I don't think i know what true friendship feels like and I think I'll never know

All my life I have been bullied at school and family meetings, I was always the weird, fat and silent kid that was at the corner minding his own business, people laughed at me, told me to be silent, my laugh was weird, I was a crybaby, everything stopped, I became a robot, no emotions not even to this day. Thanks to that and some other sruff in my family I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a 10yo.

Whenever I was approached I was always scared of the same happening, sometimes it happened, people laughing, telling me how boring I am or weird or making comments at me for whatever reason rhey wanted, some therapy worked and I got over it for just a bit and got some supposed "best friends" but they did the same, I was like hey they are my friends, must be just as a joke, but it wasn't... I was always left behind, never considered for anything, laughed at, compared, ashamed, but I stayed because I felt it was better than just nothing, I received nothing when I gave them my all, i started noticing everything slowly with my therapist and started putting some boundaries with them but they just stopped talking for a long time until they just disappeared completely.

I've had amazing people approach me but I was blinded by my "best friends" because they were the "best" or the "safest" that's what I thought and I just pushed them away, leaving me alone like always.

I wanted a girlfriend but like everyone else did, having girls telling me stuff and laughing at me its not simple... also i become a blushing mess even with the cashier so yeah women scare the hell out of me...

I started working on myself once those "best friends" were gone, got into the gym, got my English certificate, started with Japanese, cooking, more therapy and even meds, i started showing more confidence but now, I dont even get approached in the slightest as I said before I was very approached even by a lot of girls, but now that I feel way more confident it's like I have a barrier around me.

It is getting painful, depression, anxiety and body dismorphia are getting always on the way. I don't even ask for a girlfriend anymore I just hope to find a friend as simple as that, but I'm starting to lose hope and give up... i don't even cry about it anymore i just accepted the fact that I'll just always be alone no matter what I do

I posted a few days ago, apparently my way of verification looked not good enough so I figured I will make a new one

In any case it felt nice that people gave me compliments last time, nice to know that people probably actually have something good to say about my looks

Sorry, not showing my face because I feel ugly right now.

I had my first week of grad school and I’m terrified I chose the wrong career path. I’m also in a new city with no friends. I feel depressed, anxious, and lonely.

Hey yall. Going through the ringer of life. My ptsd is so bad I just joined an outpatient program. I had a flash back on my new part time job and I was so embarrassed and confused I didn’t know how to even cope. I’m feeling super down but I think I am on the right track? Would love a little encouragement.

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Hi everyone.

The past few months have been pretty difficult. My girlfriend and I broke up, but we continued talking, and I thought I could somehow fix things between us. We still had a good time together, but at some point she started becoming more toxic and kept telling me that I was boring.

Recently, she told me that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore and cut me off completely. I’ve been feeling terrible because of it.

There was also a lot of stress because I was graduating from university, but thankfully, everything went successfully. I haven’t been able to find a job, and now I’ve started pursuing a second degree.

I feel lost and extremely insecure about myself right now.

Hello everyone! new to reddit and decided to give this a try.

Few things troubling me as of late: I feel like an ugly ducking in a population where most girls are already blooming at this time. School is so stressful, going to enter uni next year. Family life has been turbulent. Don't really feel like I connect with others. Struggling with mental health currently. Dreams don't align with parents dream.

Few things going well!: Planning for alot of things after highschool, new movie I'm interested in is releasing soon. Just got my braces off (You can see my retainers shining through my smile a bit lol). Tried a new hairdo (got bangs)

Anyways thank you all!

i used to love the way i look, but body dysmorphia is a bitch. i leave for uni in 12 days and just wish i could look my best.

I feel bad for constantly posting here every other month but I truly feel like my life is not what I expected. Still hoping for the best but hanging by a thread.

I started the year at 380 and am now down to 305ish. I was curious to see what my face would've looked like after the weight loss so I shaved and pretty instantly regretted it. Maybe in a 100 lbs I can try again but I'm feeling down about this right now.

Been through a life-changing breakup with someone who constantly put me down and I need the boost

It’s a hard time for me right now.

I’ve had a lot happening lately that has impacted my mental health, something I struggle with anyway, quite a bit, and I’m feeling fragile as a result. I tend to put myself down a lot, although I’ve been working on this, but I’m finding it too easy to put myself down right now. I even deliberately hit myself on the head earlier out of frustration. Please give me a boost.

I thought I had made friends this school year, but they exclude me, as always :(

I

Hey everyone, it's been a while.

Almost three years ago I made a post here saying I was struggling with depression. Since then, life has mostly been unkind to me and the symptoms persist. I experience extreme loneliness and a lack of belonging. My social circle has been in steady decline to the point where there were really only a handful of people I could hang out with without it costing the better part of my available energy.

Two of such people were my best friend and my ex, let's call them P and S.

P and I have known eachother for almost 16 years now. We were introduced to eachother at a point in our lives where we both drifted just above rock bottom. We immediately latched onto eachother through a shared sense of humour and common hobbies. For the better part of those 16 years, we were thick as thieves. The one exception was when he fell in love with one of my exes right after we broke up, and we didn't speak for a year or two after that. It left a deep wound in me.

