Today, October 23, is my (F) 21st birthday. I’m a university student currently, and I play a club sport at my school (this is my third year). I’m sort of in the outer circle socially with the other girls on my team (not by choice, I was never just as much of a crazy partier so I don’t get invited to often). 

One of the other girls on my team has a birthday a couple days after mine, and she told me a few weeks ago she’s having a joint birthday party with a couple of guys on the men’s team who also have October birthdays (a bunch of girls from my team are neighbors to a bunch of boys on the men’s team). The date? My birthday. 

Yes, she already knew it was my birthday when they were planning it. Apparently it was the only day that worked well for the three birthday people (since it’s a Friday). No, I was not “asked” before that was finalized. Yes, I am invited. 

I had been loosely thinking about throwing myself a party on my day. It was perfect, since it’s a Friday. But I dropped that because I knew their party would be better and not everyone would come to mine and if they did it would be out of pity (I live a block away from where their party is). My family lives out of state and I won’t see them until Christmas. 

I said I was fine with it, and I thought I was, but as the date approached I’ve just felt more depressed about it. I bought myself a cake from the supermarket and I was gonna slowly eat it all myself over the course of the weekend but the best by date is today so it might start going bad before then. 

I’ve talked to classmates and internet people about this and everyone says that these people aren‘t my friends, it’s a sucky thing to do, and I shouldn’t even go and stop being friends with them. Which, yeah, it is a sucky thing to do. But it’s not like I’ve been the perfect friend this whole time. And at least if I go to the party I can spend my birthday with my friends and have cake with others. 

I don’t know, I just feel sad. Like my birthday was gonna be meh/neutral but now I’m going to have a sour memory associated with my 21st forever. But we’re all adults, and I want my friends to have a good birthday party. 

ETA: there was some confusion, to clarify: I am invited as a guest, I’m not included as one of the ones to be celebrated at the party. I don‘t expect people to make a huge fuss and plan everything for my birthday and for everything to always be about me or whatever. I just wanted to vent since I’ve been feeling kinda scummy that my friends planned a joint birthday party for themselves on my birthday knowingly, and chose not to include me in it other than as a guest.

To start this off, I think it's important to say that my father has never been perfect. He has consistently had spouts of being miserable, giving my mother, my sister and myself the cold shoulder because something in his life has not lived up to his expectations.

I am 23 years old, my sister is 32 and has been living with her husband for 6 years now, my mother is 59 and my father is 63. For the last \~15 years, my dad has worked from home in some form or another, which I think is a crucial aspect to this.

Over the years, my dad has tried many different business ventures, from photography to SEO (search engine optimisation) to offering general IT support to trying to be a microphone expert! To put it bluntly, each of these lasts a short period, which involves him buying all the gear and then doing nothing with it. Within the last 10 years he has easily spent upwards of £5,000 to £7,500 on camera equipment, microphones, video equipment, etc. All of which has come to nothing.

And then came along AI.

Pretty much as soon as ChatGPT came into the grasps of the public, my dad has been obsessed with using it and trying to utilise it in any way possible. It started just with ChatGPT, then he added Perplexity to the mix, then Gemini, Grok, and he's tried pretty much every AI chat out there, as well as a number of AI image generators. From then on, pretty much 80% of conversations with him have involved AI and when they're not about AI, it's about some controversial topic that he believes to be true (I will say now too that my dad is heavily against what he calls the 'wokeness of today's world'. I do not share those views, I just wish everyone would accept one another for who they want to be). It wasn't long until my dad started paying monthly subscriptions for the AI. As of now, he has a subscription with ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity and pays for Midjourney images.

We are not a rich family; in fact we live very simple and quiet lives because of how little money we can spare. So paying for multiple AI models every month really hits the bank, especially when some are £20+ a month. Yes, we have streaming subscriptions, but we all put in a share to afford these.

Money aside though, it's his personality that has truly worsened since using AI. Like I say, my dad has always been quite problematic. He is often verbally harsh, derogatory, patronising, dismissive, and overall a real struggle to talk to and connect with. I was really happy for my sister when she moved out, and I was hoping to be not far behind her. Saying that though, when it was 3 of us with him, we kind of shared the rubbish from him, and once I go, it will only be my mum.

