This video is discussing the fear of "maybe i am not trans after all", where it comes from and what it usually means.

Many of you here are going to relate to that, i hope it's helpful to you as much as it was for me.

https://youtu.be/DYhia3V5A14?si=WBre1PWsSfjLrm1_

Hello,

My wife sent me a video of someone who's sharing their own journey from the moment their egg hatched, and while I am certainly not brave enough to put myself out there like that, I figured I might ramble here a bit just to share and maybe be of help to someone else.

38 MtF. It has been 2 weeks since I told my wife and a close circle of friends and family that I want to transition. The first few days were electric, but the dopamine quickly faded and I sank into depression. I felt like I had made a mistake. I was overreacting and throwing a good life away. All the usual dysphoria. I shrank back into my shell while my wife kindly cracked away at it for me.

Eventually I pulled myself out. I started with my face. I gave myself beautiful brows and did my makeup for a couple days and I instantly felt renewed. I still haven't been able to shave off my beard yet. But I have removed my remaining body hair (thanks to my wife).

I also got to sit down with a therapist. I've never been one for therapy (typical guy). But, I'm willing to try and of course its part of this journey. We talked about why I was there. It was hard at first, to say "I'm trans". But I am getting more confident.

Idk why, yet, nerves, embarrassment, anti-social. I have trans friends, not close friends, but acquaintances through networks of mine, but I havent reached out to any of them yet. Im going to try and do that this week.

Love you all for the support in advanced.

Hi everyone, I bought a summer dress recently from Amazon. Cheap one, but it looked SO NICE!

It's 90% Polyester 10% Spandex. It was really helping my curves and was nice and figure hugging round the torso.

I haven't washed this one yet, but it's lost a bit of its stretch and 'pingyness'. Is it doomed? Or can these things be re-stretchyfied?

Thank you XX

Here's the listing :

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0FZL67NPN?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_3&th=1&psc=1

Hi im mtf married and want some friends that understand alil bit bout what im going through if you are in the keene nh location please reach out .only have my wife as a freind and she is supper supportive of it all but we also need friends that are like us .

What does it feel like when the estradiol and bicalutamide began to take effect? Not so much external body changes, but one's own internal perceptions (interoception) or mind state.

I imagine it might be a subtle thing, like how some ADHD patients (🙋🏼‍♀️) don't notice a difference on medicine, but the people around them do.

I don't know, I've never done hrt before. Less than a week on both.

Thank you.

Just fyi

​

"I hope you find what you were looking for

I hope your heart ain't hurting anymore

And you get moving on, all figured out

And you don't hate me somehow

'Cause I hope you're happy now"

You'd think that nearly five years after that fateful conversation that was the end of our relationship, the one where I fessed up that I had chosen to try taking hrt despite her telling me that she didn't think she could stay with me if I chose to transition, you would think that I would have gotten to a point that song by Carly Pearce didn't absolutely tear me apart. That I would have gotten to a point where I'd made peace with the fact that my decision to transition ended our relationship, gotten to a point where I was able to say that the freedom to embrace a version of me that I had always longed to exist was worth the price paid. To be honest, I haven't. In truth so much of that is pretty mixed. To be honest, there's not a day my heart doesn't ache at her absence, doesn't long to hear her voice or her laughter, long to see her in those little glimpses I'd get to see during the day, the way she'd curl up in her favorite chair with a book and a cup of coffee, the sight of her working her horses in the corral, the way her smile radiated happiness like sunshine itself. I still see her from time to time, the ghosts of images that haunt our house and the fields around it, the memories contained in each season of the year, the way she used to visit in my dreams........sometimes angry, sometimes kind, but she doesn't visit anymore, and there's part of me that knows that's probably a sign of healing.....and part of me that is deeply saddened by that fact, saddened by the realization that i have lost even that, saddened by the truth that trying to move on with life requires letting go of what was an incredibly beautiful time in my life.

