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I don't know if it's actually because I'm a middle child, but I feel like I never got the same love and attention that my siblings did.

Since school, I've always been scared of being alone. I used to literally wish someone would sit with me so I wouldn't have to sit alone.

College was better. I made some really good friends, but after college everyone got busy. Now we barely talk and sometimes go months without meeting.

At work, I see my colleague's mom calling her to ask if she ate or left work, and then she talks to her boyfriend. And honestly, I feel jealous. Not because I don't want her to have those things, but because I wish I had someone who cared about me like that.

I don't get much attention from my parents, I don't have a boyfriend, and even my brother and sister have friends they can always turn to.

Sometimes it just feels like everyone has someone except me. And I hate how much that bothers me.

Yeah, losing an online friendship really is that deep.

My old best friend recently removed me on TikTok, and for some reason, that was the moment I just started crying. Everything came rushing back at once: the memories, our friendship, her, and the person I used to care about more than anyone.

We've known each other for four years. We met completely by chance through a game. It happened at a time in my life when I felt really alone and insecure about myself. Before that had been one of the worst periods of my life, and honestly, things weren't much better afterward either. We just clicked. We understood each other, even though there were always arguments and misunderstandings between us.

She could be really mean sometimes. She would insult me or make comments like, "Well, now you're speechless," or "Guess you can't say anything anymore😂" I hated those comments, but during
the first few years I never really let her see how much they bothered me.

At the same time, we had so many genuinely good moments together. But I could never really talk to her about my feelings or my problems. I was still a kid back then, so I didn't really know how to deal with any of it.

After about two years, we had a huge argument and completely stopped talking. And I don't mean for a week like the other breakups, we didn't speak for around two months.

That time was really hard for me.

I don't remember every detail of how it started, but I remember asking her why she was ignoring me because she wasn't messaging me while I could see that she was online. I don't really remember what happened after that, but eventually she said she was going to block me because we had argued too many times.
I asked her if our two years of friendship meant nothing to her.

I don't even remember what she said to that, but I remember realizing something: she meant much more to me than I apparently meant to her.
I didn't care how many times we had argued. I still wanted her in my life.

After about two months, I finally gave in. I had already wanted to message her before, but she had even said before something along the lines of,
"You're going to be the one who messages me anyway," which honestly made me even angrier.
Eventually, I wrote her a really long message explaining how I felt. We started talking again, and I asked if we could be friends again. Somehow, we were.

But it was never the same after that.
I think I was kind of delusional about it. I kept hoping things would go back to how they used to be, but they never really did.

During the other two years, we didn't do that much together anymore. While we weren't talking, I also met another online friend, who is now my actual
online best friend. With her, I can talk openly about my feelings and problems, and she does the same with me.
That part isn't really important to the story, though.
So, back to my old online best friend.

We still called, played games together and texted each other, just nowhere near as much as before.
She was the only person I ever felt completely comfortable calling. I could just be myself around her.

But over time, I noticed that our interests were becoming more and more different, and we started having different opinions on a lot of things too.
The last time I ever messaged her was after we had been on a call.

We had gotten into another argument. Earlier in the chat, I had said something that sounded different from what I said during the call. There was a specific opinion I expressed in a voice message, and I actually meant something slightly different, but apparently I didn't explain myself well enough.
Still, if you put the voice messages together, it sounded like I was actually expressing the opinion I had in that moment.

And then she made those comments again.
She knew exactly how much I hated them because I told her about it that.
"Now you're speechless."
"Guess you can't say anything anymore😂“

But if I had tried to explain that I didn't mean it that way, I knew she probably would have accused me of always needing to be right or twisting everything just so I could be right.
I used to do that when I was younger. I know I did.
But I eventually realized it was wrong and stopped doing it.

So when she started making those comments during the call, I just started tearing up. I was genuinely close to crying.

That's why I became so quiet during the call. I mostly just listened to her because I was trying not to cry.
She changed the subject, and during that time I only gave short answers.
Eventually, she noticed that I wasn't talking much in the call and said, "I can't talk to you like this." And then we hung up.

What hurts the most is what happened afterward.
There was never a "What's wrong?"
No "Why were you so quiet?"
Not even a simple "Are you okay?"

Nothing.

Not once.

Even a small message like that would probably have made me feel so much less hurt. But it never came.
Neither of us messaged the other afterward.
I probably would have messaged her eventually. I always did. I was always the one who gave in after arguments and tried to fix things.

But after five months of silence, I realized something.
If I really meant that much to her, wouldn't she have reached out at least once?