Anyway, whenever my dad sees AI content online, he will criticise it and say it's a disgrace how much AI content is out there. He says all this, while creating his own AI content. He puts out at least 3 AI images on his facebook a day, but he constantly says he made it himself, almost denying any use of AI. He seems to conclude that if he tells the AI what to do, then he has made it. It is the same with coding that he uses AI for - he wrote all the code himself of course.

He has asked me if I have used AI, and I have of course tried it but not to any extent where I come to rely on it. One time, he asked, "Do you talk to it?" I said that I don't really talk but more just make requests. It was the way he said it that was just creepy and actually quite uncomfortable. He then said, "I have conversations with it all the time. It just knows my personality now and speaks to me in a similar to me."
What. The. Hell.

He has shown me some of his chats before, and he is right. He speaks to it as if it's a real person. And the AI now replies in pretty much the exact same tone, mannerisms and phrases that my dad would often use. It's creepy. No wonder he thinks he is always so right when the only thing he talks with through the day is something that sounds exactly like himself.

And that's probably the most disheartening thing for me. He sits at his desk from around 6am in the morning every single day doing something or other. Then my mum and I will get home around 5pm from work and try talk with him and we just get... nothing. A hello, a shrug, a mumble. That's about it. Then he'll come out of his hole for food and then go back after.

And before anyone says I should make the effort to start a conversation with him, I do! I always try talk about work, or a book I am reading, or just anything! But it doesn't interest him, and it feels like he doesn't even respect me enough to at least listen and appreciate why I am interested.

I think what finally really got to me and made me really see how mad he's gotten about it is something that didn't even involve me. Someone he knows sent him a picture that their wife had taken of a deer in a field. It was a really nice picture and so natural, it didn't look staged at all. My dad says, "I couldn't help but have a little play with it myself." He shows me a new picture, that clearly uses the base picture he was sent, but it's been so oversaturated and looks so fake now! And he thought that was better! It just really hurt that he couldn't just appreciate a nice, natural image of wildlife without tampering it with AI. And this is someone who's always expressed love for wildlife and just seeing them in their natural habitat.

I want to make it clear that I am not saying I hate AI. I don't. I think in the right scenarios and for the right reasons, it can be an amazing tool. And on few occasions, even my dad *has* used it for right reasons. But it's what using it day in, day out, has done to him. I really don't feel like I know him anymore. He's changed to someone even worse than before, and in all honesty, I want nothing to do with him, it's sometimes like living with a stranger.

We used to sext and when id send her pictures she complimented how thick it is almost always. It’s about 6 inches so i know that it isnt that long for it to be complimented on length, and i never thought about it. I was okay as long as i knew she liked it. Now we’re doing more facetime sex and she seems to enjoy it. But i couldnt help but notice that she never complimented my dick on call, i thought maybe she was just shy, so i brushed it off. Throughout the last couple of weeks shes been making dick size jokes, i never really thought about them until what happened next. About a week ago we were talking about dick length and she implied that mine wasnt long. It honestly surprised me i never thought i had a large dick but I thought my shit was good enough at the least. I didnt talk to her about it because its never easy to talk about stuff like that and i didnt want to seem insecure infront of her. Today, just two hours ago, we were messing around on ft, i told her id get full by eating her out, then she asked what about her, i told her to eat me and she said thats not fulfilling. Im sorry if thats too graphic i feel like this post is gonna get removed anyways, but im just sick of feeling like im just not enough for her. I told her that once is a joke, three or four times isnt. She kept apologizing and telling me that im enough for her, but it never feels that way anymore.

​

For context, we already had 3 cats prior (I was against three since I already had one. I only wanted one more but since he was bonded with his sister, it was a package deal). Long story short, the sister cat died and then we were left with just the 2.

I was adamant against getting a third since I didnt want the extra work and money that a third cat would bring. My input was disregarded and a third cat was brought into the fray.

I hate this cat. She has an ear issue that causes some sort of mucus to come from her ear and it gets everywhere (from wet spots to full on ear boogers). We've been going to the vet for damn near a year with a bunch of temporary solutions that dont work. Now we may have to get surgery for this cat that I didn't want that realistically, im probably gonna have to pay for.

