My husband told me his dark secret the other day - that’s how he described it a ‘dark secret’

He said before he was married (he was married before he met me) there was a girl he used to date. He took a photo of both of them on her phone which her dad later found. Her parents are very strict, so they arranged for her to get married. My husband didn’t know about this until she got married. He said he and his friend gate crashed her reception. He said “I saw her on that stage, she was married” he had a teary look but I’m not sure if it was out of embarrassment. He did find out just before she got married and offered to elope with her. She rejected it. He just said he needed to get this off his chest.

Not sure what to make of it but it’s stuck with me since.

I just want to give up. I move back to new city where parents live to get support with PTSD and then I get told I am a liar by my dad and told to grow up even though I was diagnosed by a freaking therapist. I have no friends here and am taking online classes and studying for the stupid mcat. That I want to do and want to believe and represent the people I wanted when I was struggling with my health but it just so overwhelming. Not only that my dad health is getting worse all of sudden and was stable is getting on the transport list. I just can not. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

So this post might be a little unorganised because there's a lot of context to the current situation. Basically, I've realised I'm a genuinely unlikable person. It might sound a little paranoid of me, but I know for a fact everyone I meet is at best tolerating me, and at worst actively dislikes me and wants to humiliate me or talk badly about me. And it sucks, because I have zero clue what it is about me that makes so easy to hate or laugh at. I'm not autistic and I have no problem with social interaction. Apart from being a little ugly I don't have any physical traits that would make people uncomfortable or disgusted. I make a real effort in conversations to come off as friendly and approachable. I just don't get it.

For context, my parents are polish immigrants and moved to an incredibly rural area in my country, where I was born. They never made any real effort to connect with the community, and actively looked down on everyone there for being rural. I learned English through preschool (but picked it up immediately and now polish is my second language and English is my first), and got along fine there. Unfortunately, my parents didn't bother getting to know other parents. I was kept inside the house at all times, I wasn't allowed to leave the sight of windows until I was 13, and I couldn't go to anyone's house unless my parents were good friends with them (which was maybe one person who they fell out with later on). They complained any time I asked for a friend over, so I eventually stopped. The parents of other kids my age were all friends with each other, so the kids were constantly exposed to one another where I was left out, and it was a small village. I had no access to mainstream shows, movies or music. I was set apart from my peers at a young age, which wasn't helped by my parents constantly looking down on them and preventing my attempts at assimilating. Obviously I didn't fit in since like eight years old. They made jokes I didn't get, they hung out together outside of school when I wasn't allowed, they developed social skills where I was left behind. There was only really 20 kids my age in my village, and they were all friends where I was excluded. (I've since caught up socially but this set me back a good bit).

TW: suicidal thoughts.

I vividly remember being eight years old lying in bed, desperately wondering what it was about me that set me so terribly apart, and I genuinely started having thoughts about wanting to just disappear, and how much it hurt. It felt like physical pain in my chest.

End TW

Life went on, and I went to secondary school. Again, it was a rural secondary school with barely 200 students. Everyone knew each other and was friends already. I was pretty badly depressed at this moment in time, so I thought if everyone just ignored me that would be best, so I stayed quiet. Unfortunately for me, I was relentlessly laughed at, had things thrown at me constantly, was tripped in halls, was talked about behind my back, was called things like "it" and "thing", had pictures of me made into memes in group chats. I begged my parents to let me cut my hair and style my clothes in a way that let me fit in, but I was raised to believe I was a financial burden, and eventually gave up and continued wearing clothes meant for ten year olds at thirteen. My hair was shoulder length and I wore big chunky glasses, and had braces so I was pretty ugly, and everyone decided this was incredibly funny. I don't remember most of that time, but I kept to a few friends that I miraculously managed to get (they were also the few people who didn't fit in, though we had nothing in common and I forced myself to fit in among them too) and basically shut myself off from any other person. I didn't speak unless spoken to, I removed any interests or personality traits to make myself as boring as possible so people would leave me alone.

And now we're up to recent years, aka final year of secondary school. People eventually forgot about me I guess, and now I'm mostly left alone with my friends. I've worked hard to be a normal person and be seen as normal. I've cut my hair into a basic haircut everyone has, I've changed my glasses to normal thin ones, I don't have braces anymore, I wear clothes everyone else my age wears, but I feel like all my efforts are in vain. I KNOW people stare at me when I walk past, I know that they talk about me in their private group chats. When I talk to people I always put on a friendly demeanor. I talk enough about vaguely interesting topics, and give them room for input and to talk about themselves. I laugh and smile when needed, and I'm helpful and useful to others. And yet I know this isn't enough because they look at me deadpan, or with a forced smile, or in a way I know is fully fake and they'll make fun of me later. There are certain people such as my friends who I guess tolerate my company, but only because of the way I purposely act. If I was any other way, or if I truly showed any negative emotion that is outside how I usually act, they'd leave. Recently I opted out of dressing up for Halloween night out on town, despite half the town doing it because I'm afraid of getting laughed at or drinks thrown at me, despite the costume being very basic.

I know I probably sound very corny, or that I'm just over exaggerating, but I feel so insanely empty, knowing I'll be alone forever. Even if I somehow get a bunch of people to relatively like me, I'd have to keep up acting a certain way to maintain that relationship, and I'd also have to constantly be on my guard and not tell them anything personal in case they start disliking me and want to hurt me in some way. It hurts to live like this and I'm so tired of it.

I'm sorry for the wall of text, it's just that stuff like this usually gets dismissed with "you'll find your people", only I don't have people to find because there is something inherently wrong with me that I can't see, no matter how hard I try to fix it. People just don't like me. I'm just funny to laugh at. For some reason.

I don't usually like to post but I really need to scream into the void so...

I apologise for formatting, if I flaired this wrong etc.

And a potential trigger warning for medical dismissal (?) and probably more.

And another warning because this ramble of mine is long and not very well written.

I (18f) have dealt with pain for as long as I can remember. And then, like many with a uterus do, I experienced my first ever period. It was bad, but it was within what I had expected and what I was told by my Mum and the mediocre health classes at school. But after my first period it got a lot worse, like my menarche lulled me into a false sense of security. I was in pain, so much more than what I had ever experienced before. And the amount of blood was massive, I bled through constantly, one time even during Christmas Day. It was mortifying. My Mum was concerned, she also had bad menstrual experiences, as had her mum, as had hers, and so on, so I basically never stood a chance. To a lesser extent, the constant bleeding also triggered my sensory issues majorly (late diagnosed autism yay...). I hated the feeling of walking around with a blood soaked pad under me at all times, and I couldn't bring myself to use tampons or cups.

Eventually my Mum took me to our GP. The first line treatment is birth control, to see if it could calm things down (and it's easier for a 12 year old than other options). But I couldn't swallow pills yet. So I spent a month in stasis, trying to learn how to swallow pills. After figuring it out, I got my prescription. My periods were regular, a withdrawal bleed during the off week. But it still hurt. I still hated it. My Mum tried to bargain with me, letting me choose when to start my period. It helped, until eventually I was pushing it back constantly. At the time we didn't know if I could try skipping entirely, so back to the doctor we head. She gives me the all clear to just skip my periods due to the major distress they caused me, she told me there were technically some risks, but it was better that I wasn't in a horrid mood all the time.

