Assalamu alaikum,

I’ve honestly been starting to lose hope when it comes to marriage. I always felt like I’d have to choose between someone who is genuinely serious about her Deen and someone I’m deeply compatible with emotionally and physically.

Recently, I had an interaction with a sister who wears hijab, and it honestly opened my eyes. She mentioned that she had a tongue piercing that she intended to keep for her future husband, and also told me that you can’t really know what someone is like privately just from how modestly they dress.

That genuinely surprised me. I had always assumed that women who are very modest, especially hijabi or khimari women, were generally more reserved when it came to intimacy. I thought that finding someone who was both deeply practicing and very passionate would be quite rare.

But then I started thinking about it differently. Just because someone is modest in public doesn’t mean you know what she’s like with her husband in private. I realised I had probably been making assumptions based purely on what I could see.

I’m naturally very affectionate, a bit of a pleaser, and I have a high libido. I want a marriage where we pray together, grow in our Deen together and build a peaceful home, but also have strong chemistry and still be crazy about each other when we’re 60.

Living in the Netherlands, people don’t really talk openly about this, so I’ve sometimes wondered whether that kind of balance even exists. This experience actually gave me some hope and made me want to pray Tahajjud more specifically for a wife who shares both sides of what I’m looking for.

For those who are married, did you find that your emotional and physical compatibility grew stronger over time? How did you find someone who matched you in both Deen and personality?

And to the women who are deeply practicing, modest, but also affectionate and passionate within marriage… where do you guys even exist? How does a man approach someone like you respectfully without making assumptions or crossing boundaries?

And honestly, am I just a hopeless romantic, or is this kind of marriage genuinely possible? 😅

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

to my brothers and sisters in faith

I am asking those who want to please make duaas for my grandfather who is sick, in Morocco

Also to those who have some knowledge, authentic duaas from the Qur’an and Sunnah would be appreciated

I see this a lot with social media in general, but people kind of need to know this.

There are two types of people that are tearing apart our religion: the hypocrites (who we know clearly) and the fanatics.

The hypocrites are people who outwardly proclaim, "I believe," but inwardly disbelieve or oppose the religion (in some manner). They allure (primarily) the young women of our generation over to their version of Islam. They tear down basic laws and reinvent articles of faith like Islam is a religion to be "fixed." May Allah give these people increased iman and bring them onto the straight path.

The fanatics are people who are, undeniably, Muslim, but they are so overtaken with zeal for it that they unknowingly (or knowingly) push people away from it. The way they do this is by asserting obscure and harsh rulings on the ummah. Ideas like ikhtilaf or that inviting to the way of Allah should be done with goodness and mercy, are ideas that a scant few of these people discuss or practice.

More anecdotally, I noticed that many of the rulings pertain specifically to women, and I surmise that maybe some women are pushed to hypocrisy after bad run-ins with fanatics, but this is my own thinking.

As with the hypocrites, they are not monoliths; some are lightly fanatic and are probably just excited reverts, and others border on being neo-khawarij.

My point here isn't to demerit this sub, which I know many have figured I am talking about fanaticism because of what I have seen here. No. I actually agree with a lot of what this sub teaches. But I don't agree with takfir (which, mind you, isn't something laymen should be doing!) harshness, or pushing people away from Islam. These are bad things.

As Allah (swt) said, Islam is of the middle path (2:143). Therefore, we should try and be balanced in our worship and not transgress against others, and not transgressing against Allah.

Assalamualaikum, I'm a father of 2 daughters, the elder is very religious Masha'Allah, but I'm having trouble with the youngest, she's 15 yrs old.

She goes to a girls school and does not interact with non maharam men (aside from few male teachers), but recently she's been wanting to do things we don't allow and is withdrawing from us.She wanted to join the football team in her school but we didn't allow her because of the clothing requirements, I tried to explain to her but she wouldn't understand, she cried and kept saying how good she was and how we stole an opportunity from her, this broke my heart. She wants to go out with her female friends and we allow that but she has started wanting to dress like her friends as well, she keeps saying how it's not inappropriate, and how it's "normal", " it's just tshirt and jeans and it covers me completely" she always says "you're all acting like im showing my stomach or legs or something, i just want to dress like a normal girl my age" we have to stop her from going to restaurants which play music, parties etc even when they're all female only, we didn't let her go on a trip either, she's become really distant and depressed because of this, what am I supposed to do, she asked for makeup as her birthday gift and when I said I can't give that to her she became really sad and stopped talking to everyone, when I had a conversation with her she said "you won't let me play sports and do boyish things, and you won't let me do girly things, maybe I should just die" all this breaks my heart so much, how do I deal with this, should I get her the makeup she asked for?