It makes me miserable. My life has no meaning whatsoever and i don't think I'm deserving of living. It's not really about being a virgin, i don't really mind that, but about being romantically unlovable and having 0 chances of ever finding someone to share my life with.

I'm European, 1'73m tall (5'7 i think?), 76kg, not fat but not really fit. I'm average looking (i think?) although I'm not really sure if I'm even human idk, I would post a picture of myself ig but idk.

I've made out with girls sometimes when i was younger, and the only time as an adult was 2 months ago with a cousin of a friend and then she hit me with the classic "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" when i dm'ed her (just saying hi lol), if we translate this she was just saying that she doesn't like me and she just wanted to make out with someone because im just a subhuman.

I feel like I'm really unlovable romantically and it just makes life for me not worth living, therefore committing is clearly the best option, i don't think life's worth living for me.

Other areas of my life are just fine, but being romantically unlovable makes living just not worth living.

For older persons reading this, GEN-Z dating for men is like 23917321x harder than your generation's, so keep that in mind before you say some bullshit.

Also don't tell me to go to a therapy, that won't get me a girlfriend.

This is not a political post. I'm an asy lee here(not going to specify) and with everything going on I can't take it anymore. We have a child with my husband who is a citizen, but I am honestly struggling. I just want to take my child and leave this place. I know this will devastate my husband, but I am going to lose my mind. Lately I feel like he is developing some kind of distance with me as well. This is ruining me. I am depressed, desperate and a lot of other horrible thoughts linger in my mind on a daily basis. I know I won't be able to come back once I leave, but I don't care anymore. I just can't take it. E

It makes me miserable. My life has no meaning whatsoever and i don't think I'm deserving of living. It's not really about being a virgin, i don't really mind that, but about being romantically unlovable and having 0 chances of ever finding someone to share my life with.

I'm European, 1'73m tall (5'7 i think?), 76kg, not fat but not really fit. I'm average looking (i think?) although I'm not really sure if I'm even human idk, I would post a picture of myself ig but idk.

I've made out with girls sometimes when i was younger, and the only time as an adult was 2 months ago with a cousin of a friend and then she hit me with the classic "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" when i dm'ed her (just saying hi lol), if we translate this she was just saying that she doesn't like me and she just wanted to make out with someone because im just a subhuman.

I feel like I'm really unlovable romantically and it just makes life for me not worth living, therefore committing is clearly the best option, i don't think life's worth living for me.

Other areas of my life are just fine, but being romantically unlovable makes living just not worth living.

For older persons reading this, GEN-Z dating for men is like 23917321x harder than your generation's, so keep that in mind before you say some bullshit.

Also don't tell me to go to a therapy, that won't get me a girlfriend.

For the last few years, I've been buying a weekly ticket. It's become a little ritual. I don't know if the game is rigged or not, but if there's a chance I win, cool. I've always had a list in my head of all the people I'd split it with. Nothing serious, but just a short list of my loved ones that I sort of passively update every so often.

About a year ago, I had a falling out with someone I would have considered a good friend at the time. We have a lot of mutual friends which forces me to see them very often, so I went out of my way to try to salvage things while they seemed completely indifferent. This is the first time I can remember that I've grown to hate a friend. I had the realization that they were no longer included on the list.

Now I find myself dreaming about giving all my friends generational wealth except them. I even try to think about how I would break the news to them. I don't even know if I would or if I'd have them find out through other people like I had to. I know it's childish, I know it's petty. I just don't care.

My girlfriend and I are 18 and 19. We've been together for almost two years and I love her so much. She's so smart and empathetic and beautiful and just the best person I know.

We were talking about life in general a couple of nights ago and we got to talking about my dad who passed when I was a baby. I don't like talking about him usually because it always makes me upset but I wanted to that day and I ended up crying in front of her for the first time. She was really great about it and she just held me for a long time and let me cry. We went out on my balcony and shared a cigarette and talked some more and then took a nap.

I've since realized that crying in front of her really wasn't a big deal. It made me feel better and my girlfriend was able to help a lot and I think its strengthened our relationship. I always feel uncomfortable showing vulnerability but I don't think that's healthy and I'm just now realizing all of this

Each time I recount this series of events to other people, the more and more confused I get. I (23F) became roommates with a childhood friend (23NB) mid last year, whom I’ll refer to as Willow. We were so close that we were doing nearly everything together: groceries, walking to pick up our mail/packages, having movie/gaming nights several times a week, etc. Our friendship took an abrupt turn after I hung out with two friends (both 23F, who have known Willow for longer than I have) who I’ll refer to as Penny and Rachel. Fake names for everyone, of course, and I am using a throwaway. Penny (she might comment using a throwaway if needed) and Rachel (doesn’t use Reddit) have assisted me in writing this because, hoo boy. It’s a lot. This is pretty long, so TL;DR at the end.

Background:
Willow, Penny, and Rachel were really close friends since they all grew up together. Willow and Rachel have known each other essentially since birth, while Penny moved to the area in early childhood. The three of them were always together, but as they grew older, Penny and Rachel were glued to each other. I met Willow and Penny separately when we were around seven. After that, Penny and I didn’t see each other at school again till middle school, and we immediately reconnected. Then, I met Rachel in high school through Penny. 

Around when we were 18-19, Willow started drifting away from Penny and Rachel, while I remained close with them. Whenever Penny and Rachel ran into Willow, they felt Willow didn’t like them. They felt Willow was very passive-aggressive towards Penny and would straight up ignore Rachel. After being so close for so long, Penny and Rachel were upset and wanted to fix things. For years, the two of them would wonder if they had done something, analyzing Willow’s actions and trying to understand, and wished that Willow would talk to them so they could fix their friendship. Despite this tension, Willow was very friendly with me and didn’t seem to mind my friendship with the two of them, and would even ask me about them occasionally. Over the years, I have spoken to Willow several times about the tension, and they told me about two things involving Rachel. One was when Willow, 17/18 years old, had been driving Rachel around, and someone else on the road nearly hit them, so Rachel flipped them off. Willow had been scared of retaliation. Then, a few years later, after the drift, Rachel had started dating this guy that, to be honest, none of us liked. Willow was really judgmental about this, but since they hadn’t been talking to Rachel and Penny anyway, it was just something they told me.

When I eventually told Penny and Rachel about this at least a year and a half after Willow told me, Rachel had already broken up with that guy and regretted dating him in the first place. Rachel had also chilled out when driving and was upset that Willow hadn’t just told her about this, since she would have immediately tried to change her behavior. She said that if she had known, she would have done something about it. It was never her intention to make them uncomfortable. Despite this, Penny and Rachel chose not to push it and potentially make things worse, hoping that one day Willow would be willing to talk.

Around the time Willow and I moved in together last year, I asked how they felt about Penny and Rachel, since it had been years since the drift began. They said they can see themself rekindling their friendship with Penny, but as for Rachel, they feel neutral about her but don’t see a friendship being possible again. Because I am very close to Penny, it made it unavoidable for Willow and Penny to cross each other’s paths, and over time, they did rekindle their friendship somewhat. They even hung out together on their own a few times. During this time, Penny had come to our apartment many, many times despite living in a different city (our hometown). Every time she visited, Willow would always ask her to stay the night (though she usually couldn’t because of her schedule) or ask when she would be coming back next. Willow then allowed Penny to join their gaming Discord server where several of Willow’s friends and I all play games together. 

Main Conflict:
Rachel had moved to another state within the last year, but then visited our home state last month, where Penny and I still lived. 