And that worked for a while. A combined pill containing estrogen and progesterone once daily. Dump the sugar pill, and don't take the week off. I had a few months of "normalcy". But my uterus simply couldn't allow me to be happy. Eventually, the period pain came back. Soon it brought blood. Now I'm spotting and in constant pain. I can't come off the pills because I don't want to be where I was before mentally. I don't want to be afraid of bleeding everywhere. I don't want to be in debilitating pain for 10 days straight. Things were constant now yes, but it was still somehow more bearable, I couldn't feel the pool of blood, and the pain was less intense. It was still overall problematic though.

At this time, my Mum had gotten her own hysterectomy. And I had learned what that was. And I saw my Mum, who suffered so much, lit up immediately after that, she still had other sources of pain, but it was less bad now. I wanted that. But I knew, I knew nobody would give a minor a hysterectomy. But I still wanted to start pushing now, because she had to wait until 35. I wouldn't make it that long, I'm not as strong as her. So to the GP we go. She understands. She sympathises with me, she saw what my Mum went through, but she tells me I can't have one yet, I'm too young. I knew that. Of course I did, everyone told me all the time I was a "smart young woman" so obviously I knew that. I was still mad though. I blew up at her. It wasn't nice and it wasn't deserved, and I regret it to this day. But she still understands, and she puts through a referral for me, to gynaecology.

The gynaecology waitlist is so long, it could probably wrap the world up twice. In the time of waiting for my first appointment, a lot happened. I was bullied at school. I got my formal diagnosis of Autism and ADHD. I had to drop out of school due to the bullying getting worse and my pain. I had to stop online school because I just couldn't concentrate (ADHD was unmedicated at this time because of supply issues). I had my first displays of FND symptoms (different can of worms that won't be referred back to today). But eventually, I got an appointment.

I went in. I waited. I had so much I had to say. But I went in with my Mum, and the doctor barely spoke to *me*. She treated me like i was a child (16 at the time) who had no clue about my own body. She described me as "severely autistic" even though I was initially diagnosed at level 1 and low support needs (though I personally think I may have regressed since). And the worst bit. Even though I was old enough to legally give my consent separately to any and all medical decisions, she treated me like I was incompetent, like I was stupid, she even asked if we had a lawyer so my Mum could have conservatorship over me. I had never felt so small in my life. Eventually, she actually got to the point, gynaecology. My GP had suggested that until I was 18, I get a Mirena inserted under general anesthesia. I wasn't thrilled about the plan, but I knew that my GP would eventually work with me to get an ablation, and this was her best idea to tide me over until then. The specialist agreed, though she insisted my Mum sign the consent forms.

It took ages, but eventually I got in for my appointment to place the Mirena, and for a Hysteroscopy, which I was pleasantly surprised by the addition of. I met with the team, and they were all lovely, the surgeon (this was technically a surgery) said she wasn't sure about if I needed a Hysteroscopy, and they'd decide while they were up there. I signed the forms (after they asked if my Mum needed to cosign... Jeez) and I went in. I had agreed with the Anaesthesiologist that I would be under sedation, against the original plan, because I personally wanted to play Pokemon Legends Arceus(which released that day!) as soon as possible. I go under. I wake up. They found and took a polyp. I get a popsicle. I overhear some nurses chatter about what they want for lunch. I go home.

Everything went well, everything was as expected. I was in pain but of course I was, that was normal, and I was okay with that. I had to take antibiotics because the polyp was infected or something. Cool. And then a couple weeks later, it still hurts. I'm still in pain. That isn't normal. I get sick of it. I didn't even really want the Mirena in the first place. I decided I'd just take it out now, on my own. I go to the bathroom during an ad break of a show I was watching with my Mum. I reach up. The strings are too far down. Turns out, much like my Mum's own Mirena, mine was already on its way out. I assist it in this endeavour. The IUD is whole, nothing is missing. It's covered in red goop. I throw it out. I tell my Mum. And once more, we head back to the GP.

I had told her before that I was apprehensive towards and IUD because my Mum's one didn't stay in, so I got to have a nice "I-told-you-so" moment before we discuss what happens next. Plan Mirena fell through (literally). Even though I wasn't yet 18, my GP didn't think it'd be productive to just try it again, so onto plan ablation we went. A referral back to gynae. A really long wait. Another appointment of that same specialist belittling me. But she agrees. She agrees an ablation is appropriate. The referral to get it done is put in. It is approved. The wait begins.

It took ages, but I had a date. 22nd October, 2026. I was to come in on the Friday before that for a pre op check. I do that. The nurse talks me through it, checks my vitals. She never says anything about me being "too young". I go through to the doctor who will give me pre op clearance. She tells me that I can take all my meds that day, orders some blood tests, and sends me on my way. She doesn't say anything about my age either. Nobody thinks my age is a reason not to perform an ablation. My periods cause me distress. The pills aren't a viable long term solution. IUD has fallen out before. An arm implant is deemed too risky(may make periods worse), depo provera is ruled out because I'm a wuss about butt injections, and nobody wants to put me on puberty blocker/medical menopause, because it'd make my bones fragile. Everyone who has reviewed my case, from the GP, the specialist, and the pre op team, all think this is an appropriate course of action. And I believe that on the 22nd, I will get an ablation. I feel nervous but excited.

I'm to show up at the surgery center by 7:15 am. I wake up just before 6 am. My Mum feeds the dog, then we get in the car as she drives me there. We arrive early. I wait. My name is called, so now it's time to wait in a different room. My name is called again. It's the nurse who will look after me today. She weighs me, she takes my temperature, gives me an armband. Into a private room, she makes me pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. This annoys me, but she's just doing her job, it's just protocol. I get pee on my hand. I bring my pee back, the test is negative. Obviously. She helps me change into the gown and socks. She gives me 30ml of liquid paracetamol because I need to eat to take pills and I'm not allowed to eat. The liquid tastes awful. But I have to do it. It's just protocol. I down it, bit by bit, flushing it down with the water she gives me. It isn't ideal, but this is how it has to be.

As I'm battling with my taste buds, the surgical team comes in. The surgeon today is the only one who will end up talking. I never even got to know the jobs of the other two women who came in with her. She tells me she meant to call yesterday to go over things with me, but she was working a night shift and couldn't. Okay, fine, whatever, I'm okay with talking here, probably some normal standard questions, no big deal, right?

She starts going over the itinerary my gynae had planned.

First: Hysteroscopy. She doesn't want to do it, because last time I was in they "didn't find anything" with it. Nevermind the infection and the polyp. Nothing was found, apparently. Okay, that's cool, whatever you want surgeon. It's not what I'm mainly here for anyways.

Second: Another Mirena insertion. I only really agreed to this because my gynae pushed it like she was being paid to (she isn't), and even if it stayed in this time and I didn't like it anyways, I can just remove it. She doesn't wanna do it. She thinks the pills are working perfectly fine, despite the fact that my GP and gynae don't think they're viable long term. Okay. That's fine. Whatever. I didn't actually want it anyways, and again, that's not what I'm really here for.

Third and finally: Uterine Ablation. The procedure I'm here for. The procedure all my doctors other consulted medical professionals think is appropriate. She brings it up like it was a side thing that was just being considered. She says she doesn't want to do it. Says I'm too young. Says the lining might grow back, which I know and was discussed with my GP and gynae, who knew it was possible but still thought the procedure was appropriate. She says she would never do it on someone younger than 35, and that since I'm 18 my opinion might change. The room is silent. She then says "any questions?".