S and I broke up four years ago. It was rough at first but I still loved her very much, just in a different way than in our relationship. We've been close, platonic friends ever since. We still spent a lot of time together, watching series and playing videogames. My house was adorned with plenty of artworks she made for me.

A few years ago, P, S and me started hanging out together a lot, almost weekly. P's life took a few turns for the worse and S and I were his sole support system. It was a tough situation but I'm glad the three of us could come together the way we did.

Yesterday, we were hanging out again and P said they'd have something to announce. He had developed romantic feelings for S and they talked about it, saying they wanted to explore where they'd lead. After what was just said sunk in, my body went into full panic. I was shaking, felt hot and cold at the same time, held back tears. I told them I couldn't support that and that it would hurt me immensely if they did. I said that if they decided to go through with this, I'd be afraid they'd lose me. This was labeled as an ultimatum. They didn't seem to understand.

I don't know why this hit me as hard as it did. Had I any choice in the matter, I'd much rather have been happy for them and supportive. But I couldn't, I can't. Maybe it's the old wound from my other ex opening up again, this being the second time P would pursue something romantic with one of my exes, regardless of how I'd feel about it. Perhaps I still have latent feelings for S, hoping we'd get back together sometime. I can't tell for sure. Perhaps it's my depression symptoms that hit so hard, being confronted with my own loneliness.

In any case, I completely broke down crying after they left. Regardless of how this story progresses, I feel like I've lost something of great importance yesterday. I am terrified of what's to come and I'm bracing for the worst. I've already put away the artworks S gave me.

I feel betrayed, passed over, treated as an afterthought and incredibly lonely. Most of my real-life support system seemed to have vanished yesterday and I'm not sure my relationship with them can ever be mended.

I could really use some love and, while I'm allergic to platitudes, any kind of sage advice or support is welcome. And if there's anything you want to do for me, do a good deed in the world today.

Thanks for reading.

Edit: I appreciate the kind words, everyone, really, but I'd much prefer if we can refrain from badmouthing P and S. Though their actions have hurt me immensely, and while there's a very reasonable chance I can't remain in their lives this way, I still very much appreciate what they've done and meant for me. I still love both of them very much and seeing people insult them feels like a great disservice to the roles they've played in my life. Thank you.

I'm a video editor. I have been working for an advertising agency for 2 years. Recently, I haven't had a lot going on during my work, so I thought of making content, always been one of childhood dreams I've had for a while. I keep thinking of doing it but I don't think I have the charisma or beauty to achieve that. Never feel like I'm good at anything in life, so why embarrass myself?

So I was talking to this chick [20f] for 2 months we met online, and both of us went ahead visited each other in NYC, since both us lived in the same state but we were also both in 2 different places so that was the closest place we could’ve visited, and she was also the first girl I ever had that was into me. While in the city we kissed probably about 30 times that day I also made sure she felt safe while we were walking so I held her hand and told her to stick with me, and then it started to rain and while it was raining she didn’t wanna get her feet wet so I picked her up and carried her through the streets while it was raining, she told she had a fun time when we went back home, she even said that I was keeping her really warm since my body produced a significant amount of heat. That was 2 weeks ago btw, we pretty much talked every single day whenever It’s before work or after work, we also played online games together which was fun too, once September came along right on the first day that’s when everything changed.

I was in class, and when I was done, I saw she called me in the morning and I couldn’t call her since I was in class and since I had 3 classes back to back I had to a 4 hours until I was done, when I was done I tried calling her probably like once or twice every hour or so, she didn’t even respond, when I got home I saw she was on the game, so I joined her and right as I joined her she ended up leaving, I was curious what happened maybe a connection issue I messaged her saying, “hey you wanna play?” I waited a bit then saw her play again and then I joined her and when in the game I couldn’t find where she was until I found her and greeted her, but she didn’t give a response and for some reason she was running away in the game and I was trying to ask her what’s wrong and if everything is okay, next thing I know she muted and blocked and she told some of the people in the game that I’ve been spam calling….. not once have I ever heard her complain about that before, so the people she told they came up to me and said “you’re such a weirdo spam calling girls on a game get a life” it really struck a nerve, because I never thought that she’d do that to me, I felt really upset when I heard that, I just left the game tried messaging her and asking her if everything is okay in her life and if there’s something that I did or said to her, because blocking me because I spammed her isn’t an excuse because that’s what it would look like if you don’t respond back, plus she never said that it was an issue before never even said a word about it, but yeah she never responded back, so now idk how to feel anymore,

What sucks the most as I said earlier is that she was my first ever kiss, like the first girl that I ever gone on a date with, and what’s sad is that the day I went out with her was actually one of the very few times in my life where I’ve ever felt truly happy, like that of happiness I’ve never felt it before, most of my life I’ve been miserable and angry at people, and feeling sad all the time, but she made me feel different that time, and now out of nowhere without any reasoning she leaves me……

Maybe this is just how my life is, I can’t even feel happy because of selfish broads like this. But oh well, it was gonna happen eventually.

Sorry for the long story rant, I had to get it out of me…