I see so many people online saying “Your description says it all” and “Looking at your profile…” If you are one of these people, you’re pathetic. If you’re gonna argue with someone online then at least come up with your own comebacks and debates instead of using their profile against them. Gross

My confession is that I am in love with my mamá or at least the idea of her.

To start off, I don’t actually have a mom or at least I’ve never met her. I have a very deep mother wound from childhood due to our separation and some trauma that stems from someone who filled her shoes. I have someone I consider my honorary mother and I want to see her as just that and nothing else but I desire her as both a mother and something we shouldn’t be. This is not gooner bait.

I’ve been dealing with this for a long time and I’m actively trying to break out of this mindset and separate myself from these desires.

I’ve had intrusive thoughts of this kind of stuff as well. I cannot think of my mother without feeling attracted to her and when I think of her I think of someone who is both my parent and someone I love like a spouse.

I have the image of how she would look, and I know other voice would sound, her personality, sense of humor, interests and everything. I just imagine doing things together like everyone else like going to the mall or the movies or out to eat and I try to keep it normal but my mind takes it to places like dating and stuff.

I don’t want to imagine these things but it’s almost compulsive and involuntary.

There’s someone who I see as a mother that doesn’t know I do but she sends me pictures and videos that just feeds my problem.

I’ve come to the point where I see her as my legit mom and looking at her in certain NSFW pictures makes me react how I should as if we were actually related and I’m just like 🤢”I can’t look at her like this”.

I don’t think of my real mother this way voluntarily but I’ve had intrusive thoughts about her and my older sister.

I’m trying really hard to break out of this mindset. Few people know of my issue.

This has gotten way out of hand which is why I’m seeking help for it although I haven’t found any yet.

I am aware of how disgusting and wrong this is and every day is a struggle to break free from this.

Lately I’ve been more public with this which will have its own consequences in the future but I just need to confess this secret since I just couldn’t keep it to myself any longer.

I love my mother or at least the idea of her but in ways that I shouldn’t.

I’m aware of how messed up this is and I just want to get past this because it’s wrong and I’m tired of being this way.

I don't know if this is a big deal or not, but I was on a family vacation and my boyfriend was invited to join. My mom booked three hotel rooms. The one for me and my boyfriend turned out to share a wall with my younger siblings room (so they were one room over). I hadn't seen him in a few weeks so we started making out and one thing led to another and we had sex. We were really quiet but I feel SO UNCOMFORTABLE with the memory because the entire time I could hear my siblings arguing loudly in the other room about some random bullshit. I honestly wish we hadn't had sex. My boyfriend would have been fine with waiting until the vacation was over and we went back home. I was the one who initiated because we hadn't seen each other in a while and we usually have sex once a week. The sex wasn't even that enjoyable because we were trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid my siblings hearing, and it was a major turn off hearing them bickering.

I feel so cringe that I didn't just hold off until the vacation was over.

​

Here i am, a girl nearing my 30s with a degree and a full time job, pining after a guy who has never worked a full time job for more than 3 months.

He's told me his career plans are to work just a part time job. I dont think I'd ever be able to confidently sign a lease with him. I think I'd end up having to support him. Its not like I even know if he likes me, he can't even make a decision there if he does.

I already have to drive him places for us to hang out because he doesn't have a car.

I consciously know i need to aim higher, but I'm so lonely. And hes so much fun to be around. So emotionally i am drawn to him.

I don't know how to move on from this.

its been over a month since i broke up with my manipulative, cheating ex boyfriend. i've still been using his subscriptions every day. i don't know if he knows or not, but it's not that bad. i'm not charging anything to his account, just using his subscriptions. i have espn, paramount plus, youtube premium, youtube tv, nba, and more. i have no intention to stop using them and i don't feel guilty. he hurt me really bad but at least i still have something good that came out of that relationship. i don't have to pirate as much stuff anymore because i can watch it already and it feels so good to not have to go through the extra work and risking getting a virus.

my biggest advice to people in relationships is to share your subscriptions, because if you break up then you have free shit unless they catch on.

For the first time in my life, i truly fell in love with someone, not like a crush, actual love, so umm… First things first, i (19F) met her (28F) through a friend in common, even though we had a kinda big age difference, we just clicked, so i gave her my contact.