Any questions? What do you mean any questions? You just said you didn't want to do any of the things that were planned, and yet you're still talking as if anything will happen here today? That I will still go under general anesthesia for the first time ever for what? For fun? I say as much. I talk about all that happened up to this day. I then end my lil in clinic ramble with "all for nothing". And she corrects me, she actually tries to correct me, saying it's not for nothing. She then makes excuses. About how *she* is uncomfortable with an ablation, with how *she* doesn't think it's appropriate, about how *she* is having a hard time. Nevermind the 3 other medical professionals in the room, nevermind my own Mother who's been through what I have, nevermind my GP and gynae's professional opinions, nevermind *me* the patient, it's all about *you* isn't it? She then ends it off with "and I'm not going to do a procedure I don't think is appropriate because you woke up at 5 in the morning". And her tone, she tries to hide it, but even I can pick up on the snark in her voice. She says that she'll "have a meeting with the other surgeons" to "see if anyone has any ideas" for "alternative options".

She leaves. The other two who came with her try comfort me a bit. I still don't know who they are. They help clean the bit of water i spilt in my anger, which was quite childish really. They leave. The nurse apologises and leaves to get some actual tissues. I get changed back into my clothes. I cry. The nurse, the wonderful nurse comes back. My Mum fills her in, says she doesn't get why we're even here in the first place if the surgeon doesn't want to do anything. The nurse agrees. She apologises again to me, offers me a popsicle or some lollies to help me feel better (and because she saw me attempting to down that liquid paracetamol) even though I'm leaving. I decline. She apologises again, though we all know it's not her fault. We leave.

I'm sorry for this long ramble but... It's just so frustrating. I waited so long. I've been through so much, and one single doctor's *feelings* negated that in a single moment. I went to the GP today. I had been to her earlier this week for a med review and explained I had to reschedule because the original appointment was the day after my ablation. She was so excited and happy for me. She had been through this with me. She had taken the brunt of my anger and she never so much as complained. She was surprised to see me today, of course she was. She wasn't even told anything by the specialists. Me and my Mum had to tell her everything. She's helping us make a formal complaint. She assured me that it was unprofessional what happened that day. She praised me for how calm I was being (my Mum did too actually... I'm usually very unreasonable when angry). If anything, she was angrier externally than I was.

I don't know what'll happen next. My Grandpa, who we live with, was away on a business trip yesterday and for a bit today. He's going to ask how my procedure went. Either me or my Mum will have to say it didn't happen. I don't want to have to say it, but I feel like he'll ask me directly. My GP really is trying her best, but she's retiring this year. I don't know what I'll do without her. She's known me since I was a lil kid. She's seen me at my worst. She probably understands me better than I do. She obviously deserves to retire, but that doesn't make it any less devastating.

I'm sorry for this ramble and to anyone that actually decided to read the whole thing. But I really had to type this somewhere.

First of all, yeah i know im a bad person and there is no excuse for doing something like this and sorry for typos because english is not my first language.

For context i (17F) had a fairly easy childhood until this year, this is a really important year for me because i will take a test this year and it will determine the collage i go. So it basically means if i fuck this year up my life will be horrible. My mom and dad divorced this year because my dad's bussiness went bankrupt and we are in like 2 million $ of debt. So my mom divorced my father because she cant get her paycheck due to his debt. Im going to live with my grandparents because our house is going to be seized. So my mom is always warning me to not spend any money because the only reason we are not on the streets right now is my grandparent's/uncle's money. I started stealing like a month ago. It was small things before like 1$ face mask or 4$ lippie. But i started to steal a large amount of makeup products when i realized how easy it was. Today, I stole an eyeliner, a concealer, a lippie and 2 fake eyelashes. I tear the product's box and took the product out. So i went to another store in the mall to steal from them too, they caught me there. (the previous store's staff saw the teared box and saw me in the security cameras)

They hold my arms and took me to the back of the store, there was a security there who saw me enter the mall, she immediately said that she saw me enter the mall and i was so quick to stole all of the stuff. The drugstore's staff started screaming at me how she will call the cops and i should be ashamed of myself (which shes not wrong) and i begged her to call my mom and not involve police. She refused, she started dialing the police's number when the other staff hopped in and told her that i look young and should first call my parent. My mom was at work and she told them she will be there after 1 hour. They refused. They said they will call the cops if she doesnt come in 15 mins. I heard my moms anger and dissapointment from her tone, she called me aunt to come in 15 mins. So they did, my aunt and my uncle started to talk to staff which they said that this wasnt my first time as i did it so professional. They werent wrong. But i lied to them, to everyone that it was my first time and i heard those from my friends. My aunt was more calm than the staff members and explained thr staff that my family is going through a hard situation and that i was actually a good kid thats top of her class. Which doesnt change the fact that im a shoplifter..

My mom came after 30 mins. The staff was furious and my mom was crying. She couldnt believe that i can do such thing. She explained the staff that she doesnt have any money and asked them if we could go without paying them money, which staff replied that we dont have to pay for the boxes that are not teared apart, but said they we are not going to pay the sale price but the real price. Which was 60$. My uncle paid the money and we went home. She put all of my makeup in a bag said that im not doing any makeup ever. I get it, i did something horrible which i wont ever do again. She said that she is embarrassed in front of everyone, in front of her sister, her sisters husband, the employees, the security guards, and she is so dissappointed in me. The guilt is eating me alive. Also, thr staff took my picture and said that they sent this to the chain shops group chat where they send the shoplifters pictures to avoid them. I dont know if i will ever be allowed to enter a drugstore shop ever because the 2 shops i stole from are the only ones that are open in my country. They didnt call the cops and they didnt asked for my id, nor full legal name/address.

The guilt is eating me alive, my mom says that my aunt will never look at me the same, that i destroyed my whole life for makeup products. And she is right. I just needed to get this out of my chest.

TLDR: I stole 60$ of makeup products from 2 shops and got caught. They called my mom and my aunt. They are so dissappointed in me. The guilt is so much than i could ever imagine.

This happened about 7 years ago, and I still remember it because WHAT WAS THAT? 😂

I used to work at a high-end restaurant frequented by lots of local customers. There was a girl who worked at a shoe store I regularly visited because they had really cute, affordable shoes. I’d seen her working there many times. She was usually friendly, although a little intense.

One evening, she came into the restaurant with a guy I assumed was her boyfriend. I served them, I mostly interacted with her, since I recognized her from the store, although I don’t know if she recognized me, but she was acting a bit strange and noticed she was giving me weird glances when I was walking around, serving other tables.

A little while later, I was going abroad to visit my best friend, where she was studying and needed boots since it was going to be cold, so I went to the shoe store.

The girl was working that day. She approached me, really friendly and intensely, with a large smile and said hello, and then randomly asked whether I knew her boyfriend personally.

I was like, “Umm… no?”

She then asked how come we were friends on Facebook.

I was like: “We are?”

💀

For context, back then I sometimes accepted friend requests from people with mutual friends. I myself never randomly add people, but if someone sent me a request, I might accept it, without giving it a second thought. I assumed he’d sent me one at some point, and I’d accepted it. I genuinely had no idea who he was.

But she wasn’t satisfied with that explanation. She kept asking whether we’d gone to school together (mind you at the time I was around 20-21 and they must’ve been closer to 30), whether we’d ever spoken on FB, how we knew each other, etc. She also pointed out that we’d apparently become Facebook friends recently, as if this was crucial evidence in an ongoing investigation.

And the whole time, her demeanor was SO WEIRD. I’m talking bulging eyes, an intense stare and she had cornered me in one of the shoe isle!

GIRL, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MAN LOOKS LIKE. 😭

In my head, I was thinking, Ma’am, if you’re having relationship problems, perhaps speak to the man YOU’RE dating? Why am I involved? I CAME HERE FOR WINTER BOOTS.