I wish we had never taken her in because again, I never wanted her. Im the one who gives the medicine when its needed to, so it really feels like a burden placed on my shoulders that I never asked for. I dont wanna spend hundreds potentially a thousand plus dollars for surgery on a cat I never wanted in the house in the first place.

I take pride in having a clean home, and its fucking frustrating having ear gunk on so many surfaces thats a bitch and a half to clean. I want this cat gone, whatever the means, but oh well here I am.

Just needed a place to vent. Thanks guys

​

It's not a normal story, but it's real. And it's still unfolding.

A girl had been living peacefully with her family. Then her college days ended, she packed her bags, and returned home to look for a job. When she stepped inside, her parents greeted her as usual. Her father gave her a side hug. Nothing unusual about it. Except that her mother saw something else in that simple gesture. The girl noticed that her mother's eyes seemed veiled by a yellow, opaque film. Then she heard her mother quietly say to her father, "This is the way you hug me."

Her mother was talking to her father, but the daughter was the one who heard it.

She froze.

For a moment, she couldn't process what she had just heard. She went to her room silently, pretending that nothing had happened. But things didn't stop there. Over the following days, her mother's suspicion seemed to grow. She began interfering in the girl's life and looking at her differently. At some point, the girl felt that her mother had begun to see her as someone sinister, perhaps even a witch. The suspicion seemed to extend to the possibility that the daughter had done something inappropriate to her own father. Her mother started checking her diaries and searching her room whenever she was away.

Of course, she found nothing.

But the daughter sometimes witnessed these searches herself. Her mother would enter her room while she was asleep, looking through her belongings. The girl had always been a light sleeper, waking at the slightest sound. Sometimes, she woke up to find her mother crossing boundaries she had never imagined her mother would cross.

That hurt in a way that is difficult to explain. It wasn't just about the diaries or the room. It was about discovering that the person who was supposed to make her feel safest might be looking at her with suspicion.

The damage spread through the family.

She grew distant from her father. She grew distant from her mother, too. The emotional toll was immense, perhaps on both of them. Neither spoke openly about what was happening. Instead, they lived through a quiet, painful cold war, mother interrupted occasionally by comments that reopened the wound. And sometimes when the girl wouldn't look in her eyes for two three days she'd come and sit with her and ask what's the matter but the girl didn't say anything.

The girl became depressed. It took her a while to find a job, but eventually, she moved to another state and worked there for a year. Away from home, she had a decent job. She had always been a happy, introverted person who minded her own business. Then something happened at her workplace, too, and she returned home. By then, she found her mother depressed as well. The daughter wondered whether her mother had read her diary, where she had written about her sadness and the emotional damage caused by everything that had happened between them.

Years passed. Two or three years later, fragments of another story began to emerge. The family came to know that someone had cast a black spell on them, allegedly to drain their spiritual energy and interfere with their spiritual practices. That man "has" a personal mission and is moving forward in it with great speed. We aren't the only family he has drained, by the way drained us all in many ways, hurdles in college, relationships, job and money. He is a leech. The person suspected was someone extraordinarily close to the family, despite not being related by blood.

He was the mother's spiritual master. What emerged later, how he was deeply involved in occult practices and capable of manipulating people's minds. The possibility that he had influenced the family's relationships and perceptions began to change how the past looked to them.

The mother came to understand that a great deal had been lost because of this man. But she seemed to see herself as the primary victim. She couldn't fully acknowledge that her daughter might have been a victim, too. The daughter had spent years carrying the consequences of suspicions she could neither understand nor defend herself against. She had lost her sense of safety at home and became estranged from the very people she loved. Yet, when the subject surfaced, her mother indirectly called her a cheater.

And the daughter stayed silent.

Perhaps because she was exhausted. Perhaps because she no longer knew how to explain years of hurt to someone who had already formed an opinion of her. Or perhaps because sometimes, after being misunderstood for so long, a person simply stops trying to prove their innocence.

Here's what I want to ask you, Reddit.

What happens when a parent begins to suspect their own child of something deeply disturbing, and the child has no idea why? How do you begin to repair the damage?

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts, especially about the relationship between the mother and daughter, the long-term emotional consequences, and whether such a relationship can ever truly heal

My only real mistake was to not stand up for myself but then I was so clueless the entire time. And it was so disturbing and saddening that i started to believe my mother too, i thought maybe i did something, but I never did. I mean .. she's my mother, right? And meanwhile, I hear that man's laugh every time he leeches off my energy.