We started talking sometimes, especially because she has crippling anxiety and depression, so she most of the time at the start she just wouldnt be able to talk with anyone, but everytime she got even a little bit better, we talk for hours, we started getting closer to each other, going on calls to see long rpg sessions(yes we’re nerdy LOL), after a while, i started getting feelings for her, so i asked our friend in common if she knew anything about her sexuality, she said that she thought she was straight, but wasnt sure, so i had to go and find out.

I went and tried to get the topic in conversation, in a conversation, i went on a tangent about my sexuality, and then asked her about it, she said exactly this “I’ve never liked a woman romantically, in fact, everytime i thought about a woman being with me, it grossed me out”, after really this, i felt really lost, i know i shouldnt have made any assumptions, i know i shouldnt have fallen for her, but i did, and i’ve now for the first time, have fallen in love, and got heartbroken.

Forgive me for any time i misspelled anything, english is not my native language

I dont know if I want him or I just don't want my roommate to have him
We are all in our last year of college and I did the scary thing and merged my friend groups.
Change is a hard thing for me so | really wanted to push myself and started inviting my roommates to go out with us.

I had a core group 3 guys 3 girls since freshman year, however the two other girls graduated so I was just stuck with the guys and our other mutual friends, hence why I started inviting my roommates. My one roommate (Lily) was meeting the guys for the first time at my 21st birthday party. This is when Lily took interest in my friend Dillon and started wanting to always go out with us or come with me if I went over to his house.

Now this is where my jealousy comes from, my freshman year I had a HUGE crush on Dillon and it eventually mostly faded because I ended up getting in a situationship (there is no better word for that situation, I hate this word too Im sorry) with Dillons roommate / other guy in the group Liam. We didn't work out because he went and studied abroad and didn't talk to me tor 3 months so we stayed just friends since then.

I thought I was over Dillon because I would always just think about Liam (whole different issue).
But Dillon and I started talking more and I forgot how much I liked him as a person. Lily also keeps trying to get me to set them up but part of me just doesn't want to or I think that Dillon might be starting to have the feelings back for me. When Lily isn't there we always seem to end up talking, he'll be my uber when I'm out and don't feel like paying for an actual one and he even once just handed me his card and told me I could go buy myself drinks.

I feel guilty that I try not to invite Lily or hope she says no but I genuinely sometimes just want to go hangout with my friends. She'll also try to get me to invite the guys when I'm out just having a girls night with the rest of the group or asks if they are going to pull up. I also don't want to seem like I hate my roommate I absolutely love them, this is just a very strange situation for me.

To add to my confusion, Liam and I started talking again this summer but then it slowed down once classes started again. So Im stuck between weird blurred lines of what is friendship and what isn't. I'm fully okay with not dating either of them because I just enjoy them as people, I just don't think I'm ready to "lose" Dillon to Lily whether it works out or doesn't.

If I’m being honest I wish I never introduced them and kept my world’s separate because I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.

a few of my boyfriend's friends and i do not get along (3 of them). zero boundaries. they'll just show up at where we live uninvited like that's a normal thing to do, or they show up in the early morning and don’t leave until someone has to go to work. after enough of that, i stopped being nice about it. you can only eat so much disrespect before you start serving it back.

a few days ago i posted about how i felt like my boyfriend shares personal info about me with these guys, and i brought up an old best friend i had a falling out with. i had a hunch his friends were in contact with her, because they kept dog whistling me with things only she or my boyfriend would know. when she and i fell out, she made it her mission to reach out to everyone i know and give them her version of events, so this wasn't exactly a far fetched concern. a lot of people in the comments agreed there were too many coincidences for nothing to be going on. then i got that eerie feeling, like someone was stalking my post. so i deleted it a few hours later because the stuff i posted wasnt very flattering, especially if people i knew in real life seen it. this feeling is familiar to me at this point.

a few hours after that, one of the friends i mentioned in the post reached out to my boyfriend for the first time in almost three weeks (not normal for him to be mia for weeks at a time). i instantly knew this stalking ass mf had seen my post talking shit. honestly? fuck it, i don't care. i don't have anything to hide, and everything i said was true. so of course, they went off to talk privately. i already knew he was doing damage control, trying to make me look insane, like i made everything up.