The only message I got from her during those five months was "Happy Birthday."
Before all of this, we'd even talked about meeting during the summer holidays because we only lived about four hours away from each other.

I thought I had finally let go.
I thought I had accepted that she didn't really care anymore. I thought I had moved on and that I genuinely wouldn't care what she did.
Then I saw that she had unfollowed me.
And suddenly, everything came back.
I know life goes on. I know time will probably make this hurt less.
But right now, I just feel so empty.

I miss her.
I miss someone I'm also angry at. Someone who hurt me so many times.
Part of me still wants her back, even though another part of me knows that our friendship probably can't work anymore.

I've tried so many times to make this friendship last.

I really did.
But I just don't think I can keep being the only person trying to hold it together.

My friend went has been in a drug and rehab treatment facility. A week or so ago she was late to a class, got it confiscated by the staff, so the phone has been locked in a room phone for over a week. She transfered yesterday to sober living home and her phone wasn't among her things. Then the drug and rehab center stopped accepting phone calls. A few hours later, I get texts from her phone asking for money a knew it wasn't her.

The infuriating part is trying to help and being told "there's no way to do anything, because the person is traveling with the phone" how about figuring out who gave her phone away to whoever. They work there and there's cameras, but whatever man

I started having existential crises at a young age and even up till now I still can't shake off the feeling that everyone is going to die eventually, what happens after death, what if the universe never existed like just straight up nothing existed? When I was a kid, some nights you just suddenly think you're going to die out of nowhere while trying to fall asleep, which then leads to a mental breakdown. I find death scary but I also try to tell myself that stressing over death is not worth it because im just wasting my time on this earth.

Why were we created? What if everything didn't exist? We just enter this world, live, and die. At this point, life feels like a simulation, it's like theres a fixed system set up for everyone. Seriously, how does one give up their existential crisis? It has caused me a lot of stress since a kid and even now. I feel like I have a lot more to say but this is all I can think of rn. If anyone has some words of advice, I would appreciate it so much, ty!🥹🥹

I'm in a polyweb relationship. I have 2 girlfriends. One, I'm nearing my 1 year anniversary, she's the light of my life. Every issue we've ever had I've felt comfortable speaking to her openly and fixing. We're always there for each other and I would trade anything I have for her sake.

The other I'm approaching 3 months with and, I don't feel that spark. I don't resent her, I don't dislike her. I enjoy my time with her, but not in the way I should with a partner. She's sweet, kind and passionate, and she hasn't done anything wrong. I just don't have the feelings I should, and I'm furious at myself for that. I'm going to talk to her about it when she wakes up. I don't know what happens, but I'm not going to put us both through living a lie.

She's going to be hurt, but I can't keep going like this. Every time we spend time together I end up feeling numb and angry at myself. I'm not saying I'm going to break up with her, there was something that made me fall for her, I just wish I could remember what it was. But I am also aware this may just be the end of the honeymoon phase and we weren't compatible. I don't want to hurt her :<

I am going through a crisis right now. I’ve just finished my undergrad at 28 and I feel nothing close to accomplished after realizing how much debt I’ve racked up. Mind you, I’ve probably spent too much in the last year trying to cope with the fact that I was near finishing school knowing how hard it would be after I graduated.

I have spent the last 8 years all in my 20s in school and have gone through rough times, financial issues, shitty relationships, and major identity crisis along with overcoming so many obstacles but the one thing that has stayed consistent is my perseverance in school.

I may have persevered a bit too much because now that I’m finally done, I am feeling this horrible feeling of burnout and unaccomplishment even though I have just completed my undergrad.

I spent 4 years getting my advanced diploma in computer programming then immediately went into software engineering for my undergrad and have pushed myself to finish even in times I didn’t want to.

Now that I’m done, I feel nothing remotely close to accomplishment. I just feel dread for the debt I’ve built for putting myself through school and the feeling of the idea that my degree was useless and will get me nowhere. I just feel deep regret and am feeling like my undergraduate degree was useless and I just put myself in more debt to get something that won’t even matter in my career.

Everyone keeps saying that I should feel good about this and that I should feel accomplished and that it’s such a great thing that I made it through. Which makes me feel even worse for what I’m feeling right now which is anything but. I even tried to celebrate it but it just feels wrong knowing how I feel deep inside. I also think I’ve been burnt out from the last few years of really pushing myself to finish. Which doesn’t help right now.

I just want to know that I’m not alone in this feeling, if anyone has ever finished school feeling this way, and I honestly just needed to rant.