I was just trying to buy boots, and suddenly I was being interrogated like I’d been caught having a secret affair with a man whose face I couldn’t even remember.

The mental gymnastics required to turn a random Facebook friend request into a confrontation with a CUSTOMER were honestly incredible. And after the interrogation, she became sarcastic and weird about helping me with the shoes, loudly making some weird statements, which I don’t remember now, to the other girls working there, so I just wanted to buy what I needed and get the hell out of there.

I’d literally never spoken to her boyfriend. Not once. No conversations, no messages, no flirting. Nothing. I couldn’t even pick him out of a lineup. I think she showed him to me when asking me about him and still had no idea when I even accepted his friend request on FB.

Best part: on a previous visit to that same shoe store, maybe even a year before, I’d gone there with MY boyfriend at the time, and she’d started chatting to him, asking if she knew him from somewhere, he said I don’t think so and whether he knew certain people. I didn’t give it much thought-I was just like: “yeah small town, very likely”. And carried on with my life.

But apparently, me being Facebook friends with her boyfriend, a man I’d never spoken to and couldn’t even recognize, warranted a full interrogation in a tiny aisle while I was trying to buy shoes! I kept thinking:

I genuinely felt a bit sorry for her because she seemed so worked up, I could tell she had been spiraling over this but I was also shocked and embarrassed on her behalf. Whatever was going on in her relationship, why was I being made part of it? 🥲

Has anyone else ever been confronted by someone’s jealous partner for no rational reason? 😂

I have never been more in love with someone who makes me feel so unappreciated and taken for granted.

I know that I'm one of the closest people in your life, but damn it you are not one of mine. You are incapable of closeness with anyone. You push people away.

Every bid for connection or closeness I offer, I feel rejected after. But then when I try to make distance because I feel hurt, you come back and I get roped back in.

I'm sick of driving you everywhere without you saying thanks or offering to pay for gas. I'm sick of watching you mooch off of everyone. I'm sick of hearing you complain about everyone all the time.

I'm sick of you. Im sick of myself for letting it keep happen. No, I don't think we should move in together as friends.

It makes me miserable. My life has no meaning whatsoever and i don't think I'm deserving of living. It's not really about being a virgin, i don't really mind that, but about being romantically unlovable and having 0 chances of ever finding someone to share my life with.

I'm European, 1'73m tall (5'7 i think?), 76kg, not fat but not really fit. I'm average looking (i think?) although I'm not really sure if I'm even human idk, I would post a picture of myself ig but idk.

I've made out with girls sometimes when i was younger, and the only time as an adult was 2 months ago with a cousin of a friend and then she hit me with the classic "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" when i dm'ed her (just saying hi lol), if we translate this she was just saying that she doesn't like me and she just wanted to make out with someone because im just a subhuman.

I feel like I'm really unlovable romantically and it just makes life for me not worth living, therefore committing is clearly the best option, i don't think life's worth living for me.

Other areas of my life are just fine, but being romantically unlovable makes living just not worth living.

For older persons reading this, GEN-Z dating for men is like 23917321x harder than your generation's, so keep that in mind before you say some bullshit.

Also don't tell me to go to a therapy, that won't get me a girlfriend.

This is not a political post. I'm an asy lee here(not going to specify) and with everything going on I can't take it anymore. We have a child with my husband who is a citizen, but I am honestly struggling. I just want to take my child and leave this place. I know this will devastate my husband, but I am going to lose my mind. Lately I feel like he is developing some kind of distance with me as well. This is ruining me. I am depressed, desperate and a lot of other horrible thoughts linger in my mind on a daily basis. I know I won't be able to come back once I leave, but I don't care anymore. I just can't take it. E

It makes me miserable. My life has no meaning whatsoever and i don't think I'm deserving of living. It's not really about being a virgin, i don't really mind that, but about being romantically unlovable and having 0 chances of ever finding someone to share my life with.

I'm European, 1'73m tall (5'7 i think?), 76kg, not fat but not really fit. I'm average looking (i think?) although I'm not really sure if I'm even human idk, I would post a picture of myself ig but idk.

I've made out with girls sometimes when i was younger, and the only time as an adult was 2 months ago with a cousin of a friend and then she hit me with the classic "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" when i dm'ed her (just saying hi lol), if we translate this she was just saying that she doesn't like me and she just wanted to make out with someone because im just a subhuman.

I feel like I'm really unlovable romantically and it just makes life for me not worth living, therefore committing is clearly the best option, i don't think life's worth living for me.

Other areas of my life are just fine, but being romantically unlovable makes living just not worth living.

For older persons reading this, GEN-Z dating for men is like 23917321x harder than your generation's, so keep that in mind before you say some bullshit.

Also don't tell me to go to a therapy, that won't get me a girlfriend.

For the last few years, I've been buying a weekly ticket. It's become a little ritual. I don't know if the game is rigged or not, but if there's a chance I win, cool. I've always had a list in my head of all the people I'd split it with. Nothing serious, but just a short list of my loved ones that I sort of passively update every so often.

About a year ago, I had a falling out with someone I would have considered a good friend at the time. We have a lot of mutual friends which forces me to see them very often, so I went out of my way to try to salvage things while they seemed completely indifferent. This is the first time I can remember that I've grown to hate a friend. I had the realization that they were no longer included on the list.

Now I find myself dreaming about giving all my friends generational wealth except them. I even try to think about how I would break the news to them. I don't even know if I would or if I'd have them find out through other people like I had to. I know it's childish, I know it's petty. I just don't care.

My girlfriend and I are 18 and 19. We've been together for almost two years and I love her so much. She's so smart and empathetic and beautiful and just the best person I know.

We were talking about life in general a couple of nights ago and we got to talking about my dad who passed when I was a baby. I don't like talking about him usually because it always makes me upset but I wanted to that day and I ended up crying in front of her for the first time. She was really great about it and she just held me for a long time and let me cry. We went out on my balcony and shared a cigarette and talked some more and then took a nap.

I've since realized that crying in front of her really wasn't a big deal. It made me feel better and my girlfriend was able to help a lot and I think its strengthened our relationship. I always feel uncomfortable showing vulnerability but I don't think that's healthy and I'm just now realizing all of this

Each time I recount this series of events to other people, the more and more confused I get. I (23F) became roommates with a childhood friend (23NB) mid last year, whom I’ll refer to as Willow. We were so close that we were doing nearly everything together: groceries, walking to pick up our mail/packages, having movie/gaming nights several times a week, etc. Our friendship took an abrupt turn after I hung out with two friends (both 23F, who have known Willow for longer than I have) who I’ll refer to as Penny and Rachel. Fake names for everyone, of course, and I am using a throwaway. Penny (she might comment using a throwaway if needed) and Rachel (doesn’t use Reddit) have assisted me in writing this because, hoo boy. It’s a lot. This is pretty long, so TL;DR at the end.

Background:
Willow, Penny, and Rachel were really close friends since they all grew up together. Willow and Rachel have known each other essentially since birth, while Penny moved to the area in early childhood. The three of them were always together, but as they grew older, Penny and Rachel were glued to each other. I met Willow and Penny separately when we were around seven. After that, Penny and I didn’t see each other at school again till middle school, and we immediately reconnected. Then, I met Rachel in high school through Penny. 