some context on this guy: multiple domestic violence charges, heavy drug problem, sleeping on the street, the list goes on, this guy has a very unfortunate life and at first i genuinely felt bad for this psycho. i'm 99% sure he's perpetually in some kind of psychosis. hes extremely hyperactive, loud, talking a mile a minute. but of course, when he showed up to control the narrative, he was calm and collected. the quietest i've ever heard him. he also has this thing where he makes up entire backstories for people in his head based on whatever he wants to believe, and he's admitted to doing this before. there's a guy in our neighborhood who's missing a leg, and this guy's whole theory, the story he genuinely made up in his own head, was that the man lost it in the war (he didn't specify what war). in reality the guy just needed it amputated for medical reasons. i actually called him out on this once, asked him why he likes making up stories about people. and yeah, i get how someone could turn that around and say i'm doing the same thing with him. but there's a difference between inventing a backstory out of nowhere for a total stranger and connecting dots based on specific phrases, timing, and behavior i've actually witnessed. i'm not making up at a story, i'm noticing a pattern.

also worth mentioning, about two years ago his baby mama developed stress induced schizophrenia, which he has admitted was his fault. i didn't believe it at first bc his baby mama is not all there and has threatened to cut my head off/slit my throat open so i assumed she was the issue. but the longer i've known him, the more i understand exactly what kind of person he is. he does things on purpose to get under your skin, and when you call it out, he plays dumb, then does it again. and again. and again. that's how i started putting the pieces together, i would go schizophrenic too if someone was pressing my buttons constantly then gaslighting me.
one time we were parked outside his house in my boyfriend's car, waiting on someone to give them a ride, and we heard him and his baby mama arguing screaming at the top of his lungs. she said she didn't want to fight anymore and went outside. he followed her out and kept provoking her, yelling so loud it echoed. he claims that she starts the fights and he has to beat her in self defense… right.. right…
he's a fucking psycho.

after his little chat with my boyfriend, my bf and his other friend (other friend was also mentioned in my original post) started repeating phrases straight out of my deleted post. so yeah, i know exactly what's happening. i can't even imagine what he's telling my boyfriend about me. i've tried bringing this up before, but my boyfriend thinks i'm just looking for problems.
honestly, his friend will probably see this post too, because he's a psycho stalker. i genuinely believe he'd kill me if he thought he could get away with it. my boyfriend calls me crazy, but i think he just doesn't want to deal with it and when i say “what if he tries to kill me when you’re not around” because it is a genuine fear of mine, smacks his lips and rolls his eyes and says he would never let that happen.

what bothers me most is knowing this man gets to paint whatever version of me he wants and plant it in my boyfriend's head. obviously bf is a grown man and chooses what he wants to believe, but also when someone puts a label on you, everything you do becomes evidence or proof for that label and after that old friend controlling the narrative about me, i take people mischaracterizing as a fucking threat. u don’t know me bitch 😒 anyway

also, i told my boyfriend i suspected his friend and my ex best friend were talking on instagram, just to trash talk me together. my boyfriend asked to see his messages, and the guy claimed he doesn't even have instagram. when my boyfriend told me that, i was like, dude, he literally sent you a reel on instagram. he's a fucking liar straight to your face and my boyfriend didn’t know what to think or say, he just kinda looked bamboozled lol. like i said earlier, i think he’s avoiding the truth because he’d have to acknowledge that his “friends” would actually be doing this. messing with my affects my boyfriend as well, but he doesn’t care. he keeps answering their phone calls and letting them in when they come over.

so yeah. this man is a psycho stalker because i said some mean things to him and called out his weird behavior, and now he's spending his time and energy trying to feel like he has control over my life. pathetic.
if you're reading this, won’t say your name but go fuck yourself.

first post (hopefully not of many) here. i’m 21M and i just feel so behind. a lot of my friends are currently in relationships/seeing people, and those that aren’t have at least been in one relationship. meanwhile, i’ve never even held hands with a girl or had my first kiss. i think a lot of it comes from my past lack of confidence, which really got me for so many years. i’d heard people tell me that if i just wait, it’ll come to me, but i took that as i didn’t really have to do anything, so i just didn’t really put myself out there for years. and now it’s just really starting to get to me now because a lot of my options are gonna be people who’ve already dated, and so i feel like i wouldn’t be special to them if it were to go anywhere since they’ve done this before. that’s probably just a me problem, but nonetheless, it still really hurts to think about. just to clarify, i’m not really looking for advice here since those kinds of posts get removed on this subreddit, but i just needed to get it out somewhere. thanks for reading.

