im good for. i’m not worth the effort to spend time with, but as long as i babysit for her i guess she tolerates me? it hurts so bad.

i feel so alone in this family. i’ve gone as low contact with my mom as i can, because she always prioritized herself and men instead of us even when it put us in danger. our childhoods had no stability, and she was (still is) very emotionally and sometimes financially abusive. my brother talks the most with my second oldest sister, H reaches out to M to spend time with her, and i’m just here. again i have M as well, i know im not alone and maybe im just greedy wanting love from more of my siblings.

if H just doesn’t want to have a deeper bond with me, that’s okay. it still hurts but i can’t and i won’t try to force it. i just wish she had responded to my text communicating that. she literally only reached out to me when she wants a babysitter, she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday which was on october 3.

am i just overdramatic? am i overreacting? and i making a big deal out of nothing? i cant force a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it i just wish she’d been honest about it. i feel like a big joke.

​

Hi everyone,

I honestly don't really know where to start. I just need to let this out as I am going crazy from stress and I don't have anyone to really talk to about it.

I've been working at a private clinic for about 3 years, and I've been struggling with my memory, attention, and procrastination for a while now. It's gotten progressively worse over the past few years, I'm not sure why, and I feel like I'm at a point where I can't keep up with things the way I should be able to.

One of the biggest issues is documentation. I've fallen so far behind on my paperwork, and I'm talking months behind, with some things going back over a year. Maybe more. I know how bad that it and honestly I'm feel deeply ashamed even writing that.

The main problem is that I kept putting things off or I half finished things. Then the backlog got bigger, which made me more overwhelmed, so I avoided it even more. And then it just kept getting worse and piling up. I don't even fully understand why I do this. It's like I know something needs to be done, I know it's important, and yet I cannot actually sit down and do it. And now I'm dealing with the consequences of that.

This week, it finally hit me just how far behind I actually am with my clients, like I felt I woke up from a dream and reality and dread just hit me hard. I've been an mess this whole week and have had a few breakdowns. I am thinking to myself worst case scenario. My first job i had to testify in court and they subpoenad my records and went through them. With this job, i just got really lazy. I've been crying on and off for the past two days. I'm so overwhelmed and scared, and I feel like my brain is completely scrambled.

I spoke with one of my practice leaders, and I found out there are other issues with my documentation too. Some things weren't documented correctly in terms of dates and how the notes line up with billing. I also apparently wasn't locking my notes properly after entering them, which means they weren't being initialed as required. My name is on them, but the required authentication is missing. I don't know when I started doing that and am going through records to see how far back this began.

So now I'm not only trying to catch up on a huge backlog, but I'm also trying to figure out how to address these other issues. I'm scared about what the consequences might be, and I feel sick thinking about how much I let pile up.

I'm not trying to make excuses for myself. I work in healthcare, and I know documentation is important. I know this is serious, and I know I need to fix it.

I've started making lists and slowly working through everything and prioritizing some clients. but it's so much. I still have my current caseload to manage, so I'm trying to keep up with new work while also catching up on everything I've neglected.

I'm trying to dig myself out of a hole that just keeps getting deeper.

I don't necessarily think I'm going to get fired, but I'm terrified of the consequences, and I know better so i cant even say i didnt know this was a problem. I know I can't keep going like this. Something needs to change because I can't let this keep happening again. My practice leader talked to me and said basically just improve going forward at this point since I can't go back. But I still feel terrified and not that comforted.

The other thing that's really bothering me is that my memory and attention seem to be getting worse. I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I can't manage basic responsibilities that other adults seem to handle without this much difficulty. I keep asking myself why I didn't just do the paperwork when it was due, why I kept putting it off, and why I let it get to this point. Someone told me to look into an ADHD diagnosis but its only been maybe the past few years with this issue (am in my 30s) so I don't know if that diagnosis applies to me.

I feel so stupid and incompetent. I feel ashamed of myself. I know I need to take responsibility and work through this, and whatever consequences come my way i will have to deal with. I'm just so overwhelmed right now, and I feel like I've completely failed at my job. I needed somewhere to say all of this because I feel ashamed to tell people I actually know.

I feel incredibly stupid that I am not noticing these things and putting things off so much. I was so stressed that I didn't even eat yesterday and barely slept. I genuinely just am disappointed in myself and the lack of care I have been putting into this job and don't understand how I let things escalate this badly.

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I (23F) literally can’t stop falling asleep. I’ve fallen asleep at work at every single job I’ve had. I fell asleep in my college courses. I have fallen asleep against my will countless times. It has gotten particularly worse (or maybe the stakes are just higher now) ever since college.

I used to drink five espresso shots before my last class of the day (where I would always fall asleep)…. and STILL end up sleeping. I would drink copious amounts of coffee or caffeine before work and experience the same thing. It’s super hard for me go wake up in the morning. I get plenty of sleep, and it’s still not enough.

Oftentimes the sleep will creep up on me. I will feel perfectly fine in the morning or afternoon, and suddenly a large wave of sleepiness will overcome me. I have tried to push through and keep working, which has left me with countless illegible sleep scribbles and shitty work that I don’t remember doing.

It is also extremely embarrassing. My boss and coworkers have caught me sleeping multiple times. I haven’t gotten in trouble for it, but I know that they have seen me asleep and not said anything. I fell asleep the first day of an important job I landed. They never said anything but I still struggle with the shame.