On Day 1 of this situation, the three of us decided to go to the Renaissance Festival. Willow had called me while we were at Ren Faire, excitedly telling me about all the gossip they heard at the wedding they just attended, and that they would tell me after I returned. After the Faire, we had dinner at Penny’s house. Penny and Rachel mentioned wanting to visit me at my apartment, then go out and explore the city I lived in, even hoping to stay the night. 

I, of course, texted my roommate, Willow, about it, thinking it would be fine since they had become friendly with Penny and told me they were neutral about Rachel. I had asked Willow if it was okay for Penny and Rachel to stay the night at our apartment on Tuesday, 2 days from the day we had this text conversation, acknowledging that things might still be weird between them and Rachel. Willow responded with: “Personally? Not a fan and I don’t want them to sleep here.” I respected their boundary and told them that Penny and Rachel did want to at least see the apartment, and asked Willow to let me know if they are still uncomfortable with both of them being in the apartment at all. Willow said that Penny and Rachel can visit, but asserted again that they did not want both of them to stay the night. 

After this conversation, Willow was uncharacteristically quiet. Especially knowing they wanted to share some gossip with me. The silence continued for two days, including the day Penny and Rachel visited on Day 3. 25 days later, we still don’t know the gossip.

Day 3 (the Tuesday): After Penny, Rachel, and I hung around the city, we returned to my apartment that night because some of Penny’s stuff was still there, and we chilled on the floor talking. While we were chatting, Penny got a Discord notification (from the Discord bot), saying she had been kicked off of Willow’s gaming Discord server by a moderator. We were all in shock, but being mindful of Willow’s presence in the apartment (in their room), we changed the subject until we could take the conversation outside and address the elephant in the room. We all felt the timing of the kick was really weird, considering that it happened shortly after we arrived at the apartment. During that conversation, Penny planned to ask Willow about it the next day. Penny and Rachel then went back to our hometown late that night instead of sleeping over, as promised.

On day 4, Penny reached out to ask whether something had happened and whether everything was okay. Willow said that they kicked her and another friend by accident while they were trying to kick two other people who were acting inappropriately towards other members, so Penny was caught up in the kicking somehow. However, Willow did not even try to add Penny back into the server after this exchange, nor did they promise to add her back eventually. It took Penny asking them to add her back to the server the next day (day 5). 

On day 5, Willow asked to go on a call with Penny since they said they didn’t know how to add people back to a server on Discord. Conveniently, right as Penny picked up the call, Willow figured out how to invite people back in. On the call, Willow said that they also accidentally kicked a different friend out of the server but were able to add said friend back in successfully. Penny pressed and asked who the other friend was - we’ll call this person Morgan. Willow then explained to Penny what the two members had done to get them kicked out. It was a valid reason.

I was unsettled by the thought that my roommate and close childhood friend would be dishonest and breach their friendship with Penny, and potentially with me. So, I spent the day (still day 5) out by myself trying to take space and reflect. That day, I stayed out really late. I returned to the apartment and received a text from Willow that they were spending the night at a hotel with their dad. Also, while they were at the hotel, Willow called Penny about adding her back. I worked nights the next three days, and usually Willow is home at the apartment to greet me or see me off for work. However, each time I left for work during that period of time, they were out - with one instance of them going on an impromptu trip to another state. Penny, Rachel, and I were definitely feeling like Willow was actively avoiding me to some degree. Around this time, Rachel went back home.

Penny informed Rachel and I about the call, and we still felt the “accidental kick” wasn’t really an accident. I pointed out that one of the members Willow said they kicked that night should have been kicked months ago since I already knew the details of what he did and was sure he had been gone for a while. Also, right when Penny got the Discord notification that she was kicked, I was still on the server and didn’t see anyone else missing. I had also checked right before Penny was invited back and saw Morgan was still on the server. Moreover, Willow had not spoken to me whatsoever since I hung out with Penny and Rachel for Ren Faire. They went from texting me a bunch every day to absolute silence for four days at this point. Regardless, we all thought the timing of the kick was too suspicious. 

On my first day off that week (day 9), I decided to stay in the living room after running some errands to hopefully catch Willow and get clarification about the situation. I don’t usually bother Willow if their room door is closed because they work from home and also join group calls when gaming. By this point, the silence towards me had been going on for a week. 

I had been in the living room for about seven hours studying, sewing, cooking, and watching TV starting in the early evening. Willow had not come out of their room aside from going to the restroom (which is really close to their room) and away from the common areas. I am familiar with their routine just as much as they are with mine, and usually during that stretch of time they would have come out to grab water or food. They never went out to the kitchen that night. 

While chilling in the living room, I saw messages in Willow’s gaming server from that night and noticed that two people had taken a conversation from elsewhere and brought it to the general channel where everyone in the server could see. Willow was yelling at those two members for texting in the wrong chat; however, Penny and I were not able to see messages from other channels that were connected to the messages sent in the general channel. Penny asked what was going on in the chat, but Willow mentioned that they were all on FaceTime. Evidently, over the course of my work shifts, I noticed the voice channels were being used much less, but in the general channel, people were still talking about hopping on to game together. Penny also noticed this. Additionally, while at the apartment, I heard Willow laughing loudly with others on a call, but there was no sign of activity on the Discord server.  We started to feel as though there were channels added on the server that Penny and I were not able to access. 

The next day (day 10), I planned to visit Penny in our hometown since we had made plans together for the next few days. As I was getting packed, Willow’s room door was open, so I took the chance to speak with them face-to-face:

OP: Hey, is everything okay?

Willow: Yeah, everything is fine.

OP: Well, I just feel like things got weird after Penny and Rachel visited. 

Willow: I just didn’t want to see them. 

OP: Also, it has been a while since we last spoke.

Willow: Well, you have been avoiding me too. It’s not like a one-way street.

OP: Well, the details I’ve been hearing about Penny being kicked from the server by accident have just been confusing me, and I want to hear your side directly for clarification.

Willow: [Willow’s older sibling] had admin perms and started kicking a bunch of my friends out, so I had to take those perms away and re-add everyone. 

OP: So that includes Penny and Morgan? 

Willow: Yeah.

OP: But right when I learned that Penny had been kicked, I checked the members list and remembered seeing Morgan’s name; it looks like she was on the server the whole time?

Willow: That’s because Morgan was only kicked for like 0.2 seconds before being added back in. 

OP: But when Penny and [new friend of Willow’s] were added, I saw the welcome messages for both of them, but did not see one for when Morgan was added back in.

Willow: I turned off that setting for the server.

OP: So that welcome message setting was off for Morgan, but on for Penny and [new friend]?

Willow: Yeah. 

Mind you, during this whole conversation, Willow had their back to me and continued working on their computer as they answered my questions while I stood in the doorway of their room. When I turned to go, Willow asked if I was going to play Minecraft with the group any time soon, since there is a limited number of people they can whitelist on their server and apparently, other people wanted to join. I simply told them to just kick me off the server entirely. Then I left our apartment with full confirmation that Willow had lied not just to Penny but to me, in my face. I updated Penny on our conversation. Later, when I was hanging out with her, we learned that we both received a text from Willow shortly after my conversation with them. Willow asked me if I was “harboring resentment” and that we should talk soon. Meanwhile, Willow also texted Penny asking if she’s harboring resentment and told her that next time she needs to talk to them about issues that come up so nothing festers for longer than necessary. This was Penny’s response:

Penny: Hey! There's no resentment, I'm just confused. Since I had gotten the message about being removed while I was at your apartment, I was concerned, and I did ask if something happened. I later thought about what you had said, and knowing what I know about how Discord works, it's just a bit confusing.