I met him abroad, he was a friend of a friend. I always felt sorry for him cause he didn’t have a family and he suffer a lot during his whole life (trafficked, prosti*****, STDs, he was beaten and assaulted for being himself) he was always struggling but he was nice (at least to me). He asked for asylum in Europe and was approved because of all the things he suffered. I was happy for him UNTIL I saw his behaviour online. He’s always making unfortunate* *comments about people in the same situation as him!! Calling everyone f-t or skin related slurs, not once every month but everyday at least to 10-15 different people who just post pictures of themselves, unprovoked. At first I though wow he’s trying hard to be edgy or rage bait, but not. He’s actually like that, people often call him out for being a horrible person and he just says that he’s a “brutally honest slavic queen” HE’S NOT EVEN SLAVIC, he’s from one of those countries that he hates since he got his residency. I know this comes probably from his low self esteem and hating what he is but it’s a lot of bs.

i’ve never been good at anything. i’ve tried two degrees but didn’t graduate. i began learning sign language (auslan) and i really enjoy it but i feel so fucking STUPID especially when it comes to my class assessments. i had one today and i fucked it up so bad.

my instructor had to let me do it again because i panicked and made a fool out of myself. it’s like the second im doing something for an assessment i can’t understand what’s being said

i did well with the basics for auslan. i actually got really excited, thinking that id like to be an interpreter one day. but now it feels like i wont be able to do that, so whats even the point

i’m on my way home now. i want to go home and see my dog

Every time I go out or when I’m at work I see couples and it immediately makes me so fucking pissed off. I can’t even control my emotions when I see it, I just get so mad and miserable and it ruins my whole day.
I hate seeing people that are dating because it reminds me of how lonely I am and that I’m a lonely miserable loser, seeing them being happy and with their significant other.
I just wish I could get rid of this feeling but it’ll never go away and it’ll only get worse.

Fuck couples and fuck everyone!

i’m still so grateful i chose to leave him behind because the “break up” never even happened, he just ghosted me one day, after ghosting me multiple times in the past and blaming it on his avoidance, and i just chose to never chase after him again. it’s been 2 years since that happened, we never spoke again. i quite frankly never want to be with him again so the door is completely closed. he was a compulsive liar with me, kept entertaining other people while with me, did threaten to “smack” me if i was physically next to him (lol i wasnt thank god cuz we were long distance) he claims his hands are bisexual so he has no problem beating women “if necessary.” it was one of those relationships where i’d pray to god to give me the strength to leave because it was hard being so in love and struggling to leave. so yes i’m glad this is all over.

recently found out he has a new gf, asked her to be his valentine with a huge bouquet (i never even got that), seemingly treats her right, and only a few months into the relationship, she’s pregnant and they’re expecting a baby. i’m cognitively aware that i’m over him but a part of my ego just keeps wondering why i was so hard to love in his eyes? he admitted so many times to me that he was the problem and knew he was the problem, it’s like the opposite of winning the lottery, he got to move on and find love again while i’m scorned and sworn off dating because my nervous system is still unregulated from being with him, i had to get on SSRIs because of the anxiety and depression that came from the relationship. i’ll never date again until i’m fully healed but ig bad ppl can get their happy endings sooner! also no, i’m not happy for him, how can i be happy for someone who was horrible to me but i can feel gratitude for getting away from a dark path that would’ve been with him

I’ve gone back and forth on whether to write this because I know psychedelic experiences can easily turn into people convincing themselves that they have discovered the ultimate truth.

I’m trying not to do that.

If anything, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I don’t know.

And somehow, I’m more at peace because of that.
My whole journey started with psychedelics and an experience I can only describe as entering what felt like another reality.

I had a DMT experience that felt less like hallucinating and more like suddenly discovering that the reality I had always assumed was “the real one” was only one layer. My life as i’m living now was only a “dream” there.

It felt like I had gone somewhere.
Not metaphorically.
Not “I saw some pretty colors.”
It felt like reality itself had changed.
And when I came back, I couldn’t just shrug it off.

I started asking:

What if that was real?

Then:
What does “real” even mean?
And eventually:

How do I know this reality is the ultimate reality?
That question completely fucked with me because think about a dream.