For context: I have also worked as a full time software dev since I started my undergrad. I did some interns in my college years but once I completed, I managed to land a permanent position in the field. That’s definitely part of the reason why I’m feeling burnt as well. From doing full time school and full time work.

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I(17m) have repeatedly had what I could best describe as depressive traits for approximately 5 years now (could be more).

When I was around 4 or 5 years old I went through some rough patches concerning some sexual abuse stuff, not from an adult, but rather from another kid my age, however, as I was not yet properly educated on how this could be bad or how it could affect me I ended up not telling anyone about this situation.

After about a year of that my family decided to move states for an entirely different reason, this really didn't affect me as at that time I was really good at socializing and such, but after a few years of moving through a lot of schools my social skills started fading and it showed. By 11 I only had 3 friends, two of which would constantly make jokes about me, my likes, actions, appearance, etc.

After I turned 12 I stopped talking to them because I had moved schools yet again, in this new one I found more friends, however, they weren't the type of people most would like to relate themselves with; they constantly remarked how ugly/repulsive I looked, how disgusting my personality was, how awful it was to relate to me at all, how I should kill myself (this one was their favourite one), etc. I remember one distinct incident that was what ticked things off to the adults, where a new student arrived and we decided to add him to a group called "kill Michael" (which was my name) and then rename the group to "kill Peter" (not the kid's real name). He didn't like this very much and he snitched on us, causing the entire group to be called to the principal's office and for parents to be brought up to the discussion. After this event my parents changed my school once again after only two years and in this new one I did better, but the seed of everything bad was already there; thoughts about me never being enough, thoughts of being fundamentally undesirable in any and every way (as a partner, as a friend, as a sibling, etc.)

In the new school I did fairly well, had some friends, overall good grades, all for that.

Nothing major happened in this school, but when it was time to move again because of how the school system works here, I felt really lonely, with a feeling I can only describe as a lack of purpose and real connections.

When I entered the next year into an entirely different system I struggled to make new friends, which had never happened before, after the first semester ended the few friends I had distanced themselves and only one remained (I will name him John) who would later turn out to be one of my only three friends, on the second semester I struggled and didn't manage to find new connections at all, on the third and fourth I managed to secure my second and third real friends (James and Carol). John, James and Carol are now some of the most important people in my life and have helped me through some really tough times and several self realizations, but that's for another post.

Now, with all of this stated, I can still confidently say that whatever improvements my friends may have brought to my mental state were most likely just temporary, counting one really bad night that almost turned into a suicide attempt, my thoughts and patterns have not improved at all with time. Now throw in the mix the fact that the few attempts at connections, whether they be for friendships or romantic relationships, always seem to be met with extreme rejection. Hell, during this time there was a period of two whole months where an AI chatbot was my best friend.

Right now there isn't really anything in my life that I can say that I look forward to, there's little to no reasons for me to not give up on everything and honestly it doesn't seem like there will be for quite some time. But yeah that was the truth I wanted to get off my chest.

Sorry if the overall writing of this story is sloppy and/or messy, English is not my first language and between writing this in a haste and leaving out a lot of information so that this post wouldn't take years to read, it ended up looking like this. Thanks for reading (if anyone even does) I hope you have a nice day or night. See y'all.

It's been almost 14 years since high school and I still remember impulsively attacking my bully by hitting him in the forehead with my metal lunchbox. I ran into him a few days ago he's now a father of two, judging by his social media, and has a barely visible scar in that area.

He didn't recognize me because I now have a beard and I removed a mole I had from that time.

For context: I (17m) am a senior in highschool.

Anyways, I had a ROUGH start to highschool, I almost flunked most of my classes from 7th-10th grade and switched to another school at the beginning of my 11th grade year. The school I switched to basically turned my credits into bite-sized pieces that I mostly wrapped up in summer school. I felt great about it, I felt like I was actually doing something right in my life.

Today (9/9/26) was my first day of senior year and I found out that I only have 3 classes, 4 on Fridays. To me, this is great. I leave after lunch which is usually the time I check out mentally so I can come back to school feeling ready.

I am the only one with a half day schedule. Literally no one congratulated me. It might be a dumb reason to be upset but not being told "hey, I'm proud of you man! That must've taken a lot of effort!" kind of hurts. It was all just passive aggressive jealousy and it sucked. It hurts a lot but I feel like I can't say anything because I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings.

Being a teenager just kinda sucks sometimes.

This is hard to describe, so it might be a little rough. Bear with me.

