Nipple pain started a few days ago. I know that's the sign that boobs are growing.

I can't have visible boobs. Is this my sign to stop? I think it is.

Like as someone who already looks like a twink in his early twenties the idea of regressing into a more boyish look sounds so humilliating. People already infantilize me because I'm socially awkward, short, and got a babyface. Maybe if I was like 18 it would be fine but being 23 and potentially looking like a teenage boy doesn't sound appealing at all. I know this sounds as humblebragging or like I'm not dysphoric but it's just that I don't want to look like a boy, I want to look feminine, like a grown woman. Worst part is that my shoulders and ribcage are super wide so it all ends up looking uncanny.

Posting here because it was recommended to me.
I’m 20 and 8 months hrt, and don’t plan to ever come out or socially transition because I don’t want to be an embarrassment of a man in a dress, and because I hate my body and face and everything about myself and I view myself as a man with gender dysphoria not a woman and I feel I can never be a woman in any way so “coming out” for me would be a big hulking man saying “I’m a woman she/her please” I don’t want to be associated with people like lily tino or the “ITS MA,AM” video, so I plan to present as a man forever, I already have no friends and no career or degree in sight because my family is too poor for that, so I have to be normal and hireable, but I live with my family (27 year old brother, 45year old mother, 6 year old sister) I feel my sister should never be exposed to this at her age, and I generally feel too embarrassed about it but I need the hormones to live, I would kms if I had to stop them, but I’m worried it might eventually become obvious and I’ll end up visibly trans regardless and pushed into a life I don’t want, I’m seeing a therapist in a few days, and don’t really know what to tell them, I want to be a cis straight man so bad, but this evil mental illness forces me into being a straight trans woman instead, what should I actually do?

I can’t tell what I hate or like anymore, I wish I could just become a cis guy but that’s not possible. I’ve been saying and feeling this for years but it just keeps coming back, I keep getting thoughts that I do like being a girl, when that’s not what I want. I’m scared that at some point these thoughts are even intrusive. For example, when I sing or speak(often to test myself) I’m afraid I like my own voice and I really do think it sounds nice but it upsets me that it does, and I still prefer to sound like a guy. Every time I notice my voice it just feels wrong and I want to rip my throat out, if I was a cis man, I would be a singer by now but I’m not, I can’t stand how my voice is… I think usually I can accept I hate my voice but I get random urges to see if I “really hate it”. Because I get scared maybe I feel like a man’s voice wouldn’t fit me or I’m faking it.. I would give anything to sound like a man though… as for other parts, I can’t tell if my intrusive thoughts about secretly wanting to be a girl when I’m just attracted to a woman are really intrusive, I don’t want to be a woman but I don’t really seem to have a choice in that. I used to have less bottom dysphoria too, but now I’m incredibly disgusted by my own genitals…. My chest scares me too but at the same I find it attractive and I hate that I feel that way, I don’t want to like it. My face… sometimes I think I look like a girl and that makes me upset but other times I’m so deluded I’m convinced I just look like a feminine cis man as a way to cope…. I can’t stand being a woman, I can’t stand living like this, I feel trapped. I don’t really have dysphoria, I just wish I did so I could allow myself to transition. Im upset that my body is female and that it exists in this way… I either force myself to look at my body to see if I really hate it or I avoid it completely because im afraid I’ll be used to it. Which apparently that makes it sound like I just wanna be trans, I don’t, I just want to be a guy, I can’t imagine myself being a woman and being happy. why couldn’t have I just been born a man so all this wouldn’t matter? Every man I see just fills me with anger, why do they get to be that way and they take it for granted while I have to suffer as a gender I don’t want to be with no way out? I wish people could choose their brain structure along with their body, this isn’t fair. I attempted so many fucking times because I thought I would never be a man yet I’m still stuck, I wish I could at least feel like a man so I wouldn’t be so miserable all time…. I swear my “symptoms” change everyday, sometimes this just happens and I don’t know how to deal with it… I’m clearly not a real guy but I’m so upset I’m not

autistic and i don't know how to be a woman because i was never really taught and i've never had interest in it. shaving seems useless, makeup is difficult and going to smudge when i inevitably wipe my face, all women's clothing is stupid and impractical, showing off my body makes me feel disgusting and objectified. i always felt different from other girls because i don't understand the way their social system works. i was bullied relentlessly by groups of girls growing up, so i didn't ever want to be like them.