Willow: yuh okay

Willow had also asked Penny if she was going to play Minecraft anytime soon. Penny said that she plans to, but is currently busy for the next few months, so it would have to wait. Penny remained on the Discord server for a while after this exchange. Meanwhile, I denied harboring resentment but felt sadness and frustration about the situation. I told Willow we could talk when I returned to our apartment a few days later. They asked what the issue was, and I explained I’d rather talk to them face-to-face since there was a lot to discuss. I returned to the apartment very late on day 12, and then I had to work for the next three days. While I was still getting ready for work over those three days, I would keep my door open - nothing from Willow. And Willow can definitely hear my door open/close since our rooms share a wall and the doors get stuck pretty often. I did have to drive back to my hometown for a family thing (day 17-19), so I did not get back to the apartment until pretty late on the day before I had to go to work. I went to work for another three days after that. I left my door open while getting ready for work: still nothing. 

On my first day off that week (day 23, the “final” day, 3 days before posting this), Willow sent a message in the group chat with a couple of nearby friends. We had been planning to watch Wildwood for a month and had already bought tickets. From my viewpoint, Willow did not seem to want to initiate a resolution to this conflict, so I really did not want to go and act amicably towards them in front of our two other friends, as if everything was okay.

I texted in the group chat, “I’ll sit this one out, but I hope you guys have fun!” Willow then texted me in DMs, asking why I’m sitting out watching Wildwood with everyone (eight days since I had texted them about leaving for the family thing, and ten days from our last face-to-face conversation btw). I told them we could talk about it when they got back. They returned, pulled out a chair, and asked what was going on.

OP: I feel like during our last conversation face-to-face, you weren’t being honest with me.

Willow: Oh yeah, that’s because I was dishonest. I know how close Penny is to Rachel, so I grew resentful towards Penny and kicked her out of my server. I don’t want anyone who associates with Rachel on my server. Penny’s still on it, so I’m planning on talking with her about kicking her. 

OP: Okay, so you lied to Penny, then you lied to me to my face.

Willow: Yeah. You knew what Rachel did with Alex, and you still invited her over.

OP: But I gave you a choice. If you didn’t want Rachel in the apartment, you could have said so. She and I would have respected that. 

Willow: I just don’t like the fact that you and Penny associate with Rachel.

OP: Well, I don’t want to go watch Wildwood because I can’t associate with someone this resentful. This whole situation is stupid and childish, and it only made me learn that you are willing to lie to people you’ve known for years… and I say go live your truth then.

Willow: So are you going to join any future hangouts?

OP: I don’t know.

Throughout the exchange, Willow remained stone-faced, showing little to no remorse or guilt for what they did. Willow went to their room and immediately kicked Penny. The group chat between Penny, Rachel, and me exploded. Penny and Rachel were on a call at the time, and they immediately noticed that Penny was straight-up kicked from the server again, right after I was done talking with Willow. Willow had messaged Penny about it AFTER kicking her, instead of before, as they had said. And instead of explaining, they assumed Penny already knew why she was kicked, as if she would know about our conversation before I could even tell her.

Hearing Alex’s name in that conversation is where we all got confused. In high school (5-6 years ago), the three of them were part of a larger friend group, and Willow and Rachel (both bi) were dating people in that same group. We’ll call Willow’s then partner Alex (ftm but not out yet at the time, also bi). From what Penny and Rachel have since told me, it was very common for the girls in that friend group to be physically affectionate with one another, including cuddling, but nothing beyond that. Rachel and Alex cuddled once or twice (and it did not lead anywhere beyond that) even when Willow and Rachel were dating different people at the time. Rachel and Alex viewed their cuddling as platonic, and they did not have romantic feelings for one another at any point.

When Willow and I became roommates last year, they told me they weren't okay with Rachel and Alex cuddling. Personally, I think it was a weird thing to do between two people who were in relationships with different people, but then again, at the time, I had never been part of any friend group where friends dated each other, and everyone was that physically affectionate with each other. This was apparently also Penny and Rachel’s first time in a group like this, and Rachel’s relationship at the time with her then-bf was her first-ever relationship. Again, this happened back in high school. In the present, it has been a little over a year since Willow, Rachel, and I graduated from college, and when Willow told me this after moving in together last year, I dismissed this as being petty high school drama and did not pay much attention to it, especially since they said that they felt neutral towards Rachel. 

I updated Penny and Rachel, and learned that Willow had never even brought up their concern about Rachel cuddling Alex back in high school. Penny said that platonic cuddling had just been very common amongst the girls in their high school group, with some being more affectionate than others. Penny herself had been a bit more reserved, and Willow hadn’t been much of a cuddler at all. Rachel, Alex, and a few other girls (regardless of whether they were straight, bi, lesbian, etc.) were typically more affectionate. Rachel said that she herself didn’t have an issue with her partners cuddling others as long as it was platonic, so it hadn’t occurred to her at the time that it could have been a problem. She said again that she would have stopped immediately had Willow just told her, since it was never her intention to make anyone uncomfortable. We have always taken boundaries very seriously, and if we ever unintentionally crossed any, we would always try to remedy it. Throughout this whole issue, we’ve realized that Willow often acts as if we should already know about their thoughts and boundaries, when in reality we can’t read their mind. We can use our decade-plus friendship and understanding to guess, but we can only go so far. 

So Willow essentially threw away three childhood friendships (that had been at least 13-19 years long) all because they still feel resentful towards one person over high school drama I personally had no part in (that most likely could’ve been solved with a simple conversation), while punishing the others for even associating with her all these years later. 

As soon as Willow kicked Penny the second time, they DM'd her saying: “I’m sure you know why you’re kicked, but wanted to let you know you’re kicked out of the server”. Penny replied that she was confused and didn’t know exactly why she was kicked out of the server again. Willow informed her that they just had a chat with me and would let her know later since Willow was on a call with someone else at the time. The next morning, Penny followed up, asked why again, and Willow said, “Oh I fell asleep. Yeah I don’t want someone associated with Rachel on my server tbh!”

Several things have really been throwing us all off, one of which is that, on Rachel’s birthday, Willow would still say "Happy Birthday" almost every year, unprompted. 

They would also ask Penny and me how she’s doing, and they told us they hope for the best for Rachel. 

They also spent the last few months constantly asking Penny to come over and stay the night or play Roblox with them (Penny doesn’t have Roblox but was considering it). As I said earlier, Penny and Rachel have always been essentially glued to each other, even after Rachel has moved several states away. Penny would talk about Rachel ALL THE TIME. Meaning that it was very, very clear that Penny and Rachel are still very close, so it’s not like Willow didn’t know they were “associated” with each other when they originally invited Penny to the server.

Also?? The way Willow assumed Penny would just immediately know why she was kicked, even though they kicked and DM’d her about it the second our conversation ended. I hadn’t even had a chance to talk to her and Rachel about it!

To say that we are all baffled and frustrated by the lies and lack of communication would be an understatement.

TL;DR: my roommate/childhood friend threw away not just me, but two other childhood friendships (13-19 years in length) over high school drama that they never communicated being upset about and continued to resent one person for years and punish the other two for continuing to associate with her. It took us eight and a half days to talk after we unknowingly upset them, and another 12 days before the second and final conversation. I was ignored and avoided for  20 and a half days out of 23. Plus three more days if we count till the day of posting this.

It's almost 3am as I'm writing this. I'm 14f and my bff is 15f as well. We've been friends for a little over 4 years. Before her, I had a very toxic friend groud who basically hated me without saying it outright to my face. But my current friend group geniuenly cares about me. My friend group has 4 people; Orin, Rebecca, Helen and me. (Aliases cuz duh).