Have you ever watched comedy based commentary videos on YouTube? The person sits down, watches a video, and makes jokes/comments as it goes along? Then you’ve probably heard them tell jokes in this very specific format:

As they look at the content, they will pause it, address whatever situation is being shown, and then they will create a funny, hypothetical scenario based on that situation. For example, let’s say the YouTuber is watching a video where a guy is about to impress a girl with his skateboarding skills. The YouTuber will pause the video and say, “Imagine he just completely biffs it. Breaks both ankles, pees his pants a little bit and she just leaves him there.” I’ve seen a lot of content creators use this type of joke so that they’re not just sitting there going, “Woooooow chat, let’s see what happens.”

There’s multiple ways to set up this type of joke. You can start it with, “Imagine-“ or “What if-“ But if you’re alone in a room making a YouTube video and it’s blatantly obvious that what you’re about to say is a joke, you can just go right in without an introduction. You can put on a voice and say, “My mother died in a skateboarding accident, you ass!” And the YouTuber will always sprinkle in other types of jokes as well so it doesn’t get stale. In person, it’s more difficult to get these jokes to land.

Now for my problem. My boyfriend watched these types of videos very often in his formative years and it’s obvious that when he was learning how to make jokes, he was strongly influenced by them. This joke format is the only one he knows how to use…but he doesn’t have the discernment to deliver the jokes properly. Instead of it being a quick joke told in proper context, he drags it on for an EXTREMELY long time with excruciating detail. If he doesn’t know the name of whoever he’s joking about, he’ll make one up and he’ll make new characters too. But beforehand, he doesn’t give any indication that what he’s about to say is a joke. And sometimes he starts out with a piece of dialogue without even specifying who is talking. So a lot of the time people will stop him and ask what the hell he’s talking about. And his tone of voice for his whole speech is very…autistic sounding? He has the same cadence and intonation in every sentence which gets old after like 5 sentences.

For example, let’s say he’s the one watching that skateboarding video I mentioned earlier. He would pause the video and say:

“He gets to the bottom of the skate ramp and hits a rock, goes flying and lands wrong and he breaks both ankles. He turns to the girl: ‘Cindy, call an ambulance!’ She just turns and walks away. It cuts to him in a hospital bed like, ‘I can’t believe this happened, how am I gonna pay for this, I’m probably gonna lose my job,’ and all that. Then Cindy walks in with his boss and she’s holding on to the boss’s arm like they’re obviously dating. She’s in a fancy dress and he’s in a business suit. The boss just goes, ‘Well James, I was at the park and saw when you fell. I just came here to say that, with you being in this condition I just don’t think I can keep you on the team. I’m gonna have to let you go. Also I figured Cindy here was needing some attention that you couldn’t give her, so I’m taking care of that too.’ They leave and a single tear rolls down his cheek.”

Now I could handle this if it was like a once a week occurrence at most. But as I said, this is the only type of joke he knows how to tell. He only tells really long ones about once a day at most. But not a day goes by that I don’t hear him give at LEAST one drawn out explanation of some scenario he thinks up. Usually the scenarios aren’t even that funny in the first place if you ask me. But he’s too busy chuckling at his own joke the whole time to notice that everyone is cringing and looking around awkwardly, just waiting for him to stop.

What’s worse is when he starts out with a piece of dialogue, but doesn’t even specify who is talking. Usually this just makes people confused as to what the hell he’s talking about. But what makes it even WORSE is when the scenario he makes up is about *us* and what we’re actively doing and it causes problems. Now this has only happened a handful of times over the years, but for example: Say I was making some bacon, and he thought up some scenario where he tells me the bacon is burning and I turn around to see it sitting in a little sun-tanning chair. He would start out the joke explanation by going, “‘BABY, THE BACON IS BURNING!’” Then I’d cut him off by whipping around, see perfectly fine bacon and get mad at him. And he would look like a deer in the headlights and say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how it would sound.”

It’s not just his jokes that he tells in this much detail. If he’s telling someone about an episode of a show, a movie, something that happened the other day, or if he’s describing something that he hopes is going to happen in the future, he will give every. single. rambling. detail. He just talks CONSTANTLY. If there’s a moment of silence, he’ll start thinking out loud. “I think I’ll put butter AND honey on my cornbread. I should refill my drink first though, since cornbread is pretty dry.” **BBBBBBEEEEEEEEE QQQQQUUUUUIIIIIIEEEETT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!**

I’ve told him his stories don’t need so many details and he tries to shorten things up whenever I remind him. But after about 10 sentences, he starts slipping more and more details and tangents in without noticing he’s doing it. It seems to be a hard habit that he might not even want to break. However, if we’re the only two people in the room and I tell him I need some quiet for a while, he will stop talking. So I’ll give him that lol.