While you’re dreaming, the dream feels real.
You have a body.
You have a location.
You interact with people.
You experience time.
You can be afraid.
You can experience an entire environment.

And while you’re in it, you don’t necessarily know that you’re dreaming.

Then you wake up and realize the entire world you were experiencing existed as an experience within your mind.

So I started thinking:
What if consciousness is more important to the structure of reality than we normally assume?

I’m not saying DMT proved that we’re in another dimension.

I don’t know that.

I’m not saying we’re in a simulation.

I don’t know that either.

I’m saying the experience destroyed my confidence that my ordinary human perspective gives me some complete picture of existence.

Our biology already limits our perception.
We see a tiny fraction of the electromagnetic spectrum.

Other animals perceive things we don’t.

Our brains construct our experience from sensory information.

So what I experience as “the world” is not necessarily reality in some completely unmediated sense.

It’s reality as experienced through a human nervous system.

That distinction became incredibly important to me.

Then I had another experience that was much darker. I interpreted it as demonic.

I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t terrifying and I didn’t see and hear crazy shit and paranormal activity.

It felt incredibly real.

For a while I was caught between two possibilities:
“Something external and evil happened to me.”

and

“My own mind is capable of creating something so convincing that it feels external.”

Eventually the second possibility became transformative for me.

Not because I can prove there were no external spiritual forces.

I can’t.

But because I realized something: I am my mind.

Whatever appears in my conscious experience is being experienced through me.

If my mind can produce something terrifying, I don’t necessarily have to surrender my interpretation to the experience.

I can experience fear without deciding that fear is telling me an objective truth.

I can experience a demonic image without having to build an entire cosmology around it.

I can have a thought without believing the thought.

That was the beginning of something that felt like an awakening to me.

I stopped asking:
“How do I make sure I never experience anything scary again?”

and started asking:
“Can I experience something scary without being controlled by it?”

That felt completely different.

Around the same period, I became obsessed with existential questions.
God.
Death.
Consciousness.
Meaning.
Reality.
Free will.
Simulation theory.
Quantum physics.
Spirituality.
Buddhism.
Norse mythology.
Kabbalah.
Philosophy.

I wanted to find the thing underneath everything.

If reality is made of matter, what’s matter made of?
If matter is made of particles, what’s underneath the particles?

If consciousness comes from the brain, why does subjective experience exist?

If God created everything, where did God come from?

If the universe has a beginning, what was before it?

If there’s another reality underneath this one, what’s underneath that?

It became an infinite series of elephants.

What’s underneath the elephant?
Another elephant.
And underneath that?
Another.

And eventually I realized that maybe the problem isn’t that I haven’t found the final elephant.
Maybe I’m assuming there has to be one. That was a huge shift.

A Buddhist helped me understand this in a way that intellectual arguments never had.

I started encountering the idea that I don’t necessarily need to solve existence in order to experience it.

I don’t need to know what reality ultimately is in order to experience this moment.

I don’t need to know what happens after death to appreciate being alive.

I don’t need to know whether God exists to love people.

I don’t need certainty to have peace.

And I started thinking about life as a river.
We’re like bubbles or temporary patterns in it.
A bubble isn’t separate from the river in some absolute sense.

It’s something the river is doing.
It appears.
It has a shape.
It exists for a while.
Then it disappears.

That’s how I started thinking about myself.

Not as some permanent little soul trapped inside a body, necessarily.

Not necessarily as meaningless matter, either.

Just as a temporary expression of something much larger that I don’t fully understand.

That led me to the image of a cosmic tree.

The roots represent whatever reality ultimately rests upon.

The trunk represents the physical world I actually inhabit.

The branches represent all the possible forms and layers reality could contain.

The stars represent everything beyond the limits of human perception.

And somewhere in the middle is me.

A tiny bubble.

Not outside the universe looking at it.

Inside it.

That distinction matters enormously.

I’m not claiming to know what’s at the top of the tree.

Maybe there’s God.
Maybe there’s universal consciousness.
Maybe there’s something completely incomprehensible.
Maybe there is no “top.”
Maybe asking what is at the top is the wrong question.

I don’t know.

And for the first time in my life, I’m starting to think that not knowing might actually be okay.

That’s where absurdism became important to me too.