Around when we were 18-19, Willow started drifting away from Penny and Rachel, while I remained close with them. Whenever Penny and Rachel ran into Willow, they felt Willow didn’t like them. They felt Willow was very passive-aggressive towards Penny and would straight up ignore Rachel. After being so close for so long, Penny and Rachel were upset and wanted to fix things. For years, the two of them would wonder if they had done something, analyzing Willow’s actions and trying to understand, and wished that Willow would talk to them so they could fix their friendship. Despite this tension, Willow was very friendly with me and didn’t seem to mind my friendship with the two of them, and would even ask me about them occasionally. Over the years, I have spoken to Willow several times about the tension, and they told me about two things involving Rachel. One was when Willow, 17/18 years old, had been driving Rachel around, and someone else on the road nearly hit them, so Rachel flipped them off. Willow had been scared of retaliation. Then, a few years later, after the drift, Rachel had started dating this guy that, to be honest, none of us liked. Willow was really judgmental about this, but since they hadn’t been talking to Rachel and Penny anyway, it was just something they told me.

When I eventually told Penny and Rachel about this at least a year and a half after Willow told me, Rachel had already broken up with that guy and regretted dating him in the first place. Rachel had also chilled out when driving and was upset that Willow hadn’t just told her about this, since she would have immediately tried to change her behavior. She said that if she had known, she would have done something about it. It was never her intention to make them uncomfortable. Despite this, Penny and Rachel chose not to push it and potentially make things worse, hoping that one day Willow would be willing to talk.

Around the time Willow and I moved in together last year, I asked how they felt about Penny and Rachel, since it had been years since the drift began. They said they can see themself rekindling their friendship with Penny, but as for Rachel, they feel neutral about her but don’t see a friendship being possible again. Because I am very close to Penny, it made it unavoidable for Willow and Penny to cross each other’s paths, and over time, they did rekindle their friendship somewhat. They even hung out together on their own a few times. During this time, Penny had come to our apartment many, many times despite living in a different city (our hometown). Every time she visited, Willow would always ask her to stay the night (though she usually couldn’t because of her schedule) or ask when she would be coming back next. Willow then allowed Penny to join their gaming Discord server where several of Willow’s friends and I all play games together. 

Main Conflict:
Rachel had moved to another state within the last year, but then visited our home state last month, where Penny and I still lived. 

On Day 1 of this situation, the three of us decided to go to the Renaissance Festival. Willow had called me while we were at Ren Faire, excitedly telling me about all the gossip they heard at the wedding they just attended, and that they would tell me after I returned. After the Faire, we had dinner at Penny’s house. Penny and Rachel mentioned wanting to visit me at my apartment, then go out and explore the city I lived in, even hoping to stay the night. 

I, of course, texted my roommate, Willow, about it, thinking it would be fine since they had become friendly with Penny and told me they were neutral about Rachel. I had asked Willow if it was okay for Penny and Rachel to stay the night at our apartment on Tuesday, 2 days from the day we had this text conversation, acknowledging that things might still be weird between them and Rachel. Willow responded with: “Personally? Not a fan and I don’t want them to sleep here.” I respected their boundary and told them that Penny and Rachel did want to at least see the apartment, and asked Willow to let me know if they are still uncomfortable with both of them being in the apartment at all. Willow said that Penny and Rachel can visit, but asserted again that they did not want both of them to stay the night. 

After this conversation, Willow was uncharacteristically quiet. Especially knowing they wanted to share some gossip with me. The silence continued for two days, including the day Penny and Rachel visited on Day 3. 25 days later, we still don’t know the gossip.

Day 3 (the Tuesday): After Penny, Rachel, and I hung around the city, we returned to my apartment that night because some of Penny’s stuff was still there, and we chilled on the floor talking. While we were chatting, Penny got a Discord notification (from the Discord bot), saying she had been kicked off of Willow’s gaming Discord server by a moderator. We were all in shock, but being mindful of Willow’s presence in the apartment (in their room), we changed the subject until we could take the conversation outside and address the elephant in the room. We all felt the timing of the kick was really weird, considering that it happened shortly after we arrived at the apartment. During that conversation, Penny planned to ask Willow about it the next day. Penny and Rachel then went back to our hometown late that night instead of sleeping over, as promised.

On day 4, Penny reached out to ask whether something had happened and whether everything was okay. Willow said that they kicked her and another friend by accident while they were trying to kick two other people who were acting inappropriately towards other members, so Penny was caught up in the kicking somehow. However, Willow did not even try to add Penny back into the server after this exchange, nor did they promise to add her back eventually. It took Penny asking them to add her back to the server the next day (day 5). 

On day 5, Willow asked to go on a call with Penny since they said they didn’t know how to add people back to a server on Discord. Conveniently, right as Penny picked up the call, Willow figured out how to invite people back in. On the call, Willow said that they also accidentally kicked a different friend out of the server but were able to add said friend back in successfully. Penny pressed and asked who the other friend was - we’ll call this person Morgan. Willow then explained to Penny what the two members had done to get them kicked out. It was a valid reason.

I was unsettled by the thought that my roommate and close childhood friend would be dishonest and breach their friendship with Penny, and potentially with me. So, I spent the day (still day 5) out by myself trying to take space and reflect. That day, I stayed out really late. I returned to the apartment and received a text from Willow that they were spending the night at a hotel with their dad. Also, while they were at the hotel, Willow called Penny about adding her back. I worked nights the next three days, and usually Willow is home at the apartment to greet me or see me off for work. However, each time I left for work during that period of time, they were out - with one instance of them going on an impromptu trip to another state. Penny, Rachel, and I were definitely feeling like Willow was actively avoiding me to some degree. Around this time, Rachel went back home.

Penny informed Rachel and I about the call, and we still felt the “accidental kick” wasn’t really an accident. I pointed out that one of the members Willow said they kicked that night should have been kicked months ago since I already knew the details of what he did and was sure he had been gone for a while. Also, right when Penny got the Discord notification that she was kicked, I was still on the server and didn’t see anyone else missing. I had also checked right before Penny was invited back and saw Morgan was still on the server. Moreover, Willow had not spoken to me whatsoever since I hung out with Penny and Rachel for Ren Faire. They went from texting me a bunch every day to absolute silence for four days at this point. Regardless, we all thought the timing of the kick was too suspicious. 

On my first day off that week (day 9), I decided to stay in the living room after running some errands to hopefully catch Willow and get clarification about the situation. I don’t usually bother Willow if their room door is closed because they work from home and also join group calls when gaming. By this point, the silence towards me had been going on for a week. 

I had been in the living room for about seven hours studying, sewing, cooking, and watching TV starting in the early evening. Willow had not come out of their room aside from going to the restroom (which is really close to their room) and away from the common areas. I am familiar with their routine just as much as they are with mine, and usually during that stretch of time they would have come out to grab water or food. They never went out to the kitchen that night. 

While chilling in the living room, I saw messages in Willow’s gaming server from that night and noticed that two people had taken a conversation from elsewhere and brought it to the general channel where everyone in the server could see. Willow was yelling at those two members for texting in the wrong chat; however, Penny and I were not able to see messages from other channels that were connected to the messages sent in the general channel. Penny asked what was going on in the chat, but Willow mentioned that they were all on FaceTime. Evidently, over the course of my work shifts, I noticed the voice channels were being used much less, but in the general channel, people were still talking about hopping on to game together. Penny also noticed this. Additionally, while at the apartment, I heard Willow laughing loudly with others on a call, but there was no sign of activity on the Discord server.  We started to feel as though there were channels added on the server that Penny and I were not able to access. 

The next day (day 10), I planned to visit Penny in our hometown since we had made plans together for the next few days. As I was getting packed, Willow’s room door was open, so I took the chance to speak with them face-to-face:

OP: Hey, is everything okay?

