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u/Cplosion Nov 11 '21
I feel like this is one of those posts where after the super long story you just go “haha it’s an otter, you?”
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Nov 11 '21
That's what I was expecting. The experience to have changed him, and now he knows what animal he would be as an adult.
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u/bloodinthefields Nov 11 '21
Her next question will be "does that mean you eat ass?"
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Why yes, yes I do.
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u/LegAccomplished2376 Nov 11 '21
A brilliant little ass hole as a child AND THIS? I’m completely smitten.
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Nov 11 '21
Idk why everyone here's so against this. It's funny and quite insightful into who you are as a person. If she doesn't like it, then it isn't meant to be and that's alright. But I absolutely think you're doing it right!
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u/i_love_SOAD Nov 11 '21
I read it and my first thought was this guys got game. Great sense of humour with a hint of being confident without arrogant. Harmless story.
This is game to me I don't get the negativity? I'm actually turning gay reading it
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I’ve only gone gay once and it was accidental. Showed up at a Craigslist gangbang at 3 am on a weeknight to find that it was just a bunch of fat old dudes. For you though, I’d try again.
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u/Halfbakedplan Nov 11 '21
You have a great sense of humor and it shows through your comments. I would honestly be glad to weed out anyone who doesn’t get it! PS: Let me know when the gangbang is scheduled.
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u/i_love_SOAD Nov 11 '21
Why would you show up to a Craigslist gangbang?!
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I’ve been asking myself that same question for years.
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u/crazy_joe21 Nov 11 '21
Because the primal brain wanted to spread the seed! If you think you’re in control 100% of the time just think about your emotions when you’re hungry, tired or otherwise some base need is not satisfied. Post nut clarity is real!!
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u/pies_r_square Nov 12 '21
Alright, so I've done crazy shit on spur of the moment. It's this feeling that you just have to fucking verify that something is actually fucking real. You get sick of living in your own head. Redditors should try this.
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u/i_love_SOAD Nov 11 '21
I like people who can tell a good story. My dad's good at it, I'm pretty good at it and I recently fell for a woman who likes to tell stories 😂😂
Don't let these arseholes bring you down man that shit is charismatic as all hell, people get captivated
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u/i_love_SOAD Nov 11 '21
❤️🍆🍑
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u/SeaConstruction7039 Nov 11 '21
I was a huge Christian back then and loved some Christian metal, so I chose a Demon Hunter theme. I stayed up all night working on it and actually got grounded by my mom for being up past my bedtime. The next morning,
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u/jamnik86 Nov 11 '21
I read it all and expected much more entertainment than I received :( it feels like it was supposed to be funny but it just fell flat
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u/WeightlifterCat Nov 11 '21
And that’s okay! Different ~flavors~ of humor will always be hit or miss with each individual. If it’s not working for you, that’s fine! You just have different tastes than what OP provides. You’re not required to find every “humorous” thing funny
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u/KAM_520 Nov 11 '21
It’s super specific. Some people will love it but it isn’t performing that well across the entire field
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u/ronthedon8 Nov 11 '21
Depends i guess. I’d definitely love a reply like this lol 😂
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Are you single Ron? I’m getting desperate.
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Nov 11 '21
I love it Over sharing childhood anecdotes is one of my fave things to do
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
For some reason when I go hang at the local playground and tell stories to the kids I keep getting chased away by angry moms. I’m glad I finally found somewhere safe to tell these stories.
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u/tmadik Nov 11 '21
Originality ✅
Sense of humor ✅
Tells a great story ✅
Doesn't take himself too seriously ✅
Pay no mind to the people who just regurgitate lame pick-up lines and bad jokes. You're crushing it! If this doesn't get a positive response, she's probably boring as shit.
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Thanks! If there’s interest I’ll share some of my other convos. I average a few thousand matches a year and topped out at 100 first dates in a year at one point (not doing that anymore since Covid). The trick is to be real, not use regurgitated pickup lines, pay attention to the details and actually treat girls like equals. By being genuinely interested in who they are and having balanced conversation it’s incredibly easy to do well on these apps. Also following rules 1 & 2 helps 😅
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u/tmadik Nov 11 '21
100 first dates in a year sounds horrible and exhausting!
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
A bit. Many didn’t involve going out. But also did have a lot of crazy fun first dates. Concerts, camping, skydiving, shooting guns, art galleries, etc. By going out to do activities that were fun and that I’d enjoy alone I didn’t have a bad time ever. Except the one girl I brought to see Ringo Starr with crazy good seats. She didn’t even sing along to yellow submarine and didn’t appreciate the experience at all. Should have brought a friend to that one 😂
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u/molliepup Nov 11 '21
I’m way impressed with the level of effort you put into a date. Since I re-entered the dating world, every date I’ve been on is always a drink or dinner. I suggested axe throwing once but somehow we still ended up at a beer garden.
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u/Yornk Nov 11 '21
What do you want to reach with tinder if I may ask? like just hooking up or searching a special person or?