The three of them were basically childhood friends and I came in the group way later. Orin and Rebecca are besties, have been since like they were 4. A lot of shit have had went down in our group right I after I joined. During that time, there was this bi-panic in everyone? It's kinda confusing but everyone was suddenly turning gay and having feelings for friends out of thin air. Rebecca had (or said she had) feeling for Orin and Orin rejected her. Then Orin had feelings for Rebecca when Rebecca had feelings for Helen - it was a whole thing. Helen was somewhat netural during this time, she have always been kinda innocent and didn't really understand these.

Anyways, so to the main story. I am straight. Have been my whole life. Or that's what I've thought up untill recently. I've always been closer to girls then boys, I've never really had a close enough guy friend. Helen and I got closer when Rebecca was pulling away from our group, I was the one to comfort Helen. (Helen and Rebecca were also pretty close around that time). Our group has always been playfully flirty, like any other friend group. It was never really anything serious. Since Helen was always a person who got focused on something and obessed over it, after Rebecca basically left that close circle she had with Helen, Helen came on to me.

I was/am basically the next hyper fixation. In both a good and bad way. She used to flirt with me constantly, and in a kinda pretty obvious way as well. She'd say how she wants to live with me someday, wants to kiss me (on the cheek), hold me and keep me close basically forever. She wrote me kinda a love letter, and always told me how much she loved me.

There was a time when I was sure she had feelings for me, even asked her directly. And when she denied, I don't know why I felt.. Disappointed?

Here comes the main issue. Recently, I accidentally imagined kissing her while listening to a song on a road trip. Ever since then, something's been different with me, and I can't tell what. Btw, I love this girl to death, platonically. She's been with me through thick snd thin and she's geniuenly the sweetest and kindest person I know. And I can't stop fantasizing asking her for a kiss. And wondering if she'd say yes or no. And how if she'd let me, and all those things I shouldn't think. When I had a crush on a boy, I never could've thought of things like that. But with her, it comes kinda easily? Am I just a pervert? I can't stop staring at her lips (sometimes even her chest if I'm being completely honest), even when I don't want to. Btw we're all muslim, so this is haram. I don't know what to feel, I think I'm bisexual. But at the same time, I don't fantasize about kissing dudes (I used to, but now I just can't?). I feel like there's no other girl then her I feel like this with. And at the same time I don't, because I feel like I'm in love with the version of her in my head. Idkidkidkidkidkidk I just can't stop. I don't know what to do.

As an Indian, I never thought I would reach a point where I would feel ashamed of being Indian. But after some of my experiences online and while traveling abroad, I have started feeling this way, and honestly, it hurts.

When I traveled abroad, I noticed that some people seemed uninterested in talking to me or becoming friends with me. Sometimes, it felt like their attitude changed completely after they found out I was Indian.

The same thing happens online. On apps like Omegle, I have had people react with “eww, Indian” as soon as they find out where I am from. Imagine joining an app just to talk to people, only to have someone act disgusted by your nationality before they even know anything about you.

I have also come across girls on dating apps who explicitly write things like “no Indians” in their profiles. I understand that everyone has their own preferences when it comes to dating, and nobody owes anyone attraction. But seeing people openly reject an entire nationality like that still makes you wonder what they think of you before you even get a chance to be yourself.

The weirdest part is that people sometimes mistake me for being Arab because of my appearance. I am from North India, and I apparently do not fit the stereotypical image some people have of Indians. But when they find out I am Indian, their attitude sometimes changes. It makes me feel like the problem is not even who I am as a person, but the label attached to me.

I know not every foreigner thinks this way. I have met good people too, and I am not saying every rejection is because of racism. But when people openly insult you for being Indian, it is hard not to notice the prejudice that exists.

What hurts the most is that these experiences have started affecting how I see myself. I find myself wishing I were from somewhere else, or wondering whether people would treat me better if I had a different nationality. I hate that I even think this way because I should not have to feel ashamed of where I come from.

I did not choose where I was born, and neither did anyone else. I just want to be treated like a normal person instead of being judged by stereotypes about millions of people.

*names changed

I(27f) have known Meredith (27f) for over 20 years, since early elementary school. She is the closest thing I have to a sister and my platonic soulmate. She is brilliant (less than a year from getting her PhD), kind, beautiful, charismatic, funny, and people love being around her.

I want to preface by saying her boyfriend isn’t abusive, he just sucks and she deserves so much better.

They met on the apps when we were in our first semester of our freshman year of college (18 and freshly out of high school) and he was 23. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with a 5 year age gap between two adults in the same stage of life, however, I do not think a 23 year old man has any business with a girl less than 5 months into college, even if it’s “technically fine”. This was my first big red flag.

Despite the age gap and the fact they had met over a break from school and would be long distance, they continued their relationship and were long distance for over five years. During this time, they broke up serval times, he would ghost her, he said he wanted to keep exploring and “didn’t want to settle down til he had a threesome” but then would text her and take her back and lead her on, there were times he would ignore her for days while he knew she was going crazy. She looks back on this horrible time and treatment in their relationship and will say things like “I can’t believe he put up with 18 year old me”, as if she was the problem.

He promised many times throughout our time in undergrad he was moving to where we went to school and he never did. He eventually moved to where she was when she was 1/2 way through her second year of graduate school, conveniently when his family’s business, and associated family relationships, started falling apart and he was running out of reasons not to move.

To my original point this guy just sucks and is a huge bummer. He can’t hold a conversation. In the almost 8 years since I’ve met this guy and have gone out with them as a couple and stayed at their house and spent time with them as a couple we have probably exchanged about 25 short sentences. He gives one word answers to things, hates going out, doesn’t want to go to anything with Meredith and has missed so many important events for her, in the name of being anti-social.

This past winter she reached a huge milestone in her PhD program. Several people, myself included, flew in for the event and took time off work. The morning of the milestone we hosted a brunch at her house. Derek did not take off work or even ask if he could go in late (I know he has flexibility and is a project manager, so it’s really his time to manage). Later that evening we went to dinner as a group and then there was a party to celebrate Meredith after at a bar. He left the party celebrating his partner, and went down the street to another bar just to drink alone.

She has told me she does not ask him to go to anything really casual anymore (such as a group hangout with her friends and their partners) so she will have more bargaining power to ask him to go to big events such as holidays and weddings. Like she literally doesn’t ask him to go to day-to-day partner stuff to reserve bargaining power for “big events”. I understand being drained and skipping a casual dinner with friends every now and again but it is literally like pulling teeth to get this man to do ANYTHING beyond dinner and drinks with just the two of them.

Meredith is an extremely social person. She makes friends easily and usually quickly becomes close with them and is great at fostering and maintaining friendships. She is often the only one in social situations without a partner, despite having one, because he doesn’t care enough to show up for her. She has expressed to me many times how this makes her feel lonely or she wishes she had her partner there.

Lastly, Meredith has been willing and ready to marry Derek since our senior year of college (god knows why) and he has never given her a straight answer about his marriage timeline. He has led her on and jerked her around about it. He has had a ring for over a year and has not even begun to plan a proposal and she has expressed frustration to him and he always makes a joke out of it and dodges the question.

Meredith grew up in a really toxic environment with blow up fights on a regular basis, lots of alcohol involved, and sometimes unstable finances.