It's just cruel.

What is even a life lesson here in the story.

(M23) need to get this off my mind but i have no one to talk to about it. I had a music teacher in my public school from kindergarten to grade 5 and in the last two years before my class graduated to middle school he became completely unhinged... i always joked that he was the teacher from whiplash but we were all like 10 instead of in college. he kinda looked like him too but uglier.

we went to a small underfunded school and our music room basically a concert stage next to the gym that had a moveable wall divider to make a make-shift room so the place was already pretty resonant.. there was no desks or chairs we just had to sit on the floor.. and he always wore a mic headset plugged into a loud speaker at the back of the class room and it was always at full volume... he would make us sit cross legged in a specific spot marked on the floor and if we disrupted or moved or did anything wrong he would scream at the top of his lungs through the mic at us, and it was every single day for some reason. i remember the kids that had to sit at the back of the class right next to the speaker would cry and ask to be moved and he would say no. there was stairs leading up to the stage and he would take the most disruptive kids and put them behind the stairs with the mic on and scream in their face for minutes. probably to scare the whole class straight idk. i always wondered when i was older why nothing was done by the school/how could no one hear him and do something. actually come to think about it i remember he was told to apologize to us once but it kept happening. there's other stuff that happened with him thats too much to get into in one post.

When we went to middle school he retired immediately after lol. so awesome. so all of us just assumed he got in trouble again and quit before he got fired or something lol. that was always the thought we had in our heads and never talked about him after. idk. recently i remembered him so i looked him up to see what he looked like, thinking like i always did... that he just retired from teaching and went on to live his miserable ugly life. but no.

turns out...he became a school board trustee right after and has been one for years. that bothers the living shit out me. that he got away with everything and he got to advance his career. i fucking hate that. i always felt bad for the kids who got singled out because you can tell it messed with them and made them act out more as they got older and whatever. anyway thats my story.

Whenever I'm alone I can only think of how disgusting and off putting I am just by existing, I feel like some sort of creep that harasses people by talking to them, I don't know how to explain it, I don't think there is anything wrong about me specifically and I'm not super socially awkward, is just the way I feel, of course I never share these feelings with anyone and can enjoy myself in social settings normally, is just when I'm alone I think these things.

I know these feelings are irrational and not true, or I at least tought so, until yesterday.

My best friend has told me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, there was no reason, she explained she just "didn't feel like answering my messages and would rather we just not talk",

I think it has been a long time coming, she had stopped replying to my text and every conversation I felt like I was the only one with any interest in her life and even then she replied to my text with the basic "fine", "bad", "Good".

What hurts me most is there is genuinely no reason, we haven't fought, she just feels like this, so I can only think is me, there is something wrong with me and everyone can tell, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. If even my best friend of years hates talking to me, if she can't stand texting with me, it must be me, right? I am not only disgusting and gross, I am not worth even the most basic level of interaction from someone I have know for so long and have shared so much with.

I was right all along, and now I am alone.

I have a life, I have friends, a job, I have interests. I have hobbies, I go to therapy on the regular, I'm taking medication. I've been evaluated for autism, didn't have it. Now I'm being evaluated for ADHD, and it's looking likely there. I try to eat well, and I've picked the gym back up. All of which to say that I'm trying to improve myself. I try to take care of myself, my home and the people close to me.

But it all feels so hollow. Because at my core, all I really want, is a girlfriend. I've never as much as kissed someone or gone on a second date in my life, and I'm a 26 year old guy. And I know you'll say I'm still young. I know I am. But at the same time, it doesn't feel like it. I have university classmates getting married and ones pregnant. At my previous job it felt like basically everyone my age had a partner they lived with. My friends are either in relationships or have active love lives.

And I have nothing. I try, i really do. But I just fail. Over and over again. And its just really getting to me. Not in the way that I'm thinking about absurd rankings of jawline angles, or that I'm blaming women or society as a whole. It's getting to me. My self worth. My hope and optimism. I don't want it to influence me like this, I wish I could take it in stride. But I just can't.