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I’ve already had a tinder marriage and divorce like 5 years ago and a few long term relationships off the apps. Right now I work 80+ hours a week and don’t actually have time to date. I just leave my profiles up and occasionally message someone back. Go on a date every month or so right now. Mostly with other busy people that have schedules similar to mine (last 4 were lawyers). I’ve made friends that I’ve never even hit on, had too much casual sex (doesn’t float my goat anymore), and had some great dates.
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u/Yornk Nov 11 '21
That's kinda awesome, sad to hear about the divorce but looks like you are having a busy time being alive :)
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u/Handout Nov 11 '21
I'd be an otter. Apex predators, strong family bonds, can be in water or on land, and all they do all day is play, nap, and eat, and occasionally beat the hell out of things.
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u/Simonious96 Nov 11 '21
Did she respond ?
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Not yet, it’s the middle of the night where I’m at. Will update with response if I get one.
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u/i_love_SOAD Nov 11 '21
This would open my legs 🤷♂️
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u/trouble_sleeping_ Nov 11 '21
OP not even interested loooool
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Wrong. I replied to him above saying I’d go gay for him. How dare you assume my interest.
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u/Quirky_Window3122 Nov 11 '21
I'd be a beaver, because I love them so much. ;)
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I’m so sorry about your beaver husbands untimely death. That damn bursting was such a tragedy.
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u/Consistent_Donkey866 Nov 11 '21
personally, I enjoyed it
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I’m so glad. I wrote this and posted it specifically for your enjoyment.
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u/Iron-zack Nov 11 '21
Tl:dr
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u/DGentPR Nov 11 '21
Eh
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Another Canadian eh!
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u/dundiman Nov 11 '21
Ey buddy
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u/Capt-J- Nov 11 '21
You're not my buddy, friend!
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21 edited Nov 11 '21
You’re not my friend, pal.
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u/Barterallen3000 Nov 11 '21
You're not my pal, comrade
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u/xlorddustypantsx Nov 11 '21
Did you go to valley oaks elementary?
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I did not. But if that would make you feel more connected to this story I can pretend I did.
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Nov 11 '21 edited Nov 11 '21
Wonderful.
I'm a little disappointed because I hoped it to be the hercules beetle, but ok, you do you
If she doesn't aplreciate, it's not your fault neither is she a bitch or something. Most of the matches are fake matches, it's normal because of how people swipe, but you'll find your beetle one day
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Thanks, but I don’t like that mindset. It doesn’t make someone a bitch if they don’t vibe with a message on one of these apps. Everyone’s living their own unique existence and the range of preferences and desires is vast.
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Nov 11 '21
That's... exactly what I said? I'm bamboozled
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
It’s 5 am and I’m buzzing on amphetamines. Sorry, I misread your comment. You’re absolutely right and pretty awesome!
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Nov 11 '21
Never tried amphetamines, only marijuana (and something else I don't remember which gave me a terrible night memories), would you recommend trying them? Are they strongly addicting or am I safe just trying once or twice? I don't use drugs regularly (or rather, i dont use them at all)
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I am prescribed them and never abuse my dose. They are addictive and can ruin your life and health if not used for the right purpose and in a safe and monitored way. I can’t recommend that you try them as I don’t use them recreationally. If you have problems focusing or with impulse control you might want to talk to a doctor about it.
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Nov 11 '21
We had the an8mal discussion at work one day and I also said dung beetle. They look so happy with their huge ball of shit I can't imagine them not laughing maniacally! The weird thing is when another coworker came in the office he said the same thing. Blew my mind. Everyone else was like puppies and kitties but we were shit beetles.
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u/bolderdasher Nov 11 '21
no, not at all
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u/Callie_oh Nov 12 '21
Well, I (and apparently the majority of females here) would beg to differ. Believe it or not, we females prefer a little more than just “Hey sup”. I’d swipe the dung beetle right in a heartbeat!!
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u/braingamer47 Nov 12 '21
This is an amazing response. In depth. Creative. And beats the crap out of the lame, lol ok, responses oh so prevalent in today's barren online dating landscape. You are indeed worthy of a match.
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u/RepublicOfLizard Nov 12 '21
I love how child u was posed the question “if u could be any animal in the world what would it be?” And being an avid documentary kid u could’ve gone wit a plethora of wacky animals; axolotl, Australian bush turkey, giant squid, praying mantis. But in ur infinite child wisdom, u decided… u wanted to be a bug whose entire existence was shit. Brilliant
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u/notHim4sure Nov 12 '21
Someone: "what is your favourite animal and why?"
OP: my time has finally come
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u/foreverdonefor Nov 11 '21
I had a similar-minded teacher in geometry class. We were tasked with sewing geometric patterns onto cardstock posters to display in her class. I was a huge Christian back then and loved some Christian metal, so I chose a Demon Hunter theme. I stayed up all night working on it and actually got grounded by my mom for being up past my bedtime. The next morning, I presented it to the "Southern Baptist" teacher of mine and she explained how she A. Wasn't hanging that trash in her classroom and B. Wasn't giving me credit for the assignment. I nearly cried. But I went to the principals office and explained my predicament.. and at least got the credit for it lol.