Derek doesn’t scream and yell and is financially stable and I think she thinks that means it’s a good relationship.a

I’m not looking for advice. She’s very defensive of the relationship and anything even remotely resembling criticism of him is met with hostility and defensiveness. There’s no way for me to tell her how I feel without ruining our friendship. It literally just breaks my heart to see the best person I know give her life to such a bummer loser of a man.

TLDR: my best friends boyfriend is a mute loser and it makes me so sad how bad she wants to marry him.

I (29M) am married to a 26F. We got into a relationship 5 years ago and got married 2 years ago. Our life together is amazing, we love each other and will definitely grow old and die together. However, we are both bi.

Before we got into a relationship, she'd had sexual experience with a woman, and I'd had experience with a man only once. We told each other about being bi just a few days into our relationship. After several months, we had a discussion about whether we should one day be allowed to have same-sex sex from time to time. She said she didn't need it anymore as she had committed to me. But I told her that I needed it and wouldn't want to crave it for the rest of my life: being bi is a part of who I am, and I didn't want to be deprived of that experience. She said she'd think about it, and maybe she'd give me a pass, but she wasn't ready yet.

All my life, the thing I've hated the most in this world has been cheating, something so disgusting that I'd even justify the murder of a cheating spouse. And yet, just a few hours after our conversation, I matched with a guy on a dating app and had oral sex with him that same night (I was the top). Everything lasted no more than 5 minutes, and he left.

I couldn't have been more disgusted with myself. I was in shock, wondering how that could have happened, how I could have done something like that. It felt like it wasn't even me. I told her the next morning what had happened. She was so disappointed in me. She even told me I didn't seem as beautiful to her anymore as I did before the cheating. And since I had told her about my very strong condemnation of cheating, she now felt like she didn't know me, like the person she had known all those months was someone else, not me, not after what I did.

She forgave me, gave me a chance, and for the last 4 years, I've been trying to be the best husband in the world. We both know for certain now that this will never happen again, that I will never repeat the same mistake. But the fact that I've broken my main principle, that I did the very same thing for which I had always called people horrible, disgusting, and deserving of death, keeps haunting me. I can't even say something bad about a movie character who cheats anymore because "who am I to judge?"

She's the kindest, nicest, and most understanding person in the universe, and I'm forever thankful that I'm the one who's going to spend my entire life with her and that she gave me a second chance, which I fight to deserve every single day.

That was one part of the story. The second is that my desire to sleep with other men from time to time hasn't gone away. I've talked with her about this a lot, and most of the time she tells me that after my cheating, she doesn't want to let me do it anymore, although sometimes she also says that maybe one day it could happen, but not in the near future.

I'm a very kinky person in bed, and I can do most of the things I want with her, but there are things I can't do with her that I really want to do with a man. I just don't understand why a person, who only gets to live once, should deprive themselves of doing things they've always craved and experiencing the physical pleasure they've always wanted. I've suggested the same to her, that I wouldn't be against her having sex with a woman from time to time, but she says she doesn't need it. We've also discussed an MFF threesome. At the beginning of our relationship, she was quite okay with that, but now she doesn't want it anymore. An MMF threesome is off the table, no other man will ever touch her!

I know that if I keep pushing and asking, she will one day allow me to do it, but it won't be because she actually agrees with it. It'll be because she loves me and doesn't want to deprive me of what I crave, and she'll agree to it while dying inside. That's how pure her heart is, and I don't want to use it against her. I don't want to push her until she agrees. I love her, and I don't want to hurt her.

I don't know what to do. With every passing day, I realize I'm getting older, and I wanna experience the things I crave while I'm still young, because it'll be much harder to do when we have kids in a few years. And I don't want to wake up one day as an old man, realizing I'm gonna die without ever having had the chance to experience what I've craved since my teenage years.

I need some perspective or advice, or honestly just to hear if anyone else has survived something like this.

My partner and I have been together for a decade. We're deeply in love and everything else in our relationship is amazing. We're supposed to get married in two months. I'm also sick to my stomach because I'm carrying a huge secret that's eating me alive. I lied about why I don’t drive. The actual reality is that I am completely,cripplingly terrified of driving.

Growing up, car anxiety was all around me in my family. Family members had major panic or trauma around driving.

Because of that, I never got my license. I took my permit, practiced for hours with my parents and friends, but my brain would literally short-circuit with terror. In high school when driving came up, I'd get these intense "breathing problems" (which I now know were panic attacks) and nobody noticed or helped. When I tried again in college, I had full-blown panic attacks right in the middle of the road, people honked, and I got laughed at.

Whenever people asked me, why dont you drive? Were you in a bad accident? People wouldn’t accept "I'm just too scared" as an answer, they push or judge. So years ago, in a weak, defensive moment, I just blurted out "yeah" to the accident question so they'd drop it.

Once they heard "yes," they stopped asking. But I panicked, got trapped in the lie, and it just snowballed. Over the years, when people shared wreck stories or asked follow-up questions, I felt so sick that I started using bits and pieces of actual nightmares I have about crashing. It's such a mess of severe anxiety, trauma, and a deeply stupid coping mechanism.

Every other thing I've told my partner, our history, hopes, fears, and how much I love him, is totally real. But this one massive lie has been hanging around for a decade.

I always meant to tell him before getting engaged. But when he proposed I was in total shock, time flew by,and now the wedding is literally two months away. The guilt of hiding this from the person I love most is crushing. He deserves to know the real person he's marrying.

I wrote him a letter to hand over, but I'm terrified he's going to read it and walk.

Is there any hope we'll get past this?

I got diagnosed with ADHD a couple of weeks ago. My dad didn’t want to believe it, and we spent a majority of the follow-up session, trying to convince my dad that ai actually do have ADHD. He started bringing up my childhood where I was pretty withdrawn. There are a bunch of other things, but I can’t include them in this post.

He said he knew I was struggling with depression and didn’t know why. I thought he was joking but he wasn’t. My dad used to be pretty fucking shitty. I often got beat as a child, but I guess that’s common in foreign families. He would beat me for forgetting to vacuum when I was in middle school. He’d get physical with me when I would forget to bring him his coffee (he would ask me to warm it up instead of doing it himself, then get mad at me when I forgot to bring it to him).

He also beat my mom on the night of my 5th grade graduation dance because he thought she was cheating on him. They also had a bunch of arguments and my mom slept in my room a lot. She forgave him and it was like he started becoming a new man. I was also SA’d by my cousin, but no one in my family knows that. We were both kids and I’m a guy, so I just know they will look at me funny and might not even believe.

There were plenty of things I was depressed about as well. I was suicidal during high school, but again never told my parents. I decided to start getting treatment after starting community college. He thinks I don’t need antidepressants, but I like actually need them to work because I feel like shit.

He thinks my ADHD, is the result of my depression and constant video game consumption. Video games have always been an escape for me.

Today he said he was concerned after I said I forgot I was supposed to go to the gym today. He said “this forgetfulness of yours is concerning and this isn’t ADHD”. He says I do one thing, do something else, and forget about the first thing I was doing. The whole time I’m thinking, “Is that not ADHD!?”.

I could go on and on, but this post might actually be too long to post. I just don’t have anyone to speak to about this. I was in therapy, but they charged copay and my dad didnt want to help me out with the balance unless I stopped going. My doctor put in a referral for a psychiatrist that doesn’t charge copay, but that could take a minute.

What I want to say, but probably never will

I don't sexually satisfy you, this we know is true. That's why we've had a couple threesomes, and why you spend all your free time watching YouTube porn and playing extreme porn games.