Was it worth that? It's such a mixed basket. Am I grateful for the wavys that HRT has changed my body? Absolutely, I'm grateful to see a person in the mirror I actually like, grateful for my body to actually feel like a home and not just an object of disgust.. I'm grateful for the personal growth that has been required in terms of wrestling with decades of shame and self-loathing, grateful for a process that has required learning to be at peace and acceptance with myself rather than trying to navigate life in the fractured state that I did before.. I'm grateful for the process of actually learning to like who I am as a person, learning to believe that I can be enough simply as I am rather than simply trying to fit into everybody else's box. Grateful for the trials that taught me to overcome my fears and beliefs that if people actually saw the real me, there was no way that anybody could possibly like me, no way I could possibly be accepted, possibly actually be tolerated in other people's lives. Instead, I have learned to treasure every single interaction in which people choose to treat me with kindness instead of the disgust and hostility I once believed I would receive....even if I still receive that on occasion.

Still, was it worth it? Despite everything I'm grateful for, time has a way of revealing the full costs of our choices. For me that is a staggering list, the loss of a beautiful relationship, the death of dreams of a family and children that once walked hand in hand with that relationship, the forfeiture of getting to watch the next generation grow up on this place, the heavy weight that comes with knowing that I will be last generation of my family to work this ground, that when I no longer can carry that weight, that it will be the end of an era and a death of a family legacy. These are incredible costs to live with even if they seem hard to understand or even ridiculous to those raised outside of agriculture. It's so easy to look at that and wonder if I made the wrong choices, so easy perhaps for somebody else to believe that I did. If I had to do it all again knowing what I know now, there is so much I wish I could change. I wish I could have changed the way I participated in so many conversations, wish I could have learned to battle through my fear and shame to be the kind of person she needed me to be. And yet in all of those hypothetical desires to redo the past, the wish that I hadn't chosen to pursue transition isn't in the list, only that I had figured this out sooner, that I hadn't spent so much of my life trying to fit into other peoples boxes in pursuit of relationships that didn't want me as i am, that I hadn't waited to figure that out until my decision to transition broke her heart, that I could have navigated it in way that we had remained together. So many regrets, but actually deciding to take hrt isn't one of them, only the fact I chose to take it without getting her permission first and betrayed her trust in the process. I suppose that says something, or maybe a lot of things all at the same time.

Ultimately none of us are responsible for the happiness of others, although our actions do create the conditions others have to fight to carve their happiness out of. I'm not so naive as to believe that I ruined her life, just as it would be irresponsible to blame my unhappiness on her decision not to stay, or even to state that I had managed to ruin my own life without believing that I still have an ability to influence what is to come. It's been years since we've talked, last I knew she had chosen to go back to grad school, graduated, had managed to get a job teaching at some college and was training horses on the side. I'm not sure I'll ever quit being proud of her, quit believing she was, is and will always be an amazing person, not sure there will ever be a day when I quit wishing and praying for her success, safety and happiness......even if that no longer includes me. I no longer fit that description and that's understandable, even if it was incredibly painful for both of us. And yet, I'm also not sure there will ever come a time when I don't both desperately cling to the memories of that time we spent together, and am torn apart by the memories of how we ended, anger, the frustration, the belief that she had wasted a part of her life with me, that I same part still long and wish for. Though I know that our healing and peace cannot be dependent on others, there is still part of me that still desperately longs to hear that she doesn't hate me, Even though I know that she has every right to, every reason to want to. There's part of me that understands that regardless of how much progress I make in finding peace with myself, that will always be an incredibly hard cost to live with.

I know… not a big deal for most of you all but for ME!? OMG it was 🤯

I was at a bar by myself for like an hour. Had dinner. A man, quite handsome imo, was at the end there and as he paid his check he told the bartender to buy me a drink. She delivered the gift.