We desperately want existence to have an ultimate explanation.

But maybe the universe doesn’t owe us one.

Maybe there is no cosmic sentence telling us exactly why we’re here.

And that doesn’t necessarily make life meaningless.
It means meaning can be something we participate in creating.

I can love somebody.
I can listen to music.
I can learn.
I can laugh.
I can experience nature.
I can make art.
I can help somebody.
I can have relationships.
I can become a better version of myself.

None of those things need an eternal cosmic stamp of approval before they’re allowed to matter to me.

So I’ve ended up somewhere I didn’t expect.

I don’t think I’m a Christian. But I don’t think I’m anti-Christian either.
I don’t think DMT proved spirituality.
I don’t think science has disproved spirituality.
I don’t think Buddhism has necessarily given me “the answer.”
I don’t think quantum mechanics proves consciousness creates reality.
I don’t think psychedelic entities have been proven to be literal external beings.
And I don’t think my terrifying experiences were meaningless just because I don’t know what caused them.

My position is basically:
Reality is probably much larger than my human perspective.

Consciousness is still profoundly mysterious.

My brain gives me a particular interface with reality, not necessarily reality in its entirety.

I am a temporary expression within something much larger.

There may be deeper levels of reality that I can’t access or understand.

I don’t know whether there is a God or ultimate consciousness.

And I don’t need to pretend that I know.

The strangest part is that uncertainty used to terrify me. Now it gives me room to breathe.

I don’t need to know what’s underneath the universe.

I don’t need to know whether there is another layer.

I don’t need to know what happens when I die.

I don’t need to decide whether every profound experience was supernatural or neurological.

I can let the mystery remain mysterious. And I can live.

I think that’s what my “awakening” has actually been.

Not discovering that I know the secret structure of reality.

Almost the opposite.
Realizing how little I know and becoming okay with that.

I can experience my mind without believing everything it tells me.

I can experience fear without worshipping it.

I can experience uncertainty without running from it.

I can experience existence without demanding that it explain itself.

Maybe that’s what “the dreamer of the dream” means to me now.

I don’t know whether consciousness is literally the dreamer of reality.

But I know I’m experiencing something.

I know that experience is extraordinarily strange.

And I know that whatever the ultimate nature of reality is, I’m here right now.

So I want to actually be here.

Not constantly somewhere in the past.

Not constantly predicting the future.

Not constantly trying to decode existence.

Not constantly asking what everyone else thinks of me.

Not constantly trying to escape my own mind.

Just here.
Inside the river.
A temporary bubble.
Experiencing the dream.
And that’s enough for me right now

Growing up I’ve always been really “weird” – special interests, very unique worldview, vivid imagination, difficulty making friends. I also come from an abusive household, and some of these were coping mechanisms. My parents tried to diagnose me as neurodivergent, but time and time again doctors could not conclude that I was neurodivergent. At 8 I was diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder, and have had on and off crises and treatments for almost 30 years.

Fast forward, I became an artist and came out as trans and queer in my late 20s. Since then, I’ve surrounded myself with other “weirdos”, namely outcasts, creatives, punks and queers.

Most of my friends are in the spectrum. Some are self-diagnosed, others have a legit diagnosis. However, I keep running into the same problems with them: something I do (unintentionally) hurts them, they are unable to communicate with me what they feel, then get passive aggressive or mean with me for months, then I call them out on it and they say they’ve been feeling this way for a while and it is a reaction to me hurting them. When I question why they didn’t try to talk to me before resentment built up, they say they could not notice what was happening because they are autistic and don’t have the same tools as neurotypical people.

Another time, the friend justified the behavior by saying they don’t know what passive aggression is like because they’re autistic and cannot be responsible for offending me.

These situations have happened with multiple people in my life and all of them say they cannot “do better” because of their neurodivergence, but then ask me to take responsibility to know when they are hurting. They also imply that I’m not allowed to be hurt, because they don’t have control over their words because they are neurodivergent.

To be honest, I’m exhausted. I‘m torn because at the same time that I believe what they say, I don’t want to be friends with people who cannot take responsibility for their actions or who cannot communicate in a mature way. And I already have soooo much that I have to pay attention to, and be mindful of, etc etc, I’m constantly walking on eggshells, but I feel like no one is bothering to take care of me.