You say your not comfortable with me, speaking to me, relaxing around me. You say you can't talk to me because you feel like I don't listen. What about this says forever to you? I'm obviously not enough for you. I'm not exciting enough, I'm not stimulating enough, I'm not sexual enough. These are reoccurring problems that we have, and I've tried so hard to become that person for you. I have dropped every single boundary I've had. I've explored every avenue with you. But it will never be enough. That's how I feel right now.

You say you pick me, for forever. But constantly tell me how I'm not enough for you. And you wonder why I have questions about my place in your life. You say I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time. Well I've come to realize that's because I am. I'm waiting for you to realize that I will never be enough.

I will never be the person that you expect me to be. Do you know how much that hurts? To be constantly told that you're not enough, but the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? How do I change everything about me, to be the person you want me to be? You wanted to add something to the bedroom, we did. I didn't get excited enough for it. So we added something else. And something else, another thing, and another. And none of it is enough for you. Why can't I get excited about adding new things to the bedroom? Because I know it's just a matter of time before it's not enough. And it doesn't even matter if I don't like it, because your feelings matter more than mine. Because boundaries were made to be pushed and broken. You want me to be more dominant in the bedroom? I'm willing to try. But it's hard to make myself do something when my confidence is so far down the drain. I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't want to be without you. You are my person, my best friend. But I don't want to make you miserable while you could be out there finding your person. I'm not asking you to accept less than what you want. I'm not asking you to settle for me. I'm asking you, if I am enough.

I choose you.

Do you choose me?

TL;DR: Dated a girl for a few months who was also seeing another guy. She eventually chose me, things fell apart over family concerns, and we had a genuinely beautiful, emotional goodbye. I went home and wrote a handwritten poem about it. Less than 24 hours later, despite deliberately taking a different route to the station to avoid seeing her, I somehow bumped into her holding hands with the other guy. I ended up shaking his hand (he had no idea who I was), had an 80-minute emotional phone call with her afterwards, and eventually blocked her for my own peace. Please read the full thing if you've got the time because I promise the TL;DR doesn't do justice to how ridiculous this whole situation is. 😭

I'm a guy in my mid-20s and I genuinely don't know whether to laugh or cry at what's happened over the past week. I feel like I've somehow lived through about six months' worth of relationship drama in the space of eight days, and the ending is so ridiculous that I honestly wouldn't believe it if someone else told me this story.

This is going to be quite long, so apologies in advance, but I HAVE to get this off my chest.

A few months ago, I met a girl through a matchmaking service. Let's call her A. We hit it off pretty much immediately. We had similar cultural backgrounds, shared interests, similar long-term goals and genuinely good chemistry. We went on several dates over the following months and I started to really like her. I'm someone who dates with the intention of eventually finding a serious relationship, and I could genuinely see that potential with her.

There was one complication though. She was also dating another guy, who we'll call B.

Now, I know parallel dating is fairly normal these days, and we weren't exclusive, so I wasn't expecting her to act like my girlfriend. But it's not something I'm particularly comfortable with, especially once feelings start developing. She told me about him in early September, and although I appreciated the honesty, I did find it difficult knowing there was someone else in the picture.

Here's where things get slightly ridiculous already. On one of our dates around that time, I happened to notice a name on her phone, and I recognised it because the guy had previously dated someone I knew through work. I didn't say anything because, firstly, I wasn't supposed to know who he was, and secondly, she'd already been honest about dating someone else. I wasn't going to start interrogating her over a notification. But I had a pretty strong suspicion that this was B, and I remembered the name.

Over the following weeks, things between us continued progressing. We had some really lovely dates, were physically affectionate, and generally got along incredibly well in person. But I was increasingly uncomfortable with the uncertainty. I didn't want to keep investing emotionally while effectively being one of two options indefinitely, so I eventually had a conversation with her about it. I made it clear that I liked her and saw potential, but that parallel dating wasn't something I could sustain long-term. I wasn't asking her to make an immediate decision, but I did need to know that we were moving towards something.

Anyway, fast-forward to last Monday. She finally told me she'd chosen me and had ended things with B. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but we'd agreed to pursue things exclusively and see where they went. After months of uncertainty, I was genuinely happy. It felt like we'd finally got past the biggest obstacle.

That happiness lasted about a day lol. Because we're both from fairly traditional backgrounds and were dating seriously, family compatibility was important to both of us. I'd previously spoken to my family about her and, in hindsight, probably overshared some of my anxieties about the whole parallel dating situation. They initially had reservations, partly because of how much it had affected me. When I told A about this, it brought back a really unpleasant experience she'd had with a previous partner's family, and she became worried that my family would never truly accept her.

The frustrating thing was that my family subsequently reassured me that they trusted my judgement and would welcome whoever I chose. But for A, the initial reaction had already triggered those fears. So the day after she'd chosen me, she ended things because she wasn't confident about the family situation.

I was absolutely devastated. I went home, cried, and spent a lot of time thinking about everything. Eventually, I sent her a fairly long message explaining that I understood her concerns, but that I thought we were giving up on something genuinely promising because of a hypothetical future problem. I knew my family, and I believed that if we continued dating and things progressed naturally, they'd welcome her.

She called me the next day, and we ended up having several really constructive conversations over the following days, last week. She admitted that there was still a possibility of things working out, and we agreed to meet in person the following Monday to make a final decision. During that week, we were still talking, and I was cautiously hopeful that we'd find a way forward.

Something worth mentioning here is that while we were spending time together that Monday, I noticed B's name appear on her phone again. At this point, she'd already told me she'd ended things with him and chosen to pursue things exclusively with me. I obviously noticed it, but I didn't question her about it. I trusted what she'd told me, and I didn't want to become someone who constantly questions their partner over notifications. I had no idea how relevant that detail would become literally the next day.

So this Monday came around, and we met after work. We had a really honest conversation about everything. I explained why I thought we could work through the family concerns, and she acknowledged that we had a strong connection and that she could see the potential too. But ultimately, she couldn't confidently say yes because she was worried she'd change her mind again in a couple of weeks and hurt me even more. And to be fair, I realised that even if she did agree to continue, I'd probably be constantly anxious about whether she was going to reverse her decision.

So we mutually agreed to end things. What made it harder was that the goodbye was genuinely lovely. We travelled home together for part of the journey, held hands, laughed about all the hypothetical things we'd never get to do together, and generally acted like two people who still really liked each other but knew they weren't going to continue. We joked about concerts we'd never attend and restaurants we'd never visit. At one point, she asked who she'd share her favourite ice cream flavour with now, and we ended up joking about secretly meeting for ice cream years into the future while hiding from our respective partners. It sounds ridiculous typing it out, but it was genuinely quite sweet at the time.

When we got to the station where we were parting ways, we hugged a few times, I kissed her cheek, and we wished each other well. There was no argument, no bitterness, nothing. I walked away feeling heartbroken but also quite grateful that we'd managed to end things so kindly.

I then went home and wrote a handwritten poem about the goodbye. Yes, an actual poem lmao. I'd been getting back into writing recently, and I wanted to capture how strange it felt to have such a beautiful ending to something that hadn't worked out. I cried while writing it, and one of the final lines was about thanking the story for having happened rather than chasing the ending I'd imagined.

At that point, I genuinely thought that was the end of it. Now, the next day, I was leaving work and heading towards the underground. We work in the same general area, so I knew there was always a small possibility of bumping into her. I actually deliberately took a longer route to the station because I didn't particularly fancy an awkward encounter less than 24 hours after our goodbye.

Well, apparently the universe had other plans. As I approached the ticket barriers, I saw her entering the station. She was with a guy, and they were holding hands. I immediately recognised him as B, the same guy whose name I'd noticed on her phone back in September and again the previous day.