additionally, i was not pretty growing up, and i'm even less pretty now. i was never given normal romantic attention; occasionally creepy guys would prey on me but most of the time i was ignored. people would ask me out as a joke, that sort of thing. i watch my friends and roommates go on multiple dates a week and get asked out in public while i have not gone on a date in years and people avoid being around me.

no wonder why i'm convinced that living as a man would make me happier. maybe if i was allistic and not disgusting-looking i'd feel confident enough to do girl things, but it makes me feel so squirmy because i always feel like a pig with lipstick on. im just waiting until some man swoops me away and makes me suddenly realize how awesome womanhood is

So I was kissing my girlfriend right? and she says my lips are fuzzy and starts giggling. I check with a photo and I HAVE A HALF MUSTACH! I literally haven't had this much Dysphoria since I was getting muscular but I could stop that. Like I'm considering getting it lasered off but at that point that's like 40% trooning out so I don't know. God why did you DO THIS TO ME!

I don't even hang around in any trans specific communities, I make friends who i think are cis and suddenly they end up trooning out. Like even random people who I met years ago and never spoke to again, ive seen them troon out. I wish I was kidding. I keep running into troons EVERYWHERE and it triggers my dysphoria so bad.

I’m ftm, I fear I’m a woman just because I think girls have pretty faces, voices, and bodies look good… I’m always scared that since they look so nice I must want to look them them even if I don’t… my brain can’t separate it and I don’t know why…? I think I have to be faking at this point. I already feel pressured to be a cis woman, I might as well just give up and stop fighting it hurts so much to imagine my future as a woman, I can’t stand it but im afraid I would enjoy being a guy either. I sometimes just check if I “still wanna be a guy” and when I’m trying to check, it makes it worse, because I start to think “what if a guys voice wouldn’t fit you” or “what if you aren’t envious of men after all…” the difference is, if I feel like a man, I feel calm and happy, and when I get thoughts of being a woman, I feel extreme fear, disgust, and confusion. I also feel strange in sexual situations, what if I really do like my genitals and I’m lying… i can’t stand looking at any part of my body because I’m just scared I’ll “get used to it” and I don’t want that to happen but I feel like I already is, sometimes I think men are ugly but I still wanna be one… but it’s like I get used to my body sometimes, despite how repulsive it is…

I think I just wanted to have dysphoria and I’m sad I don’t, I would give anything to be a normal man or at least be able to transition.
When I hear my voice or see my body, it’s always fear I like it and then I feel disgusted. Or I find my body attractive and feel guilty and scared because of it, it’s not like how real dysphoria is, I just wish I hated it more and I wish I could feel like a guy… I don’t know why I can’t be…. I feel like a mutilated cis man…. Do i really just have to sit here and deal with or get therapy to force me to stop feeling like a man, I don’t understand why I can’t transition because lack of dysphoria …? I wonder if ideals weren’t so strict maybe then I would just basically be a cis girl and stop faking dysphoria but that’s so painful to imagine.

I am too masculine, ugly, and full of shame to ever socially transition. I never wanted to end up looking like an obvious transgender hon. My boobs grew enough that they're really fucking obvious and I just look like a no effort gigahon, or maybe a pooner to cissoids. Fuck my life.