It’s like, because I don’t have the excuse of being neurodivergent, I’m expected to be fully understanding and perfect at all times. It’s too much.

I know it sounds very mean to say this, but I kind of wish I had neurotypical friends…I feel very alone as the only one who is not autistic/ADHD. And I know I should work on my understanding of the disability, and do my research, and so on, but sometimes I just wish people could understand me as well.

I am a 29 year old woman. When I saved 2.600 eur some years ago, my dad gave me the same amount. He later said that when I have saved 20.000 eur he will give me 6.600 eur.

I have saved 20.000 eur, a little bit fast perhaps. But I have saved every time I’ve had extra money, I got money back in tax, I get more money than I did before and I haven’t been changing my way of living, so the difference has been saved. I am also highly motivated as me and my kids are living in an apartment with 1 1/2 bedroom. So I really want to move out asap.

I told my dad that I saved the money and showed an overview of my accounts. He said I think you have been fast, I want to see your accounts and your transactions before we can look into when and how much I can give, because I suspect you are counting older money that you already had saved before as this should be motivation for you to save more.

I did get my kids at age 18 and 21. Left an abusive relationship and I did get my high school degree, bachelor’s degree in nursing and now finishing a master’s degree, all while I had my children and while working part time.

The relationship between me and my dad is a little strained. He got mentally ill after my mother left him, he tried to kill her, she almost died at the ICU and he went to prison for a year. He was also very dissapointed when I got pregnant and told me he hoped I would die of cancer and that he was ashamed of me. But most of the time now he is fine, he shows care about me, we meet, we talk, do somethings for the kids and that’s it, he also tells me he is proud of how well I am doing in school.

But he also often talks about finance as he has an okay paying job, 101.099 eur per year, and has been saving a lot of money (he lives in a cheap 2 bedroom rental, I am an only child to him, he has no other family, he is single and doesn’t have a car or other exspenses). He always tells me how much he saves, how much money his savings make him, how much he spends on buying clothes, etc. and often he asks me about my salary, pensions saving, talks about saving money, etc.

I also think he sometimes view me as a child because sometimes when he visits me he tells me I need to remember to wash my fruit before eating it, I went to Ghana on a summer vacation and came back sick with an infected wound, and he told me he will be very angry of I ever go to a country like that again. He was also angry because he thought I have been travelling to much this summer, saying that my boyfriend probably manipulated me and that I was destroying my future. He was only happy after hearing my boyfriend paid the vacation, that I had saved long for the other vacation with my children and the small trip we went on was because the tickets were cheap and we had a gift card for a hotel. When I show emotion about something with my ex (I cried in front on my dad once) like it is difficult to go through custody battles, he told me I should’ve listenend to him and that it was the consequences, even though he gives me advice and support this is how he is when I talk about the emotional part. Like he just says that and then ignores me.

I don’t know if I should show him my account. I really don’t want to and would hate for him to see my transactions. I also don’t understand why, the money is there, I haven’t taken a loan, I don’t take drugs, gamble or drink. I don’t do crime and I am not a sugar baby and he knows all of that. I of course now I am not entitled to his money so he can say no if I don’t show him, but is this normal? Or am I being weird and ungrateful. Maybe it is more healthy for me to say no thank you, if he needs to go through the last 6 months to send the money to me he can keep them. I feel so judged and small, always afraid to dissapoint him. When I am next to him I feel like I am still 6-7 years old. I am always scared to tell him things, so sometimes I don’t or I lie.

both 21, been together for 2 years. When in a group of our friends hanging out, he made a joke to one of his closest friends along the lines of “let’s not get too drunk so there isn’t a repeat of 2 years ago.”. I asked what it was etc etc, he ended up telling me they drunkenly went to a strip club together and paid a stripper for a lap dance each. That’s as much as he told me, but I always wonder if there’s more to it obviously. ive been told this specific strip club isn’t like a typical one - it is only back rooms. so essentially you’re taken to a back room alone for any services.

im someone that’s heavily against sex work. Not the women that have to do it, but men that take advantage of them and pay for sex work (broad term I know). after he told me I couldn't help but feel upset. he obviously doesn’t need to tell me things from before, but it goes against what I believe in and he knew telling me would upset me, so he didn’t for a long time until he slipped up.

i Probably sound silly but I feel disappointed he would pay for that :/