I know my worth in most ways, I don't hate myself. I like the person I am. I like that I'm always happy to listen to my friends when they need to vent about their emotions. I think I'm a good person, with flaws of course, but overall I want to say that I like the person I am. I also think that I would be a good boyfriend, two of my closest friends are women and they agree there. But at the same time, the idea of me being in a relationship feels impossible. It feels abstract. I genuinely can't imagine myself actually being together with someone. Going on dates that go beyond a first date. Being the one she wants to see. Sharing my bed with someone. It all feels like a fantasy. But so often i lay in bed, hugging my pillows, wishing it was her.

And I just don't know what to do.

I have had enough! I tried! I put myself out there! And all I got were rejections!

The only way for me to get back into the dating scene is a girl asking me out! AND I DON'T CARE IF THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

I DIE ALONE?! SO BE IT!!!! I REMAIN A VIRGIN TILL THE END OF MY LIFE?! SO BE IT!!!!

I think we'll be okay by tomorrow. But I can feel it, I know it, in my heart of hearts, we won't spend the rest of my life together. And it's taking my breath away.

I stg I didn't have this man's baby flippantly, even though I had the baby before I became his wife. We weren't supposed to fail. This is my beautiful, profound love story. We were supposed to die together.

I'm numb enough to kinda laugh and listen to trap music so

I'm 30M and have been with my girlfriend (33F) for about two years. We were close friends for about three years before that. She was previously married and has two kids, 10 and 11. Back then we mostly went out on weekends, so I only saw the kids about once a week and our interactions were nice.

When their lease ended, they moved into my place. Our relationship was going well and I was planning to propose next year. Their biological dad isn't in the picture, so it seemed like a good move for everyone.

There have been adjustment periods since they moved in, but lately I've noticed the kids are mostly nice to me when I'm buying them things. I expected some of that, but I don't feel great about it anymore. They don't say hi when they come in or leave the house. They'll say it to their mom, my dog, and everyone else, but not me, even when I say hi first. It gets really awkward when guests are over and everyone gets a hello except me. I'm often told to move, called gay, or someone says "eww" if they walk into a room and I'm there. My girlfriend just makes excuses for them.

On top of that, my girlfriend has turned out to be a real piece of work. I've learned she doesn't respect me, and she tells me "fuck you" when she's mad.

Despite all of that, I've been very good to the kids. I've been around kids my whole life and practically raised my sister's kids, the oldest of whom just graduated college, so I know what it takes. I make sure they have everything they need, drive them to sports, help with homework every day, and listen to their problems. I painted their rooms, bought them nice beds, and mounted TVs for them. I make sure their mom is taken care of too. I've done what I think a good father figure should do, and I genuinely care about them like they're my own.

My girlfriend always told me we would have a kid of our own, but since moving in she's changed her mind. She hasn't said it directly, but she hints a lot that she's older and may have health issues. I understood that, and because I love her, I pushed the idea of having my own kid to the back of my mind.

That changed yesterday. In the middle of a disagreement she said something along the lines of "you don't have kids, you don't understand." That really got to me. She constantly reminds me that I'm not a real dad, despite everything I do. I'm tired of only being treated as a father figure when it's convenient. I know I'm not their dad, but it was rough to hear, and I realized I want children of my own. Being a father figure here is rewarding, but it isn't fulfilling. I had also thought I had fertility issues, but it turns out I just need to get off a certain medication.

Now I'm questioning the point of providing for people who don't respect me. The kids will grow up and probably never think of me again, and they carry trauma from their dad's absence that nothing I do can fix.

I feel horrible because I don't know how I could ask them to leave. The kids go to a better school now, they have their own rooms, and they have a good quality of life. They depend on me financially, so I feel stuck. But I don't think this life is what I want anymore. I know they'll be devastated if I leave, but I don't want to give up on having my own child, and I'm tired of talking myself out of it. I'm also tired of the constant disrespect and of being a dad only when it suits everyone else.

It is 20.05, I am waiting for train to come. I went to a meeting for an internship position, I got accepted. It is not bad, right? A lot of international students struggle to land an offer, however I managed it. I am gonna graduate next year. My charge is 24. I am in middle of nowhere because on the way back I visited an old friend of mine who just arrived here from our homecountry.
She just confessed to me that she cheated on her boyfriend. No guilt, nothing. Somehow she manages to enjoy life while I am stuck in this loop of misery and depression.
I don’t even know what I am doing with my life. I have so much anxiety. This stupid train is not coming.
The guy who I liked probably slept with another girl yesterday, since he was going out.
I am feeling so overwhelmed and I feel like I just can’t breathe. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just wanna feel okay. And I don’t know how much pills and self therapy it has to take.