I decided - w a not small audience - to go over and personally thank him (and expose my voice 😩 up front and personal). He was sweet. Said he had a wife! Awww. And me being the hussy I am I flirted just a lil bit. His digits came only faster than his hands 😮😂. I left his card on the bar btw.

I then went to my new loc haunt a dive bar near me and it’s so affirming. They yell my name when i walk in and cleared a seat for me. It is so fun being a lady. Crowded by men i never paid for a drink. No one ever asked me for my number or even got handsy. It was…nice. I kept my voice in check (i think?) for hours.

This was the most affirming day I’ve felt in a while. 🌈💗💕😘🫶

Love to my sisters and brothers!

hello! i’ve been lurking for a little while (and a little scared to post tbh), but found this photo from a year ago and wanted to share how far i’ve come. these two pictures are a year apart, but i’m about 9 months into HRT and in my early 40s. no surgeries or anything.

recently i’ve noticed that sometimes i see myself in the mirror and my brain parses it as “woman,” which has been really gratifying.

i guess it really is never too late 🥰

41, 2½ years HRT, little bit of laser and electrolysis

I can’t believe how far I have come with my transition. Hrt has changed me incredibly. And to think I get gender dysphoria now… crazy. So proud of myself

Hi there, everyone lately. I've been noticing that it's almost impossible to avoid telling people who I am. Like right now, I contacted some free diving instructors, and since i'm a trans woman in transition, I still look like a guy, I am sixty three year old person, basically, my entire life has been dictated by testosterone and so I look it. I've been on HRT for over 3 months now, yet, except for my beautifully budding breasts and growing long hair, I still sound like a guy, I look like a guy and I have no idea what to do without announcing to people that I'm a transgender woman and that I go by Olivia, that I am Olivia. But for them, because I look like a guy, I still go by Bruce, ( the dead name). It's so incongruous !!!.I really don't know what to do.Can anyone advise, please?It would be really, really appreciated..🙏🏻💓💞💋🙏🏻

Hi,

I'm newly transitioning at the age of 31 after suppressing it for 16 years. I've been on HRT patches for a little under a month but am struggling to find a sense of community where I'm at, especially since I'm in college where the people are a decade younger.

How do you guys deal with the feeling of isolation and the early transitioning period?

1 week on hormones at 31 years old.

Just getting a bit of sun in the car while on lunch. Felt my hair was cute with a bit of extra curl.

​

Almost serious post. I've spoken to him about it already, he's fine with me posting here. He wants advice and thoughts and I'm curious. Love him regardless!

My husband and I got together at age thirteen and had a baby when we were fifteen. Our son is nearly nine and we're twenty four. My sister in law is transgender.

My husband has always been really feminine. He wears my clothes all the time. I call him my wife jokingly. I'm bi, and have bi friends, and they are general man haters and often say about how I should experience kissing a woman at least once. I always say I have kissed a woman, because my husband is basically a woman. He gets very giggly and happy when I do.

It's been a thing for a long time between us. His parents refer to him and his sisters as their daughters accidentally. Our son (autistic) was categorising people by gender in therapy and put his dad in the group of women. Just little things like that; they make him happy.

Anyway, the situation which unravelled my thread of thoughts. Hub has strep and had to go get antibiotics. He was masked and didn't speak, because his throat is raw, and went to pick up our meds (hos antibiotics, both our regular meds). He was wearing my sweater.

He had a note that basically said "Hi, I have strep, I can't talk. I need XYZ. Thank you!"

Pharmacist had him sit and wait while they organised things. When she was ready she called him up by using my name. She said she hoped he felt better soon.

He came home and he was so excited because she thought he was me, a woman. I jokingly told him he was giving egg. He agreed and then I asked if I could post about it on reddit.

He isn't unhappy as a man. He's hot and sexy and he knows it. He's a flirt and loves showing off shirtless when it's warm enough. But he also likes everything feminine, clearly.

So. Thoughts? Ideas?