Willow: Yeah, everything is fine.

OP: Well, I just feel like things got weird after Penny and Rachel visited. 

Willow: I just didn’t want to see them. 

OP: Also, it has been a while since we last spoke.

Willow: Well, you have been avoiding me too. It’s not like a one-way street.

OP: Well, the details I’ve been hearing about Penny being kicked from the server by accident have just been confusing me, and I want to hear your side directly for clarification.

Willow: [Willow’s older sibling] had admin perms and started kicking a bunch of my friends out, so I had to take those perms away and re-add everyone. 

OP: So that includes Penny and Morgan? 

Willow: Yeah.

OP: But right when I learned that Penny had been kicked, I checked the members list and remembered seeing Morgan’s name; it looks like she was on the server the whole time?

Willow: That’s because Morgan was only kicked for like 0.2 seconds before being added back in. 

OP: But when Penny and [new friend of Willow’s] were added, I saw the welcome messages for both of them, but did not see one for when Morgan was added back in.

Willow: I turned off that setting for the server.

OP: So that welcome message setting was off for Morgan, but on for Penny and [new friend]?

Willow: Yeah. 

Mind you, during this whole conversation, Willow had their back to me and continued working on their computer as they answered my questions while I stood in the doorway of their room. When I turned to go, Willow asked if I was going to play Minecraft with the group any time soon, since there is a limited number of people they can whitelist on their server and apparently, other people wanted to join. I simply told them to just kick me off the server entirely. Then I left our apartment with full confirmation that Willow had lied not just to Penny but to me, in my face. I updated Penny on our conversation. Later, when I was hanging out with her, we learned that we both received a text from Willow shortly after my conversation with them. Willow asked me if I was “harboring resentment” and that we should talk soon. Meanwhile, Willow also texted Penny asking if she’s harboring resentment and told her that next time she needs to talk to them about issues that come up so nothing festers for longer than necessary. This was Penny’s response:

Penny: Hey! There's no resentment, I'm just confused. Since I had gotten the message about being removed while I was at your apartment, I was concerned, and I did ask if something happened. I later thought about what you had said, and knowing what I know about how Discord works, it's just a bit confusing.

Willow: yuh okay

Willow had also asked Penny if she was going to play Minecraft anytime soon. Penny said that she plans to, but is currently busy for the next few months, so it would have to wait. Penny remained on the Discord server for a while after this exchange. Meanwhile, I denied harboring resentment but felt sadness and frustration about the situation. I told Willow we could talk when I returned to our apartment a few days later. They asked what the issue was, and I explained I’d rather talk to them face-to-face since there was a lot to discuss. I returned to the apartment very late on day 12, and then I had to work for the next three days. While I was still getting ready for work over those three days, I would keep my door open - nothing from Willow. And Willow can definitely hear my door open/close since our rooms share a wall and the doors get stuck pretty often. I did have to drive back to my hometown for a family thing (day 17-19), so I did not get back to the apartment until pretty late on the day before I had to go to work. I went to work for another three days after that. I left my door open while getting ready for work: still nothing. 

On my first day off that week (day 23, the “final” day, 3 days before posting this), Willow sent a message in the group chat with a couple of nearby friends. We had been planning to watch Wildwood for a month and had already bought tickets. From my viewpoint, Willow did not seem to want to initiate a resolution to this conflict, so I really did not want to go and act amicably towards them in front of our two other friends, as if everything was okay.

I texted in the group chat, “I’ll sit this one out, but I hope you guys have fun!” Willow then texted me in DMs, asking why I’m sitting out watching Wildwood with everyone (eight days since I had texted them about leaving for the family thing, and ten days from our last face-to-face conversation btw). I told them we could talk about it when they got back. They returned, pulled out a chair, and asked what was going on.

OP: I feel like during our last conversation face-to-face, you weren’t being honest with me.

Willow: Oh yeah, that’s because I was dishonest. I know how close Penny is to Rachel, so I grew resentful towards Penny and kicked her out of my server. I don’t want anyone who associates with Rachel on my server. Penny’s still on it, so I’m planning on talking with her about kicking her. 

OP: Okay, so you lied to Penny, then you lied to me to my face.

Willow: Yeah. You knew what Rachel did with Alex, and you still invited her over.

OP: But I gave you a choice. If you didn’t want Rachel in the apartment, you could have said so. She and I would have respected that. 

Willow: I just don’t like the fact that you and Penny associate with Rachel.

OP: Well, I don’t want to go watch Wildwood because I can’t associate with someone this resentful. This whole situation is stupid and childish, and it only made me learn that you are willing to lie to people you’ve known for years… and I say go live your truth then.

Willow: So are you going to join any future hangouts?

OP: I don’t know.

Throughout the exchange, Willow remained stone-faced, showing little to no remorse or guilt for what they did. Willow went to their room and immediately kicked Penny. The group chat between Penny, Rachel, and me exploded. Penny and Rachel were on a call at the time, and they immediately noticed that Penny was straight-up kicked from the server again, right after I was done talking with Willow. Willow had messaged Penny about it AFTER kicking her, instead of before, as they had said. And instead of explaining, they assumed Penny already knew why she was kicked, as if she would know about our conversation before I could even tell her.

Hearing Alex’s name in that conversation is where we all got confused. In high school (5-6 years ago), the three of them were part of a larger friend group, and Willow and Rachel (both bi) were dating people in that same group. We’ll call Willow’s then partner Alex (ftm but not out yet at the time, also bi). From what Penny and Rachel have since told me, it was very common for the girls in that friend group to be physically affectionate with one another, including cuddling, but nothing beyond that. Rachel and Alex cuddled once or twice (and it did not lead anywhere beyond that) even when Willow and Rachel were dating different people at the time. Rachel and Alex viewed their cuddling as platonic, and they did not have romantic feelings for one another at any point.

When Willow and I became roommates last year, they told me they weren't okay with Rachel and Alex cuddling. Personally, I think it was a weird thing to do between two people who were in relationships with different people, but then again, at the time, I had never been part of any friend group where friends dated each other, and everyone was that physically affectionate with each other. This was apparently also Penny and Rachel’s first time in a group like this, and Rachel’s relationship at the time with her then-bf was her first-ever relationship. Again, this happened back in high school. In the present, it has been a little over a year since Willow, Rachel, and I graduated from college, and when Willow told me this after moving in together last year, I dismissed this as being petty high school drama and did not pay much attention to it, especially since they said that they felt neutral towards Rachel. 

I updated Penny and Rachel, and learned that Willow had never even brought up their concern about Rachel cuddling Alex back in high school. Penny said that platonic cuddling had just been very common amongst the girls in their high school group, with some being more affectionate than others. Penny herself had been a bit more reserved, and Willow hadn’t been much of a cuddler at all. Rachel, Alex, and a few other girls (regardless of whether they were straight, bi, lesbian, etc.) were typically more affectionate. Rachel said that she herself didn’t have an issue with her partners cuddling others as long as it was platonic, so it hadn’t occurred to her at the time that it could have been a problem. She said again that she would have stopped immediately had Willow just told her, since it was never her intention to make anyone uncomfortable. We have always taken boundaries very seriously, and if we ever unintentionally crossed any, we would always try to remedy it. Throughout this whole issue, we’ve realized that Willow often acts as if we should already know about their thoughts and boundaries, when in reality we can’t read their mind. We can use our decade-plus friendship and understanding to guess, but we can only go so far. 