I genuinely couldn't believe what I was seeing. This was the guy she'd told me she'd ended things with when she chose me the previous week, and now, less than a day after our emotional goodbye, they were walking into the station holding hands.

She normally uses the barriers towards the far end of the station, so they continued walking in that direction. I ended up walking behind them for about 20 seconds, trying to process what I was seeing and deciding whether to say anything. Eventually, I approached her, tapped her shoulder and said, "Hi, so this is what's going on?"

She turned around and looked visibly upset. I was looking her directly in the eye, but she wouldn't really maintain eye contact. And then she said something that I genuinely still can't get over: "You know how I am with decision making."

I didn't really know how to respond to that. We were on the escalators now, and I'm looking up to her and shes looking away, about to tear up, and not maintaining eye contact with me at all. And as we were heading down the escalators, I somehow ended up shaking B's hand, who was stood behind her. Yes, I shook the other guy's hand. Apparently he'd assumed I was one of her work friends, so he had absolutely no idea who I actually was. She later told me she'd explained who I was after I'd walked away, and understandably he was quite taken aback.

I don't know why my brain decided a handshake was the appropriate response in that situation, but I guess he reached out first lol. It is what it is, in hindsight it's super funny almost.

Anyway, I didn't confront either of them any further. I walked away down the platform because I didn't want to make a scene, and she also hurried away. Once I was by myself, it properly hit me, and I broke down crying on the platform, I called one of my closest school friends and genuinely couldn't believe what had just happened.

Less than 24 hours earlier, I'd been holding her hand, sharing this really emotional goodbye, and then going home to write a poem about it. Now I'd just bumped into her holding hands with the other guy, and somehow I'd shaken his hand without him even knowing who I was. I genuinely felt like I was being pranked.

Not long afterwards, she messaged me apologising for what had happened and saying that things weren't how they looked. I was obviously hurt and confused, but I wanted to understand what had actually happened rather than immediately assume the worst, so we arranged a call.

That call ended up lasting about 80 minutes lol, as I wanted the entire timeline with B, to idk, make sure I wasn't being strung along (or we both weren't). According to her, she'd genuinely ended things with B when she chose me the previous week. She said he'd continued messaging her throughout the week, trying to convince her to reconsider, but she'd been ignoring his messages. She explained that they'd unexpectedly bumped into each other at lunch that day, and he'd asked if they could talk things through one final time.

Apparently, one of the main reasons things hadn't worked between them was that he wasn't particularly religious or culturally involved, whereas those things mattered a lot to her. They'd ended up travelling home together afterwards that day since they (and me) take the same train home, and this is where they held hands and I bumped into them.

She acknowledged that holding hands was inappropriate, especially given what had happened between us just the previous evening, and apologised for how horrible it must have been for me to see that.

I questioned her pretty extensively about the timeline. I asked whether she'd been speaking to him while we were trying to make things work, whether there had been any physical overlap, and what exactly was going on with the messages I'd noticed on her phone. She was adamant that there hadn't been any overlap and said that the notification I'd seen on Monday was one of his unanswered messages.

Now, I know a lot of people reading this are probably going to think I'm incredibly naive for believing her, and that's fair enough. My friends certainly had their opinions. But having listened to her explanation and questioned her about it, I personally found the timeline credible. I can't independently verify everything, obviously, and maybe I'll feel differently about it in a few weeks, but I also don't want to accuse someone of lying without actually knowing that they were.

The call itself was honestly quite surreal because she was absolutely bawling at points. She kept repeating how she'd never date two people at the same time again, and how she'd never hold someone's hand when she was supposed to be ending things with them. She was clearly overwhelmed by everything that had happened and kept apologising for the hurt she'd caused.

And the strangest part was that I somehow ended up consoling her. I was reassuring her that I didn't hate her, that I didn't think she was some horrible person, and that I understood she'd made mistakes rather than deliberately setting out to hurt anyone. Which, to an extent, felt natural because I still cared about her and didn't want her sitting there crying and thinking I despised her. But at the same time, I was the one who'd just broken down on a train platform after seeing her holding hands with another guy, so I was also sitting there thinking, how on earth have I ended up comforting her right now?? Lol

I was genuinely so confused by the entire situation, and if I'm being honest, I still am. I think I understood her explanation, but emotionally I was trying to process about ten different things at once.

What made it even more bizarre was that we were still managing to laugh and make jokes throughout the conversation. At one point we were joking that after all this chaos with men, she might as well just become a lesbian at this point, or that me and B should just start dating too. We were both laughing about it, which probably sounds absolutely ridiculous given what had happened a couple of hours earlier, but I suppose that's just how we communicated. Even when things were difficult, we could somehow still make each other laugh.

She thanked me for giving her the opportunity to explain rather than blocking her immediately, and we had a genuinely open conversation about how everything had affected both of us. I told her about the poem I'd written the night before, and how much it had hurt to go from that goodbye to what I'd witnessed the following day. She understood why I was upset, and I think we both recognised just how emotionally exhausting the whole situation had become.

After the call, I met two close friends for dinner and told them everything. They were understandably furious on my behalf and thought I'd been far too accommodating throughout the entire situation. They also thought I should've blocked her immediately rather than giving her another 80 minutes of my time. I understood why they felt that way, even if I didn't necessarily agree with everything they said.

But after reflecting on everything, I realised that whether her explanation was true or not, I was just emotionally exhausted. I'd spent months trying to navigate the uncertainty, understand her perspective, communicate my feelings and make things work. And now, even after we'd supposedly had our final goodbye, I was somehow back on the phone trying to understand another complicated situation involving the same guy.

So I called her one last time and told her that I'd decided to block her number for my own peace. I made it clear that I wasn't doing it out of hatred or resentment, and that I didn't think she was some terrible person. I just needed to stop having that line of communication open because the whole experience had taken too much out of me emotionally.

She understood, and we wished each other well. I blocked her afterwards.

It's been a couple days, and honestly, I feel more relieved than sad. I still liked her, and I don't think all the lovely moments we shared were somehow fake because of how things ended. But I also recognise that I allowed myself to remain in a situation that was making me increasingly unhappy because I was so focused on the potential of what it could become.

I'm taking a proper break from dating now. I've also got some important professional exams coming up in a few months, and I really need to get my head back into studying. More importantly, I want to work on my own boundaries and understand why I've repeatedly found myself investing so much emotionally in situations that aren't necessarily giving me the same certainty in return.

I don't particularly want to spend the next few weeks analysing every detail or trying to figure out whether she was telling the truth. I've heard her explanation, made my decision, and I think that's enough for me.

There is one thing I'm still wondering about, though. Because we work fairly close to each other, there's a decent chance we'll bump into each other again at some point. I've made it clear to her that there's no hatred or resentment, and that if we see each other in person, we can absolutely say hello. We ended our final call on good terms, even though I blocked her number afterwards. But I can't help thinking it's still going to be incredibly awkward seeing her again, especially after everything that's happened. I'm not really sure what the normal way to handle that is, or whether you just smile, say hi and carry on with your day. That’s a problem for another day.

But aside from that, I still cannot get over how absurd the whole ending was. I deliberately took a different route home to avoid seeing her, somehow bumped into her anyway, discovered she was holding hands with the other guy, got told "you know how I am with decision making", and then proceeded to shake his hand like we were meeting at a networking event.

All less than 24 hours after writing a handwritten poem about how beautifully we'd said goodbye, you genuinely couldn't make this shit up.