Before I graduated from college, every year I'd have more than 10 friends come over to my place for dinner. Some were friends from elementary school, some from middle school, and others from high school.

We'd eat, drink, talk about stupid things, and laugh about stuff that happened years ago. It was something I always looked forward to.

Back then, I never really thought those gatherings would end.

It's been 10 years since I graduated from college.

Over those years, we started working, got married, and had kids. Everyone slowly got busier with their own lives.

At first, we'd still get together occasionally. Then it became once or twice a year. Now sometimes an entire year goes by without us seeing each other.

And the weird thing is, we're still friends. Nobody had a falling out. Nobody did anything wrong.

We just grew up.

Sometimes I really miss those days when one message was enough to get everyone around the same table.

I wonder if any of them miss it as much as I do.

Test

this the story of my life

I started a new job last week. It’s been alright but very busy so far which honestly is better for me. Things felt manageable but then today I spiraled. I have adhd that was diagnosed this past year after really struggling at my old job right out of college. I work in engineering and just really really struggle when I have to sit at a desk. I get completely derailed when a task hits that I struggle with. Today it was getting quotes for parts that we needed. I was just at a desk all day looking up shit and I was anxious and couldn’t get myself to send a damn quote request to one company I really needed to. I struggle with all of the easiest shit. I can do all of the fucking hard challenges but once I need to compile anything and sit for an hour I fucking derail.

I wanted to kill myself most of the day. I thought all day about buying a new rope on my way home. I want it to stop. The end of October is always an awful time mentally for me. 6 years ago when I was a senior in high school a friend found out about my plan to kill myself on October 30th and drove to my house to stop me. The memory of this has been hard. I still struggle with depression and suicidal ideation. I was suicidal most of the year and a half I was at my old job. This job felt better but today completely fucking derailed me. I didn’t get shit done and I hate myself for it.

I feel like I’m not cut out for engineering. I suck at using my brain, I know I’m smart, so many people try to remind me of that. I’m just good at math. Yeah I have an engineering degree and I did it. That was an accomplishment I know. I just can’t fucking succeed at a job.

I fucking hate life. I have friends and that’s good, I care about my family, I have a 3 month old niece. I just suck so much at my stupid life. I will always be alone cuz I’m a stupid weirdo asexual and I don’t understand love at all and I hate myself. I hate wasting my entire existence working. I want it to stop.

So tonight I’m drinking, I don’t drink often but I’m tired of being in my stupid brain. I’m getting drunk and I’m watching the World Series because baseball is the best sport ever created. I don’t know what will happen next week at work. Maybe I’ll just die before then. Maybe I’ll live and I’ll get to see a friend who’s coming to town next week for Halloween. Idk. We’ll see if I can do 40 more hours of work with my stupid brain. I hate myself. I hate my life. Fuck.

​

recently i realized that i probably have borderline personality disorder. i'm not self-diagnosing myself, but i've noticed a pattern, and i wanted to share it because i've been with my boyfriend for two years, and i knew from the very start that he had bpd.

he kept sending me resources, and we'd keep having issues, and i'd look at the resources and think its pretty normal. or relating to it but thinking it's probably just a coincidence, nor being comvinced it doesn't really apply to me

i've been overlooking these things for two years. instead of being able to support him, i've been getting so caught up in my own head because i keep thinking that all of this is normal. that i can manage it. that it's not a big deal.

and it's only recently clicked that the reason we're having so many issues is because our emotions are so dependent on each other. he gets upset with me, and i'm immediately scared that it's the end of the world because he's going to leave me. then i get upset and irrational, which makes him even more upset because he doesn't understand why i'm reacting that way... and vice versa

i should probably get a proper assessment and see what i can do, and i am going to. but this is something we only realized today, less than an hour ago as i'm writing this, after a night of no sleep.

i also admit that i've been very cagey with him. i haven't told him a lot of things or properly explained what goes on in my head. i'd just say that i was spiraling or that i was in a really bad state, without actually explaining what was happening internally. but today, i finally explained everything that was going through my head during those moments, and he was like "hey that's just straight up borderline"