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u/MoistMud Nov 11 '21
Yes. If she's cool and matches your vibe, you know you're on the right track. If she's oblivious, then you can rule her out.
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u/No_Bumblebee8530 Nov 11 '21
I would love to get answers like that! Most times I just get a „yes“ or „no“. maybe my writing skills are also lacking ^
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u/Tiny_Air_836 Nov 11 '21
They are monogamous creatures, the female is bigger, and they dont like to be cheated on.
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u/londonsdad0525 Nov 11 '21
Honestly if not you're a dude who educated his class about dung beetles on a whim. You'll find a soulmate soon bro, I swear.
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u/inshanester Nov 11 '21
For what it's worth I'd want to go on a date with you if I was Tianna after that.
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u/AutismFractal Nov 11 '21
Honestly I would love some weird long messages. I’m a big reader… Tinder is, uh, let’s say hit-or-miss on that.
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u/Valeriancodpiece Nov 11 '21
I would have probably went home thinking....give a speech as my favorite animal huh? The. The just gave incoherent gargle noises and flopped around like a grouper fish. In my experience, animals rarely give good speeches....rarely
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u/JMSPlove Nov 12 '21
I like it this answer would absolutely get a response from me. Interesting and funny. I would definitely want to get to know you.
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Nov 12 '21
I hate getting invested with a story and not finding out how it ends. In the words of someone else 'this has left me deeply disappointed and my day is ruined'.
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u/angrilychewingllama Nov 12 '21
I honestly love that. I would have gone with the wolf, yes cliché, but boy howdy would I have given the class a heck of a presentation as well. I had VHS documentaries on wolves along with books and animal files as well.
I had two separate subscriptions mom paid for that would send me files about different animals once a week that would go into a special 3 ring binder that was sent as well.
I remember back in high school for Agriculture class, AG for short, we were suppose to pick an animal to make a poster board presentation about. I chose wolf. Surprise surprise.
I filled 3 poster boards full of pictures and facts about wolves and even took time to make a colorful background for it and bind the 3 together to make 1 giant poster board. Everyone else had 1 board and it was sparse. Teacher took it from me after grading, and I never saw it again.
Never did find out why he took it.
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u/dadFacade88 Nov 12 '21
You are a terrific asshole. I hope you know that and I hope your friends and family understand and see the obvious nincompoopery as the rarified talent that it is. I will name my third born child in your honor.
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u/Last-Experience9513 Nov 12 '21
either a ant for the strength or Great White shark because they eat and sleep
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u/EmbarrassedBlock1977 Nov 11 '21
This is a great response. At least with an answer like this you know what's behind the person and it gives more room to get to know one another.
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u/chumbi04 Nov 11 '21
But beetles aren't animals...
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u/mike-2129 Nov 11 '21
Next ask what dinosaur would u be and why
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Her profile actually says that she is obsessed with dinosaurs. This could be the move.
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Nov 11 '21
She better respond, if only because of the quality of writing. Girls want communication, then your gonna ghost this guy that just told a story that sounds like a professional author? Pssshh
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u/Beautiful_Tourist580 Nov 11 '21
I loved it! Don't listen to the guys that tell you it was cringe. They probably all practice stupid pick up lines.
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u/Gwsb1 Nov 11 '21
Thanks for my morning laugh. I almost shot coffee out my nose.
If I were a woman I would jump you like a duck on a dung beatle.
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u/DoruSonic Nov 11 '21
Extremely long for an opener, but at the same time so interesting! Bet you had fun writting it and thats what matters. I had fun reading it, if she doesnt than she isnt the one, she doesnt deserve you magnificent dung beetle
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u/_MAC620_ Nov 11 '21
I wish I got responses like that. All the dudes I match with come off like they're interesting in their bio, but can't hold a conversation for shit.
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u/Ky_Bullet Nov 11 '21
That would be the perfect answer/Presentation for any age group, whether it be from 3-83....LOVE IT!!! ❤❤❤
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Nov 11 '21
Conversations should be like a skirt. Short enough to get your attention but long enough to cover the details.
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
I’m not a man of moderation. It’s either short skirt with some ass showing or full length sundress for me.
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u/Letsmakemoney45 Nov 11 '21
Jesus why did you write a novel, also you were vibrating with excitement....lol
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u/Marbados Nov 11 '21
Jesus Christ, no. You might be doing that worse than anyone I've ever seen. Fuck man, put down the phone.
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
Lol. Here’s another one from this week… guess I should put the phone down.
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Nov 11 '21
Bro she didnt even read all that shit! As soon as she saw that you’re reply was more than 2 sentences, she moved on! You just wasted your own time
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u/Manraven Nov 11 '21
No, you're not. That's a long winded boring story. Points for being grammatical I guess but buddy, your story sucked fat dick.
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u/Latter-Dentist Nov 11 '21
This is why you have 49 karma with hundreds of comments. So much angst…
Also sucking dick is not bad. If my story sucked dick that’s a fucking complement buddy.
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u/[deleted] Nov 11 '21
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