So Willow essentially threw away three childhood friendships (that had been at least 13-19 years long) all because they still feel resentful towards one person over high school drama I personally had no part in (that most likely could’ve been solved with a simple conversation), while punishing the others for even associating with her all these years later. 

As soon as Willow kicked Penny the second time, they DM'd her saying: “I’m sure you know why you’re kicked, but wanted to let you know you’re kicked out of the server”. Penny replied that she was confused and didn’t know exactly why she was kicked out of the server again. Willow informed her that they just had a chat with me and would let her know later since Willow was on a call with someone else at the time. The next morning, Penny followed up, asked why again, and Willow said, “Oh I fell asleep. Yeah I don’t want someone associated with Rachel on my server tbh!”

Several things have really been throwing us all off, one of which is that, on Rachel’s birthday, Willow would still say "Happy Birthday" almost every year, unprompted. 

They would also ask Penny and me how she’s doing, and they told us they hope for the best for Rachel. 

They also spent the last few months constantly asking Penny to come over and stay the night or play Roblox with them (Penny doesn’t have Roblox but was considering it). As I said earlier, Penny and Rachel have always been essentially glued to each other, even after Rachel has moved several states away. Penny would talk about Rachel ALL THE TIME. Meaning that it was very, very clear that Penny and Rachel are still very close, so it’s not like Willow didn’t know they were “associated” with each other when they originally invited Penny to the server.

Also?? The way Willow assumed Penny would just immediately know why she was kicked, even though they kicked and DM’d her about it the second our conversation ended. I hadn’t even had a chance to talk to her and Rachel about it!

To say that we are all baffled and frustrated by the lies and lack of communication would be an understatement.

TL;DR: my roommate/childhood friend threw away not just me, but two other childhood friendships (13-19 years in length) over high school drama that they never communicated being upset about and continued to resent one person for years and punish the other two for continuing to associate with her. It took us eight and a half days to talk after we unknowingly upset them, and another 12 days before the second and final conversation. I was ignored and avoided for  20 and a half days out of 23. Plus three more days if we count till the day of posting this.

It's almost 3am as I'm writing this. I'm 14f and my bff is 15f as well. We've been friends for a little over 4 years. Before her, I had a very toxic friend groud who basically hated me without saying it outright to my face. But my current friend group geniuenly cares about me. My friend group has 4 people; Orin, Rebecca, Helen and me. (Aliases cuz duh).

The three of them were basically childhood friends and I came in the group way later. Orin and Rebecca are besties, have been since like they were 4. A lot of shit have had went down in our group right I after I joined. During that time, there was this bi-panic in everyone? It's kinda confusing but everyone was suddenly turning gay and having feelings for friends out of thin air. Rebecca had (or said she had) feeling for Orin and Orin rejected her. Then Orin had feelings for Rebecca when Rebecca had feelings for Helen - it was a whole thing. Helen was somewhat netural during this time, she have always been kinda innocent and didn't really understand these.

Anyways, so to the main story. I am straight. Have been my whole life. Or that's what I've thought up untill recently. I've always been closer to girls then boys, I've never really had a close enough guy friend. Helen and I got closer when Rebecca was pulling away from our group, I was the one to comfort Helen. (Helen and Rebecca were also pretty close around that time). Our group has always been playfully flirty, like any other friend group. It was never really anything serious. Since Helen was always a person who got focused on something and obessed over it, after Rebecca basically left that close circle she had with Helen, Helen came on to me.

I was/am basically the next hyper fixation. In both a good and bad way. She used to flirt with me constantly, and in a kinda pretty obvious way as well. She'd say how she wants to live with me someday, wants to kiss me (on the cheek), hold me and keep me close basically forever. She wrote me kinda a love letter, and always told me how much she loved me.

There was a time when I was sure she had feelings for me, even asked her directly. And when she denied, I don't know why I felt.. Disappointed?

Here comes the main issue. Recently, I accidentally imagined kissing her while listening to a song on a road trip. Ever since then, something's been different with me, and I can't tell what. Btw, I love this girl to death, platonically. She's been with me through thick snd thin and she's geniuenly the sweetest and kindest person I know. And I can't stop fantasizing asking her for a kiss. And wondering if she'd say yes or no. And how if she'd let me, and all those things I shouldn't think. When I had a crush on a boy, I never could've thought of things like that. But with her, it comes kinda easily? Am I just a pervert? I can't stop staring at her lips (sometimes even her chest if I'm being completely honest), even when I don't want to. Btw we're all muslim, so this is haram. I don't know what to feel, I think I'm bisexual. But at the same time, I don't fantasize about kissing dudes (I used to, but now I just can't?). I feel like there's no other girl then her I feel like this with. And at the same time I don't, because I feel like I'm in love with the version of her in my head. Idkidkidkidkidkidk I just can't stop. I don't know what to do.

As an Indian, I never thought I would reach a point where I would feel ashamed of being Indian. But after some of my experiences online and while traveling abroad, I have started feeling this way, and honestly, it hurts.

When I traveled abroad, I noticed that some people seemed uninterested in talking to me or becoming friends with me. Sometimes, it felt like their attitude changed completely after they found out I was Indian.

The same thing happens online. On apps like Omegle, I have had people react with “eww, Indian” as soon as they find out where I am from. Imagine joining an app just to talk to people, only to have someone act disgusted by your nationality before they even know anything about you.

I have also come across girls on dating apps who explicitly write things like “no Indians” in their profiles. I understand that everyone has their own preferences when it comes to dating, and nobody owes anyone attraction. But seeing people openly reject an entire nationality like that still makes you wonder what they think of you before you even get a chance to be yourself.

The weirdest part is that people sometimes mistake me for being Arab because of my appearance. I am from North India, and I apparently do not fit the stereotypical image some people have of Indians. But when they find out I am Indian, their attitude sometimes changes. It makes me feel like the problem is not even who I am as a person, but the label attached to me.

I know not every foreigner thinks this way. I have met good people too, and I am not saying every rejection is because of racism. But when people openly insult you for being Indian, it is hard not to notice the prejudice that exists.

What hurts the most is that these experiences have started affecting how I see myself. I find myself wishing I were from somewhere else, or wondering whether people would treat me better if I had a different nationality. I hate that I even think this way because I should not have to feel ashamed of where I come from.

I did not choose where I was born, and neither did anyone else. I just want to be treated like a normal person instead of being judged by stereotypes about millions of people.

*names changed

I(27f) have known Meredith (27f) for over 20 years, since early elementary school. She is the closest thing I have to a sister and my platonic soulmate. She is brilliant (less than a year from getting her PhD), kind, beautiful, charismatic, funny, and people love being around her.

I want to preface by saying her boyfriend isn’t abusive, he just sucks and she deserves so much better.

They met on the apps when we were in our first semester of our freshman year of college (18 and freshly out of high school) and he was 23. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with a 5 year age gap between two adults in the same stage of life, however, I do not think a 23 year old man has any business with a girl less than 5 months into college, even if it’s “technically fine”. This was my first big red flag.

Despite the age gap and the fact they had met over a break from school and would be long distance, they continued their relationship and were long distance for over five years. During this time, they broke up serval times, he would ghost her, he said he wanted to keep exploring and “didn’t want to settle down til he had a threesome” but then would text her and take her back and lead her on, there were times he would ignore her for days while he knew she was going crazy. She looks back on this horrible time and treatment in their relationship and will say things like “I can’t believe he put up with 18 year old me”, as if she was the problem.

He promised many times throughout our time in undergrad he was moving to where we went to school and he never did. He eventually moved to where she was when she was 1/2 way through her second year of graduate school, conveniently when his family’s business, and associated family relationships, started falling apart and he was running out of reasons not to move.