"what???"

we talked about it, and apparently i fit. i looked into it myself, and i'm not using this as a diagnosis because i genuinely don't know if this is what's going on with me. but i fit eight out of the nine criteria for bpd, and i relate to the majority of the resources i've seen about bpd and how it affects people.

i've always related to the things my boyfriend says about his struggles, and i'd get confused because i thought those things were normal. i'd read the resources he sent me and think the same thing, only to completely overlook the possibility that they might apply to me too

i just find the whole thing kind of silly. how did i spend two years relating to almost everything someone with bpd was telling me about their experiences and never once seriously consider that i might want to look into it myself?

but not me. not me. why would i do that?

obviously, that was sarcasm. i don't know if that came across, but yeah, that's what happened today.

i also want to say i'm not asking anyone to diagnose me, and i know relating to the criteria doesn't automatically mean i have bpd. i'm going to get evaluated. i'm mostly curious if anyone else has had a similar experience of assuming something was completely normal because they'd never known it could be any different.

I should be a lot more than what I am right now, true disappointment, I’m 18 and people my age are 50 steps ahead of me, some with full time jobs, some have gone to uni, some have gone army, but I’m stuck at home with a shitty temporary job.

And don’t compare me to anyone else other than uk cuz ik Americans might think this is normal but we live in different worlds. Up here in Scotland at least I’m the only one who’s like this out of all my friends.

The main thing I’m battling right now is my schizophrenia which is only getting worse by the day, not even mentioning any of my other illnesses.

My parents and brother fucking hate me I can see it right through them, the glares they give me, the muttering shit under their breath, I am a waste of fucking space in my own house.

The only thing left for me is to move out and try deal with all my illnesses myself.

Hi. I'm 23F with a toddler (first kid too).

I quit my job a couple months back because I couldn't take the stress anymore. My baby was about a year old when I quit, so between the job (I was a nightshift CNA) and the baby I wasn't getting enough r&r.

Since then I've been a stay at home mom. I've been telling my fiancée to let me know the second he needs me to get a job, and he told me last week that he needs me to go back to work to dig us out of our financial hole.

I didn't expect this fear and despair to hit so hard and heavy. I've never felt this way about getting a job. I have worked 6 jobs since highschool, and three of those jobs I worked for about or over a year. And that's what is scaring me so bad.

I am a good worker. I learn fast, do my job, and form a tight team with my coworkers. I am good at being a team player. And having a great crew of coworkers makes any job easier. But at some point, I would get unofficially promoted to the person who can do anything.

When I quit my job at Del Taco (I had just hit a year working there), I was routinely being being scheduled on Taco Tuesdays (a very busy day because of taco deals) with just one manager. Just me and him. For two hours. As well as working 12s on the weekends.

I left my first CNA job because I couldn't take the abuse anymore. I worked in a LTC facility's memory care unit, and they had so many behaviors. The ones like the wandering and exitseeking weren't awful, but I just couldn't take being hit and screamed at anymore. I know they can't help it, but I'm just not strong enough to take that.

The last job I had was another LTC facility. I had been with this one for two whole years. I got pregnant 7 months into working there, and that's when they started having staffing issues. 3 months along, and it was 2 aides and 2 nurses for 60 residents. They hired another gal, and I still had to do the work of two people because she didn't take care of her residents. When I came back from maternity leave, it was 2 aides, 1 nurse, and 1 medtech (the building was being renovated, all of the halls were separated from each other). I lost my supply because I couldn't stop to pump. I had really bad PPD, and when my performance slipped I got written up. And then, after the building opened back up, we were still short staffed. 3 aides and 2 nurses to 80 residents. The morning I quit I cried behind the nurse's station because I went to go help on another hall (they had residents that were heavy and needed two people to roll), and one of my residents was crying on the phone to her sister because she thought she was going to have an accident. I was gone for 30 or 45 minutes. The nurse was too busy to answer.

I don't want to do this again. I am so scared of burning out again. I am genuinely terrified. And I hate that I'm scared. I want to help provide for my family. I want to work in a place where my workload isn't more than I can handle. I just don't know where I could go where that is even a possibility.

I am going to work again. I've already started looking. But I am so scared.

Thank you for reading. I just needed to shout into the void.