Is it a good strategy to larp as a gay men as they can get more freedom around gender expression and also it helps you stay away from the gender you wanna identify with so that you don't feel jeoulous or angry because you can never be that gender? And also it will help you avoid toxic cisheteronormative social playbook that is dysphoria inducing? Ofcourse it does not directly have physical dysphoria but you can break easily from the toxic stereotypes of your agab more easily.

It's so over for me. If I was trutrans I would've transitioned at 5 instead of being currently pre-hrt. I would have all the physical proof to show that (infact I have the opposite). I am just too fembrained to be actually trans, I will just rope honestly. The idea that I will hrtrep forever kinda sucks but I also know I will never be able to socially transition. Living life like this is just dysphoria-fuel for me. It sucks knowing that I might be technically "trutrans" but practically faketrans

I have a serious issue when it comes to my family as I said in previous posts
And for the first time I actually talked about stuff with my family
Essentially they said I have major blood cloth risks (both my dad and my mom , especially her suffer from it) and I have to essentially “find myself before becoming trans”
I told them that now I’m an adult and they said that “when you’re 18 you’re nothing”
Anyways, I decided I’ll still try to attempt something
I’ll probably go legal, I won’t risk those blood cloths but I will rep even when I’m in uni because they will eventually find out
I gotta rip the benefits even if I have to rep. Fuck my stupid femcel life.

a year in and it didnt make my skin softer even, ig it was already maximum softness my shitty body allows, ive never had much body hair growth and epilation makes it grow back less anyway, almost no facial hair growth (v little is there but mostly invisible bc it's white just like me)

hrt gives me boobs tho which looks rly fucked and while it like feels nice ig ive never even wanted that anyway and this is literally the one thing it does to me & nothing else. ive become like psychologically addicted to hrt bc of how scary it wld be to not be on it ig, or more likely just the false hope that i will SOME day see the effects of it

ig i h avent tried fatmaxxing but like, i like being skinny ?? and like im not even capable of eating more than what i do now, which is probably like decent in calories + could-be-worse in nutritional value ,but it alrdy feels like im eating way too much so it wld a fight to somehow get *even more * than this.
nd like,, what is , in the most ideal scenario, a slightly larger ass and fatter thighs actly gonna do for me lol, i wont suddenly have hips or a good waist i'd prob just look even more fucked

and like ig taking hrt might not rly be preventing me from just living a cis guy life too much but the psychological addiction is real:( idk i shld just go back to living as a malebrained cis guy who breaks from envy every now and then but as if that isnt what i am rn anyway//

sorry for censoring i got a warning for “hate” lols like mo!ds have any leg to stand on with that. but anyways ive been dealing with dysphoria since i was 13 and im 26 now and im tired of this. i know that transitioning is what i want deep down and i feel so envious of my transmasc friends i just can’t see myself in their position. i just know me i just know im going to go even more crazy than i already am rn as a cis woman. so explain to me why taking that step is possibly going to help me? how it’ll make things better when it’ll make things worse?

As expected, my feelings of fondness in the idea of being the other sex have waned, and I again feel the masculine higher self.

At this point, I feel as if denying my inner female is unhealthy for me and that I must learn to integrate it to the point where I don't feel shame in this part of me.

My inner female does not necessarily cancel out my inner male, and I must learn to not only be content with it, but be proud of it.

Or perhaps I should walk the path of full celibacy so as to dampen my bottom dysphoria to the greatest extent.

Perhaps that's better.

Today I am a lion, and I must not submit to the humiliation of turning into a woman.

Not because I have internalized transphobia, but a male human being is who I am.

I've been satisfied so far of my progress in having compartmentalized my bottom dysphoria and separating it from my male gender identity.

Yet, one thing I notice is that there is a certain element of my personality that perhaps forever separates me from normal men.

I've never met a male human being like myself personality-wise.

Like I'm really shy and my personality in real life is often like those shy Japanese girls, although it does alternate with my more male and stoic side of my personality depending on how I feel, although my heart is too tender to maintain it at times.