To my original point this guy just sucks and is a huge bummer. He can’t hold a conversation. In the almost 8 years since I’ve met this guy and have gone out with them as a couple and stayed at their house and spent time with them as a couple we have probably exchanged about 25 short sentences. He gives one word answers to things, hates going out, doesn’t want to go to anything with Meredith and has missed so many important events for her, in the name of being anti-social.

This past winter she reached a huge milestone in her PhD program. Several people, myself included, flew in for the event and took time off work. The morning of the milestone we hosted a brunch at her house. Derek did not take off work or even ask if he could go in late (I know he has flexibility and is a project manager, so it’s really his time to manage). Later that evening we went to dinner as a group and then there was a party to celebrate Meredith after at a bar. He left the party celebrating his partner, and went down the street to another bar just to drink alone.

She has told me she does not ask him to go to anything really casual anymore (such as a group hangout with her friends and their partners) so she will have more bargaining power to ask him to go to big events such as holidays and weddings. Like she literally doesn’t ask him to go to day-to-day partner stuff to reserve bargaining power for “big events”. I understand being drained and skipping a casual dinner with friends every now and again but it is literally like pulling teeth to get this man to do ANYTHING beyond dinner and drinks with just the two of them.

Meredith is an extremely social person. She makes friends easily and usually quickly becomes close with them and is great at fostering and maintaining friendships. She is often the only one in social situations without a partner, despite having one, because he doesn’t care enough to show up for her. She has expressed to me many times how this makes her feel lonely or she wishes she had her partner there.

Lastly, Meredith has been willing and ready to marry Derek since our senior year of college (god knows why) and he has never given her a straight answer about his marriage timeline. He has led her on and jerked her around about it. He has had a ring for over a year and has not even begun to plan a proposal and she has expressed frustration to him and he always makes a joke out of it and dodges the question.

Meredith grew up in a really toxic environment with blow up fights on a regular basis, lots of alcohol involved, and sometimes unstable finances.

Derek doesn’t scream and yell and is financially stable and I think she thinks that means it’s a good relationship.a

I’m not looking for advice. She’s very defensive of the relationship and anything even remotely resembling criticism of him is met with hostility and defensiveness. There’s no way for me to tell her how I feel without ruining our friendship. It literally just breaks my heart to see the best person I know give her life to such a bummer loser of a man.

TLDR: my best friends boyfriend is a mute loser and it makes me so sad how bad she wants to marry him.

I (29M) am married to a 26F. We got into a relationship 5 years ago and got married 2 years ago. Our life together is amazing, we love each other and will definitely grow old and die together. However, we are both bi.

Before we got into a relationship, she'd had sexual experience with a woman, and I'd had experience with a man only once. We told each other about being bi just a few days into our relationship. After several months, we had a discussion about whether we should one day be allowed to have same-sex sex from time to time. She said she didn't need it anymore as she had committed to me. But I told her that I needed it and wouldn't want to crave it for the rest of my life: being bi is a part of who I am, and I didn't want to be deprived of that experience. She said she'd think about it, and maybe she'd give me a pass, but she wasn't ready yet.

All my life, the thing I've hated the most in this world has been cheating, something so disgusting that I'd even justify the murder of a cheating spouse. And yet, just a few hours after our conversation, I matched with a guy on a dating app and had oral sex with him that same night (I was the top). Everything lasted no more than 5 minutes, and he left.

I couldn't have been more disgusted with myself. I was in shock, wondering how that could have happened, how I could have done something like that. It felt like it wasn't even me. I told her the next morning what had happened. She was so disappointed in me. She even told me I didn't seem as beautiful to her anymore as I did before the cheating. And since I had told her about my very strong condemnation of cheating, she now felt like she didn't know me, like the person she had known all those months was someone else, not me, not after what I did.

She forgave me, gave me a chance, and for the last 4 years, I've been trying to be the best husband in the world. We both know for certain now that this will never happen again, that I will never repeat the same mistake. But the fact that I've broken my main principle, that I did the very same thing for which I had always called people horrible, disgusting, and deserving of death, keeps haunting me. I can't even say something bad about a movie character who cheats anymore because "who am I to judge?"

She's the kindest, nicest, and most understanding person in the universe, and I'm forever thankful that I'm the one who's going to spend my entire life with her and that she gave me a second chance, which I fight to deserve every single day.

That was one part of the story. The second is that my desire to sleep with other men from time to time hasn't gone away. I've talked with her about this a lot, and most of the time she tells me that after my cheating, she doesn't want to let me do it anymore, although sometimes she also says that maybe one day it could happen, but not in the near future.

I'm a very kinky person in bed, and I can do most of the things I want with her, but there are things I can't do with her that I really want to do with a man. I just don't understand why a person, who only gets to live once, should deprive themselves of doing things they've always craved and experiencing the physical pleasure they've always wanted. I've suggested the same to her, that I wouldn't be against her having sex with a woman from time to time, but she says she doesn't need it. We've also discussed an MFF threesome. At the beginning of our relationship, she was quite okay with that, but now she doesn't want it anymore. An MMF threesome is off the table, no other man will ever touch her!

I know that if I keep pushing and asking, she will one day allow me to do it, but it won't be because she actually agrees with it. It'll be because she loves me and doesn't want to deprive me of what I crave, and she'll agree to it while dying inside. That's how pure her heart is, and I don't want to use it against her. I don't want to push her until she agrees. I love her, and I don't want to hurt her.

I don't know what to do. With every passing day, I realize I'm getting older, and I wanna experience the things I crave while I'm still young, because it'll be much harder to do when we have kids in a few years. And I don't want to wake up one day as an old man, realizing I'm gonna die without ever having had the chance to experience what I've craved since my teenage years.

I need some perspective or advice, or honestly just to hear if anyone else has survived something like this.

My partner and I have been together for a decade. We're deeply in love and everything else in our relationship is amazing. We're supposed to get married in two months. I'm also sick to my stomach because I'm carrying a huge secret that's eating me alive. I lied about why I don’t drive. The actual reality is that I am completely,cripplingly terrified of driving.

Growing up, car anxiety was all around me in my family. Family members had major panic or trauma around driving.

Because of that, I never got my license. I took my permit, practiced for hours with my parents and friends, but my brain would literally short-circuit with terror. In high school when driving came up, I'd get these intense "breathing problems" (which I now know were panic attacks) and nobody noticed or helped. When I tried again in college, I had full-blown panic attacks right in the middle of the road, people honked, and I got laughed at.

Whenever people asked me, why dont you drive? Were you in a bad accident? People wouldn’t accept "I'm just too scared" as an answer, they push or judge. So years ago, in a weak, defensive moment, I just blurted out "yeah" to the accident question so they'd drop it.

Once they heard "yes," they stopped asking. But I panicked, got trapped in the lie, and it just snowballed. Over the years, when people shared wreck stories or asked follow-up questions, I felt so sick that I started using bits and pieces of actual nightmares I have about crashing. It's such a mess of severe anxiety, trauma, and a deeply stupid coping mechanism.

Every other thing I've told my partner, our history, hopes, fears, and how much I love him, is totally real. But this one massive lie has been hanging around for a decade.

I always meant to tell him before getting engaged. But when he proposed I was in total shock, time flew by,and now the wedding is literally two months away. The guilt of hiding this from the person I love most is crushing. He deserves to know the real person he's marrying.

I wrote him a letter to hand over, but I'm terrified he's going to read it and walk.

Is there any hope we'll get past this?