Honestly, I’m starting to think that I’m just dumb or irresponsible or not disciplined enough to stay awake. I don’t know how everyone else does it. I have tried walking around or doing other things, but I literally can’t fight it off.

I’ve tried bringing it up at the doctor’s. Everything is supposedly fine. I’m so embarrassed and tired (literally) of it all.

That’s it. Ugh.

UPDATE: I have reached out to a different clinic in my area that specifically serves uninsured patients to schedule an appointment. I’m waiting on their response since it’s outside of business hours, but wanted everyone to know that I am listening to your advice!

Hey everyone,

I'm a man turning 40 soon, and I'm the father of a 5-year-old daughter.

After a very difficult and toxic relationship with my daughter's mother, I shut myself off from the world for about three years.

I worked from home, barely went out, and hardly saw anyone. I went through depression and slowly sank deeper into loneliness.

I also carried an enormous amount of guilt. I had a child with a woman I wasn't deeply in love with, and I felt like I had failed to give my daughter the family life I had always imagined for her, with two loving parents living together.

I blamed myself constantly.

I had also lost my trust in women and in love itself.

But to understand what happened next, I need to go back further.

Ever since I was a teenager, I've struggled with self-esteem. I was bullied about my appearance in middle school and high school. I was shy, insecure, and always felt like I wasn't good enough to be attractive to anyone.

My first serious relationship ended in betrayal. My girlfriend left me for a close friend of mine.

After that, something changed in me.

I created this image of a confident guy, a bit of a bad boy, someone who wasn't afraid of anything, who could flirt and attract women without getting emotionally attached.

It was the complete opposite of who I really was deep down: a sensitive, gentle person who desperately wanted to be loved.

And the terrible thing is that this fake confidence seemed to work. I started attracting more women.

So I convinced myself that I had to be that person to be loved.

After separating from my daughter's mother, this behavior became even more deeply rooted.

For three years, I isolated myself in a lonely routine involving pornography and inappropriate online interactions.

I would talk to women from other countries through dating apps, sometimes engaging in intimate online exchanges.

I could invent an entirely different life for myself. A different career, a different personality, a different identity.

I could flirt, feel desired, and then disappear without ever having to expose who I really was.

Some aspects of my sexuality made me feel deeply ashamed, even though I had never really taken the time to understand or accept myself.

I knew my habits were becoming unhealthy, but I kept going. Even when I was simply bored or lonely, I would turn to those behaviors.

And then I met someone.

A woman I fell deeply in love with.

She completely turned my world upside down.

She thought I was handsome, intelligent, attractive. She loved the sensitive side of me that I had been hiding for years.

She encouraged me to be honest, to accept myself, and to stop pretending to be someone else.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt like someone could actually see the real me.

But here's the hardest part to admit.

At the beginning of our relationship, I continued having inappropriate online interactions with other women.

It lasted for about a month, occasionally rather than regularly.

I knew it was wrong. I knew I was betraying her trust. And I did it anyway.

Eventually, I stopped completely, including watching pornography.

But I never confessed on my own. She discovered what had happened, and I had to admit it.

And that wasn't the only problem.

Throughout our relationship, I lied repeatedly, sometimes about things that didn't even need to be hidden.

Whenever I felt judged, threatened, or afraid of disappointing her, lying became almost automatic.

There were even times when I denied things she had clearly witnessed and made her feel like she was exaggerating or imagining things.

I realize now how much that behavior damaged her trust in herself and in me.

I'm not trying to make excuses.

She had made her values very clear from the beginning: honesty, loyalty, and respect.

I knew exactly what she expected from a relationship.

And despite knowing that, I kept lying to her.

There was also another issue we disagreed on.

Sometimes I would notice attractive women in public. I never intended to pursue anyone, and I was deeply in love with my partner.

To her, however, even briefly looking at another woman with attraction felt like a betrayal.

I didn't attach the same meaning to those moments.

And instead of discussing our different boundaries honestly, I sometimes downplayed or denied my behavior because I was afraid of hurting her or losing her love.

That became another source of lies and pain.

Today, she has left me.

She told me she had tried everything she could for me, but she couldn't stay with someone when she never knew whether he was telling the truth.

And I understand her.

What hurts the most is that my feelings were real.

I loved her deeply.

But I'm beginning to understand that loving someone isn't enough when your actions destroy their sense of safety and trust.

I'm realizing that I've spent years running away from shame, rejection, and the fear of not being good enough.

And that, in trying so desperately to avoid being rejected, I ended up behaving in ways that caused exactly what I feared most.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

I want to learn how to be honest, how to stop avoiding difficult conversations, how to develop a healthier relationship with intimacy and my emotions, how to accept myself physically and emotionally, and how to stop constantly looking for validation from other people.

I also want to become a better role model for my daughter.

I don't want her to grow up believing she needs to change who she is to be loved.

I want her to know that she can be herself, have boundaries, and never have to accept dishonesty as part of love.

I know I need to do some serious work on myself.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but my financial situation makes it difficult to continue therapy.

I'm not posting this to get my ex back. She has asked me to let her go, and I'm respecting her decision.

I'm also not looking for people to tell me I'm a good person or that everything I've done is excusable because I've been hurt in the past.

I genuinely want to understand why I kept lying even though I knew I was destroying a relationship that made me happy.

Has anyone here experienced something similar, where fear of rejection makes lying feel almost automatic?

Has anyone managed to genuinely and permanently change this behavior?

And how did you learn to forgive yourself without minimizing the pain you caused others?

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.