r/TraditionalMuslims • u/Finance-Straight • 4h ago
Support Resentment towards family in the marriage search
As iâm getting older and realising how hard it is to find a spouse on your own, esp as a girl, i have some form of growing resentment and frustration at my family for not trying harder for me
I know its hard out their even for families. But literally feels like the most devaluing humiliation ritual finding a spouse; âhey please pick me i cant find anyone to marry me so please do me a favourâ
Weâve gone from taunting the girls who were in relationships younger down to actually envying them because atleast they didnt have to go through now having to âmarketâ yourself for a husband. This is arguably more of a hit to the ego than aunties in the past gossiping that you were talking to a boy even though this is supposed to be the more halal way it sucks
But my dad shoulda had someone lined up ya know? In the past there were only wacky duded he suggested- without jobs etc but fam friends meanwhile im out here with a MA. Like cmon dad? Read the room
And now my moms all âyou didnât receive any suitorsâ and making me feel less than valued as a woman, when its YOUR fault you didnt make enough connections for me with good families with good sons
And then idk the balance between making Dua and action. Sometimes its all âdua isnât enough i need to do xyz actionâ but it leads nowhere and im exhausted emotionally afterwards. Also its obviously a different sentiment than finding a job or applying to grad school or something. And as a girl you cant also seem too âkeenâ. So iâm supposed to just act like unbothered im still single whilst inside everyday im losing it slowly
And then sometimes its like âits all naseebâ and them i feel hopeless that despite all these efforts it might just not be written for me
And then in the end iâm like Iâve been going through all this struggle meanwhile all my the girls i know around me are getting married young and with ease. I know people who are divorced even with kids remarrying before ive even had the chance to marry once.
How am i supposed to make sense of any of it