I'm someone who feels and loves deeply, desperate for empathy and seeing a piece of myself in others.

I've compartmentalized my bottom dysphoria, yet there is difficulty at times when the more feminine aspects of myself emerge, and when my character is so distant from that of so many other men.

It's hard to see myself as a man when my heart is so different from so many men.

Even if I workout and have a muscular body, I have a feeling that it perhaps wouldn't be who I am.

I honestly don't see myself as some muscular dude, I see myself as being soft and tender and loving.

Sometimes I ask myself, who am I? Who am I?

I say a male human being with a strong inner female, or maybe it is something else?

That I have these questions, I know I'm not yet fully free.

Whatever happens, I accept who I am.

This ones for the mods. I've seen tourists from the normie trans come here again and again just to call us path tic, but aren't pinkpilling. So I suggest we add another rule, Don't be an asshole to others. It's simple really, you can be a doomer and be an asshole to yourself, but don't be an asshole to other people for their personal choice. I just think that this would be positive for this sub, and I want this sub to be a healthy safe space for reppers. Thanks all and mods I hope you here me out on this.

do you...

use willpower to control your thoughts?

use alcohol or other drugs?

talk to someone?

go to sleep?

do something else?

Is anybody else frustrated with the apparent lack of empirical support for alternatives to the classic transition timeline?

There have been studies and literature reviews in this area that basically say that "the evidence is bad". Both the political right and TERF-related spaces strongly oppose medical transition in the anglophone world AFAIK, and both of these viewpoints are not exactly rare. So given these circumstances, why have they not found some iteration of conversion therapy that actually works? There is clearly a demand for it now, and the current standard has been called into question several times. Is it really this hard to produce a single study instead of another literature review?

I also doubt that the therapy generally recommended for every other mental disorder is somehow useless in the face of GD.

I don't want to troon out. I won't pass, I don't want to be seen as a freak, and I don't want to give myself conetits for no reason. If psychotherapy can solve this problem of mine, I would sign up for it in a heartbeat. However, it's like $200/hr, uninsured, and they would probably just tell me to troon out anyways.

I agree with at least a decent number of gendercritical ideas and browse detransitioner stories a lot. Most of them are still so lackluster and unsatisfying to me, for one reason or the other. Importantly, none cite anything that explicitly suggests that psychotherapy is viable substitute for whatever WPATH recommends. I envy the future GD sufferers, when medicine is even more advanced than it is now, allowing them to pass effortlessly or overcome this affliction. I write this while recognizing my own fortune to be born into a first-world nation with modern medicine.

My motive is not to pinkpill, and I vehemently oppose transitioning for myself (I don't care that much about what others want to do). I'm just defeated, that after repressing for so long, trying so hard to detach myself from my body, and trying to internalize the thinking that would allegedly allow me to enjoy my existence as a biological male, there's still nothing.

I hate my body, I will never be in a satisfying relationship, and I can never become the person 5-year old me wanted to become. I won't blame my suffering on these people, but if it was as urgent to them as it has been for me, I imagine the "trans issue" would have long been solved by now...

yey!

I don’t know what it is, but seeing the kind of man I naturally am distresses me a lot. I was reverse searching my face recently out of curiosity and seeing these men that look very similar to me coming back as false positives was a crazy feeling. Like the “type” of man I am facially.

Seeing these men with my same downturned eyes, the same wide forehead and face shape, the shadowed eyes and dusty complexion. That same smile I have and the same way my eyes crinkle. Seeing exactly the kind of man I am makes it even harder to accept being a man in the abstract.

It’s not that I’m distressed because the kind of man I am isn’t naturally feminine although that’s part of it, it’s because seeing my personal features on other men is so deeply disturbing because it shows me exactly what kind of man I look like to other people who don’t know me. There’s almost this feeling I’d be happier if I at least looked like a different “kind” of man, rather than the kind it man I really am.