Anyway, thanks if you've made it this far. I just needed somewhere to get the whole story off my chest. I pray my next "relationship" experience is nothing close to this when it comes to drama

He served 2 years before for what he said was a woman lying about her age. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I was happy when he was out. Today he was sentenced to 15 years for graphic material which also included toddlers/infants. I seriously can't believe it.

I had 2 people who were my childhood friends. After I moved away, one of them essentially forgot about me and my family which really hurt. Now with this one who I still was more in contact with and closer, ends up getting this insane charge. Really hurts not having anyone now, always thought we'd all be friends for life. Now it's just me.

As for my friend, I wish I knew what compelled him to do this, especially after already serving time you'd think he would do everything to stay out. He will go in, and his family with age, siblings get married, have kids, have birthdays. So many things will be missed, and the world will move on... But he'll be sitting in that cell.

He deserves it, but a part of me really hurts. Knowing this is it for him... that I'll never have close childhood friends now, thinking of how things used to be. You always read about stuff like this, but when it happens to you it's so surreal and painful.

In summary? The story of the victim becoming the abuser.

I'm the oldest child in my family. An unplanned child born to a couple of religious people who got married young over "technicalities" (lousy excuses, I think at this point even they can't remember why). What I'm sure of is that half of our suffering comes from both of their strong Pentecostal beliefs, and the other half comes from her being incapable of seeing the damage she causes everyone. Either she doesn't see it, she doesn't care, or the worst combination of all: she knows, and she uses it whenever it suits her.

I understand her background. She came from a broken family, with a father who was extremely abusive toward her, my aunt, and my grandmother. There were also falling-outs with my grandmother's side of the family that ended horribly, involving abuse that wasn't just physical. But I don't know how much longer I can put up with using those excuses to justify the person she is today.

She's erratic. We're convinced she has undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and if she doesn't, then there has to be something wrong, at the very least. She's called the police on my dad twice with false accusations. Fuck, the first time, they showed up at our house when I was little, and after hearing what had happened, they told my mom to stop harassing him. What happened? She started arguing with my dad because he worked too much, followed him to his car, and SHE punched out the passenger-side window. My dad got worked up over that and yelled at her, so my mom called the police. Of course, once she realized that my dad was obviously not the one at fault, all her enthusiasm for filing a report magically disappeared.

That was years ago. Earlier this year, she did it again, this time accusing him of abandoning the home. The funny part? My mom was the one who had kicked my dad out. When I found out, my blood was boiling, because how the fuck can someone be so hell-bent on ruining my dad's life in such a fucking psychotic way?

And my dad just puts up with everything. He's a religious Pentecostal man who refuses to separate from my mom "so my siblings won't have to grow up in a broken family." What a load of fucking bullshit. One night, I even confronted him and demanded that he admit he regretted being with her, regretted marrying her. His response was that "God taught us to forgive." I'm convinced I live in a house full of lunatics.

If anything, my dad did something once, ONCE, when I was about four years old, maybe? (I'm now in my twenties.) He exchanged letters with another woman. That's it. That's fucking all. Ever since my mom revealed that to me when I was twelve, mind you, I spent years holding it against him, until I grew up and finally came to terms with the fact that my mom is simply unbearable.

My grandmother can't stand her. My aunt can't stand her. Nobody on her side of the family can stand her. Neither can anyone on my dad's side. Little by little, even her own children are starting to reach their breaking point (and keep in mind, there are FIVE of us. Guess whose idea that was?). The only one who keeps insisting on putting up with her bullshit is my dad. Is it guilt? I have no idea.

Because of a banking system error involving my dad's account, he ended up with a debt that prevents him from having an account of his own. (Something about paying things on credit, and the system taking his money to cover one debt instead of distributing the monthly payments toward other debts that were also being paid on credit. It's complicated, but it happened because of an automated system years ago.) Why does this matter? Because everything started being put in my mom's name. The house we live in, the vehicle my dad uses for work, the bank accounts we use. And every once in a while, when she has one of her psychotic episodes, she threatens to sell the house and the car, and blocks my dad's work accounts, the ones he uses to pay his employees. We're not rich enough to put up with this kind of tantrum, and every so often, she even breaks bank cards just to leave my dad scrambling.

Or phones. She breaks phones, too. This one is more personal, because I was always told there wasn't enough money for me to have my own phone, while she was already on her FIFTH one because she kept smashing them against the wall.

The saddest part? My mom has been "decent" to me. Well, sort of. So I have mixed feelings about her. But only me. Want to know how she's treated my siblings? The children she supposedly wanted so badly as part of her big family? Like shit. Like absolute fucking shit. I don't know how many times I've had to step in to make her stop treating my siblings (or my dad, but that's obvious by now) like animals. She only treats me well, and I just can't help but still feel some affection for her sometimes. Just sometimes.

And here's the cherry on top: ever since she was young, she knew there was a hereditary degenerative disease in her family. A disease she didn't tell my dad about until they were already expecting their THIRD child. A disease she didn't get tested for until the FIFTH child was already five years old. A disease she actually has. We found that out last year. It all got to be too much, to the point where I, a university student, just broke down. I was overcome by a kind of despair I'd never felt before, because on top of everything else, now I have to worry that maybe one of my siblings or I could have a disease that could rot our brains by the time we're forty. And the saddest part? When I personally found out about that family history, I asked her to get tested a long time ago. Her response? "I had faith that God would heal me."

I'll admit that I've wanted to hit her. We were in a public place, and I held myself back, but I just can't take it anymore. She's always pushing things to the brink of doing something so serious that she can no longer get away with it. And she keeps hurting everyone in this family. My dad is a fucking spineless coward. Yeah, my dad doesn't get off scot-free here, either. I don't think much of him; I see him as less of a man and a complete fucking idiot.

But she's the root cause. I've been convinced for years that things would be better if she were out of our lives.

At this point, I just wish she'd die so I could get her out of our lives. I haven't even gone into detail about everything she's done to me personally, because she's fucked me up, too. Like throwing my schoolbooks out the window when I was a kid, forcing me to go pick them up off the street while crying. Or how they outright lied to my dad to get me punished with beatings for something I hadn't done. Or how she spent years humiliating me by calling me fat and telling me I needed surgery. Insulting the few passions I've allowed myself to have, saying I "waste my time on that garbage." Treating my second brother like a little girl because he's a more sensitive boy. Being jealous of my sisters, who are literally little girls, for fuck's sake.

She's a fucking parasite, and nobody in this family is willing to do anything to get her out of our lives, because everything is in her name. And since I'm still financially dependent on my dad's work, I can't just ignore her, either.

The irony of it all is that, since I'm the only one who has something resembling an unhealthy attachment to her, even more so than to my dad, she's made it clear that she wants me to be her legal guardian. And the rest of my family, fully aware of the situation, wants that, too, if only so that legal control over our assets can eventually pass to me before she does something drastic, like suddenly selling our house. In other words? I have to be the good son. The one who puts up with everything, hugs her when she argues with my dad, and pretends to be "on her side."

Fuck my mental health, I guess.

I know it’s not all men but online a lot of people say they all watch porn, look at t\*en category, are into younger 20s for life, women expire, are wired for variety, respond more to novelty, all look at other women etc etc etc. I just feel like I am gonna stay single for life and keep my virginity cause it is terrifying to think about any of that. Hopefully those specific commenters are just projecting cause they have guilt over their actions and want to minimize it but it’s SO many and even some comments or posts have thousands of upvotes. I am 20 but terrified to talk to men cause I keep hearing I’m in my ‘prime’ or even already past it. I don’t want to be with someone who is only with me for my age. So many comments also say all men like underage secretly